The Assignment

Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:23 pm

Prologue

Into the Heat

It was a clear night.
The stars stood sparkling at the sky as if trouble was far to be found.
But thing were not as they seemed.
A small house made of old plates of metal and car parts was standing on a highway far above a green river.
In the house three persons sat around a table, all frightened, all breathing heavily.
They had just run for their lives.

The house was built sturdy with extra layers of metal added to resist any attacks.
It was built to keep people outside which was just the reason why the three persons seek their refuge here.
Inside the house it looked like their hadn't been living anything but radroaches for years.
It had a simple set up; a refrigerator in the corner, a bed in the opposite corner and a couch next to the entrance.
The men sat around a small rectangular table in the middle of the room, thinking about their options.

Apart from their destiny, the men had one thing in common; they were all ghouls.
The ghoul at the head of the table wore combat armor, painted sand-brown.
His looks were even worse than those of the usual ghoul.
Many bullets and grenades seem to have claimed their toll on his face.
With his rifle leaning at the side of his chair, Hatch started talking.

"We need a plan fast, or these guys will find us and take us down without mercy."
None of the two other men said anything.
"Karpan?" Hatch asked. "Don't you have a plan or something?
Usually you're the one with the ideas, remember?"
Karpan just looked in front of him, to an old Nuka Cola truck sitting on the table.
His appearance was, opposite to that of Hatch, quite good for a ghoul.

He wore a black business suit with matching glasses.
On top of his face he had neatly combed blonde hair, which was obviously a wig, as ghouls normally don't have much hair left.
It was clear that he paid much attention to his appearance.
He kept glaring at the truck, wondering if he could get his good looks back.

"Isn't it strange that, in a world like this everything fades, but yet the red colours of this toy truck seem to shine as if it were just painted?"
Hatch looked at Karpan astounded. The third ghoul still did not react though.
He looked untidy, wearing bits of different armors fixed together.
You could see in an instant that Twitch was a technician.
He wore a toolbelt so stacked with tools that it had to be reinforced with a pair of suspenders.
Apart from that, he looked like the regular ghoul.

Hatch was getting angry now and slammed his fists on the table.
"I said: we need a PLAN!"
Karpan and Twitch stood up out of shock, leaving the chairs falling behind them.
"I- I don't know," Karpan replied conserved. "maybe we should stay here for a while."
Twitch looked at him. "It doesn't matter, we're doomed anyway."
This had gotten Hatch even angrier.

"We might have the solution to our cure, and you are giving up that fast!?"
Karpan looked at the vial standing in the middle of the table.
It contained the very thing that could wipe the entire Ghoul population off the surface.
"You're right." Karpan answered. "The best thing to do now is to leave this house.
It's too much in the open and if they find us, we'll be trapped like ants in a Vulcan."
"Ants in a vulcan?" Twitch replied "Is that corr..?"

Twitch's words faded away as the three men heard sounds in the distance.
"Damn!" Hatch said, still with anger in his voice. "They've found us so soon?"
By the sound of metal feet pounding into the pavement they knew that the Enclave troops closed in.
The feet stopped right before the house and a muffled voice came from one of the troops.
"Damn, these plates will hold any artillery attack" The voice said.
"Richardson, Get the Hellfire troops!"
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Jynx Anthropic
 
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Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 9:36 pm

Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 5:37 am

I know it's not that large, but it's a begin.

Please tell me what you think about the build, the grammar and the story as a whole.

This is my 2nd fanfic (I've done some shorts in between)
But my 1st in 3rd person, so I may have made a lot of mistakes in that area, please clarify them and I'll try to avoid 'em in the future.

Cheers and hopefully: Enjoy!
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Gemma Archer
 
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Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:02 am

Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:44 am

Holy crap, I wonder what will happen next! Pretty epic. It reminds me of something, I forget what, though.
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Justin Bywater
 
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Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:21 am

pretty cool man, wonder what the cure is?
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JLG
 
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Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 7:42 pm

Post » Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:08 pm

I'm sorry this is taking long, thanks for the responses though!
But lately I've got so many things to do, so I'll probably post just one chapter a week or so.
Please keep sending responses.

I'd love to hear suggestions about my STYLE and SPELLING/GRAMMAR!

Thank you
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Kortniie Dumont
 
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:50 pm

Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:05 pm

I dont cover spelling/grammar unless someone REALLY needs help with it. Other than that, I made some spelling mistakes too. Its inevitable.

Anyway, you put a lot of detail, and its not like these guys can take down entire armies, they see like they are struggling. 8/10. Its the intro, I cant really judge ti
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Jake Easom
 
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Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:33 am

Post » Fri Mar 12, 2010 11:08 am

Ladies and Gentleman,

I've got so many things on my head recently, that I'm in no state to write any further stories.
Maybe I'll write and finish this story at another date. But not anytime soon I can tell ya.

I'll still keep this one in my head though, because it would be a great story. oh well...

Cheers and good writing to you all!
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Casey
 
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