The Ill-Fated Assassin

It is our nature, as Humans, to ask things that we are curious or uncomfortable about. One, especially if he is scared or undereducated, or possible a young one, may ask, “Why is there evil in our world?” The latter of the two might see fit to respond, “Because, dear friend, without evil, there is no good.” I pondered this, today, as I lay in my study. Then it came upon me: Although two things might contradict themselves, it is not uncommon for them not to be able to exist without each other.

In our world, or in others like this, two things may only exist because of their contrasting to each other, such as light and dark. Truly, light cannot exist without dark, yet it is the antithesis of it. So, this brings me to a story of an assassin unlike your sophisticated stereotype. Many see them as iron-willed, black beings; but, I must confess, that your beliefs might deceive you.

The assassin had just traveled back to his home in Cheydinhal after his most recent contract. This most recent contract was also the assassin’s first contract, his first murder. The assassin, although we should use that term loosely, was not black of heart and soul, though his sin had created that illusion. But, this assassin still had somewhat of a heart, beating ever so strenuously in the dark abyss of his body.

The assassin, while traversing through the town, kept on a hood to keep his face out of the sunlight. For, it is not like the nature of an assassin to be in the sun, as we often conjoin the sun with happiness and purity. But, the assassin kept his face in the shadows, like the rest of his kind.

The edifice of the abandoned house, which underneath lived the scourge that it housed, was dreary. The garden, and again I use the term loosely, was full of the most evil vegetation. It was derelict, however, the term defunct would be incorrect. One, looking at the house, might become forlorn of some odd phenomenon, for the desolate landscape of the house might enervate.

As the assassin entered this house by means of the austere well in the back, which was not actually a well. The assassin climbed down the rusted ladder into the assassins’ den, where he head straight to the dormitories to lay his head. It had been a long journey from his destination to his home, and the absconding of the area in which he executed his target was enervating.

So, the assassin removed his blood-stained robes, and went to slumber.

In his slumber, the assassin truly visited himself, realizing the black and sinful man that he is. Truly, I once heard a man say that ‘The heart is the saddest of all prisons’, but I must disagree. To me, the heart is the most desolate, of all prisons. The dream, which the assassin was in, was in a prison, and as aforementioned, his heart was the prison of which I speak of.

Here, the assassin revisited his first contract, and the man he had killed. The man’s face, as innocent as it was, made the assassin taciturn, in which he tried to flee. But, the assassin could not flee his own self, and he was soon overwhelmed. The face crept closer and closer, creating a mental and spiritual attack on the assassin.

“Begone!” The assassin yelled, falling to his knees, “I have deeply wronged thee! I am the blackest of all sinners! But thou art merciful! See it in thy heart, which is purer then mine will ever be or become, that I am forgiven! I am forlorn! Please, I beg thee!” The assassin cried on. The face remained stoic, looking at the assassin, become quite the daunting one.

In a fright, the assassin woke. His cries did not stir the others in the room, but it had stirred himself. He grab the dagger that lay beside him and plunged into his black heart, ending his miserable life.

“Please be merciful!” The assassin said as he died, “truly, I am the blackest man. But I repent!”

I liked the story theme and I know how good a writer you are already from your previous work. I was a little bit distracted by the number of times the word "assassin" was used in such a short block of text though. You are a master at creating a scene and bringing it to life.

Sounds okay for a flash story, but I don't really get how the introduction ties into assassins... What you are saying would simply be something not as normal, not an opposite that defines the other. Cool assassins don't require the existance of less cool ones

Nice words, but sometimes they are quite unnecessary. Don't think that just because you can use eloquent dictation that it is a good idea. Also, you use first person frequently, while talking mainly about someone else. It can get the audience more involved, but it gets clumsy.

"Show, don't tell" even in a short story. No matter how pretty the sentences, they still convey no character or much at all. It makes for a better story, though in this case it is not as required as other, longer stories. Even in the description of his dreams, there is no character put across.

And without character, suicide seems pointless. You can't skip around from zero character description to full on self dialogue in which we are supposed to feel for the guy. Without characterization, your story reads like a textbook (no offense). Also, it is really weird and out of character; if he were suicidal, he would be depressed going back into the sanctuary.

Good words, but no real story :shrug: Sorry, but thanks anyway :goodjob:

PS Malx, you said something other than a compliment! I'm amazed Kidding, my friend, but you really do compliment everything.


EDIT: Very good, my friend! Accepting criticism is even more important than natural talent when it comes to writing. Or anything really...

:touched: I try.

Thank you, Darkom, for giving me an honest review.
I will take your criticism to heart, and try to make it better.

The fan-fics I don't like I don't post on at all, there have been a few.