The sun beatdown on the small, cheery town of Andale. Two figures appeared over the hill, sun beating down on their backs. The first of the two was taller, leaner. His name was Seth, whilst the other was his brother, Thomas. The younger of the two, Thomas was much smaller and a bit more stocky, but also injuried. In a recent battle, he'd recieved a gunshot wound to the leg. "Hey, look! Shelter Tom." Seth cried out in joy, pointing over to the group of three, fairly undamaged houses. His younger brother showed a smirk, before a shot of pain ran through his leg. "Gah, crap. I hope those houses have some medical supplies." The boy groaned, carefully navigating down the hill infront of his brother, desperate to recieve some medical attention.

Once at the bottom, Seth removed his assault rifle from his back, slamming a new clip into the loading mechanism. As he rounded a destroyed house, he raised it, aiming a few metres infront of him. The noise was being produced by two children. One boy and one girl, of around ten, pushing each other on the swing set. "Higher, Junior! Higher!" The girl squeeled with excitment as the boy heaved and pushed as she swung back and forth. Seth flicked the safety on and walked towards the pair whilst keeping his machinegun pointing to the floor. "Hey there, kids." He called out, smiling kindly to them. Junior turned around, hearing the call and looked shocked. "We've got vis--" His little call was cut short as the backward swing of his female counter-part made contact with his head, knocking him to the floor. "Oh no! Junior, are you alright?!" She hoped off the swing and run around to him, getting on her knees and nursing his wound. "Can you go and get his mommy please?" She said, looking up to Seth, sniffling slightly. "Yeah, sure. Which house does he live in?" He asked, looking down to the knocked out kid. The girl pointed to the far house and Seth set off, leaving his brother and the two children alone.

"So...Who lives in this town?" Thomas asked, looking over the girl and the boy, a strange unease in his eyes. The girl, her name being Jenny, looked up from Junior and replied. "Not many of us. There's me, Junior, my mummy and daddy, Junior's mummy and daddy...And Old man Harris, but he's crazy." She giggled slightly before returning to Junior. "Do the dad's go on hunting trips together, leaving you and the other girl's behind?" He asked, his teeth sinking slightly into his bottom lip. "Sometimes." She returned whistling. This remark put a smirk on Thomas' face, his intentions unknown to the little girl.

"Oh dear! Junior!" A cry came, as a women wearing a dirty suit came running over to the fallen boy. It was his mother, Linda Smith. She knelt down next to him, scooping him up into her arms before rushing him back into the house, leaving the two brothers and Jenny outside. "Hey! Do you two want to meet my mummy?" Jenny asked. Not waiting for an answer, she skipped off to her house, entering and leaving the door open...

[[Will do more later. It's probably full of mistakes, but I've always wanted to do this. Critism more than welcome.]]

You should do more, yes.

You don't write a lot, do you? I mean, it's written like someone who could really write, but hasn't done much. Practice. Spell checker. Watch your continuity as well. There are a few places that defy logic -- kid falling off a swing to the floor is one. Should be the ground.

Regardless, it's a great start and one of the better ones I've read in here. Just write and let it flow.

My 2 caps,
Eileen

The pair followed the girl, peering into the dingy house that laid inront of them. The wall paper, or what was left of it, was peeling off the walls whilst the carpet was no longer existant, replaced by the solid wooden boards beneath their feet. Many of the walls had small cracks, and many had larger ones aswell, often covered up by pieces of miscellaneous wood. Yet, despite the multipule gaps and holes, the air inside was staggeringly dense. Years of dust and various other attributes hung in the air, drawn to the house in some sort of weird fashion.

Coughing slightly, Seth stepped further inside, his brother at his heel. "Hello?" He called out, in a fairly loud voice. Almost instantly, a women rushed in from the kitchen just a bit ahead of Seth. "Oh! Visitors!" She squeaked, looking suprised. She, too, was wearing a suit and bore much resemblance to the other women they'd seen, voice and appearence accounted. "I'm...Uh...Sorry, we didn't mean to intrude." Seth tried to apologise, only to see the women rushed around the bombed-out living room, trying to clean up whatever she could. "No, no. It's my fault. I've let the room become such a mess!" She stopped, looking to Thomas' leg. "Oh. Look at me, trying to make my place look nice when you're all...Hurty." She took the crippled lad and dragged him up the stairs, leaving Seth standing there.

Once up the stairs, Thomas was directed to the bed. "Please, lie down. I've read some books on first-aid and medical stuff." She turned and smiled, reaching into a cabinet and removing a pair of pliers. "You sure you know what you're doing, lady?" Thomas spoke, his eyes following the metal implements as they drew closer to him. There was no response. She took hold of the bandages, unwrapping them from the leg then discarded them, along with the plank of wood. "Oh no! It's stuck real depp in there, huh?" She clicked her pliers, in a cute, but maniacly fashion which caused Thomas' face to drop. With one quick movement, she dug the pliers into the man's wound inaccurately, cutting into flesh and scrapping bone. Thomas, who'd normally be screaming, was biting his hand in pain, drawing blood in that location too. The women had finally found it, she snapped the end onto the deformed and half-destroyed bullet before completely ripping it out.

Thomas slumped down, passed out on the bed. Seth, who'd heard the commotion, ran up the stairs and slid into the room, looking to his brother and the women, sitting over him with pliers in her hands. "What the hell are you doing to my little brother?!" He screamed, advancing on her, taking her neck in her hand. "I-I was...Can't...Breath." Seth forced her against the wall, squeezing tighter, harder. "What's that?! I can't hear yo--" Blood sprayed out from Seth's neck onto the women's face. The serrated edge of a combat knife had ripped through the skin, flesh and even the windpipe in one fatal swoop. Seth's body fell to the floor, holding his neck in a desperate attempt to stop the blood flow. "What's that?" The man standing above him mocked, stamping on Seth's neck, putting the last nail in the coffin. "Bill!" The women called out, jumping from the floor into her husband's arms, embracing him tightly. The large figure of Bill returned the affection, rubbing her back. "It's ok now, Martha. We've got food aswell...Plenty of it." He smirked, releasing his wife and gripping the leg of Seth, dragging him downstairs.

The body was dragged out into the baking sun, leaving a thin trail of blood to it's new home; the shed. Unlocking the door, Bill entered, pushing the corpse down the stairs into the medium sized underground butchery. The tables were laydened with blood, covered in body parts and supplied with many a cutting weapon. The smell was pugent, even to the most blocked nose, but the people of Andale were use to it now. The corpse of Seth was placed ontop of another human. "We'll set to work on that one tomorrow." He thought, savouring the thought of fresh meat.

Later that night, Thomas awoke, sitting up as if a shock of electricity had just ran up his back. He looked around the room, head moving from left to right. No one was here. Looking to the floor, he saw a thin, weak line of blood that'd been rubbed out, but was still slightly visible, even in the darkness. He reached for his pistol, but it was gone. "Damnit. What's going on here?" He thought, reaching into the cupboard, he rummaged around and removed the blood stained pliers and began to hobble out of the room. He came to the stairs, placing his strong foot first...As it hit the next step, the blood from his leg caused the other to slip, sending him down the stairs in a frenzied roll, only to be stopped by the sofa at the bottom. "Argh." The low-pitched growl of pain left his lips as he got up, looking up the steps. "Maybe they didn't hear." He continued to hobble out of the door, following the trail, which ended at the shed door, with a large puddle sitting infront of it.

He tried the handle, success, it was unlock. Once again, Thomas was defeated by stairs though, sliding down the bloody stairs, into the cavern. He smashed against a workbench, causing it to shake and rock. Sadly, the body ontop of it fell down onto the poor lad, it's face touching his, the skin was cold and white, the blood on the neck was dark, crusted. "S-Seth?!" He spluttered, pushing the body off him. He got up onto his feet, looking around the disgusting workplace. Bodies in cages, fridges covered in blood, walls splashed with the juices of humans. Thomas began to panic, running up the stairs on all fours.

His head was met by a foot, that of Bill Wilson, whom had heard him all along and who's idea it was to play with Thomas. The younger brother of the now dead Seth, rolled down the stairs once more, landing ontop of his brother and ontop of a knife, which dug into his bad leg. "Ah! Ah oh god!" He screamed out, the knife firmly wedged in. The only thing the scared him more than being trapped, was being trapped with a crazy murderer. The lad looked up, Bill had already made it half way down, a combat knife in hand. Thomas let out a noise of displeasure, before reaching on the desk above him, his hands searching inbetween organs and intestines, he gripped something hard, solid.

A Ripper started up in Thomas' hand as he moved up from his sitting position, a look of anger on his face. "It's about time...You die!" He screamed, charging towards Bill with the operational ripped. Bill moved out of the way, kicking the hilt of the combat knife which resided in Thomas' let. "Gah!" He screamed, dropping the Ripper and instead, gripping his leg. "Why...?" He spoke, spitting out some blood at Bill. The man smirked, reaching to the desk next to him, taking a pair of garden trimmers, placing each blade either side of the boy's neck. "Why? Isn't it every husband's job to keep their family fed?" With that, he forced the two handles together, slicing and removing Thomas' head.

Bill exited the shed, having changed into a fresh pair of clothes from the wardrobe in the shed, just intime to see a new arrival coming over the hill...

----

Thanks for the feedback, Eileen. If you mean I don't write as much as in...Stories and such forth, no, I don't. I enjoy writing 'em though.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant. It's there, you just have to let it out more

Eileen

I just want to roleplay, but nobody's around.

Nice story, you've got my props :thumbsup:
Just found Andale 2 days ago after 60 hours on one character and 30 or so on another so I had to check this out, glad to see someone else liked the place lol (I enjoyed the cannibal options it gave me)
There were a few parts that didn't quite fit, like as to why he wasn't locked in a cage..
But all in all gg, it was good reading

Nice.

You could definetely make it a lot more spooky, dramatic and psychological.

perty cool