So I've recently taken up writing again after a massive two year long hiatus (originally from writer's block and even after that cleared up I never had the time), and decided to do something set in the elder scrolls universe. I will continue to work on the story for a while, and will kind of make it up as I go along with only a very vague outline, since the best way to get back into writing is to simply write. I would definitely appreciate any kind of writing advice, or anything else you have to say about the piece.

Note: This first bit is the future version of the main character (much older than he will be in the actual story), and so he's 'overpowered'. I just wanted to do this bit because my idea was that I wanted my character to someday become a powerful, and fearless wizard, and the bulk of the actual story will be his progress towards this. So this first bit is really a taste of things to come kind of thing. I'm only posting this bit for now though in order to see how many people would be interested in reading it, otherwise I'll just continue to write it for myself and lock it away.

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Rapping could be heard with every other step as the butt of his serpentine staff knocked against the ground, and he stood tall with a brisk stride. The man made no effort to hide his presence; the path of shadows was not for one such as he. No, he walked with an otherworldly air about him, a hint of power beyond the normal mortal ken. A power he had mastered fully and carefully aimed towards the approaching undead. With a mere glance and an opened palm, he turned them, broke their spirit and sent them scurrying back into the shadows. His right arm, still raised, crackled with visible electrical energy from his shoulder down to the tips of his fingers, and he aimed at the back of the nearest form.

A bolt of lightning burst forth from his palm, reducing the first draugr to a fine ash, and then continued, arcing to hit the rest of the fleeing forms before him. Stepping through the ashes, he traipsed onwards, ignoring the continual rise of yet more draugr from their holes in the wall. By the time they got their bearings, he’d be long past, and he decided to leave them to his flock who were trailing behind, confident they could more than handle it.

As he rounded a corner, he encountered what appeared to be a dead end, but this did not perturb him, for he knew his goal lay yet beyond the stone. He stood completely still and lowered his head whilst he concentrated, using a simple clairvoyance spell to ascertain the location of a pull chain hidden behind a nearby statue. Using another spell, he pulled it without the inconvenience of movement, and stared straight forward as the wall before him slowly slid into the earth, revealing the passage which he already knew was there.

Not a single emotion passed his visage as he regained his momentum and entered the chamber before him. A much larger more open hall than the rest of the ruin had possessed, with a single stairway at the end and the resting place of a dragon priest atop it. Even as the priest rose to ‘greet’ his guest, the man continued, nonchalantly, and barely registered the three balls of flame that had been shot his way. At the last moment, the mage lazily rose his staff and produced a ward, completely negating the dragon priests attack. The flames exploding on the magical ward lit up his face for a moment, revealing an aged nord, with greying brown hair, a thick beard, and brilliant blue eyes seated atop a silver scar that crossed his nose, cleanly dividing his face into two.

The smallest hint of a smirk crossed his lips as he rose his right arm, now sheathed in flames, and uttered in a thin, raspy voice, “Not bad, but mine’s bigger.”

Good writing structure. There was a little hiccup in a run-on sentence early which kind of set the tone for, what I thought was going to be, a story full of mis-used syntax and illogical sentence structure, but it smoothed out rather quickly and remained grammatically stable.

Now for the story itself. We've all been where you are: easily parting an army of undead with a swing of a blade or a flick of the arm. Even the most bad-ass of heroes are, actually, pretty boring to read about. Now I know that you said the story was going to be his rise to a fearless mage, the tone at which you set the rest of the story lies within the first chapter. And there was no real plot nor conflict introduced. It would have been much more exciting to read about some boy who had barely learned to swing a sword that was terrifyingly sneaking through the depths to acquire a stolen family member (not what you were going for but you get the idea).

I know all this sounds like I'm just attacking you, but it's all for the sake that you improve from it. "Great heroes make for boring stories" as they say, and while I am interested in learning the Nord's rise to power, the way you introduced it kind of already gave away what he was to become (in essence, you've already revealed the ending to your story). So, take my advice or leave it, it's up to you. I hope that you continue on and make more in the future.

Good luck!