The Dunmer's Tale


Chapter 1: Set Up


Elwe Ringeril awoke in his cabin out in the Heartland's, he had a meeting with some bandit's in Camp Rockbottom today. Elwe stood up from his bed and let out a grunt while getting up. He walked up to his chest and took out a chainmail curaiss and chainmail greaves. After taking off his green silk pants and folding them and placed them on his bed and then put on his armor. Elwe then wore his black and burgendy outfit over that to make it appear his was not protected.

He opened up his second chest and took out a ebony shorsword he hid it behind his back. As he went downstairs to eat and left his house.

"If those damn bandits pull anything I swear to Talos" grunted Elwe. He continued on walking down the trail. He heard a man screaming for help. Elwe ran towards the source of the noise. He looked around and saw no one. "I must be hearing things" Elwe thought to himself, but just incase he put his hand on his sword's handle. Elwe continued to walk.

A few hours passed and he arived at the camp he took a seat and awaited the bandits we waited for atleast an hour before dosing off, he awoke to someone nudging on his shoulder as he opened his eyes and saw the leader of the bandit's Skar.

"Oh hello there scar, please sit I am ready to make the deal" said Elwe.

"Ok so I have the gold do you have the skooma" asked Skar.

"Yes it is right here, a am a man of my word Skar you should know that by now" chuckled Elwe.

"Indeed you are freind indeed you are" chuckled Skar back.

The two meen exchanged there items, "This skooma smell's delicous, thank you, but there is a problem Skooma is ilegall" said Skar.

"Yes it is that is why we were meeting here to stay away from anybody who would rat us out" replied Elwe.

"Well you never know were rat's may be hidding Elwe they could be right in front of you and you would never know" smirked Skar.

"Whar are you trying to say Skar" Elwe said as he went for his sword slowly.

"What I am saying is this, GET HIM NOW" yelled Skar.

A whole squad of Imperial Legion Foresterrs came out of no where weapons equiped and ready to attack. "SKAR YOU SCUM I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS" Yelled Elwe as he pulled out his sword. A Forester lunged at Elwe but before he could attack Elwe sung his sword and it sunk into the foresters neck, blood poured out of his neck and mouth he was dead. Elwe turned to run at the other one but before he could an arrow went right through his back out his stomach, he fell unconcous from the pain.


TO be continued

Great story, love the twist ending :goodjob:

Lol my computer glitched out and only posted that! But it is up now

The only thing that bothers me is the name. Jack is not a very TESish name. There are plenty of name generators and there are name lists in UESP as well.

Little bit of criticism here. You overuse the word "he' quite a lot during the opening paragraphs:



That's quite a few times where you have used word repitition. A general rule of writing is to use as much variety in your text so people don't find it dull from the same word being used over and over. For instance the opening line could have been something like this:

I edited the chapter and changed the name I hope it is better :hehe:

Hmmm, interesting enough, but there's quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes. Good integral idea, disappointing execution. Just read up on where to put apostrophes etc, and you'll be well on your way. I'd like to hear more from you...

WHat do you mean execution only a guard died

execute verb 1 To put death by order of the law; 2 To carry out (instructions, etc.); 3 To perform (a movement, etc. usually requiring skill)

(Unless that was a joke, then chalk up one fail point for me on the board)

it was a joke lol

In that case I was also totally joking.

Just so this post isn't useless; you didn't change Jack to Elwe here:

Thanks for that I will change it imedetly

Chapter 2: Prison Life



Elwe opened his eyes slowly for a few seconds he could only see a blur. He tried to stand up but the pain in his back and stomach was to much. Elwe grunted he layed on the ground for a while. After resting he had enough strength to stand he walked up to the front of his cell a fellow Dunmer was on the other side of the cell.
"Hello" said Elwe "What are you in here for".
"Your a disgrace to our kind and because of that you are going to die in here understand me DIE in here" replied the Dunmer.
"Well your a nice one hey" chuckled Lew.
"Get out of my face" snaped the Dunmer.

Elwe went to the corner of his cell all that was there for a bed was a potato sack. He lied down on it and dozed off. The weeks went by the same sleeping eating rat meat and drinking water. Months passed and eventually a year or two Elwe had lost count. Another year passed.
"Hey gaurd when am I getting out of here" asked Elwe.
"Your in here for life idiot you murdered on of our main men and sold an illegal substance" growled the Gaurd.
"Well then this is bad very bad" thought Elwe.

Another month or so passed and one day everything changed.
"Baurass lock the door behind us" said Captain Renault.
"Yessir" replied Barauss.
"My sons there dead aren't they" asked the Emperor.
"We do not know that sir the messengers only said they were attacked" replied Glenroy.
"No there dead I know it" said the Emporer.
"Well that is not important right now what is is getting you to saftey" said Renault.
"What's this prisoner doing in here this cell is supossed to be off limits" shouted Captain Renault.
"A usual mixup at the watch I would not know I am not a guard here" shouted Glenroy back.
"Prisoner stand aside we will not hesitate to kill you" shouted Renault.
"I would like to see you try to kill me and my good old ancestor" chuckled Elwe.

Captain Renault, Baurass, Glenroy and the Emporer all walked in the cell the pushed Elwe into the wall and opened the secret entrance inside the cell. Elwe still furated from the push picked up a mug and shattered it he then stabbed it in the arm of Renault. Captain Renault turned around and backhanded Elwe knocking him on the ground because of the gauntlet.

They continued on and after the were out of site Elwe snuck through the secret tunnel and saw the ambush and Renaults death he laughed but at the same time was angry that he never got to kill her.

The people left the room and Elwe took a sword from Renault as we continued to sneak a rat jumped through some bricks and bit him Elwe then attacked back and killed the rat with a single swift blow. He walked up to the door and tried to open it it was locked so he put the sword through the small crack and pushed his hardest down and broke the lock. He kicked open the door and continued to sneak he saw many more ambush's he followed them for a while the Emporer went to a different room then the other two. Elwe snuck by them and went to the room were the Emporer was Elwe was still angry and when Elwe is angry he does stuff that he regrets. The emporer saw Elwe.

"You are that prisoner how did you follow us" asked the Emporer.
"You, you are going to die scumbag" replied Elwe.
"Wha-" but before the Emporer could finish Elwe's blade went deep into his heart and at the same moment another one of the red robed men came in through the door and attacked the Emporer not knowing he was dead. Elwe then swung his blade at the robed man killing him. Elwe then took the amulet the Emporer was wearing he knew how much this amulet was worth. Elwe ran through the secret path that the robed man used. Elwe escaped the sewers know had known what he had done except for him.


TO BE CONTINUED UNLESS SOME STRANGE EVENT HAPPENS AND I DIE!!!

Nice twist.. YOU kill the Emperor, not the Mythic Dawn guy or w.e.. Besides some grammatical / spelling errors it's pretty good.

Hey umm this can be closed now I totaly forgot I had it anyway's I have my own RP that I am working on right now so.