» Fri May 27, 2011 8:29 pm
Okay, finally I'm gonna closely read the prologue and chapter one, in the full (and much better) Barnes and Noble sample. aside from being better edited it not only has the prologue but actually gives us the end of chapter one. The original sample stopped a few paragraphs short. It also includes the very beginning of chapter two.
First, the acknowledgements page lists off several devs. They are Kurt Kuhlmann, Bruce Nesbith, Pete and Todd. as rumored, he lists the Imperial Library as an invaluable resource. Wether for backup or so he could do hardcoe research is as yet unknown.
In the very first paragraph, Keyes sets his tone of something being amiss on a fundamental level. as often happens in TES when [censored]'s hitting the fan, the sky seems wrong to the characters. Then, as the characters are on a boat, the Ocean begins to act like it is somehow being pulled.
You then learn some of the crew: There are at least two khajiit, Keem a cathay-Ragt, and Iffech. There is also a human named Grayne from the south Niben who is not as experienced at sea as Iffech. A nice lore shout-out, the Khajiit view human eyes as feeble and are unsurprised when Grayne can't see what they see. They have a quick "nervous people conversation" before Iffech calls out to keem.
Problem one: is there a city called Ne-Quin Alia? Keem is referred to as "ne-Quin Alian," and while it may be something in a Khajiit language we haven't heard before it may also exist in lore already. Tone of uncertainty and underlying, unknown problems persists.
From under the ocean bursts Umbriel. It is written to be unmistakably magical (if the giant flying city bursting from under the ocean didn't tip you off, it is accompanied by fierce winds, green lightining and the stink of magical death). Slight stylistic issue with the next paragraph. "And now came a thunderclap forty times louder." It's a good idea that the magic lightning is loud, but it could be presented better. As for it coming from under water, that could mean it is two lore things most logically: Underwater suggests solely maomer super-weapon. However, necromancy and underwater together suggests Sload.
Following that is a nice culture bit regarding Iffech, Khajiit and the ocean. Makes the good point that most seafaring trade done by Khajiit is skooma-running, left implication to longtime fans that the rest is, as we know, overland. Big city passes overhead and the rest is silence.
Mention of Oblivion gates, how it "feels" like an Oblivion gate but doesn't look like one. Sload have ties to Molag bal. Talk of Martin's sacrifice, well written lines drip with the idea of how cultural memory can induce horrible fear, eg Oblivion crisis 'this isn't supposed to be possible!" (Not acual line, Keyes is much more well-written).
That was all just two pages, by the way.
SCENE CHANGE!
The new character is Sul (Coincidence that Sul tends to be a name given to Dunmer prophets and wise cheifs?). This section is very well done, in that it starts off in medias res, and emulates the raw feel of someone waking up from a night terror, like Sul is.
Enter random side character, who has his sword drawn. Presumed human. Like Sul, reader is left to believe he has violent intent. He does not. He thought, since Sul had been screaming, there was some sort of attack.
Brief, tense conversation as Sul pulls himself back to reality (not easy). Sounds reasonable, in that Sul is confused over his location (he needs reminding that he is in a bed and breakfast in Chorrol) and the person is confused over A: his screaming and B: Does he do that all the time? Sul says he will be leaving that day.
The next two paragraphs we learn two things about Sul and a fw general points: Sul is capable of seeing across time and space because he is linked to Azura like the Ashlander wise-women and prophets, and that he spent twenty years in Oblivion. When those twenty years were is unstated, my initial assumption was half the intervening years between the book and Oblivion, but that is unsupported. Another point that is not explicitly stated but is heavily implied is that Azura finds the situation with Umbriel to be of vital importance. Since she often touches Sul's dreams he can tell how forcefully she is trying to get a person to prophecy, and since this was an outright night terror this was heavy [censored]. We also learn Umbriel itself is somehow Oblivionic. Again, it may be inferring Molag Bal and the Sload, but again that is uncertain.
The next paragraph is somewhat confusing. Who is Vuhon? Why does he matter to Sul? Why does what matters to Sul matter to the petty and selfish Azura? After that, who is Ilzheven? How did she die? What did she mean to Sul if she is important enough to show up in all his night terrors, Azuran or not? Also, "After the Khajiit had died," does that refer to Keem, who dies "on-camera," so to speak, or does that mean Iffech died as well? While that may be deliberate to sustain the confusuion early on, it's not a stylistic choice I would have made.
Then we get a tidbit about Morrowind: it is called a "smoking shatterlands." Why? what does that mean? Several possibilities: One is that it got hit hard after the Oblivion Crisis and is, in fact, a smoking shatterlands. Another is that it will be like that after Umbriel, but since that appears in his night terrors "whether Azura meddled with them or not (11)" that is unlikely. Another is that the Ministry of Truth has fallen, as promised. Some people say that is not the case because it was "supposed to destroy the world." Leaving aside that the Loveletter exists solely to extend Vivec's former importance now that he no longer has any, to Dunmer Morrowind is 'the world," and the rest is crude matter filled with crude pvssyls. Therefore destroying Morrowind would be called, to the Dunmer, "destroying the world." However until more information is given we have no way of knowing.
Along with those things is a face he does not know. A looks-probably-colovian with a crooked nose (both a reference to heavy pre-Roman Etruscan influence in lore-colovians and a possible hint that it has been broken and healed repeatedly eg warrior prince). After a few moments of very logical mind-ripping on Sul's part over what the hell he's supposed to do next during which we learn for certain he is in fact a Dunmer as anyone who knows the lore on the Sul name would likely have assumed (we learn that, like most other character traits, through phrases about their actions rather than extended, dull descriptions. He washes his grey face and blinks out his red eyes, not "he was your typical grey-skinned red-eyed Dunmer). He sees books along the wall and Azura leds a hand again (suggesting further that she veiws this whole situation with the utmost gravity) The first book answers his first question: where the hell do I need to be ("Tales of Southern Waters") and the next book serves several purposes. It is called 'The Most Current and High Adventures of Prince Attrebus." This says a lot. First, the picture on the cover is the one from the dream. Second, he is an adventuring, heroic prince (at least so far as the public is concerned), Third, he is so popular that his exploits are, even in the process of his adventuring, being novelised and sold.
Another Sul piece before the section ends: Firstly, he has not had a good life, as he had literally "forgotten what happiness felt like." This may be by trauma or magic, or even both. Another is that he rides armed and armored, so
while he is a prophet he also fights. he rode "towards madness, retribution and death." Somewhat heavy-handed on the foreshadowing but aside from the points where i specifically said something was a problem it was excellent.
PART ONE: ARRIVAL, chapter one.
We have already all seen (and talked to death) and incomlete, unedited chapter one. While the overall structure and story is the same, it is much cleaner and has line breaks over the timeskips, removing some confusion from the original sample. While I said we talked it to death, I still plan on continuing.
The first three paragraphs take place on the rafters of a gutted manor in Lilmoth, the festering jewel of black marsh. The scene is that there are two people, a human and an Argonian, on them, who know eachother and have a history of the human getting them both into trouble. First example of Glim's dry wit even before we learn his name. Continues trend of physical description through action. Not "her eyes were such a color, but "she turned her aqualine nose and grey-green eyes" and such. same with the Argonian, his features are described as they are used or become relevant.
Unlike the original sample, in which I believe D.Foxy pointed out that it jumps from the villa to Annaig's house with no indication it has done so, there is a line gap, a solid black line, and another gap. It was a flashforward used to set the tone of "Oh, crap!"
From the beginning of the next section, we are given the difference as well as the names of the characters. Annaig isd the human and Glim is the Argonian. Instead of saying "Annaig was energetic and curious, Glim was complacent and placid," he simply has them act out. Annaig 'tosses herself" into a chair, Glim "lounges." Annaig "can't pass this up." Glim can. Locational description is more traditional than characters. Annaig's father's house is described to set the tone of dying grandeur being killed by black marsh like everything else that is unfortunate enough to find itself there.
We then get character descrption by action yet again when Glim comes up with alternatives to going on Annaig's adventure. Glim's alternatives all involve stealing and drinking Annaig's father's wine. Some people said that camme off as immature. That's good, because Glim is implied later to be the same age roughly as Annaig, who is a teenager according to the early blurb. Anyone who has even known a teenager would probably pick up on the realism of the line. Physically, he has black claws, learned not through random descriptions but his actions of tapping them.
More conversation, showing interplay between the two of them, and showing the history of Annaig getting them in trouble in more detail. Further character contrast: Annaig loves the thrill of the danger and Glim does not. Some regionalizing goes on to flesh out the setting when Glim makes a gesture that is "particularly Limothian." A regular odd couple. Also, we learn that Annaig has a very active imagination because she reads a lot out of boredom, and Glim views it as a bad influence. Then comes the current adventure: in Pussbottom, the one of the "dodiest parts of town" according to Glim, has had a decent slew of people being bitten in half. Annaig believes a local man is a were-crocodile and considers that the only logical explanation (Glim provides several others, not least of which being the unlikelihood of him being a were-crocodile or them existing at all, as well as thesuggestion that they ask her father to have him investigated through proper channels, which she ignores). Glim does not believe the idea, listing several very TES-ish reasons such as potions and enchanted items for why Annaig's evdence is not credible, but we are given another character piece: his total dedication to Annaig, since he eventually relents and goes with her.
Another line denotes traveling between the Imperial Quarter and Pusbottom, and we are given some local history and geography: The center of town is Pusbottom, with the other areas around it. The Imperial Quarter is still somewhat Imperialized but Pusbottom is beasically one big crime society. We are given the first mention of the "An-Xileel Party" by being told that their political undesirables hide out in Pusbottom.
They gfo to the "lair," as Annaig likes to call it, and more tone and scenes is set down: it is ancient, and once grand, but now it is dilapitaded. It is also considered odd that the poverty-filled pusbottom hasn't filled the place with squatters, that the only tenant is the man they are trying to spy on. Like any stupid teenager, they don't think to make sure there is more than one easily accessible way in and out before going in. Therefore thay are trapped when the group enters. They hide in the rafters, and annaig drinks a potion to improve her hearing. Excellent use, both by keyes and the character, of magic. Very good way of describing a person in fear of their life as well.
When the "were crocodile" shows up, we learn even more local facts: that there are "ripper eels," a creature that sounds right at home in black marsh, trained to kill Argonians swimming across a nearby canol to prvent them shipping Skooma. It doesn't work, as the scene shows when they reveal that annaig was just imagining things, he's not a were-crocodile, he's a skooma dealer.
When they are discovered, my question is "what the hell is Xhuth?" Obviously, the tone of curses is the Roman sense, where you make an oath by the name of a god. Therefore cursing by shouting 'Stendarr" or even the long winded "Daedra and Divines" make sense, but what the hell is that? Is it in lore anywhere? No idea. Might be a problem if it's not, unless keyes comes up with something from comparatively unexplored cultures, even though the guy wasn't Argonian we might chalk it up to black marsh. Simillarly, Oh,kaoc' is something Annaig sais, and that just makes no sense. And Thtal from Glim. Anyone know whnat to make of these?
Then there is another "character trait through actions" part, with the supposed-to-be-levitation-but-is-basically-a-choppy-slowdfall potion. You learn about Annaig that she has alchemy as a hobby but isn't very good ("it made you sort of invisible").
They return and we see Annaig's father. He's getting old and drinking away his troubles. He lost his wife and, when the An-Xileel broke Argonia away from the empire, lost his estate and subsequently his will to live, to keep on fighting. So they take up some wine to the balcony and start talking again.
We get some more character: annaig wants to report the skooma dealers, and Glim says that they shouldn't bother because it's pointless. Like a real discussion, that broadens further. They talk about politics, about how the winners write the histories, and about Titus Mede and his heroic son Attrebus who are supposedly rebuilding the Empire. The discussion begins to get somewhat heated, which surprises Annaig.
The discussion gets heated when the discussion turns to slavery, since Attrebus rescued some slaves and freed them, but there were slaves under the Septim empire. The talk turns to how Martin saved the world from dagon, and Glim gets pissed, shouting that Martin and the Empire did nothing to help Black Marsh, but the An-Xileel did. Cowed, Annaig regards her friend amazedly, and a strange, sharp, sulphrous odor fills the air, Annaig says that if Martin hadn't sacrificed himself not even the An-Xileel could save Argonia. An interestin bit of teenaged realism: many teens pretend to be apathetic and indifferent but show their true colors when things come down to it.
Everything else comes after the original sample cut off but the Barnesd and Noble one continues a bit further.
Glim asks not to speak about it any more, claiming it's not important. Annaig calles out the unmistakable pheremone scent of an angry Argonian, and notes his voice had been filled with passion. He blames it on the wine. They begin to celebrate the not-complete-failure of the "slowfall" potion. Then Glim mentions that his cousin's boat has come in with news of a flying island with a city on it. Mentions of the merethic era, a heavy piece of TES lore, so that's a good sign.
Annaig says that she'll have to see Hecua, likely a mentor character we will see later, and the chapter ends with an image of Lilmoth cleansing by it's nightly rain, which may represent hope or foreshadow a great cleansing of the world to make it be new for the future.
The first line of the second chapter is incomplete and disturbing:
"A boy was once born with a knife instead of a right hand, or so Colin had heard. [censored] and attempted murder planted him in"
] I honestly couldn't read the last sentence. Maybe I didn't try hard enough? No offense intended, Lycan.
