Auric shifted in His Saddle uncomfortably, raising a mailed fist to his bare lips. The chilled air swirled specks of snow into his close cropped blonde hair. Looking out over the frozen tundra he could almost remember the battles that took place her weeks before. His heavy cavalry tearing into the Nordic horde. The Horde so vast he had to dismount because his steed, Sun Lance, couldnt carry him through. Of the countless swings he took. The men that died. No longer would he see Atticus smiling that impish smile when they played cards. Nor would he ever sigh sheepishly at one of Savionus's well miss placed dirty jokes. Auric's grey eyes tightened as he looked over the landscape. Asta said that he would meet Auric here for the battle at noon and the sun was allmost setting behind the trees. Auric's lieutenant a Breton,like himself cantered to Auric. Leaning in, the man whispered "Sire, The Hordes Of Asta Redmane are over the rise, to the east, There are reports of over two thousand men." fear could be seen in the man's eyes. Sweat beaded the man's forehead. "Take care you do not sweat too much Lestat, You can freeze to death." Lests's mouth opened as Auric began to spoke. The five hundred Calvaymen turned to him at once."They say over two thousand men await us over the next rise. Do you men think we have what it takes to wipe out this rebellion so we can go back to our warm beds in Cyrodil?" The roar from the army was defening. "The Horde knows we are here now." Says Auric turning his horse about to head the charge. The Ornate Flamberge now flashing in Auric's hand had been in his family for generations. As the banner. A grey wolf head on a purple background fluttered. He roared,pointing his sword as the other calvarymen lowered their lances.

Smashing into the Nordic Horde Auric screamed as loud as the rest of them. Windmilling his blade through the mass untill he could go no further. Nordic barbarians begin to fill the space but as he swings the blade in murderous arcs the men are held back. Kicking at the flanks he finds a break and smashes through the horde. Galloping out and into a right angle he charges back into the Horde.Before He knows whats going on Auric is sailing through the air, LAnding on hia Back He struggles to rise in the full plate he wears. Groaning slightly he hefts his blade,looking about. All's He can see are barbaric faces. Roaring he shoulder rushes into the mas swinging his blade into the collarbone of a Nord the man falls away his face etched in agony.Hauling the heavy silver blade back he swings it into the skull of another man slashing clean through it into the shoulder of another man. Something hard bashes into Auric's head sending him sprawling backwars. As he struggles to his feet. he see's fur boots closing in. Doublehanded gripping the blade he swings it up disembowling a man. A second strike to Aurics head causes his to be swallowed up in darkness. His last thoughts were of His men's smiling faces.


this is a half assed taste of the story.i know its not the most detailed but im just doing this as an initial post,and will fill it out later. comments please

Ahem. Well, first, let's get all those nasty spelling errors out of the way.

Shifted in His Saddle -> shifted in his saddle
uncomphortably -> uncomfortably
croped -> cropped
allmost -> almost
calvary -> cavalry
steed;Sun Lance.Couldnt -> steed, Sun Lance, couldn't
The men he died -> the men he killed OR the men that died
Saviounus's -> Savionus'
miss placed -> misplaced
Auric's lieutenant a Breton. like himself -> Auric's lieutenant, a Breton, like himself, OR Auric's lietunent was a Breton, like himself
Leaning in the man -> Leaning in, the man said
east, There -> east, there OR east. There
fear could -> Fear could
began to spoke -> began to speak
Cyrodil -> Cyrodiil
defening -> deafening
Says Auric turning his horse -> Said Auric OR Auric said
As the banner. A gray wolf head -> The banner, a grey wolf head on a purple background, fluttered
He roared. pointing his sword -> He roared, pointing his sword
untill -> until
Horde.Before -> Horde. Before
He knows whats -> he knows what's going on, Auric
air, LAnding on hia -> air, landing on his
hefts his blade.looking about -> hefts his blade, looking about
All's He -> All he
mas -> mass
backwars -> backwards
to his feet. he sees -> to his feet, he sees
Doublehanded gripping the blade -> Gripping the blade double handed
disembowling -> disemboweling

Well, there were more of those than I had first thought, sorry. I advise putting your work through a spellcheck first, I always do.

Ok, now into style. This seems to be a general preparing himself and his troops for a battle against nordic barbarians in Skyrim. Himself being a breton. You throw out a lot of names at the beginning, mostly to emphasize how his good friends had died, which was good. The well misplaced was strange, though. I'd have gone with well placed, without the mis.

Windmilling is not the best description for a battle tactic. I would advise going into further detail on that. Ah, I also notice you use few to no commas, especially where you need them.

Then you end with barbarians knocking him unconscious. Ok then, he seemed to have been pretty dumb to charge in without his men anyway, so that makes sense.

No plot advisemants yet, I don't quite know it. But I can guess.

Keep writing then, it's not bad. Don't take offence to anything I said, take it as constructive criticism. Thanks, and I'll be back.

PS Don't tell us you half did something, few people will give criticism. And of those, very little of it will be any compliments. I do think you should fill it out, though. Especially correcting spelling.

If it's half-assed then why did you post it? It would have been better to wait before posting, editing and all that jazz. It helps you and the reader out.

Its not half-assed its just, that i wrote it at 4;30 in the morning so i know its going to be sloppy do to my tiredness

Well make some basic notes about what happens, sleep, have a good breakfast, THEN write it. If you plan to post something to the public you might as well be at your best.

[censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored].

i fixed all the typo's and added another paragraph and it wouldnt let me post it -.- iv lost all willpower

If it said authorization mismatch, then cut all the text, go back to the original page and edit again by pasting it. If you work on a post for more than a few minutes you get a message, I do every time. Also, typos are easier to fix in MS Word. I say this alot because it's true. Don't give up, writing takes persistence, patience, and accepting criticism.

However, I do not applaud people always focusing on the fact he said he had not tried very hard. Focus on the writing, and when he does better next time we may tell him so. Good luck to you all, and thank you.

...he should run for president O.o''