It is def heating up Zalphon, and your writing is improving with each chapter. I like what you said here, that you are researching and using rumors - stuff like that catches lore lovers like me!

Visions of the Past: Ald'Ruhn

The hours passed like decades. Kalarn was nervous, but ready. Once again the searing heat of the Deadlands boiled his blood under all the armor, but he didn't complain, no dremora who wanted to live did. Kalarn said to the smith, "My sword is dull, Smith, grab me a new one."

The Smith responded, "Why should I churl?"

Kalarn took off his helmet, and looked the dremora right in the eyes, "I am a Valkynaz, now give me a new one before scamps are in charge of you." The Smith nodded and grabbed a sharp sword, and handed it to the Valkynaz. It had a black hilt, and a dark red blade. It was obvious blood has been spilt with this blade before, but he knew that this blade would have to tear down Redoran's Capital City, Ald'Ruhn. Life wasn't getting easy for Kalarn, his guilt began to sink in, leading all those dremora to tear down the innocents.

"This is just one of the mad god's tricks or is it?," He thought. He sighed gently and walked into his quarters. They were luxurious, at least compared to the churls. He had a large bed, a suit of armor, a weapon rack, a book case, and a churl on guard. The churls just had the hard floor and whatever they kept on them.

He asked to the Churl at guard, "What is your name, Churl?"

The Churl responded, "Varus, I am going to fight in the upcoming battle." The churl showed joy, excited he would get to show his battle prowess.

Kalarn nodded, "As you were, Churl."

This was the grandest citadel in the Deadlands, but it felt so wicked. Kalarn walked out the door and looked at hollowed halls, they were walked in by daedra of all sorts. This citadel was the lair of Lord Dagon. The sigil stone that floated on a beam of ultra-heated light was more powerful than any single sigil stone ever seen by the daedra. The Champion collected sigil stones from the towers of this hellish world, the majority were transcendent, however this was a sigil stone crafted by Peryite and given to Dagon as a gift. As Kalarn walked through the vast citadel, he finally stumbled upon his quarters oncemore.

"Ald'Ruhn, my sister died here, a Redoran Councilman, I will do the deed, give her a warrior's death," Kalarn thought. He noticed a warm, wet, tear creeping down his face, luckily he had his helmet on so no one noticed. He gripped his blade tightly and planned for battle, only a few hours remained before it would happen. He barked so loud the entire citadel could hear, "Everyone outside, I am going to give a briefing."

The dremora rushed down, like nix-hounds to a dead pilgrim. Followed by the Xiviali, then the clannfear rushed down and they all were outside. Kalarn pushed open the gates and walked out, the dremora stood in a perfect square, the clannfear were scattered, and the xiviali were as scattered as the reptillian daedra. Kalarn shouted, "In a few hours, we will invade Ald'Ruhn, the home of House Redoran. I will lead the assault, we will burn down the buildings, we will butcher the leaders, and slaughter every mortal there."

The daedra cheered, it was ear-shattering how loud they were. "There is a battle-mage I will take care of, Nekomi Broodikus, she is mine, as she is a powerful mage and excellent swordsman. The clannfear will kill the civillians, the xiviali will take care of the other leaders, and the dremora shall slaughter the guards," Kalarn continued. Once again the daedra cheered. The battle would start soon, and it would be over within hours.

Kalarn commanded, "As you were."

The Valkynaz had guilt in his mind, taunting him. He'd killed these scum whenever he saw them, now he was helping them get to victory. What if he was wrong about his theory, and he had really gone back in time? Oh well, he had to keep going, whether he liked it or not, Nekomi and the rest of Ald'Ruhn would fall on this day.

I definitely like it, I just read through the whole thing in the last 10 minutes!
Looking forward to more.

To be honest, as the author, I feel sympathetic for Kalarn. He's going through hell and back (reliving times in the war, something that a lot of veterans today do and wake up screaming). Leading the enemy faction to victory (tell me thats not horrible). Now he's going to have to kill his own sister, poor guy...

You get better with each chapter! This is great Zalphon!

Halfway I thought it was slightly chaotic but slowly it's all starting to make sense. I like it Zalphon!

Visions of the Past: Ald'Ruhn Part II

"It is time to invade Ald'Ruhn, may the nine have mercy on my soul," Kalarn thought. He exitted his large room and noticed the churl was gone, probably ready to invade at Kalarn's order. The dark citadel had a depressing aura to it, but he walked down the shadowy halls, they felt like the halls of the imperial prison, but yet they were daedric in nature. Kalarn felt a tear drip in his eye socket, but he had his helmet on and was relieved by its cool feel. He navigated the giant keep until he found the exit. He pushed open the giant double doors.

The Valkynaz Commanded, "Today the battle of Ald'Ruhn begins, we will burn their city to the ground, leaving no survivors." The daedra cheered, and Kalarn felt ice go down his spine, an evil, feeling, his conscience was sending him, but he ignored it.

He continued, "The clannfear will be anti-civillian, the xiviali will take out leaders, and the dremora shall slaughter the guards, do I make myself clear?"

An army of deep, "Yes Valkynaz" was heard, Kalarn sighed and marched to the front of them. "This day will end in ruin, in havoc, in bloodshed, however the daedric army shall feel pain as well." They marched through the portal and saw the city of Ald'Ruhn. They continued walking and when the first Redoran guard saw them, the battle had begun. Redoran guards rushed out of the manor district, like slaughterfish to a weak swimmer. Hordes of them exitted with their silver swords drawn and their bone armor on.

Kalarn barked, "End their miserable lives, Dremora!"

The dremora drew their daedric weapons, and it cleaved through the bone armor with ease. The clannfear decimated the civillian life, the screams of men, women, and children were heard as blood sprayed everywhere. The limbs of the guards flew through the air. Kalarn gripped his sword and impaled a guard. He continued his slaughter, beheading, impaling, slicing, dicing, destroying all that wasn't of daedric origin. The city was in flame, even the manor district, the shells were engulfed in red flame.

Kalarn walked in the manor district, and saw hundreds of corpses, guards, civillians, redoran, and in the middle stood Nekomi, her ash-gray skin, her piercing red eyes. Her ebony armor shined along with her ebony sword. She barked, "Prepare to die, Daedra." Her long hair fell to her shoulder blades, it was white and straight. She was ready to kill him, but he would kill her...

Each chapter gets better!

I'm still reading, it looks pretty intresting, but that isn't really that much of an Oxymoron as originally a Lich could be neutral or evil... Also, if he's an elf in any way, shape or form, he could be the baelnorn of Tamriel!


EDIT: Sounds pretty freaky with what's going on, but neat at the same time!

Visions of the Past: Ald'Ruhn Part III

Nekomi muttered under her breath and a bolt of flame was thrown at Kalarn. The heat was like that of a thousand suns. He charged with a warcry, "For Dagon!" Their blades clashed, emitting ear-shattering screams. In the ancient emperor crab shell the screech echoed. Kalarn noticed both dremora and redoran spectators.

She barked, "Kill them, all of them."

He commanded, "Butcher them all."

Kalarn thought, "I hope this finishes soon."

Suddenly Nekomi's blade cut past the weak spot in his armor and cleaved his flesh. Blood steadily streamed out, and he felt intense agony. He went into a bezerker rage and continued his onslaught. The battle lasted for several minutes, then she commanded, "Flee Redoran!"

While she looked at them Kalarn impaled her at the chest. The dremora were chasing the redoran who were fleeing the manor district. Kalarn heard her banshee scream, it was louder than anything he'd ever imagined. Dust came falling from above, and he noticed the crab shell was shattering. The life has left his sister. He pulled off his helmet and gently kissed her lips, and then ran out.

He gripped his blade tightly and started slicing down the Redoran soldiers. Their blood stained the ash-like sands, as their bodies littered it. His blade cleaved through their armor and sunk deep into their flesh, they were falling like cliffracers. Kalarn felt the burning heat of a tear on his eye and looked around. The life was extinguished, all except that of the daedra.

The loud collapsing of the manor district could be heard for miles. Now he was in the citadel once again. This time it would be the Battle of Bruma he predicted, then the final battle, the Battle for the Imperial City. Dagon said to Kalarn personally, "This is the Battle of Bruma, Valkynaz, you must guard the great sigil stone, if that fool should succeed then our assault may be for nothing."

Kalarn nodded as he thought, "This is a battle I must lose."

Sorry it took so long Zalphon. You have some great descriptions in this chapter, I was really struck by several lines in the chapter for the quality of the detail in the descriptions, your wording. Awesome job Zalphon!

Visions of the Past: Battle of Bruma

"The Battle of Bruma, I watched Jauffre die, I saw Baurus get torn apart. This will be the most gruesome battle yet, but luckily only one more remains after it," Kalarn thought. He removed his helmet, for some reason to his own eyes he looked dunmeri, not daedric. Kalarn removed all his armor, and felt a gentle breeze flood his body, the sweat that covered his body was getting cold, compared to how hot it was. He pulled off the ceremonial armor off the rack, it was the same as normal daedric, but it had a banner with "Dagon's Chosen" written in daedric on it.

Kalarn heard Dagon's loud shout, "On this day, a valkynaz has proven himself, he shall be the leader of all my forces. On this day he shall be made the first and only, Grand Valkynaz, he shall lead our people to victory, and then we shall conquer Tamriel, and rule it with an iron fist."

"Valkynaz Kalarn, present yourself," Dagon finished.

The searing heat mixed with the weight of the armor slowed Kalarn down, but he continued walking. Finally he reached the double doors and shoved them open. Rows of daedra stood, making a path, the dremora shoved their swords into the ground as Kalarn walked by, the clannfear hissed in joy, the xiviali shouted warcries of cheer. Dagon's red skin was intimidating, his four arms were also fear-inspiring. Kalarn walked forward and kneeled on one knee. Dagon touched his shoulder with his razor. He was the Grand Valkynaz now, but all would change after the Battle of Bruma.

"Death will come to me on this day, either death or torture," Kalarn nervously thought.

Dagon commanded, "Enter the gates, and wreak havoc. Kalarn guard the grand sigil stone."

Kalarn nodded and walked up the stairs. He then walked up the fleshy ramp, and stood guard at the stone. Time passed, but it felt like hours. The minutes slowly passed, but it was like an eternity. He stared at the grand sigil stone, it was huge. "I hope this battle starts soon, I am getting nervous," the Grand Valkynaz thought.

The scream of an ebony blade piercing daedric was heard below. As were the screeches of agony from the clannfear. The scent of freshly spilt blood filled Kalarn's nostrils, he hated the smell, but knew the champion was almost here. The stomp of ebony armor on the fleshy ramp came from below. The hero marched up, he wore a suit of ebony armor, along with an ebony closed helm. In one hand he held Umbra, in the other he held an ebony tower shield.

The Champion hissed, "Ready to die, dremora scum?"

Kalarn let out a deep, annoyed, sigh and pulled out his blade. He responded, "Death is only a minor setback for my kind, hero."

The Champion muttered under his breath and a bolt of lightning emitted from his fingertips and burned into Kalarn's flesh. Kalarn slashed at the Champion and hit the armor, but his blade didn't cut through. The champion took this time to stab into Kalarn's side, blood gushed out rapidly, and the Grand Valkynaz fell to the ground. Right before it all faded to blackness he noticed the Champion grab the sigil stone. A faint smile was showing under his helmet, but then the loss of blood took over.

Dagon's voice awoke him, "You failed me, Grand Valkynaz, are you ready for the punishment?"

Kalarn tried to get free, but he was chained to a cold, stone, table, his skin was completely bare. Kalarn nodded. Dagon said, "Show him what happens when my men fail me, Torturer."

A black cloth was tied around Kalarn's eyes. A blade started to cut into the flesh of Kalarn. The torturer twisted it, and Kalarn screamed in anguish. The man with the blade wadded up a ball of blood-stained cloth and shoved it in the Grand Valkynaz's mouth. The pain was mind-blowing, but Kalarn withstood it. He felt his bones crack, his flesh get carved, his skin be cut, but then the Dagon's voice said, "Uncover his eyes and mouth."

The torturer did as commanded, and removed the dripping rag from Kalarn's mouth, and the cloth from his eyes. Dagon commanded, "Heal his wounds so that he can fight, but make sure the pain is still there." The torturer was a dremora, he was dressed in daedric armor, and cast a spell to mend the wounds.

Dagon continued, "Grand Valkynaz, do not fail me again, our next battle will be our final one, they've got the amulet, but now we will destroy them at the Imperial City, you have six hours to prepare."

Kalarn thought, "Six hours, that should be enough time to prepare, then I will perform my final battle."

Wow, this is a long battle!

Zalphon, just popped in to see how you are coming along. Mucho progress! Your newest chapter show an absence of the grammar/typo challenges of the past. Nice story.

May I suggest a couple things to consider, using examples from your latest story:

"Time passed, but it felt like hours. The minutes slowly passed, but it was like an eternity." Consider what you are trying to say, say it once well and move on. This is redundant.


"A black cloth was tied around Kalarn's eyes. A blade started to cut into the flesh of Kalarn. The torturer twisted it, and Kalarn screamed in anguish. The man with the blade wadded up a ball of blood-stained cloth and shoved it in the Grand Valkynaz's mouth. The pain was mind-blowing, but Kalarn withstood it."

As a first person writer, I have to watch for excessive use of 'I'. As a third person writer with a main character, you should watch for overuse of 'Kalarn'. Find contextual and other ways to control how much you use it.

Wonderful progress. In fact, just plain nice work!

Guys, there won't be much more story time about him being the Grand Valkynaz we all know and love, for something will happen.

Kalarn or Kalara

Kalarn shouted to his army, "Today we destroy the Imperial City!"

The army cheered, joy filled their hearts.

He added, "Now march to the gate."

The heat was searingly hot, but thankfully it was his last battle. They marched through the scorched Dead Lands. Kalarn smiled as he marched. The daedra had a strong morale, but it would be crushed. Kalarn entered the portal.

He awoke with a fright, he was in the palace. In a private quarter, and he got out of bed. His hair was down to his shoulder blades and he wondered how long he'd been asleep. As he walked the cold, breeze, whisked past him, and he thought, "It is really cold today." The dunmer walked over to a mirror and saw something, something insane. His skin was gold, his hair was long and golden. His eyes were yellow with black slits. He looked down and saw he was no longer a "he," but a "she."

Kalarn thought with rage, "What in Oblivion has Sheogorath done to me, I am a golden saint."

A golden saint at the doorway smiled, she said, "The name's Malx, I am the leader of Sheogorath's guard. You're Kalarn, Sheogorath told me about you."

The newly transformed golden saint had a frown. She let out a deep sigh, "My name is Kalarn, well you may as well call me Kalara until I get my body back."

The golden saint chuckled, that was rare. She had a girlish grin on her face. The cold was still freezing Kalara's bare body. Malx suggested, "Get some armor, Kalara?"

Kalara nodded and walked over a closet. A golden scale-mail skirt, a golden cuirass, some golden pauldrons, golden gauntlets, and golden thigh-high boots were in there as well as a golden longsword. As Kalara looked closer on the cuiras she noticed it had "Kalara" engraved on it. She adorned the armor and sighed; it was still cold, but at least she was decent.

The new saint started marching to Sheogorath. Luckily, after several minutes she found him. He had a mischevious grin on his face, and his famous purple shirt and brown pants outfit. He smiled and asked, "Whats wrong, Kalara?"

Kalara shrieked, her voice was high, "Whats wrong is I am in this body. Put me in my old one, if you won't do it for free, what must I do?"

Sheogorath chuckled, "Find the Duke of Dementia, Raminus."

Kalara walked out and started walking towards Dementia, knowing that he could be anywhere."

Special thanks to mALX for letting me use his name/character. Also this is not me being a sixist pig, this is Sheogorath's madness dragging its nails into Kalarn/a. Sorry for so much dialogue, this is a really important chapter.

Her name, that is - I love it Zalphon! That was an Awesome twist!

Well. This certainly breaks things up and adds an interesting twist. Your writing is still doing well.

A couple things in this section:

"Kalara nodded and walked over a closet. A golden scale-mail skirt, a golden cuirass, some golden pauldrons, golden gauntlets, and golden thigh-high boots were in there as well as a golden longsword. As Kalara looked closer on the cuiras she noticed it had "Kalara" engraved on it. She adorned the armor and sighed; it was still cold, but at least she was decent."
'over to a closet' / She adorned the armor is not right. I suppose you could say the armor adorned her... but what I think you want is simply that she 'donned' the armor.

Edit for below: You're welcome Zalphon!

Thanks Acadian

I like your TES writing much better than your Fallout writing.

Me too, Stream, me too...

Playing for the Saints

Kalara walked up to one of the residents of Crucible. He was an orc, a very tall one and he wore tan pants, leather boots and a leather shirt. She asked him confidently, "You know where the duke is?"

The orc responded, "No, and why should I?"

Kalara sighed and walked past the orc. Ever since she'd left the Dead Lands everything felt so much cooler, either that or the fact that golden saints didn't wear anything under their skirts. She thought with anxiety, "What if I never find him, I'll be stuck in this body forever." Kalara frowned and sat down.

"You'll do fine, Kalara," she heard a vague voice whisper, it was Caius'. Kalara faintly smiled as she walked through the filthy streets of Crucible District. The residents wreaked of blood, the streets were filled with rats, beggars, and poverty. Screams were heard all over and abuse could be seen from all over. The golden saint walked up to an argonian begging for food.

She asked, "Do you know where the duke is?"

He responded, "Well, on Muddas he was at Pyrondea, on Vaerdas he was in Akavir, and tomorrow he was at Cyrodiil."

Kalara reached into a bag tied around her waist and pulled out three septims and handed them to the argonian. He spoke, "The tip of the Madgod's Boot in Dementia."

She started to walk away, a tear ran down her face, because she felt so bad for all these paupers, all these beggars, all of them in general. Kalara was nervous as she walked down the streets of Crucible, it was getting late, and in Dark Seducer territory according to the Champion's Books on the Shivering Isles, they'd abduct Golden Saints and beat them. Kalara started to run and finally reached the giant gates. She shoved them open and walked out.

Kalara walked on the dirt road and walked until the stars in the sky made strange constellations of Sheogorath, of grummites, of elysea. She walked over to a tree and took off her armor and pulled a blanket out and covered up in it. She had long dreams that night, of her past as Kalarn, of Raminus, of life itself...

She awoke and put on her armor, but was quickly ambushed by necromancers who commanded, "Follow us to the Duke's Lair."

Kalara obediently followed...

Zalphon, this ROCKS! You are doing great with this new twist! Awesome job!

So far, who does everyone like better Kalarn or his female counterpart Kalara, I know Kalarn has had more "spotlight," but I will give Kalara some too.

The main differences are the personality (pheromones), Kalarn seems to be the fearless leader, while Kalara is nervous and tries to find a peaceful a solution.

Who do you guys, my readers prefer?

edit: At first Kalara was basically Kalarn in a different body, but with each passing chapter she gets slightly more "feminine."

I think you should have Sheogorath playing with his staff and making them go back and forth - at times when they don't know it will happen. Like Kalarna is out on a date and suddenly she is a man, etc.