Meh, I thought it was great. Why do you ask?

After reading it through, one word.

"Munchausenesque"

That's both praise and warning. You must strive in the tradition of Munchausen - to have each episode trump the next, but at the same time keep your lightness of touch. By that standard - and to be fair, it is a high standard - I give you the notional score of 65%.

Erm...just in case you don't get what I mean...


Rent the DVD 'The adventures of Baron Munchausen' by director Terry Gilliam. Try to get the gold 20 year anniversay edition.

THEN you will see what I mean about the craft of telling tall tales.

Care to elaborate? I'm a tad confused.

"When in doubt, Wiki" should be a slogan for the internet generation. Wiki "Baron Munchausen" and look for the movie.

Notice how Terry Gilliam gives multiple interpretations for the movie.

You misunderstand. I know exactly who you're reffering to. I just fail to see the semblance between my work and his. They're both tall-tales... But how does that matter?

Because, according to Wikipedia, the only criteria for a tall-tale is: a story with unbelievable elements, related as if it were true and factual

:huh:

The idea of 'Munchausen'-ing a story is this: you take a real situation, then have the narrator turn it into an impossible situation, then have him top that situation with an even more impossible situation, then just when you think you couldn't exaggerate any more you have him top it all with an absolutely impossible situation.

The situations must be impossible, yet they must be narrated straight faced and they must have their own internal logic which makes it - at least according to that logic - possible.

There is a game sold called the Munchausen game. Look to it.

Let's just hope this doesn't turn into an argument like Emperor's first fan-fic...

Nah, I was just confused. I'm cool.

Ah, good good. I just wasn't wanting another argument in your fan-fics; they're too good for that.

:D

New installment will be up soon.

Good good, I look forward to it

As I'm reading I'm both impressed with the usage of words but also disappointed by the fact you are referring to honey mead.... Ofcourse it's honey, that's the very definition of mead as well as by the fact you made an absolute mess of the word "probably".

Hi Emperor,

I've only read the first chapter so far, but overall very, very nicely done. I love the extensive vocabulary, and I understand and appreciate the style. However, imho, there are occasional lines that disrupt the general harmony of the piece. One such line was:

The occupant's prolonged proximity had resulted in several sophomoric contests, but nothing of consequence or notable severity.

For some reason that one seemed very...I donno...disruptive to the flow of the story. Of course, things read differently to everyone, but that one stuck out to me. Not that I'm not occasionally guilty of doing the same ( ), but sometimes it's better to go for a simpler word if the longer one doesn't feel quite "natural" to the flow of the sentence.

Anyhow, that observation aside, the story is very good, and I look forward to finishing it!!

Hello everyone.

I've got some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is that I've been going through some nasty family problems at home, so my writing has taken a back seat to dealing with them.

The good news is that I recently finished a lengthy new chapter, so I'm going to get to work editing that. It'll be up tonight or early tomorrow.

On another note, the story is turning out to be longer than I expected.

Edited. Please check below."

O Emperor of Dreams, when telling a story,
'tis wise to avoid an outlandish grostequerie,
For in preparing this vocabulary sickly rich,
Thee be in true danger of drowing in ditch -

Yea, a ditch. Filled with revolting odure,
of the vocabulary the poor reader endures,
Know'st thee not well that too rich a food,
Spoils a story and truly breaks its mood?

Adorn thy plot by all means with words rich and obscure,
But please, I beg thee, write not that I've come to fear -
a story that sounds more like a dictionary in vomit,
such stories depress the reader faster than plunging comet!

'Tis pity, for under the bloated excess of your writing
There is that which could be a story most exciting -
Who would not warm to a story about dragons
surrounded by treasure and wine in gold flagons?

Thus a word of advice. Use your words like ice,
Sparingly, it refreshes and cools mind in a trice,
But overdo it, and weight of your words will squeeze
the poor reader's mind until it overloads to FRREZE!

O Emperor of dreams, I now bid thee adieu
And, requite a parting gift, I shall, in lieu,
Less can be more if you know what you're doing -
Elegant Simplicity is the way to reader's wooing!!!

I'm pretty sure-- from Tayroc's incindiary commentary on my "geomancy" fanfiction (and Rohugh's deletion of said commentary)-- that posts like this are highly frowned upon here. And, although you disguised your's as a somewhat light and whimsical poem, I don't appreciate my work being compared to a dictionary drowned in vomit, however difficult to read you may find it.

Edit: And what crazy definition do you have for "constructive criticism?"

Emperor, I applaud you efficiency at writing.
I also thank you for fighting along side me in the war against pop culture.
Your story is better than anything on these forums.

A flagon of Ale for the good man!

@ ShadowStrike: Thanks, but I think my opinions on Pop-Culture may have made you immediately partial to my writing.

@ D. Foxy: your commentary is becoming increasingly obtuse. First you made a somewhat pedantic comparison between my writing and that of The Baron Munchausen's and now you've put it upon yourself to give it a total bashing in lyrical form. Why not just give it an unambiguos critique?

Sly bastard. But really I did read some of it and it was good!

Dear Emperor, I think you have misunderstood me.

As I remarked in another thread, "If the reader doesn't get it, it's not the reader's fault." SO! By my own definiton, it is no one's fault but my own...

But first, a lttle background on me and where I'm coming from.

In real life apart from the Net, I am, among many other things, a martial artist. No, I am not Steven Seagal (my idol) but I do have a solid background in the martial arts, particularly weapons.

And I am a shareholder and part time instructor in a dojo, where sometimes students will come to me and ask me to spar.

When they do, I hold nothing back - I give them an all out attack, and usually this ends in the student struck in under two minutes. Sometimes, to point out grevious errors in a students' defence, I throw a powerstrike through his/her guard, ending with the student disarmed and on the mat, sometimes wincing in pain...

I do this not out of hate, but out of love.

The sword I use to strike is not to hurt, but to teach. It is used to teach a lesson of life: that only the fittest will survive, and it is better to be shown one's weaknesses by a friend than by an enemy.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I thought, honestly, that your last effort stunk. Sorry, but that's the truth. I shall explain in detail in my next post, why I thought it stunk, and my opinions on how it could be improved.

Now, I could just have passed without commenting. I could have taken the easy way out, and said to myself - he has taken a way which he thinks is right, and who am I to tell him that he is wrong? Let him make his own mistakes and find his own path by himself.

But YOU PM'D ME AND ASKED ME TO COMMENT ON YOUR WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE. And, in my code, that makes me honour bound to give you the best shot I have. No pulled punches.

BUT...But...but..

There is a difference between the martial arts, sparring, combat, and literature and literary criticism. I know. I know.

In the martial arts, nothing is subjective. Win or lose. Block or be struck. In extremis, live or die....

In literature, history has shown us countless examples of great writers who were utterly rejected by the greatest critics of their day, who went on to prove that they were right and the 'great' critics were total asses. And I am not a 'great' critic by anyone's definition, even by my own, egoistic one.

Therefore in the end it all boils down to your gut. Whom you trust. Whom you don't.

Therefore, Emperor of Dreams: here is a straight question, man to man. You trusted me, once, enough to PM me and ask for criticism. DO YOU STILL DO SO NOW? Just answer a single word, 'NO', and I shall not post in this thread any more, though I shall still continue reading. But if the answer is 'YES' then I shall post again, with a detailed, almost line by line critique of your last post, and why I think the writing was awful but the story still well worth saving.

Life, the existentialists say, is choice. And one must choose 'in good faith'. So choose, my friend... YES, or NO.

Yours Sincerely,

Foxy.

Well... I thought you were going to write a real critique, not an inflammatory assault disguised as a poem that essentially amounts to: Awful. Too many big words that I didn't understand.

But after two supposed "critques" you've given me nothing more than an arbitrary "notional" percentage and a thorough bashing. No specifics. No details. Just a percentage and critisism. So my answer is a polite "no."

Edit: I think I'm becoming just as known for being easily flustered as I am for writing stories Always had a quick temper... I'll try to stop.

Noone seems to had been reading this lately ; I'm going to give it one more chance then I'm going to request it be locked.

There haven't been any updates in a while, have there? I'll still be reading once you do.