Alright,please dont make fun,its a working story i made,I hope you like!

As the Sandstorm died down,my worst fears were realized.The Fiends had geared up and were preparing for an assault,yet again,on my home,Westside.The Militia leader barked out orders to the Militiamen,who followed orders,i was on the tower,looking out along the Northern passage way.Two Messengers,from the New California Republic came right before the Fiends launched the first attack,they told us that the Vault 3 Fiends,led by the infamous Motor-Runner,were moving from South Vegas to Westside,they told us that it would come from the West and south.The Fiends usual attack route,they had about 100 men as the Republic had "calculated".As we waited,The radio was flicked to a channel that came from the far north,we never really knew what it was,all we knew was it played "Patriotic Songs" and they called themselves the "Enclave radio" As soon as i turned it off,the Fiends stormed in from a small,abandoned house.As one Fiend climbed over the Metal Ramparts,he was soon knocked down.After two hours of going back and forth,Offensive to defensive we went.They fiends were soon routed by the sight of the Radiation Storm,a unusual occurance,as we rain into a place called "The Thorn",I smiled,the fiends hadn't broken through the lines like they did so many times before.

Nice, not too many errors, cap a few letters here or there, bit too many apostrophes. Not rushed which is always nice. Interesting start.

Okay, I'll give you some feedback. I think it's way to short, their is no backstory, character development or anything immersing. So if you can write more and correct the punctuation errors, then I see this as a potentially good story.

Imagine this as a Trailer for a movie or a game,its a sneak peak for things to come,ill elaborate on the story as time goes by.