[kevin ball]

The writing in the excerpt was simpler than his writing in "The Briar King". Maybe he has a different approach when he's novelizing someone else's material. Still, I'm going to give the book a chance.

[Eduardo Rosas]

snip

Hmmm...first time i read that i didn't really notice all those things you said, now that i went through it a second time i realize that i might have been quick to judge how good the excerpt was, yes, much of the writing is more comic than effective in description. The excerpt did only have one part with even a slight bit of tension build-up, the part where they find out

Spoiler

that the person is a skooma-dealer

, actually i think that a good number of fan-fic members have done more effective work than this, maybe he intended the excerpt to only be an introduction to the story so people can start getting a background?

[Emzy Baby!]

Ah well, I might as well continue...

to critique: What does the reader learn in the first part of the excerpted chapter? He learns that

1. Glim is a risk-averse argonian with a taste for wine.
2. Annaig is an adventuress with a taste for danger.

So...how does the adventuress persuade the 'wimpy' argonian to go on adventure regarding werecrocodiles?

She says:

" But he does it all the time. Why would he do that? Help me be sure, Glim."

Her friend sibilated a long hiss. "Then can we drink your father's wine?"

"If he hasn't drunk it all."

"Fine."

That's it???

This lizard complains of adventuring being too much danger and too little reward...and she tells him to help her, and just like that, he does so???

Well, I for one don't call that good character development.


To be continued...

[Suzy Santana]

This lizard complains of adventuring being too much danger and too little reward...and she tells him to help her, and just like that, he does so???

Well, I for one don't call that good character development.
...

Maybe it's a further sign that they've been lifelong friends and that Annaig is the type who can get other people to follow her -- a leader without realizing it.

[I’m my own]

Does anyone else notice how you can juxtapose argonian with another race, and 90% of what Glim says would make perfect sense? I don't know if I'll like the rest or not, but they are a couple of stupid kids, so I'll give it another chance. I just can't picture an argonian being such a tight wad, getting all preachy, or reminiscing about his war heroes. Especially one that just wants to drink.

[jaideep singh]

Snippy

I agree with your first post, his writing made me wince a little but at the same time, he is writing a full length novel so I'm not too worried if there are a few examples of awful writing, I know mine isn't perfect!

(like that sentence; I just realised that I repeated the same word three times in under a line... meh mistakes like this will make it through.)

On the second post, I would agree with you but there is a lot of character development to come...

[Adam Kriner]

*vomits* Dear Vivec, that is hideous. I couldn't make it past the endless dialog and poorly integrated prose.

Indeed, Gallowglass has a better grasp of integrating dialogue and imagery (definitely not a slight against Gallowglass, but the guy claims not to speak English as his first language, so this is a benchmark I expect Keyes to reach).

Any fanfic writer can sit there and type lines of needless dialogue (and he said, and she said, and he said). It's barely prose, its, more like Act 2 of Horror of Castle Xyr.

I am Disappoint.

EDIT: Grammar and spelling

[Bitter End]

I agree entirely with D.Foxy

That was really stupendously awful.

I would also like to add that you (Foxy) are not at all egotistical in your assumption that your writing is superior. The corrections you made were exactly what I would expect from any standard fantasy author.

I don't expect the story itself to be particularly compelling but I at least require some level of competence in sentence structure and narrative.

I don't suppose it matters though, I wasn't planing on reading it anyway.

[Gavin Roberts]

i'm considering cancelling my pre-order and just reading about everything that happens instead of wasting 14$ on it. And yeah the sentence structure is kind of confusing.

[Sista Sila]

Haha! I was being kinda nice because I didn't want to seem like a dike. Glad my opinions are shared by a few of you.

EDIT: Course then again I shouldn't be worrying about that. The truth is the truth and you should never be afraid to speak it.

[A Lo RIkIton'ton]

Haha! I was being kinda nice because I didn't want to seem like a dike. Glad my opinions are shared by a few of you.

EDIT: Course then again I shouldn't be worrying about that. The truth is the truth and you should never be afraid to speak it.

Ha, I feel kind of sorry for Keyes, if he ever reads this thread, but average doesn't cut it when you [censored] up someone elses beloved franchise. If this was some random DnD book, I'd write it off as some trash novel I wouldn't be bothered with, but it's TES, and thus it annoys me.

[Stacyia]

I think the problem is that writing is telling a story, and the most convincing stories are those from the heart. In other words, what Bethesda did was just hire a writer unfamiliar with the TES universe and pay the story teller to just construct a story... like a contractor. If the writer doesn't love their material, if they don't live and breath it and have it near and dear, then the story is just going through the motions, apply names to prefabricated archetypes and plots. You get a basic plot and then dress it in the terminology of the selected fantasy universe. That's the impression I got from Keyes - especially from his description of the Argonian and the girl. The descriptions were just tacked in there and didn't flow well at all.

[Lovingly]

Haha! I was being kinda nice because I didn't want to seem like a dike. Glad my opinions are shared by a few of you.

EDIT: Course then again I shouldn't be worrying about that. The truth is the truth and you should never be afraid to speak it.

Your opinion is truth now?

You all forget that the majority of people will still buy, and read, this book even if it does "svck" like you say (This is a excerpt, remember that).

Now quit a-whining, you don't HAVE to buy it.

[Kelli Wolfe]

Agreed with all my heart. If you really love your story, you can committ a thousand errors and still make it shine. But if you don't, then all the expertise in the world won't carry it off. Look at the history of all the writers hired to ghostwrite a continuation of a series, starting with 'Gone with the Wind'...

[Breanna Van Dijk]

Your opinion is truth now?

You all forget that the majority of people will still buy, and read, this book even if it does "svck" like you say (This is a excerpt, remember that).

Now quit a-whining, you don't HAVE to buy it.

Actually, sir, I was speaking in general, which was why I used the EDIT.

I think you should be the one who stops the whining, because you sound like a whiny little fanman (see what I did there?).

[Brittany Abner]

Now, now, redsrock, my rule is if one guy misunderstands you through no fault of your own, you simply ignore him or her: only if a substantial number do so misunderstand should you reply. Let us continue our discussion and anolysis!

[BRAD MONTGOMERY]

Now, now, redsrock, my rule is if one guy misunderstands you through no fault of your own, you simply ignore him or her: only if a substantial number do so misunderstand should you reply. Let us continue our discussion and anolysis!

Wow. Just wow. Flame war much?

I still do not see how I was wrong in understanding his post.

And this is hardly a anolysis, more like a bunch of kids who should be doing their schoolwork and such whining because the author didn't write the way that THEY wanted. Wait till the BOOK comes out to judge, not on a excerpt.

[.X chantelle .x Smith]

Maybe someone mentioned this already, but the thing I didn't like was that Glim didn't talk like an argonian, even cyrodilic argonians had heavily accented, broken speech at least most of the time, and Glim appears to be a native black marsh argonian. He could have been human if the author hadn't constantly said he was an argonian. Also, am I the only one who actually was hoping that

Spoiler

skooma dealer would be a real werecroc? skooma's pretty boring compared to that,

lol

[Smokey]

Actually, sir, I was speaking in general, which was why I used the EDIT.

I think you should be the one who stops the whining, because you sound like a whiny little fanman (see what I did there?).

touche redsrock, anyway after reading i really found that, as was said before, the argonian was very bland, aside from the name and the physical description he doesn't 'feel' like an argonian, he doesn't haven the characteristic accent or argonian sound, i want to hear the sound of some of my favourite argonians like Amusei.

EDIT:

Darn beaten to it by Ghostpaw

[sam]

Maybe someone mentioned this already, but the thing I didn't like was that Glim didn't talk like an argonian, even cyrodilic argonians had heavily accented, broken speech at least most of the time, and Glim appears to be a native black marsh argonian. He could have been human if the author hadn't constantly said he was an argonian. Also, am I the only one who actually was hoping that

Spoiler

skooma dealer would be a real werecroc? skooma's pretty boring compared to that,

lol

I was hoping there would be a

Spoiler

werecroc too, but nope, skooma.

Oh well. Still, I like his use of potions and magic, amusing.

[Stephanie Valentine]

To continue:

Look at this...

And now Anna?g was quite sure that what she felt was fear. Bright, terrible, animal fear.

"By the way," the Khajiit below said, lowering his voice. "Who are those two in the rafters?"

The man looked up. "Xhuth! if I know," he said. "None of mine."

"I hope not. I sent Patch and Flichs up to kill them."

"Oh, kaoc'," Anna?g hissed. "Come on, Glim."

As she stood, something wisped through the air near her, and a shriek tore out of her throat.

"I knew it," Glim snapped.

"Just?come on, we have to get to the roof."

They ran across the beams, and someone behind her shouted. She could hear their footfalls now?why hadn't she before? An enchantment of some sort?


Now, as a journeyman in the martial arts, I would like to submit that when a throwing weapon or projectile weapon of any kind of the hand thrown variety passes near your ear, it does NOT 'wisp'. You need speed to get that wisp, and only arrows can do that. Or you need large air volume displacement - think of a fan vibrated at high speed - and hand thrown projectile weapons do not have large air volume displacement.

Keyes, whatever else he is, is not - I strongly suspect - a martial artist.

[Naazhe Perezz]

Further:

"Oh, daedra and Divines," Anna?g swore

Now my grasp of the lore is not strong...but I do NOT think the mere mention of Daedra and Divines is 'swearing.' Can someone with a firmer grasp of the lore enlighten me on this?

[Lyd]

Further:

"Oh, daedra and Divines," Anna?g swore

Now my grasp of the lore is not strong...but I do NOT think the mere mention of Daedra and Divines is 'swearing.' Can someone with a firmer grasp of the lore enlighten me on this?

Never heard that kind of swearing in TES at all. Something like "by Dibella's [mammary glands]!" would be more appropriate.

[Tessa Mullins]

To continue:

Keyes, whatever else he is, is not - I strongly suspect - a martial artist.

Possibly not martial arts, but he is an experienced fencer at any rate, as noted in this entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregory_Keyes

I think the book will be okay. Keyes is starting his character Annaig in a way similar to the princess in "The Briar King" -- a willful and somewhat spoiled kid who's forced to grow up in a hurry when true evil shows up (as opposed to some run-of-the-mill skooma smugglers). You will see her grow up and realize her destiny the way his other characters have, probably.

We should remember that Keyes isn't writing for the hard-core fans like us who have been around for years so much as he's trying to introduce the public to the Elder Scrolls series in a way that won't confuse them with a mass of arcane detail.

[Fam Mughal]

To continue:

Look at this...

[i]
"By the way," the Khajiit below said, lowering his voice. "Who are those two in the rafters?"

The man looked up. "Xhuth! if I know," he said. "None of mine."

"I hope not. I sent Patch and Flichs up to kill them."

Wow, it sure does take a long time to kill an unaware argonian and girl, lol "by the way, who are those guys spying on us?" LMAO, oh gee lets let those two guys watch us have a drug-dealing transaction, ah that was funny, weak but funny.