The King And I - Thread II

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:51 pm

I am reminded of the end of the movie Psycho. Norman Bates is sitting on a bench in the police station; there is a slow pan towards his face, and a knowing smile stretches his lips. He seems to be saying:

"Now you know who I am. Now you know what I am capable of."

This is how I see you after reading Chapter 24.

Others have commented with admirable eloquence on the shock that attended their first reading of this chapter. Allow me to echo all of those sentiments. At the risk of allowing my American to show; I was shocked, and I was awed. But what really got to me, what really dug into me and clamped around my creative soul was not the why of it. I have grown to trust your ability enough to know that the answer to that question will be forthcoming.

No, it was the how.

Dig. In the pantheon of characters that you have so vividly brought to life, you take the one character that lacks even the smallest hint of danger, a character who still giggles for crying out loud! A character about whose interactions with Eadwyrd you yourself described as 'saccharine', and what do you do to her?

You throttle her. Snap her neck like a chicken's.

Moreover, you did it with such . . . relish. I find it hard to believe that this stands as your commentary on the proper treatment of the guileless. I suspect from your comments that there is more of Gwynabyth inside you than, say, Elysana. Still, the fact remains that you enjoyed using us hapless readers as your personal ball of yarn, probably as much as we readers enjoyed the using. To me, you are a dangerous person.

I can't wait to see what happens next!
User avatar
Flesh Tunnel
 
Posts: 3409
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:43 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:06 am

I echo Destri Melarg above.

This is chilling. Absolutely chilling. The web you have woven has me entrapped, enthralled, and enchanted, much like a mouse mesmerized by the dancing cobra. You have left me wondering when and where you will strike next.

More. Please. As soon as real life will let you. Please.
User avatar
Claire Lynham
 
Posts: 3432
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:42 am

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:06 pm

All right, my next post will be one of my terrible poems! Take that as a warning, ROFL !!


Here is an example:

They used to call the wind Maria
But that was before they met Morgiah
If I am left in the dark much longer
My urge to write poetry will only grow stronger
So post an update, and do it quick
Before my poetry makes everyone sick !!!
Foxy is away, as everyone knows
So now you are stuck with only my prose
I can't think of much more that I can rhyme
But will if given too much time

*
User avatar
nath
 
Posts: 3463
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 5:34 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:33 am

I am reminded of the end of the movie Psycho. Norman Bates is sitting on a bench in the police station; there is a slow pan towards his face, and a knowing smile stretches his lips. He seems to be saying:

"Now you know who I am. Now you know what I am capable of."

This is how I see you after reading Chapter 24.

Others have commented with admirable eloquence on the shock that attended their first reading of this chapter. Allow me to echo all of those sentiments. At the risk of allowing my American to show; I was shocked, and I was awed. But what really got to me, what really dug into me and clamped around my creative soul was not the why of it. I have grown to trust your ability enough to know that the answer to that question will be forthcoming.

No, it was the how.

Dig. In the pantheon of characters that you have so vividly brought to life, you take the one character that lacks even the smallest hint of danger, a character who still giggles for crying out loud! A character about whose interactions with Eadwyrd you yourself described as 'saccharine', and what do you do to her?

You throttle her. Snap her neck like a chicken's.

Moreover, you did it with such . . . relish. I find it hard to believe that this stands as your commentary on the proper treatment of the guileless. I suspect from your comments that there is more of Gwynabyth inside you than, say, Elysana. Still, the fact remains that you enjoyed using us hapless readers as your personal ball of yarn, probably as much as we readers enjoyed the using. To me, you are a dangerous person.

I can't wait to see what happens next!
Wow, do I ever feel like a wretched beast reading that. I suddenly have the urge to go and write a parallel universe shortfic where Eadwyrd and Gwynabyth escape, go back to Glenumbra, are blissfully married and die at 90 surrounded by great-grandchildren.

Do I believe such violent cruelty is a just treatment of the guileless? ...No, no way. As you correctly guess, I am 99% more Gwynabyth than Elysana. But "kill your darlings" is a literary lesson I've come to learn over the years, and there's no doubt it's effective. I had no idea I would get such a reaction to Gwyn's death before I posted that chapter - I suppose I just couldn't believe that other people would care about my characters as much as I did. In a way, it was gratifying. Plot-wise, though, I do think it's important to make a statement about political games: the people at the top, the politicians themselves, are rarely the ones who suffer from their wayward decisions. But although it's more realistic, I couldn't bring myself to make the death a simple pointless tragedy with no outcome. It's a catalyst. There will be a meaningful conclusion to Gwyn's death, I can promise you that.

So I hope you'll forgive me my transformation into Norman Bates. All will be revealed. :chaos:

All right, my next post will be one of my terrible poems! Take that as a warning, ROFL !!


Here is an example:

They used to call the wind Maria
But that was before they met Morgiah
If I am left in the dark much longer
My urge to write poetry will only grow stronger
So post an update, and do it quick
Before my poetry makes everyone sick !!!
Foxy is away, as everyone knows
So now you are stuck with only my prose
I can't think of much more that I can rhyme
But will if given too much time

*

You're doing yourself no favours, mALX, because now I might simply hold out longer in order to extort more charming poetry from you. Aha! Doublecrossed!
User avatar
XPidgex Jefferson
 
Posts: 3398
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:39 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:52 am

You're doing yourself no favours, mALX, because now I might simply hold out longer in order to extort more charming poetry from you. Aha! Doublecrossed!



ROFL !!!! That was really bad, too! A plot twist even in your comments!!!! :rofl: !!!
User avatar
Add Meeh
 
Posts: 3326
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:09 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:06 am

Tricksy and false!! :ninja:
User avatar
Nicola
 
Posts: 3365
Joined: Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:57 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:59 am

Tricksy and false!! :ninja:



:rofl: - oooh, does that mean you are posting a chapter? Yeah!
User avatar
SUck MYdIck
 
Posts: 3378
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:43 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:14 am

Firstly, I am extremely sorry not to have replied to these comments sooner - unfortunately I have had a rather unpleasant family crisis the past couple of weeks that has required my attention, and all things Tamriel were unceremoniously dropped from my schedule. But as hard as the past two weeks have been, and as hard as the next couple of months are looking, it always lifts me into a giddy state of happiness to read people's comments in this thread. Thank you all for being so generous with your words. xx

Our thoughts are with you Rumple. Even the most ardent writer can be brought back to earth by an unexpected crisis. Godspeed and a safe return to the Beth story.

I had no idea I would get such a reaction to Gwyn's death before I posted that chapter - I suppose I just couldn't believe that other people would care about my characters as much as I did.

Readers do care about the characters even more so than the writers. You have all the control and we have none. That is the reason we feel their pain more than you!!!
User avatar
oliver klosoff
 
Posts: 3436
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:02 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:16 am

Wow, do I ever feel like a wretched beast reading that. I suddenly have the urge to go and write a parallel universe shortfic where Eadwyrd and Gwynabyth escape, go back to Glenumbra, are blissfully married and die at 90 surrounded by great-grandchildren.

Do I believe such violent cruelty is a just treatment of the guileless? ...No, no way. As you correctly guess, I am 99% more Gwynabyth than Elysana. But "kill your darlings" is a literary lesson I've come to learn over the years, and there's no doubt it's effective. I had no idea I would get such a reaction to Gwyn's death before I posted that chapter - I suppose I just couldn't believe that other people would care about my characters as much as I did. In a way, it was gratifying. Plot-wise, though, I do think it's important to make a statement about political games: the people at the top, the politicians themselves, are rarely the ones who suffer from their wayward decisions. But although it's more realistic, I couldn't bring myself to make the death a simple pointless tragedy with no outcome. It's a catalyst. There will be a meaningful conclusion to Gwyn's death, I can promise you that.

So I hope you'll forgive me my transformation into Norman Bates. All will be revealed. :chaos:

If I have in any way made you second guess your decision regarding Gwynabyth, then I accomplished the exact opposite of my intention (not an unheard of occurrence btw). In re-reading my comments I submit to you that using Norman Bates as an anology probably wasn't the smartest thing I could have done. In my defense I can only say that my comments came immediately after the reading, when I was still feeling the effects of your prose and my mind was still reeling from Gwynabyth's fate. If it in any way sounded like a rebuke, then I sincerely apologize. Please understand that if you were to change one syllable of your story thus far you would find me in the snow next to Winter Wolf begging, begging you to change it back. :hehe:
User avatar
john palmer
 
Posts: 3410
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:07 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:49 am

Destri loved your story Rumple! It was my poem... it was disorienting! Visions of Norman Bates in the shower scene to rid the world of that horrid poet flashed like lightning across the comment as...(etc.)


Seriously though, I do hope all is going better, (and if it isn't), then I am seriously sorry I traumatized you and your readers with my 'poetry' in attempts to lure you back to the forum!
User avatar
Beulah Bell
 
Posts: 3372
Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:08 pm

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:35 pm

If I have in any way made you second guess your decision regarding Gwynabyth, then I accomplished the exact opposite of my intention (not an unheard of occurrence btw). In re-reading my comments I submit to you that using Norman Bates as an anology probably wasn't the smartest thing I could have done. In my defense I can only say that my comments came immediately after the reading, when I was still feeling the effects of your prose and my mind was still reeling from Gwynabyth's fate. If it in any way sounded like a rebuke, then I sincerely apologize. Please understand that if you were to change one syllable of your story thus far you would find me in the snow next to Winter Wolf begging, begging you to change it back. :hehe:

:lol: Oh no, don't worry - this plot has been planned out for seven years, changing it now would be like being handed a knife and told to kill your own puppy. Then again... Norman Bates side rising... (mwahaha!)

But honestly, provoking strong reactions is what writers live for, I suppose - particularly amateur writers like me who only have people's reactions from which to gauge their success, not sales figures or copies sold or whatever. I'm kind of thrilled you were so horrified. I've been going round making little evil smiles to myself in the mirror. :hehe:

Seriously though, I do hope all is going better, (and if it isn't), then I am seriously sorry I traumatized you and your readers with my 'poetry' in attempts to lure you back to the forum!

Your poetry has inspired me to new heights :wub: New chapter later today! After I go to the gym. Because I am a lazy ho and had a bacon sandwich as big as my head this morning. xxx
User avatar
Killer McCracken
 
Posts: 3456
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 9:57 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:39 am

:lol: Oh no, don't worry - this plot has been planned out for seven years, changing it now would be like being handed a knife and told to kill your own puppy. Then again... Norman Bates side rising... (mwahaha!)

But honestly, provoking strong reactions is what writers live for, I suppose - particularly amateur writers like me who only have people's reactions from which to gauge their success, not sales figures or copies sold or whatever. I'm kind of thrilled you were so horrified. I've been going round making little evil smiles to myself in the mirror. :hehe:


Your poetry has inspired me to new heights :wub: New chapter later today! After I go to the gym. Because I am a lazy ho and had a bacon sandwich as big as my head this morning. xxx



:rofl: - but YEAH!!
User avatar
Krista Belle Davis
 
Posts: 3405
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 3:00 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:05 am

I promised, so here! x



The King And I

Chapter Thirty-Three – Betrayal



The hours were crawling. The clock ticked; Morgiah chewed her lip.

In less than an hour the King of Worms would require her presence in the meeting-room. To Morgiah, the entire day had held an undercurrent of quiet expectation. It was not the kind of quiet that comes with serenity, however – it reminded her eerily of the eye of a hurricane. It would have been better if there was something to distract herself with, but she had only the beat of her heart and the tick of the clock.

She had passed most of the day in her chambers, knowing that she could not risk running into her family without betraying the nervous tension she was feeling. In less than an hour the summoning of Divyath Fyr would commence, and there she might finally be given answers to the questions that had plagued her since her arrival in Mournhold.

The trouble was, did she really want those answers? There was so much at stake. Helseth was her little brother; did she really want to hear what Fyr might say?

She tried to empty her mind of all sentimentality. Barenziah had charged her with this; she must not falter now. She owed it not only to her mother, but to Gwynabyth and Eadwyrd, and to every other innocent person whose life might be torn apart by whatever madness Helseth was planning. Whatever she discovered – if Nenya and Bomba ‘Lurrina’s fears were true, perish the thought – could be dealt with internally. They could stop it before it caused any damage. They could work it out.

Liar, said the treacherous voice in her head. Stupid, na?ve girl. Liar.

“Shut up,” she hissed at the empty room.

The walls were closing in; she had been in here all day. The feeling of dread intensified. I have to get out of here.

Throwing the door open, Morgiah strode purposefully onto the mezzanine and headed towards her personal study; at the very least, she could go over her investigation notes while she waited. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the polished stone of the walls and was satisfied to see that her face was perfectly composed, devoid of what was happening beneath the surface. Her hands, too, were steady – as she looked at them she was suddenly thrown back into the past, onto the luminous stone of the gazebo chamber in Scourg Barrow, the Ancient Liches drawing forth into the light. Her first ever visit. Her hands had been steady then, too.

That was good. Whenever her mind betrayed her, she could be sure her body would not.

As she neared the reception hall, a familiar voice caught her ear… Helseth? And someone else, someone crying?

Without even thinking, she changed direction and swept towards the sound.

The scene she came upon was dramatised by the two flame-pits that burned at either side of the hall. Near the huge entrance gates to the Palace exterior, her brother stood looming over the diminutive form of Kippet, her little Bosmer maid – and the girl was shivering, cowering in fright.

“Brother?” Morgiah’s voice rang out sharply over the marble flagstones.

Helseth jerked round; for one moment, Morgiah was shocked by the brutality in his features. In that single lapse of attention Kippet twisted and slipped from his grasp, and with a beseeching look of despair at Morgiah – an expression that the Princess was certain intended to convey some message, though she couldn’t say what – the small figure dashed through the gateway and was lost to darkness.

Morgiah stared. What in Oblivion had that been about?

“I thought we had agreed the girl was blameless, Helseth.”

Her brother straightened up. “Oh, it was nothing to do with that,” he said smoothly. “Young Kippet is taking an extended leave of absence. It seems her family in Eldenroot is not coping well without her.”

Even a halfwit could have seen through such an outrageous lie, but what could she do? Accuse him of… what? Even if he had been planning something for the girl, Morgiah had interrupted and prevented it. Kippet would be slipping through the dark streets of Mournhold by now, and even the Ordinators would be hard pressed to catch a Wood Elf in the dark.

“I should take an early night if I were you, sister,” Helseth said inscrutably. With the light of the flames licking across his face he looked almost sepulchral, and it unnerved her more than she could say. “You have not seemed yourself lately. Perhaps you are coming down with something.”

“Perhaps you are, too,” she said coldly.

He smiled – an expression that contained no warmth whatsoever, only a hint of smugness that she couldn’t account for – and then turned, disappearing into the North Wing passage.

Morgiah left too, covering the remaining distance to her study with deep foreboding.

When she arrived, she looked at the clock. Fifteen minutes. The allotted meeting-room was close, only just around the corner; she would not have far to walk when the time came. Again, Helseth’s bestial expression filled her mind. It was strange; he had looked at her slyly, almost triumphantly. And the stricken face of Kippet as she had dashed away…

Inexorably, like a mass of water pouring steadily over a cliff, the truth began to unfurl. Kippet had been forced to leave, that much was obvious. Helseth must have asked her to do something she was ashamed of. There was one thing above all others she was useful to Helseth for, Morgiah realised with a jolt: to spy.

Immediately, furiously, her eyes raked the study. Suddenly everything looked wrong, nothing seemed in its proper place; was it her imagination? What could Kippet have taken…? Her thoughts turned like lightning to her investigation notes in the desk drawer.

It was locked, of course, but now she looked, the mechanism was at a strange angle. She cursed; she should have remembered Bosmer were notoriously skilled thieves. Tugging at the handle, the drawer shot out in a rush, papers sliding in a mess to the front. She scrabbled amongst them; was anything missing? All her notes appeared to be there, but of course, Kippet didn’t need to take them to memorise their information…

She replaced the sheaf in the drawer, seething with frustration, and then she noticed. Something was missing.

She picked up the papers and rifled through them again; had she made a mistake? Was it stuck behind her notes? Stendarr, Mercy… but no, it was gone.

Kippet had taken the King of Worms’ letter.

And at that moment of terrible realisation, Hermaeus Mora gripped her so hard she almost screamed. Images burst in front of her eyes – a rending tear in the fabric of reality, a pair of mad golden eyes, and the King… in the dark shadow under his hood there was a skull, a hideous gaping emptiness that made her shudder and convulse, her lips unable to free the strangled cry behind them… and then it was over and she was back at her desk, shaking and gasping and sweating, with death everywhere.

She shoved back the chair and bolted. She was halfway along the corridor before she heard it crash to the floor.

And as she rounded the corner, some part of her ablaze with a horrific fear that clawed at her throat for release, she saw the open door of the meeting-room. She saw the patch of nothing in the air – deeper than shadow, sicker than death, a window into another plane – she saw the flash of fire, felt the blistering heat, heard the inhuman keening that was a death-knell to her heart.

She saw the figure in the red robe, and saw the same robe fall to the floor, empty. The cloak-clasp burned with the reflection of fire.

She had halted, her body paralysed with ghastly inevitability, outside the ruined door. And it was now that the mind-breaking fear took on a physical form, for there was something, something appalling, crouching half in and half out of the window of nothingness. The dreadful ill quagmire-yellow of the damp skin, the incomprehensible angle of the shaking limbs, the spiderlike fingers that clutched a pulsing livid soulgem to its wasted chest, the face… Oh god, the unfocused lunacy in those gaping lids!

She couldn’t process that this terrible face, the open mouth – that awful mask of calm, dumb madness – even as it vanished she couldn’t grasp that this sickening apparition was Vivec, the last of the Tribunal. Her thoughts were dead. Her eyes were blank, her mouth a frozen line.

The window into Aetherius disappeared without a trace. The red cloak was a smouldering heap of ash.

She knelt down, very slowly, and picked up the cloak-clasp from its smoking centre. On her knees on the floor, there was a moment – a tiniest fraction of time – when her hands may have trembled.

Then she stood and left the room.


*


Helseth had extinguished the extra candles in his study.

The steward entered. “It is time,” Helseth said. “I must leave the Palace immediately. You have the Guild Guide I requested?”

“Yes, your Majesty. She can send us as far as Vivec City.”

“Good.”

Vilerys looked carefully around the room. “Your Majesty has no luggage for me to take?”

“No,” Helseth said. “There will be no need.”

The steward snuffed out the last candle, and they locked the door behind them.


*


In the darkest hour of the night, the tall Imperial chambermaid quietly opened the door of HRH Morgiah’s quarters.

She had volunteered for this position as soon as the news of Kippet’s departure filtered through to the kitchens. It was the perfect opportunity; she had her own reasons for courting proximity to the Hlaalu royal family.

The bedchamber was extremely dark, despite the pale moonlight falling mistily through the mullioned window. The sky to the east had the faintest tinge of violet to it; dawn would be breaking within the hour.

The chambermaid tiptoed through to the sleeping area, frowning. The bed-linen was smooth, clearly undisturbed from the previous morning. Her Highness was not here. Could she have fallen asleep in her study? She did spend an inordinately long time in there. No matter – she could still stoke the fire and warm the room for her return, whenever that may be. The chambermaid balanced the coal-scuttle on her hip, and turned to approach the fireplace...

…And nearly dropped it in shock. Beside the cold grate sat Princess Morgiah, silent as a tombstone.

“I beg your pardon, your Highness,” she blurted out before she could stop herself, her usually haughty voice unintentionally rising in pitch. “I didn’t realise you’d be awake.”

The Princess seemed to become aware of her; she had been staring into the dead embers of the cold fire. Something nestled in her lap, glinting in the moonlight – a brooch? Or a clasp, perhaps?

When Morgiah turned her head into the ghostlight, however, all musings on the nature of her jewellery were forgotten. The face was a carving of ice, and the eyes were pits of Oblivion.

“Get out,” she said in a voice from which all traces of humanity had been erased.

This particular chambermaid had lived an extraordinary life; indeed, had seen a great many things, things that most normal people would not dare imagine. She did not consider herself one easily cowed.

But at those two words from Her Royal Highness Morgiah, she dropped the coal-scuttle and fled.


*


It is always quiet in this plane of Oblivion.

There is the darkness, and the dead. This is unchanging. The pouring of the waterfall, the ghostfall, the soulfall, into a sunken hole from which there is no return. The abyss.

And there is the flame, of course. We have noted its presence before. Still it clings, as if with fingertips, to the yawning precipice over which the ghostfall dizzily spirals. Still, still, ever. How long can it cling for? For how long can something endure when time does not exist?

Extraordinarily, this question may now be answered. Because there is something coming which will change the quiet waters of death forever. Something so strange and old and powerful that it warps the plane around it, souls branching to flow either side, reality curling and folding in on itself, fluttering like moth’s wings. It is not a flame, because everyone is different in Oblivion. It is not a lantern, as of Tellanaco.

It is a gem. Green, if such things matter.

Morgiah would have known something of what was happening here, observing as she had the nature of Oblivion all those years ago in Firsthold, and she may well have guessed its meaning. Life, unfortunately, is never so convenient – which is a shame, because had she been witness, a spark might have reignited in her soul.

The flame and the gem meet, and when combined, the aeons of power and experience they share make them capable of more than each individual alone. Joined, they no longer merely cling.

Together, the shapes begin to move.


*
User avatar
Latisha Fry
 
Posts: 3399
Joined: Sat Jun 24, 2006 6:42 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:15 am

ARGH !!!! Morgiah! Was it the soul gem Vivec was clasping? Was it the KOW? ARGH !!!! AWESOME WRITE !!! Lucky for you, it has left me speechless and gobbling, so you won't be treated to any of my godawful poems! Awesome Rumple! Just Awesome!
User avatar
hannaH
 
Posts: 3513
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:50 am

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:15 pm

Wha -? What just happened?

Who was the yellow thing in the red cloak?

What happened to Vivec? And the Worm King?

Wow, you've done it again. I've read enough of your thread to know that any questions that may be raised in one chapter will be answered down the line - eventually. :bigsmile:

I continue to enjoy the breathtaking twists and turns of your plotline and the superbly crafted characters you have created. Helseth continues to mesmerize me, and Morgiah is as fascinating and compelling as ever. I find myself being svcked up into this story as if I'm a fly on the wall. Powerful stuff, and I will wait with bated breath for the next installment!

And this:
It was not the kind of quiet that comes with serenity, however ? it reminded her eerily of the eye of a hurricane. It would have been better if there was something to distract herself with, but she had only the beat of her heart and the tick of the clock.

Genius! :bowdown:
User avatar
Nichola Haynes
 
Posts: 3457
Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:54 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:48 am

Wha -? What just happened?

Who was the yellow thing in the red cloak?

Vivec was the yellow thing, and the King of Worms was in the red cloak.

ARGH !!!! Morgiah! Was it the soul gem Vivec was clasping? Was it the KOW?

It was, as that was indeed Helseth's plan from the start - to use Morgiah's suspected connection to the King of Worms to snare him into a trap, using Vivec's immense magical power to ambush him from Aetherius and soultrap him into a Mantella.

I'm worried I've made it too confusing and obscure, though. The fact that it all needs explaining means I might need to refine it so it's clearer what's actually happened! I think again, because it's in forum format, lots of the clues are lost because it's not laid out in a reader-friendly format. Oh well! I'll see if I can improve it!
User avatar
chloe hampson
 
Posts: 3493
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 12:15 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:17 am

Oh, I think the chapter is fine as it is written - it is the chaos of images in that meeting room that left me nearly as shell-shocked as Morgiah. I knew Helseth was going to soul-trap Mannimarco in the Mantella, I recalled that from earlier chapters. I just had a hard time putting the images together in my head, is all.

After all, events like this are chaotic, and often happen too fast to take it all in at the time. Such events need time and reflection to put it all together, assuming one survives such a maelstrom! :shocking:

I was commenting on your brilliant writing, and I'm sorry if I came off as critical in a negative way. :embarrass: I've read enough thrillers to know things will be explained in their own sweet time. That's what keeps me reading! :bigsmile:
User avatar
Kaylee Campbell
 
Posts: 3463
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:17 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:46 am

I was commenting on your brilliant writing, and I'm sorry if I came off as critical in a negative way. :embarrass: I've read enough thrillers to know things will be explained in their own sweet time. That's what keeps me reading! :bigsmile:

Oh gosh that's not how I meant to sound at all! I am extremely glad of your comments. I only meant that when something is not clear, it's naturally the writer's fault, not the reader's. I hope I didn't sound unappreceative - thank you so much for your insights! :)
User avatar
Romy Welsch
 
Posts: 3329
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 10:36 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:19 am

Vivec was the yellow thing, and the King of Worms was in the red cloak.


It was, as that was indeed Helseth's plan from the start - to use Morgiah's suspected connection to the King of Worms to snare him into a trap, using Vivec's immense magical power to ambush him from Aetherius and soultrap him into a Mantella.

I'm worried I've made it too confusing and obscure, though. The fact that it all needs explaining means I might need to refine it so it's clearer what's actually happened! I think again, because it's in forum format, lots of the clues are lost because it's not laid out in a reader-friendly format. Oh well! I'll see if I can improve it!



I read earlier in the story him plotting with Vivec to do this very thing...but I didn't think he would be able to actually do it! So Morgiah really loved Mannimarco? ARGH, I am heartbroken if she did - but it would make sense, she had to love somewhere, just like Barenziah had her Tiber Septim. Please don't re-write it, it may lose some if its impact. You can take me to the simplest movie and I still ask stupid questions, ask my family! Lol. This was a hard hitting chapter, Morgiah has been a bit of an enigma all along, I searched for her to have a heart somewhere, and the only place I could see it was with Mannimarco. When I knew it was Vivec clutching a soul gem, I thought..."Oh no, it can't be!...KOW...NOOOOOO!!! ARGH!!!"

You must know your writing is awesome, we are all torn up over your chapters, lol. So, all those chapters ago when he let her look inside her cowl ... he just had a skeleton head? But didn't they make love? (a new meaning to the word bone...er...?) That is it, I need to download the whole file and sit down in one sitting and read cover to cover to get all my loose threads in my brain tied up! ARGH!
User avatar
BaNK.RoLL
 
Posts: 3451
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:55 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:00 am

Although I always enjoy reading your stories, some I understand more than others. I understood a lot of this one; enough to be emotionally impacted. As always, it is a pleasure to study how you weave words into such amazing passages. :)
User avatar
Fiori Pra
 
Posts: 3446
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:30 pm

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:53 pm

Hmmm, I was expecting a clash of titans, but this was better and clearly more well thought out. The story is so intricate! I'm going to have to go back and read it again once it's complete and then I can savor it as a whole. I'd publish you if I was a publisher and you asked me. As it stands I think it deserves to be leather bound with gold edged pages, OOOooo! A special edition, like Tolkien! Keep it up, Rumples! don't faulter now!

Condolances on you hardship btw. We don't need to know any more than that you're struggling, you'll still have fan support :D

Also, I've been working on some writing since I started going back to school, maybe I'll shoot some samples your way for critique some time.
User avatar
Miss Hayley
 
Posts: 3414
Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:31 am

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:00 am

Your soaring, lyrical prose leaves me scrabbling in the mud, thinking perhaps I can fashion a crude tablet and scraqe upon it with a twig... For that is how any words of praise I might fashion feel after reading your work. This is a beacon and an example to anyone who aspires to write.

And I thank you for the hope that the KOW is not gone, merely-- misplaced.
User avatar
Harry-James Payne
 
Posts: 3464
Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 6:58 am

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:47 pm

Hmmm, I was expecting a clash of titans.

I remember you saying that, and at the time I thought damn, what a shame - because I knew I wouldn't be delivering you a delicious big battle scene! But to be honest, I couldn't work the logistics of it. An even-footed battle between Vivec and KoW would probably destroy the whole city, and I'm not sure I could bring myself to mess with lore so badly. Helseth's got to catch a break sometime, and this time he managed it. As with Divyath, the only way it could be done was by stealth and secrecy - an ambush. Without Nulfaga's control over Aetherius, there would have been no way to transport Vivec so instantly and devastatingly to the scene of the crime - and no way to cover it up so beautifully, either. Morgiah was not supposed to have witnessed the event at all. If she didn't have Hermaus Mora and his prophetic visions up her sleeve (which of course Helseth does not know about), Helseth's triumph wwould be complete - the Aetheric window would have been closed by the time she got there, and both Vivec and KoW would be nowhere to be seen. She would never know.

Unfortunately, she does.

I've giving myself a headache. Why must I make things so complicated!?

Also, I've been working on some writing since I started going back to school, maybe I'll shoot some samples your way for critique some time.

Please do, I would be very happy to look at them!

And I thank you for the hope that the KOW is not gone, merely-- misplaced.

Treydog, always so wise ;)

I read earlier in the story him plotting with Vivec to do this very thing...but I didn't think he would be able to actually do it! So Morgiah really loved Mannimarco? ARGH, I am heartbroken if she did - but it would make sense, she had to love somewhere, just like Barenziah had her Tiber Septim. Please don't re-write it, it may lose some if its impact. You can take me to the simplest movie and I still ask stupid questions, ask my family! Lol. This was a hard hitting chapter, Morgiah has been a bit of an enigma all along, I searched for her to have a heart somewhere, and the only place I could see it was with Mannimarco. When I knew it was Vivec clutching a soul gem, I thought..."Oh no, it can't be!...KOW...NOOOOOO!!! ARGH!!!"

You must know your writing is awesome, we are all torn up over your chapters, lol. So, all those chapters ago when he let her look inside her cowl ... he just had a skeleton head? But didn't they make love? (a new meaning to the word bone...er...?) That is it, I need to download the whole file and sit down in one sitting and read cover to cover to get all my loose threads in my brain tied up! ARGH!

lol forever at "bone" :lol: But hm, maybe you have this confused with another plot? I know people have posited juicy theories about the two of them, but there has never been a sixual element to Morgiah and KoW's relationship in this story. Indeed, she's only ever touched him once, when she took his hand to be magically transported to Firsthold to carry out the Bargain. As for love... well, you have to interpret it as you will. There is no doubt she has strong feelings, but as for what they actually are is anyone's guess. In her unconscious mind, their relationship could be a substitute for her estrangement from Helseth. Or it could be that she simply enjoys being in connection with so much power. Again, what he feels for her depends entirely on how cynical your view is; does he genuinely like her company, or is it all a game? Is she simply an amusing diversion for him? Would he be affected if anything happened to her?

Likewise, what she saw under the hood is completely up for grabs. Even if I had described it explicitly, there is still the option that KoW only showed her what he believed she wanted to see. Creating an illusion of trust is an iron-clad way of keeping someone in your power. Then again, he may have liked the idea of someone knowing, and appreciating, his true self.

I know what I think. But the rest is up to you.
User avatar
Dean
 
Posts: 3438
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 4:58 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:56 am

I'm worried I've made it too confusing and obscure, though. The fact that it all needs explaining means I might need to refine it so it's clearer what's actually happened! I think again, because it's in forum format, lots of the clues are lost because it's not laid out in a reader-friendly format. Oh well! I'll see if I can improve it!


It was a bit confusing, yes. Other than that it was a nice surprise that this wasn't a mortal combat scene. I know I would make it like that. :lol:
User avatar
sophie
 
Posts: 3482
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:31 pm

Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:32 am

Your handling of the confrontation was way better than anything I could have imagined. A knock-down-drag-out-god-fight would have been cheesy and easy. This way suits the maturity, subtlety and intrigue of your story far better than the power-rangers scene I had pictured in my head. :)

I also would not be surprised in the least if someone as powerful and clearly "End-Boss" as the KoW had prepared for an eventuality like this.
Spoiler
What are the odds that his soul or at least a chunk of it wasn't actually inhabiting his body at the time of the confrontation?

User avatar
Fluffer
 
Posts: 3489
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:29 am

PreviousNext

Return to The Elder Scrolls Series Discussion