Forgive the lateness of my reply—I finally finished your story about a month ago (after about a year’s hiatus from reading it—sorry!) and have been meaning to post comments but keep getting distracted by life. Since I read it over a two year period with gigantic breaks in between, my memory might be a little hazy, so if something I say doesn’t make sense, chalk it up to the sporadic reading schedule. As a writer, nothing makes me feel like the work was worth it more than someone rambling on about what I’ve written, so prepare for some rambling.
First of all, the relationship you’ve created between the Wayrest royals is for me the highlight of the story. Others have commented on the dinner scene where Helseth flips out in chapter 23, and I think it might be the best section of many good sections. You have the ability to tell a moving story by simply putting characters together in a room, without resorting to any “special effects” as it were.
Yes, for a story set in a world of fantasy and magic you do spend a lot of time with people sitting around in a room talking. Rather than a detriment, I think that’s part of what gives you a unique voice as a writer. Fantasy writing, and obviously the Elder Scrolls lore, is, with a few exceptions, a male dominated field, and I feel that your voice is uniquely feminine and sensitive—and I mean that as a definite compliment. (My creative writing teacher once told me that my writing voice was incredibly sensitive for a man’s—years later I’m still trying to determine if that was a compliment). The things that make your story so memorable—the tender, emotional bond between Nenya and Caius and of course the deep, complex relationship with Morgiah and KoW—would never occur to most male fantasy writers, and it’s the genre’s loss. You are able to spot potential emotional relationships and make them as interesting as riding around on a horse killing things, and that’s no small feat.
My biggest problem with the story is somewhat minor in the big scheme of things, but ties in with the relationship between Morgiah and Helseth. I just didn’t buy that Morgiah failed to believe Helseth was behind all the scheming. After sending Nenya and Bomba halfway around the world to look into what was going on, it seems pretty irresponsible to dismiss their account. This is the same Helseth who is widely rumored to have killed the previous king and who very recently wrestled with his own sister at dinner. He’s clearly capable of a pretty fiendish plot, as Morgiah well knows, and I’m not sure the magnitude can count as a defense.
That said, I fully understand
why Morgiah would want to believe Helseth wasn’t capable of such things. I think the problem is that there is disconnect between the relationship we know Morgiah and Helseth had as children, and the relationship we see them having as advlts. The Helseth we, the audience, see is unbalanced and dangerous, and we never get a good glimpse at the Helseth Morgiah remembers, the Helseth that she would risk all of Morrowind’s safety to think the best of. On the other hand, it’s definitely tough to include positive memories without descending into melodramatic schmaltz, so I’m not sure if there’s a clear cut solution. Just something to think about I guess.
Similarly, while I loved the ending with Morgiah and Helseth together in Vivec’s chambers, I’d like to know a little more about how Dunmer society, and Morgiah herself, would feel about what she did. In some societies she’d look on herself as a murderer, but in say, the Roman Republic, she’d be voted Sister of the Year. I’m inclined to think the Dunmer tend toward the latter view, but future Dunmer scandal mongers would certainly have a field day if they ever discovered Morgiah became queen based on the murder of Helseth over a conspiracy for which there is now no evidence. In any case, it was a very moving moment, so I suppose I’m just asking you as the author how you think Morgiah views her actions.
Finally (yes, this will have an end) I was admittedly a little disappointed with the whole ‘first artifact’ angle. But after thinking it over, there’s absolutely nothing you could have done that would have lived up to 14 years of expectations from that mysterious Daggerfall note. (I bet that has something to do with why Bethesda abandoned the plotline). Even if it was one of the more scandalous things that have been suggested, I doubt after so long even a lengthy Dunmer-on-lich six scene would have satisfied expectations. (Fingers crossed for deleted scenes, though
). I think you made a good move by deciding what it was, sticking to it, and getting on with the story. The artifact angle makes perfect sense, and it brings about one of my favorite segments, Morgiah’s journey to the witches. They were one of my favorite aspects of Daggerfall that have been poorly explored in subsequent games, so I wouldn’t mind in the least if a certain fan-fictioneer devoted another 7 or so years of her life to a story about them.
Anyway, those were my bullet points, jotted on a post-it note back in November. I used to advise people on how to make their writing more “marketable” on a semi-professional basis, so if you wanted I could find things to cut here and there. But a lot of the fun of fan-fiction is you don’t really have to worry about cutting things out if you like them and they work. You said long ago that you weren’t really interested in publication, etc. (I can’t say I blame you) so I’ll avoid advice like “more action by page 17!” I find that sort of anolysis limiting for writers, which is why I don’t do it anymore!
You’ve been working on this since, what, 2003? That’s a feat in and of itself. That you’ve been able to keep control of something this sprawling with so many characters for so many years is nothing short of astonishing. An enormous part of writing is finding the discipline to get to the end of something—an idea that made you giddy in 2004 can seem like a chore by 2005 and slave labor by 2010, but your writing pops with enthusiasm from the first page to the last. Keep it up—I’d love to see more writing from you in the future. No rush though. After all this, you’re more than entitled to a break!
» Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:33 pm 
) about what these incredible characters would do next, for over half a decade. The end, now it’s come, is incredibly satisfying, seeing all of those threads finally come together. So why do I feel so sad? For the first time, I have begun to understand why people watch soap operas for decades – and no, good God no, I am not comparing this to Corrie – it’s just that...they do not want them to end.
I'm embarrassed of all of them except Knife's Edge, unfortunately.)
I feel really bad! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughful critique.
