((This is my first ever Fallout fan fic, so any bit of constructive criticism would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy EDIT: Sorry, I accidentally pressed Post Topic, I'm still writing! ))

The windswept dust-bowl of the Arcan Savanna was a vast and dangerous place. 30 miles of sand, dirt, rock, and a few sparse patches of dead trees and the skeletons of once living foliage. It was very dry as one could imagine, all over there were large dunes of rock and sand in which many of the denizens made homes on. Water wasn't too hard to find, you just had to dig deep enough, or find one of major sources like the great Ohio river that ran through its center.

On either side of the Arcan Savanna were walls of massive rock mountains. However, they weren't there before the war. This was the site of where one of the largest bombings took place, as well as where some of the largest bombs were dropped by China. The mountains are actually dunes created when the blast pushed massive amounts of rock and sand into piles. Few city ruins remain in the Savanna, two large cities on either side of the northern half are all that remain. In either of these cities are bases of two of the most notorious warring factions, the Enclave and the Brotherhood of Steel.

Both sides fought each other on a daily basis, each bloody conflict would last for days, and either side would lose valuable resources, one of which would be precious water. In a fit of brilliance, the generals of either side built their bases on two of the driest patches in the Arcan Savanna. Thus, they fight over control of the Ohio river constantly. But in the recent years, there is now a new contender, an extremely large army of Raiders called the Blood Seekers.

The Blood Seekers were mostly the typical bunch of Raiders, violent and scary. But they weren't the sadistic freaks known around the Capital Wasteland, they took no mercy and showed no fear, but they weren't total savages, they also showed organization within their ranks as well as a general brotherhood towards each other. They also showed strength in numbers and intelligence more so than most Raider groups. But what was TRULY the unique point about the Blood Seekers, was the way they had perfected breeding within their families.

Yes, breeding. They were able to breed a special group within their ranks called, the Golems. The Golems were massive warriors who sported every great aspect of the Raiders, from physical prowess to mental power. They were the human super-weapon of the post-apocalyptic world. Many were over 6'6" and could bench 300 lbs. They often carried massive weapons into battle and even wore pieces of broken power armor.

The Raider leader, Wulf, was one of the Golems. He was having a child very soon, in just a minute the baby boy was going to come into the savage world. The wind outside of the stone home that was built into the hill ripped around outside and screamed as if banshees awaited the birth. Raiders outside built bonfires and wooped and hollered as they too awaited the announcement of the birth of their future leader.

The screams of the raider queen were heard throughout almost the entire encampment of 500 raiders. Her name was Natasha, a German-born blond-haired beauty, now covered in sweat and laying on a cot, trying to free her new baby from its prison within her. Wulf, the American raider king sat at her side, his brown dreadlocks and thick beard also dripping with sweat from the anticipation.

"Push damnit! Come on and push! HaH! I see the head, here it comes!" shouted the resident doctor, he was in the process of pulling out the baby, and soon, it was in his arms.

"Let me see my child." Ordered Wulf in a strong and commanding voice, the doctor handed the baby, now wrapped in cloth sheets, to its towering father. He held the baby in his hands, his wife now passed out from exhaustion, he walked across the floor covered in plundered rugs, out the doorway. In both hands he held the crying baby boy, and he thrust it into the air above his head, as if presenting a prize to the raider hordes that now cheered and knelt before him.

King Wulf then brought the baby into his cradled arms, and he whispered.

"My prince, my warrior, Goliath."

ummmm......were is the story? My two cents on constructive criticism is write an installment.

Edit: ah, now I see that it's there, yeah yeah yuck it up I'm stupid.

It looks kinda interesting but it didn't really grip me, nothing to important seemed to happen. (unless that kid is the main character).

Didnt you se the text that says he is still righting Robo

My constructive criticism for you, Rob, is to read the whole post

Whew, sorry bout that guys, its up now. I know its a bit drawn out as far as detail and whatnot, but I promise some more exciting stuff will come. Also, I'm quite tired right now.

Nice concept, I like the larger humans, but could you detail more about how they came to be?
is it radiation, experimenting, DNA construction or whatever?

and I didn't follow the first part very well, Is the river running through the crater of the giant nuke? or has the nuke just altered the landscape but didn't leave a crater?

I will reveal how the Golems came to be later in the story, its going to be a surprise :shifty:

Also, the nukes simply altered the landscape, there is no real crater. The blasts basically just pushed up all of the rock and sand into huge dunes around the Savanna.

Well, this actually seems like it'll be pretty good. Good punctuation, good description, and minimal spelling errors. I'll need another chapther before I can properly review it though.

((Well thank you Sannes! I pride myself by thinking I'm a fairly decent writer, however I'm better with Rp's. Never been a Fan fic guy))


Year by year the young raider prince grew, soon it became very clear that he was to be a Golem like his father, a towering warrior who would surely strike fear into the enemies of the Blood Seekers. His mother, Natasha, would teach him the ways of their clan while his father, Wulf, would teach him the ways of the warrior. At the age of 12 he received his first tattoo, that of a tribal wolf with reached all across his back and over his left shoulder. Four years later he became a warrior by joining his father and the rest of the Golems in a battle against a a small 20 man scouting party of Enclave troops.

"Goliath, come here." Wulf whispered to his boy, crouching behind a rock. Goliath peeked over his cover, then ducked and rolled across the gap that sperated him and his father, he got into a crouching position beside him.

"Now, you see down the hill, the men in the Power Armor? They are called Hellfire Soldiers, they carry weapons that spit fire in large bursts of flame. Then there is the one with the Gatling gun, he will prove difficult as he is the most heavily armored. Tell me Goliath, what kind of armor is he wearing?" Wulf was still schooling Goliath on many different subjects about the Wasteland, such as enemy gear.

"Its Tesla Armor, right? Also, because of the coils and the strange lightning that flashes between them." Goliath was observant and was a quick learner as he told the precise name of the armor that the Gunner was wearing.

"Very good. Now, as the others get into position, I will tell you your part. The man in the gray clothes holding the plasma pistol will be your target, he is the officer of the party. Be careful and do NOT get hit, or the plasma will burn through your flesh and you may very well die. Once he is dispatched, make for the others, stay low and get behind them, aim for the gaps in the neck armor with your rifle and sledgehammer. Also, take this knife." Wulf handed Goliath a combat knife, the blade had been filed into a curve and a small animal skull hung from the pommel. The sheath was of leather and bore tribal designs.

Goliath stuck the knife in his belt, then pounded his bare chest with his fist. Wulf put his hand on his sons' shoulder, nodded, and then sneaked off to his position. Goliath had leg armor made of thick leather and metal, both arms were fully decked out in similar armor which was made specially for him in order to fit his 6 foot frame, he pulled on a welders mask and loaded a clip into his Sub-machine gun, adjusted the sledgehammer on his back, and stuck the tribal knife into his belt.

The other Golems were dressed in a similar way, but some had pieces of power armor and wore chest armor. Many carried super sledges and larger, more powerful, weapons. Somewhere on a far hill there was a regular Raider sniper, he wasn't a Golem but he was an honorary member because of his incredible abilities as a marksman.

The waiting lasted for only a few short minutes, then the chanting began. A low and deep dirge was beginning to sound all around the small band of Enclave troops. Then the Golems began to stomp the ground, it seemed as if the Earth was shaking, the 25 Golems were ultimately terrifying the Enclave soldiers, who were supposed to be fearless zealots.

"Death!" Boomed the voice of Wulf, he leaped from his position behind a boulder, landing only a few feet from one of the Hellfire soldiers. He raised his Super Sledge, also adorned with tribal things, and brought it down in a mighty swing, caving in the helmet of the soldier, blood spraying from the newly from cracks in the helmet. The other Golems followed suit. Charging down the hill, they opened fire and fought the soldiers, some in gun duels, others in hand to hand. Within a minute, 4 Enclave lied on the ground, pools of blood flowing in the sand and rock around their mangled and bullet ridden bodies.

Goliath rolled down the hill, looking around for his prey, he spotted the Officer standing on a rock with the big Gunner protecting him. A couple of the Golems charged them, the Gunner let loose a barrage of the deadly bullets that sprayed forth from his multi-barreled gun, cutting down both Golems. Somewhere else in the battle, 2 more Golems were lit on fire by the deadly hellfire soldiers, then cut down with their pistols.

Goliath saw his opening, he drew his knife and sprinted towards the Officer, who was firing his Plasma Pistol into the chest of an oncoming Golem, burning dripping green holes into him. Goliath leaped into air, his bloodlust at its peak, the tribal knife raised in the air, his SMG outstretched firing round after round into the Officer. The knife met its mark into the chest of the Officer, who was brought to the ground with Goliath on his chest, who was stabbing repeatedly.

But the Gunner turned around, he let out a laugh and began spooling his Gatling gun. Just as a round was let out, hitting Goliath in the shoulder, the boom and echo of a sniper rifle sounded in the distance, the head of the Gunner exploded as his helmet was cleaved in half by a .50 caliber round.

Goliath was bleeding from the wound in his shoulder, he clutched it, then got to his feet. The others needed his help, the Golems had the upper hand as the were much faster and had a clearer vision of the battle, the Enclave now numbered at a mere 6 men, who were huddled against the wall of the cliff-side. The battle had taken place in a small crater about 50 feet wide, one part of the crater was backed by a small cliff that was connected to a large rocky outcropping.

The Golems were pummeling the remaining troops as Goliath made one more attempt at blood. He ran, then jumped onto a small ledge and got just above one of the remaining soldiers, he dropped down and brought his hammer on the head of the soldier. It just smashed over his helmet and the soldier let a loud "[censored]!" and fell to the ground, Goliath jumped on the dazed man and ripped off his helmet.

But it wasn't a man, it was a woman, a very beautiful one at that. She had long brown hair that was held in a skullcap which Goliath pulled off. He got up from the unconscious Enclave soldier and stood over her. The others had been killed and Wulf, covered in blood and smiling widely, walked over to Goliath with the remaining 16 Golems.

"Hmm, I see you've found something valuable? Pretty young thing, she looks no more than 19 years old." Wulf said with disgust, "The Enclave are recruiting to young, she had no business being out here. Men! Take off her armor, salvage everything you can from the other bodies, and tie her up. She's coming back with us."

"What! She's an outsider, Wulf. I say we kill the [censored] now!" yelled a Golem named Grist.

"Hold your tongue! I am your king, and you WILL obey me, the girl comes with us. She could provide valuable information on the Enclave, and perhaps the Brotherhood of Steel as well. One more outburst and you join these bastards." Wulf replied, he meant it too, nobody spoke against the King twice and lived.

So, all the armor and weapons they could carry were salvaged, the young girl whose dogtags read 'Grace' was tied up and carried by Wulf, still unconscious. Goliaths' wound was sewn and patched up. He didn't know the feeling he was getting, but for some reason he felt something odd towards the beautiful Soldier who he'd knocked out cold.

Later that night, he was to be christened and was to join the ranks of the Golems, receiving 3 new tattoos. He was also going to learn the secret of how the Golems came to be.

If this is going to be one of those "Romance" fan fics I might stop reading, most of 'em svck. If you can pull it off though, props to you. On the grammer note:

he let out a laugh and began spool his Gatling gun. - *spooling* or *began to spool*

then pounded his bare chest with the fist - *then pounded his bare chest with his fist*, the fist doesn't flow or make sense

he drew his knife a sprinted towards the Officer, who as firing his Plasma Pistol into the chest of an oncoming Golem, burning dripping green holes into him. - he drew his kinfe *as he was* or *and* sprinted towards the Officer, who *was* firing his Plasma Pistol .......

Goliath was bleeding from wound in his shoulder, he clutched it, then got to his feet. - Goliath was bleeding from *the* wound in his shoulder, .....

That is everything I found, It's a good post. I just hope it doesn't end up being a "Romance".

Oh hell no, its definitely not going to be a romance, I really never liked Romance stories. Also, thank you fro pointing those out, my keyboard is acting screwy lately and when I type in a word, sometimes not all of the letters get typed. I'll go and fix those. Thanks again for pointing them out, I'll need to proofread from now on.

All righty, good to know! I was going to say, if you take that good of a setup and start of a story and make a romance I might have to hurt you.

Later that day, just as the sun was beginning to set, massive preparations were being made for the coronation of young Goliath. He was officially being inducted into the ranks of the elite Golems. Bonfires were being lit all over the immense raider settlement, banners of the great Blood Seeker clan were hung to fly in the wind, and great beacons were being set up on the surrounding hills to catch the attention of another nearby clan called Marauders, who were to be asked to join in the revelry.

In the great fortress that housed the royal family, the young Enclave woman named Grace was being held in a small but accommodated cell. She was awake now, but she had been drugged earlier so that she may be more comfortable and docile. In a successful interrogation session earlier that day, after the Golems had returned, Grace revealed a great many details about the Enclave's current strength, as well as future plans.

"My king, the Enclave soldier has told us of something that may be alarming to hear." reported one of Raiders under Wulf's personal command.

"Oh really, and tell me Lieutenant, what did the girl tell you?"

"The Enclave, in 2 weeks time, will be mobilizing a 300 man force of particularly heavy troopers. They also have a 25 strong tank brigade, and a force of 40 heavily armed Verti-Birds. Supposedly, they will sweep across the Savanna in one fell swoop and eradicate all of the 'impure' in their path, then taking the river for themselves and building multiple bases. Once this is finished, they will move East."

The giant King sat back in his throne of steel, he rubbed his chin, as if deep in thought. His brow furrowed, troubles thoughts running through his mind like a stampede.

He then spoke, "What do our forces number at? And what is the current strength of our armory?" Asked Wulf.

"Well, our regular force numbers at 450 strong, the Golems are at 115. The armory is in a state of weakness, the best weapons we have at the moment are Chinese assault rifles, and there aren't nearly enough to arm everyone. Currently most of the men have only SMG's, Sawed-off's, and a few of Assault Rifles and Shotguns. Its not enough to even put a dent in there forces, let alone their armored tanks and air-force. Sir... we'll be annihilated if we don't get some kind of miracle."

"Miracles... when was the last time one of those happened. Heh." Wulf replied to the troubling news, trying not to sound panicked, even though deep inside he truly was afraid. Fear was an emotion that the Golems were bred not to feel or acknowledge. "Well Lieutenant, it seems you and the raiding parties have work to do. Sent out our best war parties, I want every single weapon and valuable piece of armor to be gotten and brought to our armories."

"Yes sir, the men will be dispatched as soon as possible. What of your sons' coronation though?"

"Have the men be present for that at least, I do not want a single one of his future soldiers to miss this day."

"Understood sir, pass my congratulations on to Goliath sir, the coming of age is indeed a great day for all Golems."

With this the Lieutenant knelt before his king and walked out of the room. Wulf got up from his throne and walked along the halls until he came to Goliath's quarters, where his young son was making his own preparations for the coronation. He was being painted head-to-toe by a few beautiful young girls, one of which would be picked by him to be his bride. It was customary for the young Golems to pick a beauty at such a young age, so they may be bonded young and grow a bond and relation with each other.

"Goliath, I would just like tell you, that today I'm proud of you more than ever, and would to welcome you to manhood, and your beginning as a warrior. I will see you later, at the coronation my son." Wulf said to his son, his pride welling up inside him. This is truly what set the Blood Seekers apart from the sadistic, chaotic raiders of the wastes. The Blood Seekers were civil people who more tribal than raider, but they were branded raiders because of their harsh lifestyle and the fact that they were forced to raid to sustain themselves.

Goliath smiled and continued to admire the beautiful girls who were covering his body in tribal designs. There was Emanuelle, the gorgeous brunette whose hair was bleached to the point in which is was almost dirty-blonde, her tan skin was light caramel. She was known for having a beautiful voice and deadly accurate with her bolt action rifle. She was a sweet girl, 3 years older than Goliath

Then there was Nicole, a raven haired beauty with milky white skin and freckles on her nose and the most piercing steel blue eyes you've ever seen. She was known for her skills with a .45 pistol, able to shoot a quarter out of the air from behind her back.

Lastly, there was Helena. She was hard ass, fierce and with golden-blond hair and green eyes. She'd seen over 50 battles and had killed many enemies. Her looks could kill a man as easily as her signature barbed spear, in which she excelled at killing with. But she had a foul mouth and despite her beauty, was quite a [censored].

"You're finished my prince." cooed the voice of Emanuelle. Getting off her stool and picking up the pouch of brushes and paints. The three girls bowed and walked out. Goliath smiled and laid on his bed after the paint had dried.

"I love my life." He said to himself with a smile, thinking of Emanuelle, who'd he'd decided a long time ago would become his bride.

----------

Wulf was in the map room with his best tacticians, trying to formulate some kind of plan for the coming storm. Hopefully they could figure out a way to at least deter the Enclave, in an attempt to buy some time so the other clans could mobilize and give aid. Suddenly, the Lieutenant from earlier cam in the room, following him were 3 foreigners. One was a man in a business suit carrying two very large, silver cases, they looked like gun cases.

The two other men were heavily armored in what looked like a very bulky, thick gray combat armor. They were carrying large machine guns, painted red, scoped, with large double-drum magazines.

"Sir, this man is a merchant, and he says he can help us with our little armory issue." The Lieutenant said, with a knowing smirk on his face.

"Good evening your highness, my name is Marcus Ingran, representative of Myrmidon & Co. I'll get straight down to brass tacks." The suited man said, setting the two cases on the ground and opening them, revealing the astounding contents within.

One case had 5 SMG's, each like nothing the Raider king had seen before. They were painted a different color, with varying clip sizes, scopes, and other attachments. The other case had two large guns within, one seemed to a sniper rifle, next to it was displayed a .50 caliber round. The other gun was a machine rifle much like what the merchant's escorts carried.

"I've come to make a deal with you. Would you like to hear it, or am I wasting my time?" asked the man.

Wulf stood enthralled by the beauty of the killing machines. He regained his senses and replied after a short time, "I'll hear the terms Mr. Ingran."

"My company is looking for a good mercenary service to a large job for them, I've heard talk you're men, the Golems, are damn near the best fighters in this god-forsaken place. If you agree to do this job, my employers have asked me to set up a trade route with you, supplying only the best arms and armor your men can use. And from what your Lieutenant tells me, you'll need it."

Miracles were a thing that the raider king rarely ever saw or believed in, but with this... this, sign from some high-power, he was fast becoming a believer. Without a second thought, he answered, "I agree, and I thank you. Now tell me, what's the job you need doing?"

The wiry man in the suit took off his mirrored glasses in a smooth movement, smiling slyly, "You know of the Brotherhood of Steel I suppose?"

(( I know this wasn't an overly exciting chapter, and a bit drawn out with a few too many useless details, but I'm too tired and drugged out on cough syrup to write anything spectacular))

kinda interesting, not much happened so I didn't like it that much. I found one mistake but I can't find it again, other than that one that I can't find, good post!

Pretty good. Awaiting the next chapter and hoping it contains some action.