Do you have crappy vision and can't get glasses in our post-apocalyptic wasteland? Are you crippled or otherwise incapacitated and can't afford expensive surgery in the Commonwealth? Were you born with a pesky birth defect that hampers your quality of life? Well, suffer no more! Get dipped today for a better future!

Our full program for the beginner includes:
- A comprehensive class on Zen Buddhism.
- Extensive training in meditation.
- A stay in our luxurious resort! (luxury is subject to change depending upon local conditions)
- One absolutely free Vat dipping, complete with Morphine injections to take the pain away!

Disclaimer: We are not held responsible for clients losing their minds. A risk waiver must be signed upon enrollment to the program. Those who lose their minds are subject to sacrifice for use as food.

Sign Up Today!

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That's the gist of it, anyway. You've got crapply health issues, then you're in! Tell us why you want to join and what you hope to get out of it. Also, those who have gone through the process are encouraged to tell their stories, give new members advice, or talk about their own experiences after the change!

(Note: This is just for fun and isn't really meant as an RP. It's more to try and give perspective of what it'd be like to play on the other side.)

Sig text:

[url="http://tinyurl.com/yjmae7p"]I support the acquisition, redistribution, and utilization of [color="#00FF00"][b]Green Stuff™[/b][/color].[/url]

FAQ

1. Where did your F.E.V. come from?
- Ours is a very special, previously unheard of version of the east coast F.E.V. You have a much higher chance of coming out with your brains intact. You'll still end up ugly, though. That's the nature of the thing.

2. What if I change my mind?
- All dippings are final. Once dipped, the process cannot be undone. You must sign a waiver beforehand stating that you are aware of this.

3. How much does this cost?
- It is absolutely free to those with handicaps or conditions, either genetic, situational, or physical. We frown upon healthy members of society using our services. If you are a healthy individual, then compensation must be made.

4. How strong will I be when I get out?
- There's many factors that lend themselves to this, but it's very difficult to predict how you will turn out. You may come out as a regular, average sized Meta-Human, or you may come out as a powerful Overlord type. Weapons and armor are available for distribution for all types. We're not going to send you out there naked!

5. If it doesn't work and I lose my mind, what will happen to me?
- It is an unfortunate possibility, though should be reduced with training and painkillers. If you still come out as a regular super mutant, you may or may not be sacrificed to feed our other clients. If you're a decently useful mutant, you may be put on guard duty or get to work in the vats dipping people. They seem to like doing that and it lets Larry do other things.

Hi. I'm Ghouls. *hi ghouls!*

I want to be dipped in FEV to turn into a big strong Meta-Human. I've been blind as a bat since I was a little kid. My legs don't work anymore. I used to have strong, shapely, sixy legs but now they just kinda hang there mostly uselessly. Dip me in a Vat and watch how fast I run around the wasteland. Not even a Vertibird will be able to stop me. I've already lost my mind so hand over that waiver!

*scribbles signature illegibly*

Ok, where are the hot guys who will be dipping me? I want my (free) caps worth.

Ahh, yeah,, about that *sheepish look* *scratches the back of her head* We've only got one uhh.. 'hot guy' working at the moment. Behemoth Larry is still a little upset over someone stealing his teddy bear, but he's enjoying dunking people in the vats, so I think it's cheering him up!

Hmmm... will he mind if I nicely ask him to shave his back? I'll bribe him with a substitute teddy bear.

Hello, I'm Kikaimegami!

My desire for being dipped is to get back my right eye (and have it work!), to fix all the problems with my left eye, and most importantly, so I can get some muscle on my skinny ass.

No thanks, Larry, I've got this myself.. CANNON BALL *splash*

*climbs back out a few seconds later* Oh god it's like jumping into a barrel of snot :yuck: *staggers off to the recovery rooms* If I'm not back in a day, wait another day. *hurk* Uhoh *runs*

That's okay.. he doesn't even have any hair, though he might give you special treatment if you get him a new teddy bear. Granted, I have no idea what that special treatment might be.

oo: *lays new teddy at Larry's feet and wheels away...quickly*

Aww I think he just wanted to give you a hug. Though, you might want to go in the vat before he does, god knows how bone-crushing his hugs are.

Meanwhile, it smells funky back here in the recovery area. Did someone die back here? Phew *holds nose*

*sizes up vat*

Well, here goes nothing... *holds nose, tumbles into vat* Ugh! It's like swimming in applesauce. Cold, stinky applesauce. Larry! No! Wait until I'm finished...

KERSPLOOSH! Hurr, hurr, hurr! Larry like teddy.

I want my (free) caps back.

Overlord Kikai's Journal, Day 1
Time: Noonish
Location: Unknown

I saw my first human today! I went to say 'hello', but he shot at me! I had to shoot back, I mean, what choice did I have? The human tried to shoot my gun out of my hands, though! I like my gun! It goes pew pew. That made me kinda mad, but before I could let my displeasure be known, a big, white scorpion attacked him. I decided to watch and see who won, but it was a pretty one-sided fight. That human never stood a chance. I asked the white scorpion if he'd share his meal with me, but he tried to sting me! How rude! I finally just left. That wastelander looked pretty skinny anyway; the meat's probably stringy.

I think I'll head north. I heard about there being some old police station being used as a base. Maybe I can get food there. I'm really hungry.

Sorry man, you already got dipped, too late now! Just head on back and find a nice, dark room to scream in pain in. It'll be over before you know it!

iam a healthy bastard and im going to take all your green stuff!!!!

Nooooo! *hefts her Tri-Beam and charges you*

OKAY OKAY!!! .. i will only take some of the green stuff, ouch

Well.. all right. You can have enough for yourself. You have to do something to repay me, though, since it's not free for you healthy jerk! I'll think of something, after we see what you come out as, of course. If you come out of there as a centaur, then I've got no use for you.

Is asthma a good enough of a health problem, along with being only 5' 1'' while being a 15 year old male?(I must grow taller)

Of course! I mean, the dusty wasteland can't be any good for you. I suggest eating something (or someone) after you get dipped though, because you've got a lot to grow!

Yes! Sign the waiver and make your way to the vat. Larry's busy with his new teddy so he won't bother you.

Just a few questions: Is this for west coast or east coast supermutants? Will it ruin my great singing voice?

We've got a vat of the good stuff, so you shouldn't come out too stupid. You might have to start singing bass though. Just make sure to remember your meditation techniques and for the love of Atom, take your morphine!

EDIT: Perhaps I should add a FAQ!

*Meta-Human Ghouls raises shiny new Super Sledge over her head*

Get in the vat, Seti. Just get in the vat. All will be healed. You may even be one of the lucky ones who morphs into a Gargantuan.

Edit @ Kikai: Yeah, I think we're going to need a FAQ...

FAQ started!

On to my CW adventures!

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Overlord Kikai's Journal, Day 1, supplimental
Time: Mid-afternoon
Location: Running for dear life past Big Town

These crazy humans are chasing me! Someone must've taught them a thing or two about actually using their guns because last I heard they couldn't defend themselves from a molerat, let alone a super mutant. A couple of them got a few lucky shots in, the buggers! Now I have to pick all these bullets out.

Don't stand there too long; someone is liable to walk past and give you a shove in.

EDIT: Don't worry so much! Centaurs only happen if you soak too long. Just hop in, climb right back out, and you'll be good.

EDIT: The rest of you, when you get out, should start journals on your adventures through the wasteland! I'm sure our combined experiences will help the humans reading this to better understand things from the other side! Also, we'd really like to know if you find out anything dangerous. I'll be at Germantown pretty soon so I can give an update on local conditions.