..."By Azura By Azura By Azura it's you! That guy with the giant spider! Standing right next to me! Do you want some pie my mom baked?"...

you take the pie then punche him in the face and run off as fast as you can to try and loose him but he some how....

...sprouts a tutu from his legs, which helps him to fly over towards your pathetic self as you stumble and run as you can. As you bolt, the gods play http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914&feature=g-like&context=G2ac03c8ALT2x3KgASAA, because it's such good chasing music. Up ahead, you see the edge of a cliff, so you do a swan dive and...

Realize that below is...like all this pie...in desperation you cast a spell that eradicates all pies from the world of Nirn and then you land on a world covered in water and singing Hist trees spraying out beads of sap as they rock out to their tree music. The Hist sap gets on you and you start to feel...

...groovy, oh so groovy. You start to dance along to the beat, but, as you do so, the skin off your body starts to sag. It's sags so much that when you dance, your skin jiggles like it's party in the USA. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle... Your sagging skin had morphed together. You are now a stingray with a human head. Good luck with that. Distressed your new stingray self, you decide to be the anti-social kid and walk - or swim, whatever it is that stingrays do - off into some dark corner and weep bitter tears just as...

There's like . . . all these fig newtons. You slowly begin to recall that you eradicated all pie from this world, but now the pastry has returned in a new psychedelic (and extremely logical) form. All the hist sap in the immediate area had formed together to make the Fig Newtons, and now as your gelatinous body trembles in looseness and fear the figs say. . .

(OOC: Is it bad that I didn't know what a Fig Newton was until after a Google search?)

..."There, there, fat woman." The fig extends an arm and pats you on the shoulder -- oh wait, you don't have one -- or, at least that's what the fig thinks it's patting. Then you hear a big 'WHOOMP'. You crane your head just in time to see Fig Newton's hand sink in to your jelly-like body. There's only one thing you can do, and that's...

(Yes. Fig Newtons are muchly delicious and you should be ashamed of yourself.)

... to escape your molester and swim to Pyandonea, where you can apply for a job as living surf board! On your way there, however, you spot some shimmering lights at the bottom of the ocean floor, and upon investigating them, you discover that they are...

...THE LAST OF THE LIKE PIES, LIVING IN HIDING BENEATH THE OCEAN AND AWAITING THE GREAT ERADICATOR OF THEIR PEOPLE TO COME SO THEY MAY DESTOY HIM, SO YOU...

Collect all of your gelatinous mass together for a strong dive into the bottom of the sea! As you delve deeper, you cast your spell from both hands, hoping that it will be strong enough to expel the pie to oblivion. With all your fig-newtony rage, you yell out "EXPECTO-PETROLUUUMM!" underwater, which causes...

... plot holes! Plot holes everywhere!

(LMFAO, I was gonna say something like this lol, all pies had been destroyed there were no hold outs. It was one of the greatest tragedies a hero had committed since the Nerevarine.)
As you do your best to sidestep the plot holes your gelatinous mass sleughs off you into all the plot holes essentially becoming white out to fix the plot holes. Then Jyggalag appears and presets you with the Brilliant Orderer of the Year award otherwise known as the BOOTY award. You look at Jyggy and say....

(OOC: My only valid excuse: I'm Australian, therefore, we have nothing but beer and kangaroos.)

..."DON'T TOUCH ME, FAT WOMAN."

Jyggalag flinches at your womanly outburst, lower lip quivering. Feeling a little bit under pressure, Jyggalag bursts into tears.

“What’s your problem? Why are you so rude? Grow some morals.” You tut-tut.

As the time grew further on, Jyggy still did not recognise why he was in trouble. “WHY IS THE WORLD AGAINST ME? I TRY TO SEE GOLD BUT ALL I SEE IS BLACK!” he wept soberly. Then Jyggy felt the urge to cry. “I AM NOT HUNGRY” he yelled as his mother came in with butterscotch mermaids covered in Sultana Bran for breakfast. He knocked the tray in the air and fled. His mother yelled after him, “THERE, THERE, FAT WOMAN! WHY ARE YOU SO DISRESPECTFUL?”

Then, as ol'Jyggy fled...

...Some pie falls on him. Take that, continuity!...

... He dies. You stare at his beautiful corpse, coated in the even more beautiful and luxurious pie. Oh, wait, no! He's not dead at all. The god stirs, and you can only moan. You could've eaten that pie, dammit. Suddenly, Mr. Afghan from Afghanistan turns up out of he blue ( like Adele did). "Whats the matter?" He asks the Pie-Coated-Sissy.

Jyggalag wails, "MY MOTHER TRIED TO FEED ME!"

"Oh, I see how it is." Then he slapped the nincompoop, hard.

Then you...

Woke up from this disastrous nightmare! You look around you, not noticing how much of what had just went on was real or fake, and as you look you realize...

...you were lying in a cave after exploring with whole time; you find a really good sword laying on the ground so you pick it up and carry on until you walk in to big opening and find that its covered in spider webs. you turn to go back the way you came when a giant spider comes down in front of you. you pull out the sword you found and then...

...you realize the blade is made of cheese...

you think to you self wait wait wait. did i just have a primanition ??? then you....

...drink graqe-flavoured Kool Aid that might as well be laced with cyanide...