CHAPTER 1: THE BEGENING

Marcus, Age 11

"Son, you will be a great fighter! I know it!" John said confidentley.
"Thank you dad! I try my hardest!" Mark said.
"I know, now go get supper for the night, the Mirelurks are crawling around this time in the morning!" John said.

Mark smiled then walked into the Shack, Mark lived on a bridge with his Mother, Father, Sister, and Brother, Mark was getting his Hunting Rifle, he was a good shot, but he was more skilled with blades.

Mark ran down the bridge getting closer to the ground, he ran to the river and saw a Mirelurk up ahead, it seemed he was the only one around. Mark looked through the scope on his gun and got in on the Mirelurks face, he pulled the trigger and a loud bang came, the Mirelurk fell down dead.

"Perfect!" Mark said.

He went up into the Mirelurk and dragged it out of the water, when he got it on land three men walked infront of him.

"Whats a little kid like you doing out here all alone, ya know this place is dangerous!" One of the Men said.

Mark reached to the back of his pants he grabbed hold of the handle of a Combat Knife and unseathed it quietley.

"Please, I do not want to hurt you leave me alone!" Mark said.

Mark was taught not to fear, and he was taught well.

"Hahahah!" The man lauged he took a Baton from his side, Mark saw this and thrusted the dagger forwards into the mans chest, the other man kicked Mark in the head and he fell down unconcious.

Good prologe it could be longer though

I had to leave soon so that's why it was so short.

Why is everyone so excited? So many exclamation marks...

Interesting theory, I've seen it before but it could go places, keep it up.

Well, it is not just exicted, it also means there are talking loud!

Well then...

Where's the fire? I hear loud noises! People aren't always yelling, otherwise we'd all have sore throats pretty quick.

Yeah, lol. I will fix that.

Chapter 2: The Begening...continued

Mark awoke, he was on the ground, his face bloodied and full of dirt, tears started to form in Mark's eyes but he forced them back as he remembered what his father said, "if you want to survive out in these wastes remember, show no emotion, show no fear, never let the enemy know that you are just human, make sure they fear you, not you fearing them!".

Mark struggled to get up, but he ignored the pain, he had to get to the shack, he had to get his dad. It took atleast ten minutes but Mark got to the Shack on the bridge. The door was closed so Mark opened it, when he stepped in he could see his two parents bodies there, blood smeared on the walls and all over the floor, sudenley Mark remembered about his sibilings, where were they?

"Mark..Mark, my son, I know what you are thinking, that you will kill who ever did this, well do not say that, that will ruin your life, trust me I know, just run do not look back" Mark's father struggled to say.

"But no..I have to, I have to get you help to, you can't die! I won't let you!" Mark said, hot tears were strolling down his cheeks, he had finnaly reached his breaking point.

"Marcus please, my time is now, I have lived my life, maid many mistakes, but now it is up to you to continue the Neverea family, and please son do not spend the rest of your life, on vengance, and revenge! It will ruin you! Run, go to Megaton, it is not far from here, it is safe there! Here take the key from my back pocket, the safe in the corner there is some things there that will help you, now go son! Go!" Mark's father said, his eyes closed and would never open again.

Mark grabbed the key and oppened the safe, the contents were, a Combat Knife, 10 MM Pistol, and a Kevlar Vest, Mark grabbed these things and left, he headed for Megaton and even though his father said not to seek revenge, that was an order he would not obey.

good chapter!

CHAPTER 3: Cherry
Marcus Age 13

　

A week after Marcus fled to Megaton he was taken in by a woman named, Cynthia Doris. Cynthia had a daughter who was the same age as Marcus, her name was Cherry

It had been two years since his parents murders, and Marcus was still searching for his brother and sister, and of course the people who did this to his family, there was no way that Marcus would let them go free, he would kill them, slowly and painfully.

"Marcus! Come here! I got something to show you, it is AWESOME!" Cherry said with excitement in her voice.

Mark got up from his bed grabbed his Switchblade and ran downstairs and out the door, he turned the corner into the alley of Megaton and saw Cherry there.

"Hey Marcus look!" Cherry said, she pointed at a dead body lying on the ground, beside the body was a smashed Whiskey Bottle.

"Whoa! He is dead! Awesome! Should we get some one?" Mark asked.

"Nah, some one will find out later, want to poke it?" Cherry asked.

"No, I will do something better then a poke!" Mark said, he took his Switchblade and the blade popped out, Mark then started to jab it in the dead man's arm.

"Ewe!" Cherry said as the blood came out.


Mark got up and put his Switch away, he then turned to Cherry, "Race you to Moriarty's!"

"Sure!"



The two kids ran to Moriarty's, they ran up the metal staircases but Mark was immediately stopped by a gun shot and then a scream, Mark turned around to see Cherry drop to the ground with a bloody wound in her chest, Mark ran to her and more gunshot's went off with more screams, Mark looked near the center of town and saw a group of Raiders armed heavily.

"CHERRY!" Mark yelled, tears coming from his eyes.

"Mark, get help!" Cherry said with weakness in her voice.

"I will just wait right here!" Mark said.

Mark stood up and grabbed his Switchblade, he sprinted down the stairs and someone appeared right in front of him, it was a Raider.

"Ooo look at the little boy! This will be easy!" The Raider lifted his Sledgehammer and Mark stabbed him in the chest, the Raider dropped the Hammer and cried in pain, he fell to the ground and Mark continued to stab him in the chest.



"DIE!" Mark yelled as he stabbed the Raider.

Mark could see that the Raider had died a long time ago, he stood up and continued to run, he got to the clinic and opened the door, he grabbed a Med X and three Stimpacks and then ran out of the Clinic, he returned to Cherry but it was too late, she had died.



"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No not again! No!" Mark cried, tears poured down his face and he finally broke, he got up and screamed his slammed his fists on the railing and started to kick them as hard as he could, when someone came to stop him he stabbed them in the stomach, he looked at who the person was, it was Cherry's mother, Cynthia.

wow good chapter josh I wonder whats goig to happen next!

Thanks! Next Chapter will be the end of this event and then the next one after that will be Marcus age 17, the age he became an Assassins and made himself, MARK TARGET NEVER!

OOOOOO SNAPPPPPP

Damn straights! lol

A couple of punctuation errors and "Some one" should be "Someone".

I can't really comment on the story, as I haven't really seen much. And put a period somewhere in the last paragraph, it's a long run-on.

Well, this is bassicaly the UNTOLD story of Mark Never star of the Manhattan War 2 and Marshall. He might be making a comeback soon..as a Roamer.

not really making me feel bad for Mark, but still cool. it's interesting to see the way fictional characters deal with their own losses.

Yeah you should not feel bad for him, consedering what he has done to your character! XD, but yeah Mark was not always a bad ass had emotional moments aswell.

CHAPTER 4: REGRET


"Cynthia pleases no!" Mark said as he pulled the blade from her, "I never meant to, no, no, no! [censored]! Please do not die on me not you!"



Mark dropped to the ground beside her, he then remembered about the Stimpacks, he took one of out and injected it into her wound, and he then took the Med X and injected it into her vain.
"You stay right there; please I do not need you to die!" Mark said.
He stood up and ran to Moriarty's; when he entered Moriarty was holding a Combat Shotgun to the door, "Oh Jesus kid! You almost gave me a heart attack, yer lucky I didn't shoot!"

"I need a Rifle, I am leaving!" Mark said.
"Are ya kidding me kid, yer only 13, I am not given ya a gun, don't be stupid!"
"Just give me one! I know how to use one better then you do!"
"Fine, take this; it's a Sniper Rifle, them military ones, packs a punch!"
"Thanks!"



Mark left the bar with a Sniper Rifle, he knew how to use it, he looked through the scope and saw three Raiders, and he killed each of them with head shots. Mark ran down the railings towards the crater, he got to the ground and a Raider was there the one that killed Cheery, Mark shot the Raiders knee and he collapsed to the ground. Mark ran to him and kicked him in the side of the head; he then lifted him up and smashed his head against the wall of The Brass Lantern.

"You're [censored] dead!" Mark yelled.

He pulled his Switch and stabbed the Raider in the chest six times, then he shoved it into his hand pinning it to the ground. He then saw a Kitchen Knife on the Raiders side; Mark took that and did the same to the other hand. The raider was yelling in pain but Mark could do nothing but kick the Raider in the head repeatedly giving the Raider severe head injuries. Mark then remembered Cynthia, he ran to were she was but when he got there she was gone.

Mark was about to go ballistic but he calmed himself and fled Megaton, he did not know were he was going he just wanted to go.

Techinally, Mark just messed up Tater but Michael never saw him die or even really heard news of it but he assumed he was dead. Other than that, Michael broke his leg attacking the Vertibird field. Then he actually helped my other guy Ronald in Marshal. Oh, wait, he did kill that version of Josh and I'm sure that stung but I think I've had minimal interaction with the man otherwise.

Josh last chapter is good but he wasnt the "main star" in marshal that was rift!

Yes I know that, I meant he was one of the stars of it! XD



Well yeah but he tried to kill you on multiple occasions.

((Cherry from the last chapter would have become the person in Dukov's, but she died))

CHAPTER 5: TARGET

Marcus Neverea, Age 17, 2276

Mark was walking around Megaton; he had not been here since he was 72, and the day Cherry died. Instantly Mark thought of visiting Moriarty, he walked to the Saloon and opened the door, he sat on a stool and a new person was there, a Ghoul.

"Hello what can I get you?" The Ghoul asked.

"Erm?I just need to talk to Moriarty I am an old friend of his" Mark replied.

"Sure, I'll go get him" The Ghoul said.

He walked into the back room and got Moriarty, "Hello Moriarty remembers me?" Mark asked.

"No, not really, were you here last week?" Moriarty asked.

"No, it's me, Marcus, Marcus Neverea".

"What! Marcus! Well I'll be dammed! Welcome back old friend, four years has it been?" Moriarty asked.

"Yeah four years, is Cynthia still living here" Mark asked.

"No, since Cherry died she could not stand the place, she left, I think she was trying to go to Rivet City; I do not know if she made it though!"

"Hmm, well it was nice talking to you but I really got to go, I met this person, Daniel Littlehorn, he said he could have some work for me!" Mark said.

"Well, well for you!" Moriarty said.



Mark was on his way, hours later he arrived.

"Ahh, Marcus, and here I have something for you to do but you will not receive pay at all for the next three years I need to no that you are loyal first!" Daniel said.

"What? No, I receive pay for every hit that I do! You said so yourself! I am not leaving until I am guaranteed my pay!" Mark demanded.

"Oh, Mark, I was hoping it would not come to this, Brick, Rock, take care of our guest!" Daniel said.



"What the [censored] Littlehorn this was not in the deal!" Mark said.

Mark grabbed a .32 Pistol from his side and shot a round into Brick's head , he dropped to the ground dying instantly, the Rock person then pulled out a Combat Knife and threw it at Mark's hand, "[censored]!" Mark yelled, he grabbed the handle of the Knife and pulled it out, then Rock threw a punch at Mark and hit him in the side of the head, Mark spun and fell to the ground, the punch had made a cut. Rock stomped on Mark's leg, "AGHHHHHHHH!" Mark held on to the Knife and shoved it into Rock's thigh, Rock collapsed to the ground and Mark pushed his thumbs into Rock's eyes, "ARGHGHGHHH!" Rock yelled, Mark stood up and picked up his .32 Pistol, he aimed it at Littlehorn.

BANG.

so this chapter is the start of bad ass mark SWEET

Good storyline, yes, but the style of writing MUST be put attention to. You are using very little in the way of commas and they deserve a place there, without commas your story will fall into a degenerate mass of nothingness. As well as that, you need to add in more periods, without them it will just trail on and make things impossible to understand as people's heads run off with your sentences. A good example is right near the end in the fight scene, it trails on and on and on and on and on....

So yeah, try and fix up these sorts of mistakes in future, instead of just up and posting it as quickly as you can re-read over it. Write it up in a Word Document and check it over again and again, checking for ANY mistakes. The smallest mistake can stuff up a good chapter.

Good luck and farewell,
Francois