EDIT: Crap. I put "Tenpenny TowerS" instead of "Tenpenny Tower". It's late. I probably made lots of mistakes
Hi all, this is my first fanfic ever (except some really crappy GTA fanfiction I made when I was like 10). I wrote this during my free time at school. This is a character I made up on the spot pretty much, so this is not an account on my in-game character. Heres some background info on Jason:

Jason is a freelance merc who will do anything to get the job done, much like the Talon Company Mercs. He collects rare weapons, and is devoted to finding all of the rare weapons in the Wasteland (I started him off with 3 of them). Here's Jason's SPECIAL, if he were to have one:
S 6
P 5
E 6
C 2
I 4
A 7
L 5

I altered the story of this quest a bit (as you will see) to make it flow more fluently. If I get positive feedback, I'll make more. All criticism is welcome. Anyways, sit back, relax, and enjoy The Chronicles of Jason: Part I!

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Jason gazed through the iron sights his beloved rifle, Lincoln's Repeater. Fourty-four caliber bullets were scarce in the Capital Wasteland (unless you were at Flak and Shrapnel in Rivet City), but he dare not let the ferocious bear known only as the Yao Guai get close enough for a shot with his shotgun, which he liked to call, "The Kneecapper". With Jason's deadly accuracy and the targeting assistance of VATS, he killed the beast in one swift bullet to the head. Searching the corpse awarded Jason with a nice sized hunk of Yao Guai meat. He had never eaten any, but he had heard promising stories. Charon, a mercanary in the Underworld, had told him that it fills you with some kind of "brute power" while also making you feel healthier at the same time. Jason sunk his teeth into the bloody hunk of meat.

Cooked food had been considered a luxury after the bombs dropped. It killed most plant life, people, and destroyed most of DC's buildings and much of the surrounding area. The dead ones were the lucky ones. Many who didn't die mutated into Ghouls, who were generally seen as mindless zombies to the majority of the Wasteland, due to the high levels of radiation. Now, you'd have to be insane to walk ten feet from your house without a Geiger Meter. Although Jason felt stronger and healthier after he had swallowed the raw meat, he knew he had just eaten radiated food. If he didn't do something about the radiation quick, he'd die. Being safe, he popped a Rad-Away that he had looted from some hostile Slavers near the RobCo factory that he had passed about eight minutes ago.

He was making his way to Tenpenny Tower, home of the rich and famous Allistair Tenpenny. Tenpenny was a well-known bigot against Ghouls, not letting them live in the tower even though they had more than enough caps to pay the rent. Tenpenny, like most people, was ignorant to the fact that there was a difference between Ghouls and Feral Ghouls. In the words of the great Three-Dog, "Ghouls are human (just badly mutated ones) like everybody else. However, Feral Ghouls, who were Ghouls that lost their minds, are just mindless zombies who would love nothing more than to eat your flesh.".

Finally, Jason arrived at the back of Tenpenny Tower. He checked the ammo on his rifle, "Ol' Painless", Lincoln's Repeater, and Kneecapper. He had plenty of ammo to get the job done with. He promised Mr. Crowley, a shady Ghoul who lived in the Underworld, that he would eradicate the Wasteland of four "Ghould bigots" that he had asked him to snuff out. The Underworld was a small community of Ghouls located deep within the History Museum in Downtown DC. The Underworld only had about ten Ghouls who actually lived there (other than the occasional drifter and traveling caravan), so it was very tight-knit. Everybody knew everybody...they even knew Crowley. Some Ghouls wouldn't talk about Crowley with Jason, but the few that he could influence to talk all had the same story. Crowley was bad news. He had asked Jason to kill four people; Dave of The Republic of Dave, Dukov the drunk, Ted Strayer the junkie, and Allistair Tenpenny of Tenpenny Tower. He had said that they were all prejudice against Ghouls, but others had a different idea. Everyone said that the four were no bigots, just complete idiots, and that Crowley had a personal vendetta against them. Jason paid this no mind, however, because he needed the hundred caps per kill that he would recieve. He had already collected the bounty on Dukov, Dave, and Ted, leaving him sitting pretty at 300 caps. He needed all the money he could get for supplies to help him along in his journey to collect the finest weapons in the Wasteland.

As Jason approached the massive steel gate, he spotted a Ghoul trying to bargain with the guard so he could get in. After a few pleas and a few "[censored] you!"'s, Jason approached the intercom. "Look, I've told you before, Tenpenny doesn't want your kind here. Leave before we open fire." said the guard in a shrill manner. "I don't think you know who you're talking to..." replied Jason in an almost threatening tone. "Oh. Umm...right. My apologies. I thought you were one of those damned Ghouls. Entry fee is one hundred caps.". At that moment, a hand reached out from between the bars in the gate, making a cuplike shape for caps to be placed in. Jason slammed a handful of caps into the open palm, not knowing how much he had actually just given the guard. "Let's see...164 caps. I'll take it. Come on in, but if you start any [censored], I'll shoot you." said the guard as the metal gate opened. Jason stepped in, shot the guard a devious look, and continued into the large tower.

The tower's interior was magnificent, to say the least. Extravagant carpeting, exceptional lighting, and sharply-dressed tenants. This was a rare place indeed. It almost made Jason feel bad about what he was about to do, but business was business. Jason walked around the lower level and scoped out his targets. Most people there were just commonfolk and guards, but one man stood out to Jason. An elderly man dressed in an explorer's outfit with a Hunting Rifle strapped to his back stared at Jason, almost like he knew what was about to happen. This was the famous explorer, Herbert Dashwood. Seeing that he would cause the most resistance, Jason decided to start with him. Jason pulled the Kneecapper out from the inside of his coat and pressed himself against the wall near the hallway that Dashwood was standing in. By now, the people had noticed the gun-toting madman and were running around in a panic, searching for cover. Jason burst out from behind the wall and fired one shell into Dashwood's chest. He did not die, but it was obvious that he would soon. His lung was punctured and quickly filling with blood. In a desperate last stand, Dashwood fired two thirty-two caliber bullets blindly at Jason, one of which struck the wall next to his head, and another which hit his shin. The harsh Wasteland had desensitized him to pain; the bullet wound caused a mere sting. As Jason gave himself a quick shot in the leg with a Stimpak, Dashwood fell to the ground, dead. Jason approached the body and searched it hastily. He found mostly broken pieces to Dashwood's rifle, but he managed to salvage twenty caps and a mysterious key. Jason looked around in anticipation of an attack, but to his surprise, the guards were nowhere in sight. Without a doubt, the two guards he saw earlier in the lobby were now blocking access to the elevator needed to get to Tenpenny's suite. Wishing to keep his distance from the guards, Jason took Ol' Painless off of the strap on his back, and clenched it in his hands, ready to fire. He came out from the small corridor he was in and opened fire. Seeing that the guards wore little headwear, he shot a bullet at each of their faces, fatally striking them both. Jason approached the elevator, pressed the call button, and entered the small elevator.

The elevator shook as it began to rise, making Jason feel uneasy. He had hated elevators since childhood, but he couldn't quite recall why. The elevator immediately came to a halt at the top floor, and the doors slid open. To Jason's surprise, the hall leading to Tenpenny's room was empty, except for one guard who seemed to be oblivious to what just happened about twenty floors below him. Jason approached the man. The guard looked up from his Grognak the Barbarian comic and stared at Jason. "Do you have an appointment to see Mr. Tenpenny?" asked the guard. "No, but I won't be needing one." replied Jason as he pulled his Kneecapper out once again. Within the blink of an eye, the guard's head was splattered on the wall. Jason crouched down and picked up the comic book, along with the key to the suite. Jason unlocked the door and stepped inside the large room. The room looked rather normal other than a small garden and a safe which said "Daring" over it. Assuming that Tenpenny had the key, he continued out to the balcony that Tenpenny spent much of his time shooting from.

As expected, Tenpenny was sitting in a chair drinking only the finest Whiskey. He was an old man, looking to be in his late seventies. He wore a nice suit that seemed to be made of the same plush-like material that many dining chairs were made out of. He seemed to be a friendly man, but Jason knew better than to let his personal feelings merge with his business. Jason drew his Lincoln's Repeater. Ironic. One bullet left. With one pull of the trigger, Tenpenny was dead. He searched the body and found the key that Crowley wanted, but no safe key. Disappointed, Jason again entered the suite, and in a final attempt to see what was behind the safe, he slid the key he had found on Herbert Dashwood into the keyhole. To his surprise, it worked. In the safe, he found two Stimpaks, ten shotgun shells, 200 caps, and a note. The note read:

"Herbert, the AntAgonizer and the Mechanist are battling in my streets again. I fear for Canterbury Commons' future. Save us. Best of luck -- Uncle Roe."

Three-Dog had spoken on Galaxy News Radio about a war between robots and giant ants being fought in the streets of a town on the eastside of DC. If Jason intervened, this could be great money. Next stop, Canterbury Commons.

Wow, this is one of the best written fics I've seen on this forum. I can find almost no mistakes.

You should definitely continue writing.

Pretty good. A few issues content-wise, but the big thing is that it feels a bit too much like the video game at some points

1) The first paragraph has WAY TOO MUCH in the way of gameplay references, to the point where it kind've kills the realism. Specifically, you should elaborate on what VATS is in your story, if you're going to include it. There's been different ideas exercised -- I've seen those moments described as the adrenaline rush "time seemed to slow to a crawl" moments, and as a chemical injected by the Pip-Boy to help reaction times and precision, etc. Plus, you don't "search" a yao guai (or any animal for that matter) and loot a nice piece of meat to take home from its pockets of fur. You have to butcher it for the meat.

2) Kneecapper, Lincoln's Repeater, Ol' Painless; personally, I couldn't see a character using more than two weapons realistically (1 holstered at the side, 1 slung on the back), but I suppose this is more nit-picking than anything. I'm sure your character has a good reason as to why he's so heavily armed.

2) Why would Uncle Roe send a plea to a retired old man who lives literally on the opposite end of the Capital Wasteland? That bit seems like a forced plot device. For that matter, why would Dashwood store a note like that in his safe? If Three Dog mentions it on the news anyway, then the note's completely unnecessary. Come to think of it -- why is Dashwood's safe in Tenpenny's suite?

3) Is the bit about Tenpenny and the "bigotry" needed? Your character obviously doesn't care so long as he gets paid, so why bother trying to justify it by calling Tenpenny a bigot (spending a paragraph to do so)? Plus, nowhere is it suggested that he doesn't know the different between a regular ghoul and a feral; only Roy accuses them of that ignorance, because the residents believe him to be verging on turning feral --- and since he's plotting mass murder and all (shouting death threats), it's reasonable to think that. Plus, Tenpenny actually lets ghouls into the tower if the REAL bigots agree to it. Yes, I realize that you're doing the quest for Mr. Crowley, but a simple mention of how Crowley accused him of being bigoted is all that's necessary (and even that wouldn't matter to your character by the sound of it). No need to make him out to be horrible xenophobic person right before his death.

4) Based on the fact that it's 3rd person from Jason's perspective, why would he consider Three Dog great? - especially since Three Dog talks smack about evil characters all the time, and raves on and on about fighting the "good fight" and helping others, etc. Why would a heartless opportunist give a damn about what Three Dog had to say? Maybe just for a source of news, but then that should be mentioned. Ex: Jason couldn't stand Three Dog's preaching, lies, and utter BS (like the fact that he praises the BoS, but clearly disagrees with their views like bigotry against ghouls), but there was no other reliable source of news in the Capital Wasteland, etc.

Other than that, your spelling and grammar are mostly fine (from what I've noticed). Keep up the good work.

That's my two cents. Take what you will from it. If I sound a big too critical and nit-picky, it's because I care.

Thanks for the replies, guys =]

In response to quoted poster:

1) I thought about taking out the VATS piece altogether. I couldn't really think of a way to explain it without expaining TOO MUCH, so I just said screw it and left it in I thought about the meat thing too, but I couldn't think of another way to put "searched for meat"

2) Well, he's a gun collector, and likes to have all tools possible for the job. I had pictured Jason with a weapon slung on his back, another (Kneecapper) on a small belt-holster thing, and the lincoln's repeater cross-slung over the other one on his back

2.5) The Canterbury Commons thing was sorta tacked on as an afterthought. I know, that part was terribly written. I would have had it been in an email to Dashwood or something, but that was sheer laziness on my end. I didn't want to write the commonfolk's living quarters in, too, just for the reference of an email. Also, the reason I had Roe send the note to Dashwood is that I was implying they were friends of sorts (Dashwood undoubtedly ran through Canterbury at one point or another), and that Dashwood was somewhat of a last resort. Again, poor writing and sheer laziness.

3) Wow, I honestly didn't even think about that. I'll have to pay more attention next time XP

4) I used great loosely. I meant great as in "famous", I just didn't want to use the word famous too much (since I had already used it for Dashwood and Tenpenny

Also; Crowley didn't want a key off of Tenpenny; Tenpenny had no key, only the other three did. Crowley just wanted Tenpenny killed because he was a well known ghoul bigot.

Still, quite impressive writing, specially for the budding F3 Fan-Fic board.

Yes, now that I think back to it, you're correct. In all honesty, I got ALOT wrong in this fanfic. I had it on paper and typed it up, and in the paper version, I had totally forgotten about Ted Strayer.

Keep up the goood work. It probably won't be a best-seller (fanfics rarely become bestsellers) but it's great compared to some fanfics I've seen (mainly "Siths wasteland").

Thanks. :tops:

I'm happy to see a positive reaction from the forum. I shall start on part two soon. =]

I can't wait. I'll bet it will be good.

Thanks, sir.

Meh, just an update. I started working on the second part last night. I think it'll be much better than this one.

This is pretty good alot of mercenary bounty hunting like character.