Prologue

Ten years after the events of the Project: Purity.

Stephen sat down and smiled at his mother. She was baking mole-rat steaks in the oven and making some instamash. His mother said, "Oh go get your father, please."

He sighed, "All right, Mom."

He stood up off the brittle, wooden, chair and went outside. The heat was so intense it made him sweat in his white tee-shirt and black jeans. Stephen shouted, "Dad, you out there?"

A large man in the same outfit Stephen was in walked over and asked, "Ma want us?"

Stephen nodded, "Yes, Dad, its almost time for dinner. Also its getting dark, you don't want to be out here if a yao-gaui or deathclaw is out and you can't see it."

"You're a good kid, Stephen, its been about sixteen years since we found you when you were a baby, and those years have made our life great," his father said.

He gripped the large man and hugged tightly as stated, "Thanks, Dad."

The large man had a large grin on his face and said, "Come on, back in our little trailer."

The two walked into the trailer to see some mole-rat steaks on green plates along with some instamash in some green bowls. The scent irradiating from them was mouth-watering. Stephen's mother said, "Enjoy, boys."

Stephen sat down and told his mother, "Looks good."

His father nodded in agreement, and his mother blushed.

They sat down to eat, to enjoy the food set before them, but then a loud screech was heard as some claws tore across the metal trailer. His father shouted, "Stephen, come with me, grab the rifles, Marie, get in our bedroom."

The two others followed orders and ran to their positions. Stephen's father handed him a hunting rifle, a combat knife, and twelve rounds. He yelled, "Load fast, Son, or else we're all going to die."

The loud, screeching, stopped, but there was a deathclaw-sized hole. The deathclaw came in charging, and shoved Stephen aside, going for his father... Everything went black when Stephen hit his head on the sink.

Interesting. Your sentence formatting may need some touching up here and there, but basically, if you remove unnecessary comma's (He stood up off the brittle, wooden, chair and went outside. ) it looks way better.

Nice prologue. Looking forward to reading the first chapter!

I suggest reading this out loud to yourself before posting a chapter. Then you'll catch where your missing and where you've added to much. Personally, I think you should have kept with your other story about the BOS rather this one. All you had to do was take our advice given, and then you would have had something solid and good. But you haven't, and you've just ended up with something similar but rather BOS and such; you've got some kid and his father, fighting a Deathclaw in their trailer.

I dunno what else to suggest to you anymore, as everything I've said in your last story still applies here, in this story as well.

I switched to this, because I write far better in 3rd person.

Zalphon requested close. Didn't last long did it?