This is the story of a vault dweller who chose a path no one in the wasteland would choose....good. A specialist of energy weapons (hence his name), with his signature plasma rifle acquired from the head security guard of Rivet City, he has bestowed upon the sword of justice in a hell. He is the one who will save the world. His name, Dominic. NINE YEARS AGO A flashing light was present. He could barely see what his happening. And than a loud voice that screamed....... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! He saw all his friends (and Butch) with their best face. It was a party. Happy Birthday son, his dad said. The anticipation was endless. Wow dad, thanks a bunch! Before his dad said anything, the vault overseer approached Dominic, still scratching his eyes. Him and the overseer were not in, how do we say, good terms. Well son, i do not need to say how special this day is, no? he said in a grim voice. As of vault 101 tradition, when your ten, you are ready for your first work assignment. So to help you, here is your very own PIP Boy 3000. A tight grip than reached Dominic's hand. The PIP Boy was locked firmly in his wrist.

is this just a consultation or a misunderstanding of what length an OP should be? try and aim for an opening post of about ten four line paragraphs to set the scene, I would edit this because there will b a lot of people who will react more harshly than I have.

sorry, im a noob to fan fics

no worries dude, there's only one way to get good and that's practice.

Well, one thing for sure, that PIP Boy was one high tech toy. He could view how damaged his limbs are, the items he was carrying, his talents, etc. His friend Amata then approached him. Amata was the only true friend of Dominic. Kristine Kendall called him a barf head, Wally Mack called him an [censored], and Butch has a name and, well, lets just say that he has a "special" name for him. Congratulations Dominic, 10 already!! Heh, cool right. Dominic said in a croaked voice. Well, guess what i gave you? she said. Um, i don't know, what? Amata reached out her hands and gave him a comic, Grognak the Barbarian. He was not really a big fan, but Amata was so excited about the present, so he acted normal. The rest was formal. Old Lady Palmer gave him a sweet roll, which he ate immediately. Stanley told him that he adjusted the PIP boy for him. And aunt Beatrice gave him a poem. Stuff like that. And then Butch came in front of him with a frightening stature (for him at least). He told him to cough up the sweet roll. But he ate it already. So he walked away, for now. And before he could respond, his dad said that a surprise is waiting for him. Life would never be the same.

His dad told him to go to the reactor level. This was little too big for him. He barely leaves his room most of the time. As Dominic climbed down the stairs. Hey! I thought kids were NOT allowed on the reactor level! Well, um, ah. My dad said that i can be here. Sorry. It was Jonas. Relax James junior. You are a LOT like your dad. Always shy and not taking risks. Well i WANT to give you your gift. But someone else wants to give it. Huh? While that was aid, the door slid open. Happy Birthday, again kid. Dad? He said in a croaked voice. Well son, you're growing up. And i can't stop that. But i can support it. We found a broken toy, we fixed it, and here it is. Your very own BB Gun. Dominic stopped breathing for about 5 seconds. He can't believe his dad cared that much. Now he was stunned. Dad, i can't believe this! A Gun! Wow! But we can shoot here? Don't worry, there are targets here were you can shoot all you want. YES! Dominic proved he was an excellent shooter. Both dad and Jonas were surprised. And then, a radroach appeared. Look son, a radroach, think you can take it down with your new toy? Well okay. Without haste, he used the Gun to shoot the roach. But the roach was fast. Hmm, need to cripple the legs huh? Son, there is a device implanted inside of your PIP Boy. The world will seem to pause. And you can target a specific body part. Yeah, but how do i use it, the child said. Just focus on your target. Like what the father said, he focused on the target, selected the legs, and crippled them. with a final shot on the head, His dad was overwhelmed. Impressive son! Lets see butch do THAT! This calls for a family picture, you know to capture the moment. Jonas take a picture of me with the big game hunter. Jonas flashed his camera. SMILE!

SIX YEARS LATER A blinding light overwhelmed Dominic. Well, you are a perfectly healthy 16 year old and you are ready for the GOAT exam. So go out there and take your GOAT. Dad, do i have to? That is what the overseer says. But what do you say? he said. Son, i know you do not think of this as an "ideal" way to live, but it's safe. It's not perfect, but it's home. Your mother and i only want what is best for you. Dad, what about mom? His father froze for 2 seconds. Your mother was a lovely woman. She never gave up on what she believed in, and that was YOUR safety. Do you see that frame, that is your mom's favorite quote from the bible. She always lived by it. But how did she live by it!? What did she do!? If she did live by that quote, PROVE IT!!! Once again, his father froze for 6 seconds. You have an GOAT to take, hurry up or you'll be late. Yeah, i will. So he went. Ever since the radroach deal, he has been, revamped, and braver. He always felt like an outcast. But now, he felt like he never was a vault dweller. As he was walking to his school, he saw Butch and his gang teasing Amata. In a rather brash attempt of bravery, Dominic punched Butch so hard, he fainted. He did easy work of of Paul Hannon and Wally Mack. Pretty soon, they woke up. You prissy snakes would not last a few minutes without saying your gang's name or cowering in front of your mommy, in the case of you're "brave leader". You watch your mouth. Or else you'll get it. Okay, [censored]. Without another word, The Tunnel Snakes walked of to class. You okay, Amata? Thanks a lot. I guess Butch will think now before he messes with us. Amata, this is Butch we are talking about. That guy needs to remove the u and add the i in his name.

Please do not tease me for my noobyness, but i am new, so this is a new work. Just give it a shot.

First thing is first, you need to break it up into paragraphs, I find this very hard to read.

QUOTATION MARKS! I cannot stress that enough. And please split it into paragraphs so its easier on the eyes.