Florida: Florida was virtually devistated. What with NASA and Patrick Airforce bace., and various other smaller military installations. The state was bombarded heavily by Atomic warheads. Many of the residents of the state were obliterated. Due to the fact that Florida is at and below sealevel there coudlnt be any fallout shelters. A small amount of experimental Vaults were installed. A capasity of 70,000 survivors total. Heavy radiation has led to an intense population of Ghouls and other various mutated animals. 200 years after the bombs fell the legendary Wanderer leaves vault 101. At this time the Swamplands and Beaches of Florida were sparsely populated with Survivors. This is the tale of survival in the sun beaten toxic wasteland.

In a small town on the east coast of the middle of Florida a Urban city called Melbourne. A Young man by the Name of Sylvain Perry sat in a small bar. The temperature was sweltering and the slow moving industrial sized fans salvaged from a factory did little to cool the occupants. Sylvain was a handsome man. Tall and atheltic he had long black hair that fell to his shoulderblades. His eyes were a dim grey hidden behind square frammed glasses. The bartender, a petite woman with short red hair stood behind the bar, conversing with a wanderer in torn cloth clothing. Sylvain's eyes shifted to his own attire. a leather duster coat that had a few tears in it from close encounters with the scourge of Mirelurks that settled the coasts. His cargo pants were stained with blood and grime. and his boots werent in much better repair. Sylvain downed his shot of whiskey and inspected the grimey glass before him. Sylvain reached down and rubbed the grip of the Desert eagle sitting in the holtser at his waist. The bartender's eyes turned to Sylvain and she flashed a smile as she excused herself from the Wanderer and crossed to Sylvain. "Another shot?" She asked politley and Sylvain nodded, placing a couple of caps on the torn up counter. "Just ask if you need anything." She said before turning around to the stack of old bottles behind her. Sylvain downed the bottle and stood up slowly. Crossing to the door of the Bar and exited out into the florida sun. His eyes hurt a bit until they adjusted. And he lowered his eyes and walked out into the dirt street. The settlers of the town were all packed to the teeth. The coast was less than a mile away. And Mirelurks were a constant threat. As were bloat flies and Giant ants. Ghouls were a major threat. But they we're so unsettled from the harsh sun they only came out at night.

Sylvain walked towards the barricaded entrance/exit of the town He nodded to the garrison of men who were the local militia and began to make his way to the coast. Sylvain had a contract with the local resturant owner. He'd get payed for any Mirelurk meat he brought back. Their meat was incredibly healthy and nutricious. The walk was rather uneventful. The destryoed buildings layed in disarray. The Kennedy Space center was only 45 miles away. So the town had taken a pretty disaterous assault. Once he reached the river he slwoly edged down to the edge of the river. he drew the .50 cal from the holster and crouched low, crossing to a pile of boulders he trained the Pistol at eye level and as if on que a couple Mirelurks scouts come out from the otherside of the boulders. Even though Sylvain expected it he was startled. Mirelurks were vicious fighters. he took aim at the Mirelurk and fired. The shot's blast echoed loudly and the kick from the pistol had Sylvain's arm raised. The massive bullet entered the Mirelurks head, just right of its face and left a massive hole in the creatures face. Sylvain took aim and fired again. He hit the wounded Mirelurk in the joint of its leg and blew the leg off. Toppling over the Mirelurk shrieked. And Sylvain aimed at the other Mirelurk. The creature was closing in and suddenly it lowered its head and rushed at him. Sylvain stumbled backwards from the rushing creature and fired at it. The bullet totally obliterated the head of the creature.Sylvain was unsure of how to clean the creatures. But he was told most of the meat was located in the large claws. He pulled a hatchet from out of the clasp in the back and began to hack the arms off the bodies. placing the arms into his satchel he follwed their trail to an entrance hidden among the boulders. He didnt very much ammo for the Desert Eagle but his back up firearm a .44 revolver he had a pocket full of bullets. Courtesy of a mouthy Outlaw at his last stop, a small town to the north called Sun Tree. Entering the burrow he was suddenly thrown from his feet. The entance sentery had been waiting for him. His firearm knocked from his grasp he scrambled to rise. The Mirelurk beset itself upon him and lashing out with the hatchet he scored a lucky strike to the creatures face, burying the hatchet, unable to yank the tool free he scrambled to his pistol, liftin it he took swift aim and fired at the creature. The bullet tearing a hole in the creatures shell, firing again he tore another gapping hole in the creatures shell. The creature, finally slain fell and laid lifeless. Sylvain finally worked the hatchet out of the creature's face and hacked off the creatures arms. He replaced it in its clasp on the small of his back and set the arms in his satchel.

He only had room for another pair of arms so he entered the cave. Water reflected off the floor on the ceiling. If he wasnt in such a deadly place he would of admired the simple beauty of it. It didnt take long for Another Mirelurk to stumble across Sylvain's path. Sylvain steady his aimed at the creature, who was looking for him, but didnt ee him crouched behind a boulder. He fired once. Demolishing the creature's face and killing it instantly. Crossing quickly to the creature he removed its arms and placed them in the satchel. The creatures odd language could be heard deeper in the cave. Sylvain hurridly retreated out of the cave and began to run back the distance to Melbourne. Arriving he again nodded to the Militia and made his way to The Hangar. Entering the large establishment he made his way to the proprieter and cook. An overweight man in a greasy tanktop. Sylvain pulled the satchel forth and showed the man the eight arms. The fat man grinned broadly. "Seventy five caps each, just as we agreed. yes?" The fat man asked in a hispanic accent. "Seventy five? We agreed upon eighty." Sylvain said aggravated. The fat man gave a surrendering expression and then gave a cheesy smile. "Change of price, and noone else will buy the meat. So It seems like you need to agree to the change." Sylvain scowled and awaited payment. A bag of 600 caps was given to Sylvain. The payment was great. And The proprieter would probably get one hundred caps a meal from the wel-to-do members of the town. Sylvain took the bag of caps and flicked off the fat cook as he walked away, turning back he adressed the fat man. "The price better not be lowered again." Sylvain left the establishment out into the Florida sun.



I know the wirint isnt structured, but this is the first writing i've done in months and im too busy to fine tune the writing, but i hope y'all enjoy it, and I will write the second part of chapter one soon

Not very original when it come's to titling, and your writing need's a little correcting.

Yeah, but I needed a title...


Can you point out the flaws?

Spacing between paragraph's, comma's, capitalizing and so on. It shouldn't be too much of an edit. Alway's good to see a new face on the Fan-fic section.

Indeed. Happy to see someone else posting.

Your work could really use some formatting...but it's a simple matter of spacing, comma usage, capitalization, spelling...basic grammar stuff.

I hope that doesn't come across as rude or anything, I've gotten in trouble before for pointing out grammar problems.

Grammar isn't really all that important really so long as the story is solid. I'd suggest just taking a bit more time. Space your paragraphs out by basic subject matter, run a spell check, and just read it once to yourself before you post to make sure it makes sense.

Hell, if you really have trouble with it let me know and I'll copy/paste your entries, make the changes, then PM them back so you can Edit your post into a more structurally sound post.

Keep it up man. It's a world with lots of opportunity for imagination. If you come up with particularly interesting areas/factions I'll probably jank them myself and insert them into either the thread with a very similar name or into another story I'm thinking of doing.

xD plagerism? Awesome As I said. I was rushing, Im probably going to do a Post-to-post rough copy of the fic. Then do a new thread with the story in one post, sort of like a final refined copy.

You'll have to keep it in this thread, or not at all. Two threads with the same stuff, doesn't fly around here and one is either deleted, merged with the other, or locked. All through Mod Power. So it's probably best to do it rough, then edit it up and post the edited one where the rough one is. Or do what Mr. Smiley said, and send it to him to edit for you so you don't have to keep reposting the same thing.

Please add some white space. My eyes cannot stay focused on such a large block of txt.

Does that help?

Yes. Yes it does. And for some, these still might be to big. Fine for me though. Anyway...

I would re read your work or go get something like OpenOffice to help with your writing. You have plenty of grammar errors; misspelled, not capitalized, capitalized when it has no business doing so. Things like that can all be fixed when you get a writing software like Open Office, it's free,

For example, look at this:


Here's some basic errors, I highlighted. I'll go in order.

1. Either put a period or a comma in between "town" and "He"

2. restaurant

3. nutritious

4. destroyed

5. laid

6. I prefer it if you actually spelled that out. Forty Five. I hate it when it's in number form. But that's just me

7. A comma would be better.

8. disastrous

9. slowly

10. Whatcha capitalizing that for?

11. Queue or Cue. In this case the second one.

12. Other Side. Space in between.

I just picked a section at random. Writing programs can help with the majority of these problems and re reading can also help. Also, as the first sentence is suppose to draw the reader in, I found that yours did not. I wouldn't really go listing off his features right off the bat like that, can get boring. Perhaps a little more details to the surroundings. I can't really tell right at this moment. Fix those grammar errors, most of them, and I'll have more to offer. If you so desire.

Now if your still reading this, I don't want to discourage you. This is a potential great story, I can see it, but it's being smothered by your grammar errors. So let it breathe. I'm sure this story can become a great read. Just keep working, and whatever you do...

...Keep Writing. :thumbsup: