lol you seem some what desperate? What about someone who was in the armory at the time? hmmm I will have more of a think and get back to you.

Chapter 2

Theo died a hero's death, although no one would ever recognise him for it, because there were so few people remaining. The Brotherhood of Steel soon found out what happened from an Initiate that was luckily in the Armory in the deepest part of the Citadel when the orbital strike hit. Soon the whole Brotherhood knew who to thank for the destruction of their home. They sent messages across to everyone of the Lone Wanderer's armor and soon he was posed to be shot on sight.

We now move on from the poor Knight Theo, to a simple Wastelander by the name of James, as he had the name of John's father he was spared in the great massacre of a small settlement. Very few people ever heard about this, but somehow, James heard about what John did, he felt it his duty to inform the people's of the Wastes to rid the Wastes of this scum.

As James made his way across the ruined bridge he saw a simple landmine just sitting there, he walked up to it and quickly pressed the button in the middle, the explosive device stopped beeping. He quickly noticed that the whole bridge was dotted with the mines and he groaned, within five minutes he'd made it to the other side without a scratch, he took a breath and continued on his way. He was hoping to reach the settlement of Megaton before John could, for if he got there too late...

James kept up his breakneck pace, he didn't stop to eat or drink, he didn't plan on doing that either, he just kept moving because he knew that John would make sure he brainwashed a settlement to his side soon. Megaton happened to be one of the closest Settlements to the Citadel. James took another breath and winced, he wished that life had just been easier for him, at least had it so that he didn't have to fight for every moment of his life. He quickly pulled out a bottle of Vodka and took a swig.

He continued on his path, when all of a sudden he noticed something he'd been dreading. The Enclave. They'd set up a small outpost on the road, with a blockade and a turret, just sitting there waiting for someone to walk in and die. James took a breath and looked at the small compliment of guards, when all of a sudden he noticed a movement in the side of his view. He moved to look at what it was when he suddenly realised who it was, wearing the armor as dark as the mans heart.

John.

James watched him lift his rifle and take a shot, the small burst of energy travelled painstakingly slowly towards the group of soldiers, but it did not miss. It struck one of the men and his helmet came clean off, blood spraying everywhere while half of his head turned into a green goo. The other soldiers quickly knew what was happening and lifted their own weapons, James quickly ran off in the direction of Megaton, away from the fight. He was not in the mood to die in case John saw him.

He soon made it to the gate of Megaton, standing out the front was the Robot Deputy Weld, James waved at it and it said one of it's programmed responses. James chuckled and walked in through the gates, waving at the sniper on top of the scaffolding. He moved quickly and found Lucas Simms eating at the Brass Lantern, James ran up to him and quickly stammered out, "John, the Lone Wanderer, he's destroyed the Citadel..." James didn't have to say anymore as Simms rose.

Within 20 minutes everyone was awake and holding guns, they were right on the inside of the gates, waiting for John to enter, when James realised something. Two months ago when John had first entered the town, he'd heard of something, something that could've saved the town. He'd been told that the bomb was still alive, he got offered to disarm it, he sure went down and fiddled with it after entering Moriarty's Saloon, but he never said he disarmed it. This worried James at the wrong time, he soon shook his head and once again put his attention on the gate.

That was such a good chapter! can't wait to read the whole story!

Thumbs up!!!

Continue your good work

Is anyone else seeing half of Francis' avy grayed out? Is it something wrong with my interwebz or did you do that on purpose Francis?

Also the chapter was good, but not as good as your previous ones imo.

Your writers block is showing

That's what I get for listening to Topless over and over again... (By Breaking Benjiman, time for So Cold!) Yeah, thanks, I know I only had one burst of inspiration, the next bit could be interesting... Oh so you all know, every chapter is a new person's point of view, each Chapter could have up to five parts, but only five at MAX. I'm limiting myself to that... I'm sure some of you might've guessed what's going to happen aye? Oh and M'heree, what's this with stuff getting grayed out?

Good job! One thing is that you said John instead of James.
"John kept up his breakneck pace, he didn't stop to eat or drink, he didn't plan on doing that either, he just kept moving because he knew that John would make sure he brainwashed a settlement to his side soon."
Just thought i'd let you know

Thank you sire! That's what I get for having them both have J at the start of their names...

http://i338.photobucket.com/albums/n407/H3Crimson/screen-capture-1.png

It's just you

The story is good so far.

If you run out of ideas you could bring Theo back saying he almost died but everybody thought he had actually died. Maybe someone at the Citadel who's working with John saw that Theo wasn't dead so he told everybody he was?

Just some ideas, it's your story, keep up the good work.

Thank you for your ideas and support, I appreciate it, I'll see what I can do, all I can tell you is that destruction is John's main goal.

Before I continue writing anymore I'd like some more comments on my current work and also whether I should actually continue. I can never fit in very long chapters so... It's your choice, I'll be writing tomorrow if you want me to.

Comment[censored]! lol Just kidding. I think that last chapter just wasn't your best work yet, so most people aren't commenting. Like the fact that he has rigged the Megaton bomb was obvious in a painful way, and the chapter kind of felt rushed. If you were rushing a bit to get to Megaton, I completely understand, as I do the same thing. Rushing to get to the cool parts is one of my biggest problems as a writer, in my opinion.

I still think your a great writer and this is a great story, I'm just trying to give constructive criticism.

Thanks M'heree, I know what you mean, although did I say he rigged the bomb? No, I didn't, you did, who says he rigged the bomb? I sure as hell didn't, I think you'll be surprised... Or maybe not, we'll see, also, yeah I was rushing. That's what I get for working on an Auto-Biography from Stephen Sondheim's point of view and this..

It seems like he rigged the bomb I mean. Why else would it be mentioned about how the Wanderer did something to it. I bet you are trying to come up with something different right now

As for a suggestion. Just take it slow, don't rush from point to point. One of the best things in Fallout is traveling through the wastelands and taking in the surroundings. Descriptiveness is a necessity. And maybe a bit more background on James and some looks at his motives. Stuff like that. But I understand you have other stuff going on too, so you may not be able to go in depth. Up to you how much effort you want to put into this.

Mmmm, I understand and I apologise for my lack of detail. I've tried but.. With all this work I have to keep doing, just to keep up with everyone else in my Grade, just because I have to take care of my Family most of the time... Oh, sorry, didn't mean to say that, well obviously in some way I did, gah I'm stupid... Anyway, I'll try posting something up tomorrow, if you want to put any comment or ANYTHING, do it, please, my FanFic looks lonely, but then again, who cares?

Ah your Fan Fic is not lonely its reached 3 pages! lol As M'Heree was saying don't rush your story take days or even like a week if you have to. Its a good story but don't feel as if you have to rush it. Your a great writer. :tops:

Thanks for the support, I'll probably post something later.

*Sigh* I'm tired, I'll see if I can post something tomorrow but don't completely expect something. Saying goodbye to my mate, I won't see him again after Friday, so I gotta spend some time with him ya know?

Making a post tomorrow, probably, as I'm with my mate at the moment. Hope you all have good nights!

Chapter 2 Part 2

James looked around at everyone else in the group and he shuddered, what chance did they have against John? James panicked and ran for the gates of Megaton, they let him leave, he didn't stop running. As soon as he'd left the town he moved South, around the town, towards the Wasteland of the Wasteland. Their were almost no settlements down here and if there were, they were very small. He didn't stop, didn't rest, but most of all, he didn't die.

After running for 2 hours he stopped and started panting, he sat down and didn't get back up again. He looked up and on the horizon, he saw a giant gleaming tower. He started then searched through his pack, he found an old pair of binoculars and he quickly took a scrutinized view of this magnificent building, there were walls all around it and even a kind of balcony on the top... That's when James saw who was right on the top of tower.

There stood John, he had a man's body in his hand, he dropped it over the edge and James saw the body toss and turn as it fell to the ground. Another man, who was wearing a business suit, nodded and his mouth started moving, John grinned and James gasped. Whenver he grinned, something bad would happen, James remembered that day when John had entered his small town...

James looked up from his home towards the newcomer, a man, in simple Leather Armor, was standing at the gates with a wonderful expression on his face. This was the most secure settlement and they only allowed people who were good, obviously if they let this man in, he'd be good, right? James wondered how he could be oh so very wrong. As soon as the man walked through the gates he grinned, James would never forget that grin.

John pulled out a rifle off of his back, a laser rifle by the looks of it and he turned around, he shot the gatekeeper and his head went flying off, he then turned and shot James' wife, she died instantly. James didn't move a muscle as John continued to kill everyone that moved or even thought of it, when John was done with everyone else, he walked up to James, he spoke in a light whisper, "Who are you, why are you here and why shouldn't I kill you?"

James just held a stunned look on his face, then he shook his head, "My name is James, I'm here because I thought I was safe here and you can kill me if you want, you killed the one I held to my heart," he spoke quietly. John didn't kill him that day, he left him to mourn over his friends and his wife...

James then looked at the man who'd taken everything dear to him and he watched him flip open a case, he put his hand inside and moved it suddenly. James looked behind him towards Megaton and he saw a great, piercing, blinding white light. A shockwave hit him and he went flying back 20 metres, he collided with a rock and his whole world went black.

That was awesome. Theres one thing, you keep spelling "Meters" as "Metres". everything else is pretty much flawless.

Thanks for the feedback and *Cough*, metres is the correct way to spell it in Australia. Your from America, correct? Well, we spell metres differently over here. Just so you know, any other feeback is appreciated.

Any other feedback guys?

B-B-B-BUMP-I would love some feedback!