Hey all,

What follows is an Oblivion fan fic (kind of obvious by the thread description eh?). It was inspired by actual gameplay, but is not an exact reporting of in game events. In fact, probably 90% of this story is entirely fictional. I do use many characters and locations from the vanilla game, since they were there I thought I might as well. However, things are not exactly as they are in the game. I have taken artistic license in some cases in order to better drive the story. So some things will be different from what you see in the game. I have used the Wiki extensively for background information, but I have only been playing Oblivion for about a month now, so there are honestly still many things about TES Lore which I am unaware of.

My goal has been to write a story with a certain sense of realism, so that one might think they are reading your average fantasy story, rather than a story set in a game. So things like Fast Travel, not needing to ever sleep or eat, etc... are right out. However, this is not the real world either. It is still a fantasy setting. So certain fantasy elements will remain, such as how a willowy elf can be an archer without bulging upper body muscles. Basically I am aiming for verisimilitude.

Not A Hero was written as a single, 21,000 word story. I am not going to post it all in its entirety at once, as that would be too intimidating for anyone to read. Instead I will post what I hope to be a digestible chunk of it every few days. The length of each post might be uneven, as I do not want to break in the middle of a scene. If the posts are looking too small, please let me know and I will try to make them larger. Likewise if they are too long.

Finally, I would like to thank Acadian and Bobg, whose passion for writing helped inspire me to sit down and tackle the chore of putting all of this to pixels.

http://home.comcast.net/~subrosa_florens/witch/fiction_not_a_hero.html

Now on with the show.

* * *

Not A Hero - 1 - And So It Begins

Teresa woke with her head ringing like a Nord was playing the drums inside of her skull with a hammer. What in Oblivion had happened? she wondered. All she could remember was she had woken up in her Waterfront squat in the late afternoon, gone to the Talos Plaza district looking for food, and found an apple in the refuse pile behind the Tiber Septim hotel. It had barely even been bruised, she now remembered. Then... nothing.

She ran a hand through her long brown hair, feeling for bumps or bruises. Yet she found none, although she was not sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. Rubbing the sleep from her green eyes, the pale Bosmer felt the pain in her head start to ease and looked around to see where she was.

She quickly realized that it was a prison cell. It was large, and decorated with very serviceable-looking iron chains and manacles that hung from one of its stone walls. A rickety wooden table sat along another wall with a simple plate and cup haphazardly thrown across it, and an equally ragged stool sat next to it. A flickering light came from torches guttering in the hall outside, and Teresa rose to walk to the door of solid iron bars that barred her exit.

"Well now, a pretty little Wood Elf. You're a little far from the forest, huh?" The sarcastic voice came from a Dunmer she saw in the cell across the hall from her. "Looks like your days of woodland frolicking have come to a tragic end. To go from the gladed realm of Valenwood to a rat-infested hole like this... how very sad."

Teresa snorted to herself. She had never set foot outside the Imperial City, let alone frolicked in any woodland. This guy was a complete idiot, she thought, and did not even bother trying to speak to him. Instead she pressed her willowy frame against the iron bars and found them to be as unrelenting as she had expected them to be. Pressing her head against the door, she craned her head from one side to another to see what lay beyond. Yet nothing but empty stone corridor stretched off to the left, and an equally empty stone stair lead up and out of sight on the right side.

"Those walls must feel like they're closing in on you. Pretty soon you'll go mad, and the guards will cut your throat just to stop the ranting," The Dunmer prisoner continued in an icy voice. "That's right. You're going to die in here, and I am going to watch every moment and savor it."

This guy had clearly been in here too long, Teresa thought. He had cracked.

Then the sound of metal scraping metal and hard-soled boots stamping on the stone floor came to her ears. Teresa knew that sound from a lifetime of experience. The Imperial Legion was coming.

Teresa stepped back as a group of legionaries walked up to the door of her cell and peered inside. Then she started in surprise. These were no ordinary soldiers or watchmen. Their armor was bright silver and decorated with gold, not the dull brown plate of the Legion. The first was a dark-skinned Redguard, and behind him came a Breton woman, who carried a long curved sword in her hand, rather than the usual straight longsword the Legion favored. More figures stood behind them, but Teresa could not make them out.

"There is someone in here," the Redguard said, glancing back at his companions. "There must have been some kind of foul up with the Watch. This cell is supposed to always be empty."

"Oh well, nothing for it now," the Breton woman muttered, then stared directly at Teresa with eyes that could freeze a Daedra. "Step back to the far wall prisoner, or I will send you to Oblivion right now!"

Teresa believed her. These were not the usual soldiers she was used to dealing with on the street. They were something altogether different. She stepped back to the wall opposite the door and was careful not to move.

The Redguard unlocked the door and stepped inside. He walked directly across the room to where Teresa stood and stopped an arm's length away. Just far enough for him to easily draw and swing his sword. Teresa noted. The Breton followed and walked over to the wall behind the Redguard. She did something to one of the stones there that Teresa could not see, and suddenly the entire wall slid away with a grating of stone on stone, revealing a dark passage beyond.

That is when the third member of the party entered, giving Teresa her first good look at him. He was an old man, slender and shorter than even herself. He wore a robe of brocade, whose gold and silver threads glistened in the torchlight, and which was decorated with white fur that bunched around his shoulders like a lion's mane. What Teresa really noticed however, was the amulet that hung around his neck, which held a ruby larger than she had ever imagined might exist.

"It is you..." he said, staring at Teresa and moving up to her, closer than even the Redguard stood. "I've seen you... Let me see your face... You are the one from my dreams, Teresa... Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength."

Teresa looked at him with a dumbfounded stare. She did not have to guess who this man was, or what that necklace was. He was the Emperor, Uriel Septim, and that was the Amulet of Kings. Everyone in the Cyrodiil knew the amulet. It was on every statue of every emperor, going back to Saint Alessia herself.

"Sir, we have no time," the Redguard warned as another soldier entered the room behind and stood at the doorway watching the way they came. "We have to get moving before the assassins find us."

Teresa was stunned. The Emperor himself was talking to her, a lowly street urchin! Somehow he even knew her face, knew her name. Her world spun. This could not be happening! she thought. It just could not be real. She did not know what to say. But even if she had, it would not have mattered, as her voice had deserted her.

After that the three bodyguards ushered the Emperor through the secret passage in the wall of her cell. The Breton warned her to stay out of their way, or else. But the Redguard mumbled something about it being her lucky day.

The good- The writing generally is quite impressive. You manage the opening sequence in a way that is interesting and provides good background without going overboard. We get enough detail to begin to know Teresa, and those bits and piece fit naturally into the narrative.

The less good- word choice, especially in the following passages:

"A rickety wooden table sat along another wall with a simple plate and cup sitting upon it, with an equally ragged stool sitting next to it."

Suggested- A rickety wooden table, graced with a barely serviceable plate and cup, sat against another wall. The matching stool appeared ready to meet its destiny as kindling at any moment.

A little florid perhaps, but it reduces the occurrences of "sat" to 1.

"Teresa stepped back as the legionaries stepped up to the door of her cell."

Suggested- Teresa stepped back as the first legionary peered into her cell."

I look forward to seeing where you go with your "non-heroic" Bosmer.

All in all, very nice indeed. Suffice it to say, when you do a good enough job writing that scene to keep people interested in seeing the next installation, you're doing a very good job indeed!

I have very little to criticize, however one thing that caught my eye was your misuse of periods when you meant to use commas, such as the following (error emphasized):

"Sir, we have no time." The Redguard warned as another soldier entered the room behind and stood at the doorway watching the way they came.

That should be:

"Sir, we have no time," the Redguard warned as another soldier entered the room behind and stood at the doorway watching the way they came.

This showed up frequently throughout the story, so I figured I should point it out. The basic form is this:

"Good gracious," he said. OR He said, "Good gracious."

The same for her thoughts.

'Good gracious,' she thought. OR She thought, 'Good gracious.'

Basically, you're substituting a comma for a period, and continuing the sentence (so you don't need to capitalize the next word, as the sentence has not ended). The usage is similar when your initial sentence contains punctuation other than a period (?, !, ..., etc.)

"Good gracious!" she said. OR "And?" he asked. OR "I see..." he said.

Hope this helps, and that I haven't confused you, lol. As I say, however, a very nice job. I will definitely check back for updates!

Yeah! SubRosa I am going to love this one!

Thank you treydog.

I had not even noticed the repeating of those words in those sentences. :facepalm: An extra pair of eyes is so good when it comes to this! I went back and cleaned it up.






Than you Rachel. :hugs:

Commas and periods in dialogue is something that has always given me headaches, sending me one way than another. Your post was indeed most helpful, now I think I have it all clear in my head. I have gone back and hopefully straightened out everything *crossing her fingers that she did not miss anything*. I will go through the rest of the document before the next installment to make sure they do not crop up again.




I hope so. Of everything I have ever written, this is the most character-driven. So it is a bit of a stretch for me.

SubRosa. Welcome to the Arena!

I am so glad Teresa has awoken. I like her already.

You are off to a wonderful start, with a good plan.

Very nice touch:
"...and stopped an arm's length away. Just far enough for him to easily draw and swing his sword."
No combat in this scene of course, but you include an understanding of the realistic factors a longsword user considers. This portends well for scenes that will no doubt in the future call for violence. Cyrodiil can be such a dangerous place.

I look forward to learning more of Teresa's world. :goodjob:

Good Story, I loved it so far. Keep up the good work!

The way you say that I am suddenly imagining Michael Buffer yelling "Lets get ready to rumble!"






Thank you very much Rob!

I would like to start by saying that I am interested in hearing more about Teresa, and it is always good to know you have your readers attention. I will be here when more it posted ready to read and lend any advice that I can.

I am going to take one paragraph that particularly bothered me and show you what you can do to fix it. Take it or leave it I don't care either way, but if it offends you let me know and you won't see any more like it.



That is when the third member of the party entered, finally giving Teresa her first good look. He was an old man, slender and shorter than even herself. He wore a robe of brocade, whose gold and silver threads glistened in the torchlight, and which was decorated with white fur that bunched around his shoulders like a lion's mane. What Teresa really noticed however, was the amulet that hung around his neck, which held the largest ruby she had ever imagined, let alone seen.

I believe, "the" works better than, "a" in the first sentence, and there is no need to say, "at him" when the next sentence begins with, "He". The next sentence was fine, but the third one was missing a comma and two words. As far as the last sentence goes I assume the idea was to say your imagination can see things that are bigger than you have ever seen. I this case the ruby was bigger than, "she had ever imagined, let alone seen." hence my change.

I hope what I pointed out here makes since to you, and was helpful.

Until next time keep up the good work, and know I'm eagerly awaiting your next chapter/post.

:wave: Very well done. The 'familiar tale' had enough fresh info to spark my interest.

The size of your post was a nice easy read. The only thing that concerns me is that it could take a number of them to reach the outside world.
Unfortunately, the dungeon only gives a writer a limited amount of room to show character development.

I am very keen to find out more about Teresa and would hate to see it be swallowed by background story.

Thank you very much DiGNiity! I always appreciate when people help me correct things. That is the only way you can improve after all.




I feel the same way about getting out of the prison. It is where most of the story that is not original is, but rather taken from game events. I can only hope that enough of the character of Teresa can show through in how she views the events that it can be interesting. Once she is out of there (which should be two or three more installments I think), you start to see much more of who and what she is, because everything she does is being guided by those things.

The entire story really is very light on action, almost all of it right here in the beginning, and is mostly characterization after that. To be honest, the whole reason I wrote Not A Hero was to solidly establish her character before writing more about her. The events that really inspired me to write about her are not even in Not A Hero, but will come in a collection of stories I will be writing next.


* * *

Not A Hero - 2 - You Have No Idea What You Can Do

Teresa stood there and tried to understand what she had just seen. That was the Emperor! she thought in amazement. On the run from assassins given what the Redguard had said. She stared down the open passageway as the sound of their boots became quieter. What in Tamriel was going on? First she woke up in a cell with no idea of how she got there, and then the Emperor himself came tromping through? This was insane, she thought.

Insane or not, the secret passage was her only chance out of prison. In the end that was all that Teresa really needed to know. Shadow hide me, she thought, then moved down the darkened passage while trying as best she could to not make a sound.

At first it was nothing more than a tunnel roughly hewn through the ground. But soon it let out into an area of dusty stone chambers and passageways. The entire area seemed empty and dead, like an abandoned tomb.

The sound of fighting came to Teresa's ears, and she stopped in the darkness for a moment. It seemed distant, so she moved forward more quietly and purposely than before. She wanted to know what was happening, but did not want anyone seeing her doing it.

Soon enough she was able to glimpse dark figures struggling in a large chamber in front of her. It was the bodyguards she had seen before, their swords flashing in the air against an unseen foe. A single, smaller figure hung back, holding a sword in his hand. The Emperor, Teresa guessed.

Whoever the enemy was, the bodyguards - The Blades - Teresa now remembered they were called, drove them off. She heard them say something about losing someone, and they seemed to be standing around a body for a moment. Then they moved on down the passage in haste.

Teresa followed more slowly. She found that it was the Breton they had been talking about losing, for her body lay sprawled on the chamber floor. Teresa bent to take her weapon, but found that her sword was gone. One of the other Blades must have taken it, she thought. She looked at the other bodies in the room, they were human, she saw, clad in red hooded robes. These must be the assassins she thought. Strange, she saw no weapons in their dead hands or on the floor nearby, but she could have sworn that the figures she had seen had been armed...

She continued to follow through the empty passages, being sure to keep her distance. Several more times she heard the sound of combat ahead, and waited until it had passed before moving forward again. Each time she came upon more of the red-robed bodies. So apparently the Emperor and his bodyguards were winning, she thought. At least for the most part.

Teresa began to think that she was sneaking with the silence and grace of The Grey Fox as she shadowed them. That is until she came around a corner to find the Redguard Blade standing over her with his sword ready to fall.

"Eeep!" Teresa squealed, and fell on her backside as she tried to jump away. The Blade just stood there with a look of disgust on his face, and lowered his sword.

"It's just that prisoner following us," he spat, not taking his eyes off Teresa. "Not the assassins."

"We should kill her," the other Blade insisted. "We do not know if she is in it with them."

"Nonsense!" the Emperor declared. Teresa could swear that his voice could level mountains, given the weight of power and authority it carried. "Bring her here Baurus."

The Redguard reached out with his free hand, and without showing the merest trace of effort grabbed Teresa's tunic and pulled her to her feet. Then grasping her arm in that iron grip, he walked her to where the Emperor waited.

"My path will soon end Teresa," the Emperor said to her, his voice now quieter and less overwhelming. "I have seen it in the stars, and in my dreams. But your path will go on. I know that you have an important part to play in this."

"I...um....I...." Teresa stammered, feeling like an idiot, then finally got her tongue to work. "I'm just a street rat. There is nothing I can do."

"You have no idea what you can do," the Emperor said with a quiet smile. "But I do."

"She will come with us from now on," the Emperor said, turning to look at Baurus. "Now let us move on."

"Make yourself useful and carry this torch," Baurus said, releasing his grip on her arm and handing her a flaming brand. "I do not know what the Emperor sees in you, but he believes in you, and that is good enough for me."

Teresa followed along, now part of Emperor Uriel Septim's entourage. Part of his bodyguard, she mentally corrected herself. Me, she thought, a nothing orphan living on the street, protecting the Emperor from assassins. Who would ever believe this?

Her hand shook as she held the torch aloft to light their path. But she moved ahead. The Emperor commanded it, and as much as she hated the Legion, Teresa knew she would do anything that man asked of her. He had a strange power. He did not make her feel afraid, as the legionaries and the Blades did. Rather he made her feel..., something she could not explain, even to herself. She only knew that he was like no man she had ever met, or likely ever would again.

I love the touches you add to your story that make it come to life! You ROCK SubRosa!

I enjoyed this latest installment. Great work. Keep it up and I will continue to come back.

This is wonderful! Crisp and nicely moves Teresa's character along. Look at this:



This provides a wonderful snapshot of Teresa's character - not a hero!
It also demonstrates something that you may want to look for in the latter parts of your editing process. That is the repetition of words that are the same or similar in close proximity. I would look, in this case for suitable synonyms for either backside or backwards. Seems a very minor thing, but also a bit of a trend. Look at these:




Slightly related is the use of the memorable phrase "This is insane" used twice in this story. If it is your intent that this become known as a lovable 'Teresa'ism', then please continue. If it is not intentional, then? as you deem best.

Now, after pestering you about those tiny things, I surely hope I can convince you how much I enjoyed reading the story. Again, the story is moving along nicely. You are quickly building a character that is both flawed and endearing.
Your writing is strong. There are so many passages where this shines through. I selected this one (of many) because it shows action that is perfectly captured, while saying a great deal about how Teresa thinks:


As you and I both said over in friend bobg's thread: More... please. :icecream:

I really enjoyed those teasing references to the Grey Fox and 'shadow hide you.' I get a feel now where this is going and I like it a lot.

You have a very nice 'subtle' way of writing. :thumbsup: Keep going.

Excellent! You're carrying this scene very well by giving us a good insight into Teresa's character and, in turn, presenting a very familiar part of the game in an interesting light (through Teresa's experiences). Your writing is very nice as well (which, when lacking, is one of the things that can make fan fic so hard to read, lol).

Good job, and please keep it coming!

As stated elsewhere, you manage the task of making the opening sequence entertaining and interesting, even for those who have played it a few (hundred) times. You imbue Teresa with a personality and presence that make me cheer for her- as I always do for the underdog.

mALX1: Thank you very much. That means a lot, given the quality of your own work, which I have now finally gotten the time to read.

DiGNiiTy: Thank you indeed. Your observations have been a great help to me.

Acadian: Thank you for your error-checking! Issues noted and fixed oh noble Paladin.

Winter Wolf: Thank you. But do not assume too much about Teresa yet. She is a street person, so to her the Grey Fox is a hero. But she will not be the same person that she was by the end of this story...

Rachel the Breton: Thank you indeed. I am glad to see that Teresa's character is coming out enough that people can get a good grasp of who and what she is.

treydog: Thank you. These early scenes were very difficult, because I know everyone has seen them a zillion times. Part of me did not want to write them at all because of that, but there was just no avoiding it, as the death of the Emperor is possibly the single most influential event in Teresa's life.


* * *

Not A Hero - 3 - My End Is Here


They came to a dead end, the passage barred ahead of them by an iron gate that was locked from the other side. They backtracked to a side chamber that Baurus had noticed, and Teresa waited inside with the Emperor as Baurus and the other Blade went out to scout down another passage.

"I know this place," the Emperor said in a harsh whisper, his eyes casting around the small room. "I have seen it."

"My end his here," he said matter-of-factly, turning to face Teresa. "Your stars are not mine however Teresa. You still have a destiny ahead of you."

"I don't know what you mean sir, um, your majesty," Teresa said, feeling overwhelmed. "I'm not a hero..."

"No you are not. Not yet," the Emperor said with his eyes locked onto hers. She tried to pull away from his stare, but she found she could not. His eyes drew hers like a lodestone. "It is our choices in life that define us. Everything we do, or do not do, makes us what we are, makes the world what it is. Some people choose poorly. Some choose to be something better. Your choices lie ahead of you, starting this night. Whatever choices you make, you will have to live with them for the rest of your days. So make them wisely."

Teresa had heard much the same before, from the priestesses and priests of the Nine when they made their monthly tour of the slums to save the souls of Teresa and the other hooligans like her. Yet where they always sounded like pompous hypocrites, every word the Emperor said struck home deeply within her. Somehow because he said it, something within her wanted to believe that it was true.

"The time has almost come," the Emperor said with resignation, and lifted the Amulet of Kings from his shoulders and placed it in her hand. "Take this. Give it to Jauffre. He alone knows where to find the last of my sons."

"But surely Baurus should..." Teresa stammered, staring down at the gigantic ruby in her hand.

"Baurus cannot. Our enemy knows too much about me. They know him. They even know this secret passage well enough to lay a trap for me here," the Emperor insisted, and taking her hand he pushed the amulet into one of the pockets in her sackcloth breeches. "You they do not know. You can pass by them unnoticed. You must do this. No one else can. Take the amulet to Jauffre and let nothing stop you. Everything hangs in the balance."

Just then the wall opened up behind him, and Teresa stood motionless in shock as she saw a man in red robes emerge, raising one hand in the air. A yellow glow erupted from his fingers and fell in a ring around his body. A moment later he was clad in what looked like metal armor, yet nothing a mortal smith would construct. In one hand he now held a wavy bladed dagger that looked more like the tooth of some monstrous Daedra than an ordinary weapon.

The Emperor pushed Teresa back out of the way and drew his sword. But he was old, and too slow. The armored assassin was upon him in an instant, and the next thing Teresa knew the great man's body was falling to the stone tiles in a fountain of blood.

Something happened to Teresa then, which had never happened before. Looking from the dead body of the Emperor to the assassin who had claimed his life, her terror washed away only to be replaced by something in her heart that was dark, cold, and furious.

Without a second thought she picked up the sword from beside the Emperor's body and rose to meet his killer. The assassin's dagger flashed down, and without flinching Teresa raised her hand to meet it. Its hard blade pierced her palm straight through and stuck tight in her bones. She did not make a sound however, or even flinch as she thrust the sword up into the belly of the assassin. She was vaguely aware of him screaming as she twisted the blade and drew it back out. A moment later she stabbed him again, and this time tilted the blade upward and pushed it behind his ribs.

The assassin crumpled in a heap beside the Emperor, his armor and dagger vanishing in a swirl of red light. With an effort Teresa pulled the sword from his body and stabbed him again and again with it, thinking nothing of her wound, or anything else in the world. She heard a woman shrieking, and it was not until Baurus pulled the sword from her hand and lifted her to her feet that she realized it was her.

Nice . Love it.



ZOMG. :shocking: More! MORE!

:read: What happened? Your first stories were good. Quite nice in fact.

This story just broke the brilliant barrier! This is the writing I suspected you could bring to our forum!

*

I cite the below passage for two reasons.

1. It shows the only, single, tiny flaw I could find. Look at the words 'as' that I have bolded them and see if perhaps the sentence would be much better without one of them?
2. It is quite simply one of the best, clearest and most imaginative descriptions I have read of an Oblivion scene involving magic. It is, to me one of those 'jaw dropping' moments - how did she find and arrange the words to do this?

"Just then the wall opened up behind him, and as Teresa stood motionless in shock as she saw a man in red robes emerge, raising one hand in the air. A yellow glow erupted from his fingers and fell in a ring around his body. A moment later he was clad in what looked like metal armor, yet nothing a mortal smith would construct. In one hand he now held a wavy bladed dagger that looked more like the tooth of some monstrous Daedra than an ordinary weapon."


*

The passage below is not only BEAUTIFULLY written, it speaks volumes of Teresa's character. We begin to see that Teresa, very realistically, is a complex character with swirling countercurrents. This is the same young lady who recently squealed "Eeeps" as she jumped back to land on her rear end.

"Something happened to Teresa then, which had never happened before. Looking from the dead body of the Emperor to the assassin who had claimed his life, her terror washed away only to be replaced by something in her heart that was dark, cold, and furious. "

*

Although hardly my area of expertise, I submit that when you have touched on swordplay, you have done so very, very well. :toughninja:

SubRosa, this is... Wow! :celebration:

When the game first came out it seemed very corny that the Amulet of Kings would be bestowed on the character.
In your story, though, you have beautifully rationalized it by saying that Baurus would be recognized.
Very well done.

The only thing I would add is that we have had little in the way of physical description. Perhaps a little bit more is needed.
Of course, if you are planning to up the ante on description, background, mannerisms etc over coming posts, then please forgive me.

Oh, you had so many places in there that I would like to quote on here that it would spam your thread! The most powerful was that last line - chilling! You have brought this scene to life and much more! Where is that trophy emoticon Acadian always seems to find?

Great work yet again I'm beginning to expect greatness from you. Don't let me down! Just kidding. Your writing is very impressive, your story is moving along quite well, and Teresa, "Not a Hero" my butt. What she did for the emperor was exactly what I think of when the word heroic is used. I'm loving it keep it coming.

You seem to have discovered one of the keys to good writing with which I still struggle- less is more. You have stripped the story down to its bones, and what remains is pure gold, much like Teresa herself. The conversation with the Emperor works so well because you convey a sense of his overwhelming charisma, as well as a feeling of urgency. Although I imagine it will come up again, Uriel's explanation of "why you" rings true. First, it is ordained by destiny. But on a more mundane level, only an unknown, a wild card, can hope to win through and deliver the amulet. And, of course, Teresa is the best kind of hero- one who discovers her inner courage when it is needed.

Albo: Thank you kindly sir. I am glad the story is working. These early parts were very difficult for me to write, and I always thought were the weakest parts of the story, because they are necessarily so derivative of the game.

Acadian: Observations noted and fixed. As you have probably noticed, probably my biggest weakness in writing is repeating the same word in too short a space. It is one of those things that I usually miss when I do my edits afterward.

Thank you for the compliments. I never really thought of this scene as being especially remarkable. But it is true that there are some very powerful moments in it, first with the Emperor's last words to Teresa (which will shape the rest of her life), and then his death (which will also shape the rest of her life, come to think of it). I am glad things are clicking in the story.

Winter Wolf: I felt the same way playing the game. It seemed like your typical ham-fisted attempt to shoehorn the player into what is otherwise a complicated plot. Not that I am blaming Bethesda, because they made the game so that you could play literally anyone, that meant that they needed a means that any character that might possibly be created could still be plugged into the main quest. Not an easy task. I had to struggle with a reasonable explanation for why Teresa would be sent on this mission, and thankfully I was able to find it.

What would you like to see more description of in particular? Teresa herself? Minor characters like the Emperor and Baurus? The setting? You will see some more physical description of Teresa throughout the story, as she actually goes through some physical changes. Not to mention some emotional changes that result in a physical changes as well. I will also have some screenshots coming up in later postings. I have really tried not to get bogged down in physical description though. As Treydog noted, I have been making an effort to strip down the writing to what is really necessary at its core.

mALX1: Thank you indeed.

DiGNiiTy: Oh, no pressure at all then!

treydog: Thank you kindly o' noble canine of three. I have made a very serious effort to keep this story down to its bare minimum. It is still 46 pages in Word in spite of that! So it is a good thing. This is something I was talking to Acadian about a few weeks ago in fact. My primary loyalty is to the story itself. So what the story needs, I will furnish. If it does not move the plot along, or somehow define Teresa as a person, then it has no place in the story, and it is out. You have to be absolutely ruthless that way, and if you are not your editor will be.

I am glad you had a sense of the Emperor being very charismatic. In the game he is such a stock character, he might as well be cut from a piece of cardboard, in spite of Patrick Stewart's wonderful voice. I really want to make him seem like he is larger than life, because that is how Teresa perceives him. He makes her feel that she is better than what she is, that she can go beyond what she has always been told were her limitations, that she can recreate herself - not in the negative image that has always been forced upon her - but in an image of her own choosing.

What you said about Teresa being a person who only discovers her inner courage when it is needed is spot on. All of her life she had been taught to run and hide at the sign of danger, so that is what she has done. She had been taught that she is powerless, so she had never tried to exercise her power. Now that she has finally been cornered, she has had no choice but to reach down inside of her and bring out those qualities that were always there, but she never knew about. Things which the Emperor himself saw quite clearly.