I hope that this will be the best one ive done,ive cancelled two because i ran out of ideas
But this one will be based off of Fallout Ideals and some other games storyline,so good reading!
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Background

As Lt.Matella looked out into the barren wasteland that was most likely D.C,judging by a old Pre-War map he had found in Columbus,then a trooper came up

"Sir,We have confirmed contacts of Enclave and Brotherhood of Steel." said the young trooper

"Damnit,this far east? You gotta be kidding me." replied Martella

"Sir,the Enclave appears to have a......very very strong hold on the region,judging by what i-" Martella cut him off

'Solider,WHAT DID YOU SEE?"

'Si..Sir,i saw about 100 of them,they were handing out water to the wastelanders,and they appeared to be set up around a wall" said the trooper

"Who?" asked the Lieutenant

"The-" The trooper never got to say who was handing out the water,as the 400 NCR troopers,rangers,and medics were attacked from all directions.
Men screamed orders to their men as Laser beams and Plasma bolts came out of the trees.

Now im glad my tax money went to Automatic Service Rifles! thought Martella

Then,after about 2 hours of shooting blankly into trees,the firing stopped,a man in bullet riddled power armor stepped out.A brotherhood emblem on the breatplate


THIS IS NOT A RP,IT IS A FAN FIC!



Please give me feedback,i love to hear what you guys thought about it,and i also need suggestions.

Chapter One-Philadelphia is where

The Lieutenant was part in awe,part in shock,the Brotherhood only suffered minor losses.After the first brotherhood man stepped out,the rest followed suit.

"We are with the New California Republic,you are the brotherhood of steel,are you not?" said Matella.

"Yes,we are with the Brotherhood,though,with the Enclave,and the Mutants closing in on us,we cannot contain ourselfs,since the Enclave's constant winning,they have taken back areas from The Pitt toward Point lookout,they have us surrounded" Said the brotherhood man

Then a vertibird could be seen,soon ropes came down from the side,5 men came out "We are with the Enclave,these brotherhood men are clearly defeated,now let us finish them off" after the man said that,Gatling lasers came out of the vertibird,killing the Brotherhood soliders

"Where are you headed?" said the Enclave Officer

"Philadelphia is where" replied the Lieutenant

"Good choice." said the officer

Then the 2nd Infantry group headed out,going northbound.

Chapter Two-Theres a long long night of waiting

Soon,The NCR came near a town,known by locals as the once Megaton,after the Enclave asserted control,they gave Megaton supplies to make a town,they called in New Springvale.It was made out of ruins of Pre war houses,and some new ones made too.It became the second largest trading hub in the DC wasteland,next to Canterbury Commons.The citizens of New Springvale all turned out when the NCR line marched through,they all seemed to be happy,the Mayor of the Town,Harden Simms,and his Wife,Maggie,told the NCR they could stay at the old school.So they did,some played caravan,some listened to the radio,some pvssyd,but they didn't sleep that night.

"We will stay in New Springvale for a week." shouted Martella,his troops screaming wildly.

"Hey Morgan,what are you gonna do tomorrow?" Asked Private Jenkins

"Sleep." said Specialist Morgan

Word spread to the caravans about the NCR's march,the Enclave didn't care about it,they had better things to worry about.

"Hey,Matella,what year is it?" Asked Private Jenkins

"Kid,its 2330,we left NCR lands in 2320." said Martella.

"Its been ten years since ive seen my girl,i miss her so much." said the young Private.

"Dont we all." said the CO

The NCR left about 6 days later,all with a heavy amount of supplies and morale.They marched in the rain and mud,singing a old song from before the War.

"Theres a long long night of waiting,till my dreams come true."

Chapter Three-Girdershade Incursion

Soon,the advancing army moved near a large village near a old,run down Gas Station.

"MORGAN,JENKINS,CHECK THAT VILLAGE!" Barked Matella

"YES SIR!" replied both men

Soon the men returned,saying that the village refused to have "animals" like the NCR,and they almost killed Morgan,soon Matella said that they would move through the village at night,taking whatever they needed

At around 2 AM,the NCR rangers and troopers blew open the village gates,ransaking the store room,taking food and water.And they left at about 2:30 AM,the Girdershade Guards didn't fire a shot,fearing for their lives.

"Men,we are taking a detour,toward the East,through DC."

Chapter Four-I don't want to set the world on fire


The NCR troopers sleeping in a ruined school house were given a rude awakening with the sound of a large explosion coming from D.C.


The Troopers looked in awe,there was a mushroom cloud coming from that distance

"DAMN!" screamed Sgt. Paul Jackson as the fireball turned into a dust cloud

The secondary CO,Lt.Vasquez was M.I.A and presumed dead because he was in DC on a scouting mission

Soon,the NCR picked up a pace,working their way northward.

Chapter Five-Orange Colored Sky

Quickly,NCR troopers saw the fallout at work,they had quickly put on their HazMat suits they found in Columbus

"Looks like a Enclave base self destruct" Said the Lieutenant,referring to the self destruction of the Enclave base at Chicago.Little did those troopers know,the Brotherhood's main base,the Citadel,was placed into self destruct

A orange colored sky greeted them in mid afternoon,and the troopers trekked through the dusty wilderness of DC.

"Men,i think that tiny town over there is Andale,advance with caution" said the CO.

Chapter Six-FOR THE REPUBLIC!

The NCR machine gunners set up in the hills around Andale,The Mortar men,who had modified Grenade rifles,set up in a small ruined building.

"Men,were going deep,and were going hard." said the LT

"Surely you can't be serious." said one of the troopers

"I'm serious,and don't call me Shirley." said the LT

The NCR troopers moved in through the very large town,it was once a large suburb in the Pre-War times,ever since then many people have lived there,after the enclave took over,a militia group moved in.Soon,the enclave ignored all efforts to destroy the
militia,as all attempts to insert troopers ended in with the vertibird being blown up by a missile launcher or the X-565,a experimental armored car,was destroyed by C4 and the men who were outside cut down my LMGs.

"THIS IS FOR LYONS!" Screamed a militant

Then,guns blazed out of the windows,killing many troopers and rangers immediately.Soon,the NCR broke through one of the houses,killing the militia inside.Then,they set up inside,they got their radio operative to send comms to the Mortars,then,Mortar
shells rained hell.The enclave then found their way onto the NCR channel,telling them they were sending in 2 vertibirds,and 3 X-565s.

"Good!" yelled Matella over the Comms.

Then,Matella,Jenkins,Morgan,two rangers,and 4 troopers moved into the streets,about 2 men dropped dead because of snipers.Then,as Matella moved against the destroyed Vertibird,a grenade rolled toward him.

"SIR!" screamed Jenkins,who then jumped on the grenade,killing him,but saving his squad.

"Damn!" yelled the LT as his Private got killed

Then the vertibirds and X-565s came in.

Chapter Seven-Whiskey Hotel

"Good to see you Lieutenant Matella!" Screamed Major Wilkes,a Enclave offical

"John! Its been awhile!" Said the lieutenant over the rotor of the Vertibird.

"Look,Anthony,the Mutants and all those radioactive wasteland abominations are out,and the Militia,who are remnants and supporters of the brotherhood have taken DC as their own,its good that we seized most,if not all Energy weapons from the wasters,we do need your help! Remember Baja?" said the Major

"Yes i remember" replied Matella,referring to the battle at La Paz years ago."

"Good,we are planning a assault on DC,the White House is first! The place was barely scratched in the Atomic war! But those godless militia have taken route in it! They also have positions in the Washington Monument,The National Archive,all of the National Mall museums,thank god those ghouls have agreed to help us! They have agreed to hold back the militia retreat when we drop near the Eisenhower building!" said the Wilks

"Okay" replied Matella "Men,get onto the Vertibirds and X-565s,we are assaulting DC!" After that,the men gave a hearty cheer.

Soon,they were over "Whiskey Hotel" which was the White House,they could see thousands upon thousands of Enclave troopers,with no power armor,as it slowed mobility,and heavy,automatic,bullet weapons.
SPC Morgan saw a rocket going toward the Command Vertibird,and soon enough,that vertibird dropped down,hitting the ground with a Thud.

"DAMN IT!" Screamed Morgan

"John! We should land this bird!" yelled Matella

"We are near the LZ!" Screamed Wilks.

Morgan could hear all the guns ringing out and the men screaming orders and final words "ADVANCE!!!" "FOR THE ENCLAVEEEEEEEEEEEEE" "SUPPRESSIVE FIRE!"

Colonel Autumn was inside the Command bunker when the NCR pressed the Attack.

"Lieutenant,Major,your looking at the high ground! Theres still power in the White House" Autumm said,referring to the EMP blast the enclave made over the urban DC.

"GO GO GO!" Yelled the Major to the NCR and Enclave troops,soon,a blast came down from the sky.

"Whats that?" Yelled Matella

"Its Bradley Hercules,we used it to kill the brotherhood." replied the Major

Morgan led a squad of men,the Major ordered them to breach the White House west wing,which they did,killing all who opposed them.

Morgan spotted a Militia officer,who was running,the Major told them to capture him,and orders were NOT TO KILL HIM.

After an hour of chasing the man across the White house,they got him as he jumped from the 2nd floor down onto a crashed X-565

"Hes gonna get away!" Screamed a Enclave trooper

"No hes not" Morgan said just as he jumped onto the officer.

Soon,the White House was taken over from the Militia,who as the enclave predicited,ran right into the ghouls trap,which killed many militiamen,including Sarah Lyons,the proclaimed "Enclave Hunter".

"Good Work today gentleman,we got reports they have been massing up at GNR,but we could care less,no one will join the deathly men,but there may be more,but at this point,celebrate our victory!" said the Colonel.

DISCLAIMER!

I have a heavy amount of COD references,so no one,please no one,come trolling saying "herp derpp,itz got CODz refreencez" cause the last thing i want is to become a grammar Nazi...

I have a mind....and spell check :celebration: :celebration:

Interesting. 53 years after events of FO3 NCR has made it to DC. Once there they encounter Enclave winning a war against CWBoS as well as helping the people of DC (must be under Augustus Autumn). NCR teams up with Enclave to finish off the BoS and Super Mutants.

Big problem I find is NCR's response to coming across Enclave in massive numbers. NCR hates Enclave they hunted them down to extinction in the West. They destroyed/captured Navarro. I can't see then helping the Enclave. Or the Enclave being happy to see NCR.

Alternate history,its basically the NCR,by the time they conquered the Mojave,which was around the events of FO2 in this history,the Enclave was 20 times the size of NCR,they soon allied,and well,the rest followed suit.

The plot is very interesting. Chapters are short, though that is not a bad thing IMO. Looking forward to the next installment.

Chapter Eight-Little Resistance

Soon,The Enclave got pushed out of Vault 92,and the militia made off with the energy weapons.

"GET DOWWN" Yelled Matella as a plasma bolt went above his men

The militia was holding out in Germantown,with Super mutants being used as cannon fodder

"Matella,Ive requisitioned a entire 6 squadrons of vertibirds from the 3rd Division" said Autumn

"Just point it out on the map sir,they wont take it" said Autumn as a Plasma Cannon erupted from the bunker

When the NCR troopers stormed out,the radio operator called the first squadron to bombard the village as a whole,which killed about 300 Mutants and 130 militants

"The Militia wont give in! I want a full air-strike on Sector Bravo!" said the Radio operator

The School was in flames later.

Then,600 Militants appeared out of tunnels the enclave though of as Ant Mounts

"SIR" Yelled PFC.Miller "THERE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE LITTLE RESISTANCE!"

Chapter Nine-Semper Fi

As the NCR fought all around Germantown,the town ablaze from Napalm strikes.But the militia kept coming

"SIRRRRRRRRRR!" was the last words of SPC Morgan

"DAMN IT! MORGAN!!!" Screamed Matella

Matella soon found a small group of Enclave troopers,and his men and got gathered inside a building.

"Sir,what the hell are we suppose to do now,Militia's got us outnumbered,[censored] falling from the sky,we're totally screwed man!" yelled Cpl.Ramirez

"GET A GRIP SOLIDER!" yelled Matella,who was attempting to keep his cool after loosing his right hand man

They then battled their way out of the house,and into the school,and they assaulted all of the militia,killing them all.

Chapter Ten-FOR THE REPUBLIC,PART TWO

Once Germantown fell to the Enclave,the last known fortification for the Militia was at Vault 92

"Alright men,lock and load,we are going into Vault 92,The Militia's leader,a man only known to history as "The Lone Wanderer" is hold up in there! Our Objective is to kill him!" Said Major John Wilks of the Enclave

They soon came with a large battle group,The 2nd Enclave Army was assaulting Vault 92 already

"WE HAVE BREACHED THE INNER DOOR!" Yelled Lieutenant Anthony Matella.

"Roger that!" Said Wilks

"The Lone Wanderer" was held up inside the Overseer's office,with a .44 Magnum in his hand

"Too late.....Go to hell!" Yelled The Lone Wanderer as he pulled the trigger of the revolver,it aimed at his head.

"Well,hes dead,open all files on the Terminal and all papers,i want this area locked down!" Said Colonel Autumn who had just walked in

"Good work Gentleman,thanks to the NCR,we have crushed the Brotherhood once.....and for all!" said Autumn

The End

Thought i was done? Wrong,my last one,the first person one,was a failure.So,im continuing this series!

Chapter Eleven-Shadow on the sun

In the burning sun of the Capital Wasteland,NCR patrolled the streets.Matella became a different man after the war,he lost all of his closest friends in the fight.

a girl came up to him one day "I can read your thoughts,you are a troubled man,i can see it,you have seen so much,but,i believe you can do it,ive seen it done before." before she disappeared

"Man,i must be crazy..." he said to himself

Then,a LMG erupted out of the old Tenpenny tower,a enclave trooper yelled "AMBUSH!!"

Two NCR rangers dropped down,their heads denigrated to gory bits and pieces

It was too late for Matella,he was hit in the stomach,blown back into the gully,his last thoughts in his mind were of his wife and kids.

Chapter Twelve-F.N.G


Soon,the NCR established a foothold in the region,and after three years,they made a town,called Warrington,after the Train Station used to transport people in and out of the NCR colony.

Corporal Micheals,who served under Matella when he was 17,now,he was 21,a man.Then,a new CO came in when Matella died that day.

They looked at the Major,then Micheals turned to the Colonel

"Its the FNG sir." Micheals said

Chapter Thirteen-Project Nova

The Enclave soon learned that the militia had absolute control in the southeast part of the Capital Wasteland,and had the entirety of a "Point Lookout" under their control,In Point Lookout,it was suspected a ship from Pre-War times,was being sent up to the DC wasteland to help the fight against the Enclave.It was called "Project Nova" headed by a Friedrich Steiner,a man whos ancestors were German.

"We are being sent out via Vertibird to sink that ship!" said the new CO,Major Winchester.

"Yes sir!" replied his team of 14.

Soon,they repelled down the vertibird on the ropes.They opened fire on the crew members


This ship is HUGE,larger than those wrecks in DC! thought Micheals

Soon,the top deck was clear,and they proceeded down into the lower decks,they found water,food,ammo,and guns all lined up,but no evidence of Project Nova.Then they spotted a Vertibird,with a bomb labled

Nova Bomb

"We have confirmed local on the bomb,we are proceeding to the top deck,keep that bird in the air!" said Winchester

They got to the top deck without opposition.They used the same ropes to climb back onto the Vertibird as they used to get on deck.

"Good work gentleman!" said Major Wilks.

Then,a vertibird flew over,it dropped bombs onto the ship,it sank.

Chapter Fourteen-But here in this graveyard that still No mans Land


After that,Point Lookout became a graveyard,the old Amusemant park was reduced to rubble with Artillery.A stalemate insured.

"FOR THE REPUBLIC!!" The Second Infantry went into a charge into a Mansion.Tribals recruited by the Militia were hold up in the Mansion,they killed about 70 men just on the charge of the building,another
30 were killed in the battle for the interior.

As more men fell to the mere Machetes and Hatchets in Point Lookout,back in DC,Major Winchester's squad was accumulated into a Special Operations team called "SOG"

Their first mission was to kill a Militia leader held up in Tenpenny Tower.

Their Vertibird landed in the early morning in Warrington,then,they pushed forward,they gained access saying they were reinforcements from Point lookout,then,they got into the leaders Penthouse.

"CLEAR LEFT!" Yelled Private Johnson

"CLEAR RIGHT!" Yelled Sergeant Bowman

"Micheals,go kill that son of a [censored]!" said Winchester

"Copy" Micheals replied,then,he grabbed the Militia leader by his Tac Vest,then threw him off his Balcony.

"Goodnight" He said as the man fell to his death

Chapter Fifteen-Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Two Months after Project Nova was "destroyed",they learned it was a decoy,the real one was being carried with a large force of Militants from Carolina with food,water,ammunition,and weapons.Then,the
Nova Bomb,which was larger than anticipated,exploded over urban D.C,killing most,if not all,Enclave troops there.Then,the Militia invaded DC and set up a Base of Operations in the Nuka-Cola Plant.They
had a constant from of radio connections with Point Lookout,which had pushed the Enclave out.After another two months of war,the Militia finally broke past their line and,at that point,had most of Southern DC
in their control.Pro-Enclave towns like New Springvale were shown no mercy,anyone who didn't flee northward were brutally killed.

I can't read this until you start spacing after commas.

You have a pretty neat idea going here. I have a couple of suggestions and comments for you. I haven't read the whole thing just yet, because I find it just a bit confusing. The main reason is that you don't seem to be telling the story from a single perspective, and instead are sort of giving a "whole story" approach, like is common in video games, or television shows. When you write a story, you want to pick one character and tell the story from that person's perspective. It helps to engage the audience and really get into the plot. Think, for example, the difference between an episode of a TV show, and a movie; the TV show will jump from perspective to perspective, or rather, just present the whole story with multiple players (there are few exceptions), but a movie (which is much longer and requires a lot more attention from the audience) must be more engaging, and typically will follow the plight of a single person.

I don't know what Call of Duty references have to do with being a grammar Nazi...? But in that vein, at the beginning of your story, you have this exchange:



"Philadelphia is where" is a sentence fragment. It, in and of itself, means absolutely nothing. When people talk to each other in real life, we tend towards a lot of slang and other colloquialisms, and it's rare that when people talk to each other they will say much that will be grammatically correct. When you write, though, you have to be a bit more careful, because it is very easy to confuse a reader with sentence fragments like that. Alternatives would be:

"Philadelphia," replied the Lieutenant.

or:

"We're en route to Philadelphia."

I hope this helps. Keep writing

Really? your going to be that inept that your going to not even read it without me
spacing commas?


Thanks for the help Skirt,more helpful Than Somebody i see.But the thing is,i try to do it a way i can tell it without me going back to
English class, The problem is, i like to give a narration like story ya know, kinda like a book.

It just seems to me that you're not really taking it seriously as you're kind of ignoring the advice given in previous threads. I know it sounds stupid and I'll probably read it eventually.

Im basically focusing on the plot more than that,because i have had the problem of having little to no plot in my chapters.