Hey, I've been here for almost a year now but I haven't written a fanfic before (until now obviously). I would like some help, I a little worried too, I know your all nice but damn... It's a little scary
Fast, heavy footsteps were running towards the room I was in. The stranger would burst through the door at the end of the room I was in and almost certainly catch me. All I could really do was wait for the figure to come through the door, I lifted my gun and aimed it towards the door.

"Two shots to the mouth, one on each eye, he'll be blinded and unable to shout out. Close in on him with the knife I presume you'll have and slit his throat."

I didn't realize this was the voice in the earpiece at first. Maybe that's just me but I think you need to clarify that. The voice could have been coming from the stranger.

Excited, I whispered loudly, "Hey? Oi, do ye hear me?"

My own voice sounded cool, I didn't say the word "you", just said it as "ye".

"Do ye hear me mate? Ah'm in a situation at the moment!"

"Wait!" I whispered, "Ah I don't think ah can pull off they kind of shots! Two in the mouth, one on each eye?! Are ye having a laugh?"

"No, and you can pull off they shots. Plus, you're Scottish, that counts for something."

Listen to me if you want to get out of here, and for a start you can say the letter "I" as "I", don't say "Ah". Now kill the mutant already will you?"


I'm glad you made it clear that the character was Scottish, especially the first time you spelled out phonetically how he sounded ,(I think that phonetic spelling adds flavor.) just be careful not to over state. It's ok to be Scottish, it's ok to make a point of it, it's not ok to belabor it. I think you were trying to be funny, but it just is a little much.

I think you can edit out this sentence and not lose anything.

Sighing, I said, “How will I ever find out my name then? I can’t just look at an object and say, Oh hey, that’s my name!”
“You’ll find out when you’ve got all the pieces together. Are you ready to get out of here?”

That's all I have for now. I'm glad you're writing and adding to the forum. Keep it going. :thumbsup:

I'm going to just leave this story, it's hard to keep the first person point of view, I'm much better with third person view. I did have a decent plot in my mind but it's clear no one is really enjoying the story, the first two chapters were alright I guess, but I've just ruined it now. I'd like to thank Yttrium, Antiv3 and Spittoonist for giving their time to give me some tips. Sorry it's ended like this, I'm pretty upset about it. I think this is going to be my last Fan Fic, guess I'll stick to rping lol.

'Not sure' is not the right answer. When someone kills something, they don't conceives snappy sarcastic replies, they freak out. Even, if they might be hardened soldiers or whatever. Or if they;re insane, which you can't be based off of your past scenarios.



You cant switch emotions without some kind of transition. It would be mush better received like this:
Now I was becoming agitated



on

I liked the dialogue between the characters, especially how you incorporate pauses. Keep going, and don't think of my or anyone else's criticism as a bad thing.

I very, very, VERY strongly disagree with your decision. Trust me, I know how it feels to be in your situation. I started a facfic too once, and Yttrium, who was there from the start, gave me the pep talk I needed. Now its my turn.

Although it may seem harsh, our criticism is only to help you, not hurt you. If you worry about what we say too much, this will happen. In the end of the day this is YOUR story, and what we say is OUR opinions from OUR perspective. I speak for everyone who commented when I say, WE WANT TO READ THIS. If we didn't we wouldn't have read, or went through all that quoting, critiquing sh*t. We do that for you.

And don't think because you aren't getting comments, we don't care. There are things we have to do with our lives, just like how you cant post something new every day. At the end of the day, its your choice, but I hope you choose to continue. I know I want to read it.

I"m in agreement with Ant completely. Keep writing guy, we wouldn't post at all if there wasn't something there. It's your choice of course, but if you're simply bored with the project, put it down and come back to it later. We're patient. B)

A bad chapter is all it takes really (chapter 3 wasn't that good, don't say it wasn't for god's sake). After that I made a promise to make the next chapter better, and it was a little bit better. But it wasn't that good either, pressure is beginning to mount on me and I am terrible when it comes to pressure.
I'm not bored of the story, I had a decent plot that I wanted to continue. I just feel like crap at the moment, I'll think about it tonight and decide tomorrow.

For God's sake, that chapter was not crap! You wanna see crap? Look at my second and third chapter. That was crap. We all have to start somewhere, and even the best were bad at one point. Your not going to get good until you get better. If you start a new one the same thing will happen, so just keep this one going. But, I reiterate that it is your decision, and am glad that you will at least sleep on it.

Iain Mc! Hey! Thanks for commenting on my story! Listen, if I can tell you one thing about writing it's this: while the readers are the main audience of the story that you are telling, you should never let them end up directing where the story will go, how it is written, or how it will end. If they critique it too much, just tell them to stop, or tell them to go write their own! I think your story is fantastic, and while there are things I would change about it, there is no doubt that it was enjoyable. If you like the way your story is told, then I wouldn't change it. Cheers mate!

DON'T GIVE UP.

Please. You don't want to do that. Believe me.

I have given up on every single fanfic I made, you don't want to do that. Stick with it, so what if the third chapter svcked? You made the next one better, doesn't matter how small of improvement you made. Make another chapter, you'll learn from your mistakes and make the next one better. Look at Ant, he hasn't given up on his fanfic, and is becoming quite good. He took the advice he was given and each chapter he made kept getting better than the previous one and now he's doing a fine job. You can do that to, so please just don't give up.

Also Ant and Iain, I'll post in the RP after I had some sleep. I'm going on...I think two days without sleep.

Dood, I've got 6 pages of comic coming that I've been working like a dog on. I often wonder if what I'm doing is worth anything, especially since I suspect people won't like it the way I want them too. But I keep going because it is way to hone my skills, and get decent feedback on a beloved subject like Fallout., even if It's not always the feedback I want to hear. It's absolutely worth it to keep going.

If all these testimonies aren't enough to keep you going, then...I guess America's going to war with China tomorrow.

Alright, I thought about it. Not offending anyone but the criticism did hurt me, I know I asked for it in the title, but I wasn't really ready for it. Pip and Spit are right though, it's my story not yours (still not trying to offend). So I'm just going to keep writing the story even if nobody comments about it. You can hate it, love it, get bored of it but I'm going to keep writing anyway. Thanks for not giving up on me guys .
Also I think the other problem was that I was trying to be good too fast, I'm going to keep it steady and make every chapter better than the one before (no promises ).

To be honest, I knew from the first chapter that you weren't ready for what you asked for, but I still criticized you the same. The reasons why should now be evident to you.

1) This is more than a forum, this is you learning about life. I knew based off of how long you've been on the forums without ever FFing and also the tone of what you write that you had self-confidence issues. I also know because I just got over them myself.

2) I also knew that even if I took it easy on you, they would not, for everyone isn't me.

3) You needed to go through this, it was inevitable, so don't feel bad about the process. And if I had a chance to undo all the problems I had in my life, I wouldn't change a damn thing.

It is so difficult to explain what is in my head, but I believe that every thing happens for a reason, and I'm grateful for everything this forum has given me, as should you.

Little secret:

Welcome to the Fallout 3 Forum, and welcome to life.

I'm glad you decided to keep at it. You will get comments though,and probably ones you won't like.You can take it or leave it but know that most people on this board are just trying to help. I'm very guilty of forgetting this is fan-fic site, not a writing forum. I get really caught up in the writing aspect and not the content. So for that I apologize. I just want to help people tell their story because want they want to say can be lost if their skills at writing aren't necessarily high.(that's not you, I meant people in general). The only way I can help is by giving the most honest critique possible.

On the brighter side, when I post my stuff, you get to point out what you think is flawed there. Ahh, vengeance is sweet! :flamethrower:

Hey guys, it's been a month without another chapter (sorry if you were expecting one when seeing this post), I've been afraid :laugh: .
I don't think I'll ever be able to take criticism the right way, I'm not being mean or snobby (I'm a real nice guy by the way ). I'm just gonna keep this simple and take it certain steps at a time. Don't expect me to get better at writing, your criticism made me worse (swear to god I'm not being mean) and I was afraid to write for a while.
I'm writing the chapters up on Word, I'll post them when I'm done

Just go easy on me guys, huh?



~Iain

Don't worry dude, I used to be absolutely atrocious at taking criticism. But trust me, when you learn that the readers are trying to aid your writing instead of knocking you down a few pegs, you'll understand just how helpful it is. As for me, I'm no good at giving criticism because my writing style is completely different than anyone elses - so you won't have to deal with criticism from me. I'm glad to see you're writing again though, keep it up brotha!

-Pip

Write on my posts because they're dryer than D.C in 2277!

Hey i'm iains friend sorry but iain can't post the next chapter of in the middle because he's been banned from the computer for a certain amount of time but i dont know how long it will be before he comes back sorry to give you bad news.