Alright so this is my first fan fiction for the world of TES. I could tell you I’m pretty used to writing fan fictions and they have consecutively gotten better. I’m well known with the lore but not a master at the lore. I shall add a tiny bit to the lore but other than that I’ll do my best to keep lore wise. Part 1 is the introduction and many small adventures of the Bosmer main character Travilom.


Chapter 1

The beginning of a warrior.
By now at this point of my tale I’m a 15 year old Bosmer. I live in a tribe outside of Elden Root named Bark Trial. I’m raised only by my mother, which the High Elves should be thanked for. My father died in one of the skirmishes the High Elves occasionally have with Valenwood. So those pesky Altmers are on the top of my distaste. Now my ambition is to live past the name of my father who became Sage of our tribe (the highest possible) and defend Valenwood from any form of attack.

Anyway so far in my life such as any Bosmer I have a keen affinity with the bow and arrow. I shoot pretty good with my bow and provided many sources of meat for the tribe. I secondly specialized in dual swords. Two shortswords which make my dual training a bit difficult. As for magic, I stayed away from it except for a shock destruction spell.
As for my physique I’m at the average height of a Bosmer with light brown hair and a slight muscular posture. I was born under the Birthsign of The Thief which made things useful and pretty lucky.

In my tribe all the population was Bosmer with two small Dumner family (who were related), and one Nord Family. All three families had children around my age group. I came to like the Nords who were great jolly people. There was no trouble going on with Dumner’s, if the Dumner seems well mannered enough then I had no trouble with them. Enough about the background it’s better I just tell my life directly…right?

Chapter two
Life in Bark Trial
There were six of us relaxing around the forest. There was myself obviously with my two close friends: A Bosmer like myself named Ungiolun and the Nord Aedan. The other were local Bosmer and we were simply hunting for another meal. Being a Nord he of course alwys seemed energetic and lively and right now as soon as we were out of earshot from the tribe he said “So anyone want a sip of Surullie Brother Wine”? All of us cheered and as Aedan was passing the bottle, a Bosmer fellow said “And your parents don’t notice you taking so much wine”? Ungiolun laughed and said “Their Nords, do you think they’ll notice two or three bottles missing a day”? The Bosmer agreed and Aedan said “That is definitely a stereotype, my parents are not drunks”. I laughed and replied “They may not be drunks, but they sure as hell always find a reason to celebrate” and as everyone laughed I continued “Just a few days ago your parents organized a party to celebrate the anniversary of Gilour’s parents, and they’ve been divorced for three years”. All six of us (excluding Aedan laughed) and Aedan replied “Alright you got me there”.

Aedan was a tall fellow (naturally) and being around Bosmer’s like us he felt as a giant in these parts. His hair was as black as the night sky and kept at a long length. His parents although live in the village with us, they travel to Elden Root and sell Fur’s in the market, mostly to smiths making fur armor. They make enough so they could participate in their Nordic traditions of drinking. He always worked hard to maintain a superior physical physique and as a future warrior, he specialized in Heavy Armor with a nice heavy claymore. He was a month older than me, born in the sign of The Lady. He never considered archery or magic though, which gave him plenty of time to work on his warrior capabilities. In the future he will be no pushover.

We decided to split separate ways and look for some nice game. The three other Bosmer’s went east and we continued on our designated road. Ungiolun and Aedan were discussing about the recent movements of the mercenary Redgaurds and if they would soon get violent. “I don’t trust those Redgaurds, seeking shelter in our tribe, what if they bring trouble along the way”? Aedan snorted and said “What possible trouble could affect the tribe; they would have nothing if they cause trouble”. Ungiolun suddenly said “Easy for you to say, they’re well seasoned mercenaries and a Redgaurd warrior is not something too easily ignore”. Aedan said “we have a tribe of well seasoned men as well; they won’t have any courage to attempt something. Ungiolun finished off saying “But we don’t know the root of their trouble, for all we know they could be well experienced, or bring trouble along the way.

Ungiolun was a cautious one. He had a good sense of humor but at times he could be very serious, especially when it came to fighting. He was a good person, almost no trace of arrogance and took a situation serious. The Elder’s of our village took keen interest in him for his attitude and skill. He was already well skilled in stealth and poisons. His stealth combined with his skilled Marksmanship was a pretty deadly combination. He also had traces of strategy and seemed to think well ahead. He was taller than the average Bosmer (which still isn’t very tall) but kept a skinny physique. He was muscled enough but he kept his posture low, so he could be stealthier. His hair was also luckily black which also helped his stealth. He was born under the Birthsign of The Lord which he felt would be useful eventually.

We kept walking down the trial and a group of goblins were spotted near a campfire. As we saw we looked at each other encouraged each other to begin a fight.

So any opinins so far, or any form of critisism. Also any suggestions of the pacing, since its the beggining I'm not sure how long to take before real plot development and action

alright I know how I'm going to advance my plot now. I shall now start posting more chapters

A shame, this has no comments, so here I go.

I want you to continue this, I want see where this goes, but will you let me offer some advice.

First grammatical advice.

It would probably best if you put a space in between quotes and actual dialogue, like this:

The bottle toppled to the ground, shattering in a thousand emerald pieces,

"What the hell," Joe said.

The wine had soaked his brand new, fur lined shirt, forever staining it.

Just makes it easier to read when your reading from a computer screen.

Another thing....Notice how I put that comma in the dialogue, put a comma instead of a period when denoting who says what. This excludes "!" and "?". Also make sure to put the punctuation inside the dialogue.

"What is that?" Joe said. Instead of "What is that"? Joe said.

Moving more so onto the stroy aspect.

First off it's short and you approach it with a "tell don't show" attitude, which isn't a good idea for stories. Instead of simply saying he was an excellent shot with the bow, show us.

Since as long as I can remember I was holding a bow, hell, I was probably born with a bow in my hands. I was always practicing around the house with mugs and cups and my talent was apparent, my Dad would brag that I was the best shot in all of Cyrodiil at the age of nine. When I was old enough m dad would take me out hunting with him, the game varied from deer, wolves, and elk. On one particular hunt we were following the tracks of a herd of dear, we tracked them down to a nearby creek, but the creaking of twigs alerted them. They sprinted through the dense forest every which way and as one buck was galloping away I managed to fire off an arrow which got him right through the heart, even as he was weaving through the thick oaks.

That shows us more and at the same time gives a little insight to his childhood which may further help his development and get us to feel for him. Not saying that this particular example you did wrong, but it was more of an example on how to improve your writing over all. More detail basically.

This is just me talking, there are different styles of writing, but it seems that you have a more journalistic way of writing, a little more dry. It tells us things but doesn't show us and for me that makes it hard to get into the story.

At any rate, I really would like you to continue this and keep up the good work.

Good Luck.

Lol thx very much. Its always been good to be able to format a story well, internet or book. Ill keep spacing dialouge in mind.

Also I see what you mean with "tell us dont show" attitude and I see what you mean. I am going to keep that in mind.

Chapter three
Bosmer’s (and a Nord) vs. Goblins
“Check it out, the goblins got food, we got easy game in our sights”. Ungiolun was counting the goblins and said “Alright there are four regular Goblin Berserkers and a Goblin Shaman”, said Ungiolun

Aedan replied “So what”?

Ungiolun calmly said “I’m trying to figure out what to do, unless you want to end up in that pot”.

“Point taken” Aedan replied.
I said “Just go along with it Aedan and listen to what he says, I doubt he’ll lead us to trouble. “

Ungiolun said “Alright I got a plan listen up” We paid full attention and he said

“Aedan is going to take lead and handle the four berserkers while I aid Aedan from the shadows and deal with any reinforcements, you Travilom will wait for Aedan to fight the berserkers and that’s when you head off to fight the Shaman”. We all agreed and Aedan set forth.

Aedan showed himself and the goblins instantly stood up and picked their clubs up. As they charged Ungiolun fell a goblin down with a bow and Aedan sliced a berserker across the chest with a claymore. I instantly ran to the Shaman and just as the Shaman prepared a spell I slashed at the Shaman’s hand and both the staff and the hand fell. Aedan was enjoying himself saying “By the nine, this is fun as hell”! Ungiolun softly chuckled and injured another berserker. I then was going to finish the Shaman off when the Shaman casted a frost spell and I quickly jumped out of the way, my left shortsword being hit. I looked at the frozen sword and threw it at the Shaman distracting it while I finished it off with a blow to the head. As I turned behind me Aedan and Ungiolun finished the last one off. Aedan looked happier than ever and said “Look at that, goblins drink too”!

There was plenty of raw meat the Goblins stored so we returned triumphant to Bark Trial and were greeted by a few of the Elders. We presented the food and the elders congratulated us and took the meat to prepare it for the night. All three of us exchanged good bye’s and I went back home.

I went back home and there was my mother Aledrali. She was a fighter too, she was a powerful mage. She was a born under the sign of The Apprentice. Having that sign was unlucky in some ways, but very useful in other ways. When she had married my father, the tribe put on a grand celebration. The two most powerful warriors married, the tribe would succeed. She is a complete match for those arrogant, repulsive Altmers. She shared the delight in telling me stories on how she brutally slew those Altmer. After my father had died she was asked if she wanted to be the Sage of the tribe. Being a sage is the most responsible duty, and most glorious too. She declined and destroyed her staff after my father died. She remained only a memory, no more achievements… just a memory.

I approached my mom and she quickly said

“Have you been with Aedan’s family today” she asked

I quickly responded back “No mom... why”?

She looked thoughtful and said “I don’t know… you smell like them right now”

Fright quickly took me and I said quickly” well I don’t know why you think that, I wasn’t at their house”.

She thought for a moment and let it go. She then said “We’re going to the campfire tonight, I won’t be ready for a while so why don’t you go do some training”?

I stood up and excitedly went to see my teacher.