Okay this is just going to be a brief background of a character that I'm going to write a story about


Eol was the 18th leader of the Avari family. But in the year 344 of the 3rd era a younger member of his family Maeglin took over the family and banished Eol from the town that the family lived in, which was on the island of Vvardenfell.

But Eol wasn't going to accept defeat so he took Maeglin to court, but Maeglin had the favor of King Hlaalu Helseth. Because of this Eol lost the case. But then to further Eol's humiliation the King also banished Eol from Morrowind.

So now with nowhere to go Eol heads to Cyrodiil for a new life.

Comments are welcome.

(The second paragraph about Eol taking Maeglin to court won't happen)

You have a good start for Eol's character profile and back story for sure. Now lets ask this, where do you take this character? What does he want? What does he dream about? Who does he love? How does he feel about his exile; emotions: is he sad, depressed, angry, or all of the above? What are physical appearances? And for every appearance, what does it symbolize (Aerith's green eyes were suppose to symbolize nature for example)? For example, Eol's black eyes could symbolize his cold thirst for revenge. And most of all, what is he going to do once he reaches Cyrodiil?

And then more thing, what is the one characteristic that will set Eol apart from every other character that a writer comes up with; that one thing about Eol that everyone remembers?

My suggestion is one of two things. Either sit down with a notebook and outline out a storyline as it comes to you, or write your climix first and then write the story around the climix.

I have to agree with Dark. The story itself seems to have some promise, but you did say this was a brief passage on the background of your character. We need you to develop a character we can visualize roaming the outskirts of Morrowind. What does he look like? What does he feel other than humiliation? How has he planned to get back at the King? This doesn't mean you need to tell us the entire plot, but you didn't seem to say what he plans to do after the misfortune thats befallen him. Telling a story is more than just settings and events, it needs to be a detailled 'canvas' of personality, emotions, ambitions, and actions by the characters. It should seem as though your character is a symphony and every detail about him/her is a different note struck on a different cord. Hopefully after you've put so many notes on the staff, it'll start to read as smooth as music plays. I anticipate your first installment of the story.

Thanks for the advice I will be sure to use it

Chapter 1

Eol was sitting on his bed, thinking about the past. It had been 6 years since his wife Aredhel (an Altmer) and his only son, Fevyn, were killed. They had all been traveling on foot, making their way to Sadrith Mora, when suddenly they were attacked by a pack of Nix-Hounds. They were overwhelmed; only Eol managed to escape.

Eol's day dreaming was disturbed by a knock on the door. "Who is it?" he asked.

"It's me, Maeglin, I need to talk to you." Maeglin replied.

"Come in," said Eol.

Fans of the Lord of the Rings should be familiar with the names Eol, Maeglin and Aredhel. That is if they have read the Silmarillion.

Also the word Avari should be familiar; because in the Silmarillion the Avari are a group of elves who rejected the summons of the Valar to come to Valinor.

so why are you using Sil names instead of TES names, or, even better, making up your own? Creativity is the root of writing.

Since this is the fanfic forum, I figure I'll give you some pointers on the actual writing. First of all, proofread and use basic grammar. Proper nouns (i.e. Altmer) need to be capitalized. Each line of dialog gets its own line, and a comma goes after the text inside quotation marks. The sentence about his memories could be broken in two or even three to improve pacing and build anticipation from the reader. Also try to break up and vary your verbs, and omit them when possible to reduce redundancy. Below is a redacted version, with grammatical fixes only.

In terms of content you should show, not tell. Right now, he is thinking about the death of his family in the same way as I think about my breakfast. There is no emotion in his recollections - was he sad to loose them? Glad to rid himself of their burden? Does he think he too deserved to die? How does he feel about it six years later? There is also some inconsistency: at first you say they were killed during the blight, then it turns out it was by a pack of Nixhounds.

_____

Eol was sitting on his bed, thinking about the past. It had been 6 years since his wife Aredhel (an Altmer) and his only son, Fevyn, were killed. They had all been traveling on foot, making their way to Sadrith Mora, when suddenly they were attacked by a pack of Nix-Hounds. They were overwhelmed; only Eol managed to escape.

Eol's day dreaming was disturbed by a knock on the door. "Who is it?" he asked.

"It's me, Maeglin, I need to talk to you." Maeglin replied.

"Come in," said Eol.

thanks for the advice

with the names that I used well i don't know i like the lord of the rings and i wanted to put something in the story that's related to it, but the three names will be the only lotr related thing.

Maeglin strode into Eol's room with a wicked smile upon his face, he was dressed in red and blue.

"Ah, Eol it's good that your here I need to speak to you of the utmost importance" grinned Maeglin.

"Go ahead, I'm listening" said Eol in a low voice.

"Well how do I say this nicely, hmm..." said Maeglin.

"Say what nicely" said Eol now starting to get annoyed with Maeglin.

"I'm sorry Eol, but I'm going to take over your position as the leader of our family" grinned Maeglin.

"Yeah, you and what army?" snarled Eol.

"This one" laughed Maeglin.

Two guards at that moment walked into the room and stood next to Maeglin.

Ah, the plot thickens...(Also, Hi CaptainRex) Good work by the way.

thanks Tom

p.s tom ring me as soon as possible, with in reasoning of course

The guards drew there swords and stood in front of Maeglin.

"Why are you doing this Maeglin?" asked Eol.

"Because I can you old fool" answered Maeglin with a huge grin on his face.

Eol glanced down on the floor, there lying down unnoticed was his sword, suddenly Eol stooped down and grabbed the sword. Before Maeglin or his guards could stop him, Eol slashed out with the blade, it sliced through one of the guards throats, the guard fell down and his blood pooled all over the ground. Eol then shoved past Maeglin and the other guard and ran down the hall.

"Well what are you waiting for go after him" roared Maeglin.

The guard nodded and chased after Eol.

Eol was running for his life down the hall way of his house, he could hear the voices behind him, he picked up speed. Eol looked behind himself again but then suddenly he crashed into something and blacked out.
When Eol woke he could see that he was lying on a bed in a small room with one window, he looked around. At the door with its back facing him was a Dunmer, he was wearing iron armor and wielded a long sword. To Eol's relief it wasn't Maeglin or one of his men, in fact it was Eol's old bodyguard Cylben Hlervu.

"Cylben is that you?" asked Eol.

"Ah, your awake" said Cylben in a low voice.

"Now to answer your question, yes its me Eol its good to see you" answered Cylben.

Cylben was an old friend to Eol they met many years ago before the Blight, during which Cylben swore an oath to protect Eol.

"What happened?" asked Eol.

"It seems in your hurry that you ran into me, it knocked you out, I then heard voices coming from your quarters they didn't sound happy so I took you to my room and peeped outside where I saw Maeglin issuing orders to the guards to arrest you, that's all I saw before you woke up" said Cylben.

"I thought you left days ago" said Eol.

"Well yes I did but I realized that I forgot something so I came back and as I was walking through the hall when you ran into me" said Cylben.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Cylben told Eol to hide in the little compartment in the corner of the room. When Eol was hidden Cylben opened the door. Standing at the door were two guards.

"Well how may I help you gentlemen?" asked Cylben.

"We are looking for Eol Avari" answered one of the guards.

"Who sent you?" asked Cylben.

"That's none of your business, now answer our question have you seen Eol Avari" growled the other guard.

"Yes I did, but the last time I saw him he ran downstairs and went outside" answered Cylben.

The guards thanked Cylben and left. Cylben then told Eol it was safe to come out.

Okay I'm stuck now if anyone can give any advice it would be welcome

So, ideas you want eh? Well, I'll see what I can do. Perhaps we can have an escape scene where Eol and his trusty manservent and guard sneakily escape from the household/castle/manor/whatever. :bolt: However, just as things seem to have gone perfectly they run into some complications (nothing a bit of of blinding sword work can't handle) :toughninja: . Then perhaps a few scenes describing where they go from there.

Perhaps leading up to.......... bliviongate:

Keep writing :wink_smile:

sure thing dude

p.s i'm almost finished painting my third chaos warrior

Chapter 2

"The coast in is clear" said Cylben.

Eol and Cylben ran down the hall towards the stairs every now and then they checked to see if there was anyone around. As they were coming down the stairs they could hear guards talking to each other.

"Damn, how are we going to get past them?" asked Cylben.

"I'm not sure" answered Eol.

Eol was looking around looking for somewhere to escape when they heard footsteps coming towards them. They quickly decided to run down the stairs and try and creep past the guards. But sure enough they were spotted.

"Run" yelled Cylben to Eol.

"What about you?" asked Eol.

"I'm going to try and hold them back, now get out of here" yelled Cylben.

Just as Eol ran off about five guards surrounded Cylben.

"Your surrounded and out numbered now tell us where is Eol?" asked one of the guards who was obviously the leader.

"Over my dead body" answered Cylben.

The guards laughed and the lead guard sprang at Cylben. Cylben blocked all of the lead guards blows, but the lead guard was too strong and sure enough he knocked Cylben's sword out of his hand.

But before the lead guard could strike Cylben down, a burst of fire engulfed the lead guard, Cylben turned around to see Eol with palm outstretched. As the lead guard was burnt alive Cylben and Eol ran out into the street. As they were running towards the main gate they were stopped by a group of guards.


Okay I'm stuck I need some advice

Eol swung his blade , separating a guard's head from his shoulders, while Cylben ran his sword through a guard's midsection. A third guard charged Eol, but the crafty elf lord ducked the blow and grabbed the guard by the neck. His hand lit ablaze and the guard's neck was scorched. As he fell to the ground, clutching his neck, Eol plunged his blade into the guard's belly. Cylben, taking on two guards, ducked and parried, his blade a blur. He knocked on guard's sword from his hand, and flung him into his comrade.

Eol and Cylben ran towards the gate. The great portcullis started to descend.

"We'll never make it." Cylben said.

"Oh yes we will!" Eol roared "I'm not going to die here!"

He dove forward, and slid under the gate. Cylben just managed to avoid losing his arm as he did the same. They continued running, away from the fort. Arrows started to fly towards them, but none of them were able to find their targets. An odd fireball came close, but Eol was able to deflect it with a counterspell. Finally, they reached the tree line, but did not stop running for well over twenty minutes.

"I think we can rest for a bit." Cylben suggested.

"Go idea." Eol agreed.

They leaned up against a wide tree trunk.

"Why would Maeglin do this?" Cylben asked.

"I don't know, but he's going to pay for it." Eol cursed "I swear if I see that bastard again I'll run him through."

Suddenly, they heard shouting from behind them.

"Get down my lord." Cylben said. They both hit the ground, hiding amongst the tangled roots and heavy underbrush. The sound of hooves echoed in the forest. A group of Dunmer horseman, armed with bows and garbed light leather and chainmail, rode through the forest, passing dangerously close to Eol and Cylben's position. Only when he was certain that the danger had passed, Eol rose his head.

"I won't let this go unpunished. I will have my revenge I swear it."

"Vengeance can wait my lord." Cylben said "For now we must get you out of Morrowind."

"That will be no trivial task." Eol said "But if I recall, you were always good at non trivial tasks."

"True enough sir." he nodded.


This was written by my good friend Tom who was glad to help me now my brain isn't deadlocked http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?app=forums&module=forums§ion=findpost&pid=16079732 this is a link to one of his storys

Chapter 3

Meanwhile in the Avari estate a group of guards were getting ready to tell their lord Maeglin what had transpired. One of the guards knocked on the door that lead to the study.

"Who is it?" asked Maeglin.

"Its Aren Orel sir." answered the guard.

"Enter."

Aren strode into the study, the whole room was full of books and scrolls at the end of the room there was Maeglin sitting at his desk. He wore red and blue robes with a sliver amulet hanging over his neck. Aren bowed and Maeglin gestured for the guard to sit down.

"So whats your report?" said Maeglin.

"Unfortunately sir, Eol and his guard Cylben got away from us, they killed Master Urvel and killed three of the gate guards, we just sent out a group of riders to track them down." said Aren.

"Thank you for that Aren you may go."

"Yes my lord."

As Aren left the study Maeglin called for his messenger. The messenger was a young male dunmer, he wore simple clothing and smelt like hay.

"I have a most important message for you to deliver do you understand."

The messenger nodded and ran off, hopefully the Morag Tong would hold up their promise to him.

dun dun DAAAAAAA! The plot thickens...

Eol was in his manor with his wife and son, he looked at them and smiled, he reached out and placed his hand on his son's shoulder, but then a huge black hole opened up out of nowhere and svcked Eol in.

Eol woke up in fear in looked around him, he calmed as he realized he was safe.

"Are you okay?" asked Cylben in a worried tone.

"Yes I'm fine, just a bad dream." said Eol, but inside he didn't fill fine.

The nix-hound snuffled through the undergrowth looking for its next meal, but the nix-hound itself was being watched. Cylben stalked his way towards the nix-hound he grabbed an arrow and fitted it to his bow. He had the hound in his sights, with a graceful twang the arrow embedded itself in the nix-hound's hide. The hound gave out a yelp and fell down, Cylben walked over to the body and pulled out a hunting knife and started to skin it.

Eol was sitting by the fire that Cylben made not to long ago, he was busy in thought. He knew his best bet was to head to Cyrodiil, Skyrim was too dangerous as the dunmer and nords have been getting hostile towards each other. Black Marsh wasn't ideal as well, many argonians haven't forgiven the dunmer for the slavery they had on the lizard-folk back during the Blight.
Eol looked up to see Cylben coming out of the woods with a skinned nix-hound, Eol got up and went to help Cylben.