Ashina halted her horse, her fiery eyes piercing the depths to see how many were accosting her this time. She could see a few through the mist, but there were doubtless more. This part of the Imperial Province was populated only by bandits and escaped insurgents, such as herself, and the sand and turf constructions that sheltered the soldiers who had to patrol this wilderness were not adequate to defend them against attack. They would always travel in numbers.

"Well, what have we here?" called the voice again. Ashina could tell that the Imperial was getting closer. She eased her hand down to where her sword hung, as the Imperial came close enough to see Ashina's face beneath her hood. "A Dunmer lady, alone at night? Don't you know that this area is a battlefield? We had to fight off bandits who assaulted a merchant and his staff only a few hours ago. You'd best follow us back to our barracks, or tell us what a Dunmer women plans on doing out here." Ashina smiled, glad that the soldier hadn't recognised her.

"She tries to avoid being harassed by Imperial soldiers," she replied, her sweet tone of voice taking any sting out of the words that might have made the guard enquire further. "If I must accompany you back to the barracks, I must also speak with your commander."

The Imperial frowned as the words sunk in. He glanced back as he considered his response, evidently checking something.
"He is back at the barracks. If you wish to complain..."

"Oh, I don't wish to complain," Ashina said, smiling at how the guard had betrayed his commander's presence by turning around to look for him. "In fact, I want to get this over with as quickly as possible."

"We must make sure that travellers get through this region safely. That's why we're asking you to come back to the barracks."

"Well, as long as you're asking, I won't come. I can look after myself, but thank you." Ashina turned, expecting the guard to stop asking and to start making demands, and began to walk away from him, splashing through the churned mud of the patrol route.

"What is your name, then? We must keep records of those who do not want protection. If you do not give us your name, we will be forced to take you back to the barracks whether you want to come or not."

Ashina stopped, and thought about her next action. She had a few false names to give. Of course she had a few. She'd memorised them, as well. But what if the soldier didn't accept it, and asked for her to come back to the barracks for clarification? If she was asked to write her name, she'd have to write in Daedric, and that would give away the fact that she was from the Ashlands. When the only Ashlanders in Cyrodiil were those who had fled the battlefield with her, even if the soldiers did not realise that she was the ashkhan they would have enough information to charge her with treason.

"Now you are forgetting I am a citizen of Tamriel," she replied, turning around. "I have a right to walk this land. I do not pay my taxes to be interrupted by wilderness patrols who want a female companion."

"You pay your taxes so we can do our job. If you tell us your name, you can continue. If you don't, then we will have a female companion for the night. Or longer, if bandits block the path."

"If you want my name, then you can speak to my employer, the Count of Leyawiin, and he will be happy to answer any questions that you or your captain may have!" Ashina retorted, knowing that no Imperial Legion commander would admit that they'd made a mistake to a noble.
"Lady, I know the Count of Leyawiin, and have been in the company of him and his wife on many occasions, at many official events. I have not seen you in his household."

"In what capacity were you there?" Ashina asked, trying to sound friendly as if there was some sort of common ground between herself and the offensive guard.

"I was the bodyguard of the commander, who is the count's advisor on insurgents, such as the Renrijra Krin, and your kinsmen." Ashina stepped back, as if she took offence. She enjoyed playing to the pride of the settled people. It was refreshing.

"You claim that the rebels are my kinsmen? I am a servant of a respected noble family, I will not be associated with barbarians!"
"Lady, you are simply trying to avoid our questions. I've not seen you, and you won't tell us your name." The guard dismounted his horse, unable to hide his impatience, and walked over to Ashina with his hand on his weapon. "Put your hands up," he ordered. Ashina sighed, but she did as instructed.
"I don't see why you can't just take me to the barracks."

"Because you wouldn't follow," the guard replied, standing behind her, looking at her waist for weapons.
"Fair enough. But why do I need to put my hands up?"

This time, the guard didn't answer. He sighed, knowing he was about to start another argument, and grabbed Ashina's waist so she couldn't turn the other way.

"Take your skirt off, I need to check for weapons. Just my orders, you understand?"

Ashina turned her head to the side, trying to see the guard's face, and put her hands on his.

"In front of the other men?" she asked, changing her voice from that of a sacked Altmer businesswoman to that of an embarrassed Breton slave. The guard seemed to be a little lost for ideas, and he stumbled over a pile of words before he formed a sentence out of them.

"Well, there are trees over there if it would make you feel more comfortable."

"If you wouldn't mind," Ashina said, allowing herself to be led over to the trees, confident that the other guards were disappointed.

She didn't mind showing everything now. She happily pulled down her skirt, and, when the guard was satisfied she had no weapons concealed in its pleats, she took off her shawl with a smile when ordered. Again, she had no weapons. She was, of course, more reluctant to take off her hood, but did so with pleasure, as she slipped her sword from her sleeve and sank it into the guard without a word. Then it was back around her shoulders with the soaking shawl, and back out into the forest for her and her blade, which was, despite its Imperial design, far more useful than she'd ever have imagined.

Good to see another fan fiction from a noted Fan Fiction commenter such as yourself. I will do my best to discuss it.

The hint of mystery at the beginning is good, we don't know who she is, where she is, or what she is doing, and that is just how it is supposed to be. Most of the rest is some very clever dialogue and well thought out phrases that tell us what each character is thinking and doing. Then we get to a paragraph that gives us our first bit of information; she is an Ashlander and is possibly wanted by the Empire. Then a clever use of dialogue to further strengthen her craftiness and finally the clever plot ends by telling us she is skilled in the tools of an assassin. A few other clues tell us she is wanted, mostly the fake names. As I said, a very good, well thought out, introduction.

Now, to anolyze what little plot we have. Ashlanders are wanted because some kind of recent battle in Cyrodiil, be it before or after the Oblivion crisis. A lone woman, the protagonist, is one of them, and apparently works for them against the empire. So we also know the antagonist group. The time and general location is unknown, but presumably near Leyawiin. As I said, that element of mystery keeps us intrigued and makes us want to read the next chapter; it hooks us in. That is a staple of good writing.

The writing itself is a very stylish, descriptive type. Bordering on poetic, it still retains novelistic detail and straightforwardness. The space is mostly occupied by dialogue, very little thought or narration outside of the text outside the dialogue describing the characters (aka 'He frowned as he said') We hear few opinions from her mind, and little straight dialogue being she is deceiving someone, so all we know of her character is that she is cold, calculating, and possible patriotic.

Caught you on one account of a comma where a semi-colon should be, and three spelling errors: realize, travelers, and memorize. So great spelling and grammar

All in all, very little to criticize, nice work. I look forward to more chapters so that I may talk more in depth about the plot, but I assume there will be very little that need be changed :goodjob: Thanks, and keep it up!

EDIT: Terribly sorry about the spelling, I thought it was strange that those were so similar, I had no knowledge of the UK's spelling differences.

Thanks for the comments. I'm from the UK and don't speak English natively, so it's only really one spelling mistake

The next chapter of this will be posted tomorrow.

I make it no spelling mistakes: realise, travellers and memorise are just our regional spellings.

My first impression was that it was too short. Which isn't really a criticism at all, it just means that I was enjoying it a lot and wanted more to read. Considering you don't speak English natively, it's really very good; even not taking that into account, my judgement remains the same (just out of interest, I'm curious to know what your native language is).

I'm hardly a connasseur of good literature, but one of my major pet peeves is when all the characters talk with the same style all the time, and I like the little variation there. I also think it's nice to see a piece of media where guards aren't portrayed as bumbling buffons who, despite being woefully underprepared to undertake what their job description dictates, are employed in mass bulk

Definitely looking forward to what comes next. Hoping there's lots more

A part of the next chapter is coming up in this post. Don't worry, even though it's short, the next update will be about two pages since I have a lot of free time tomorrow



Highland Gaelic.

The rain began after another hour of walking. The white limestone pillars rose gloriously out of the flora ahead of her, and the incandescent light of the Welkynd stones glittered off of the rain that fell on the leaves. The path to the Ayleid ruin was ancient, and the columns that still had their crowns of magical flame were scarred with the ravages of ancient warbands. There were no trees along the path, only the scorched remnants of those which had evidently blocked someone from entering the ruins and had been burned down for their inconvenience. However, whoever had been here was gone. There was no sign of torches, which meant that there were no sentries. No sentries meant no occupants, or at least none who were sane enough to defend themselves.

There was an archway that was hung with banners, where Ashina decided to shelter, dropping her shawl on the ground and clambering beneath it to keep her naked legs dry. She felt her feet breathe a sigh of relief, the pain of walking at once fading away into the background as more important thoughts took the stage.

What if the guards had followed her? What if the ruins were occupied? What if the rain had flooded the bridge? What if she didn't have enough food? There didn't seem to be any answer to any of these questions. That was what made her continue to push herself by asking them. If the guards had followed her, she'd have to fight them. If the ruins were occupied, she'd have to fight the defenders. If the raid had flooded the bridge, she'd have to wait. If there wasn't enough food, then she'd have to hunt. They were basic answers, and not helpful. They did not tell her how, when, where, and why, and that was what she expected from herself. She would not accept anything else.

Her sword had been washed off by the rain. She gazed into it as if it were a long slit of daylight, the glimmer of hope on the horizon. There was a strange richness in its glow - a solitary star, sunshine seen through a wall of rain on a frosty window. The pastel dream of an Ashland dawn. But, most importantly, it was something for the ashkhan to contemplate as the wheels of a carriage trundled past.

Oh wow, you speak Gaelic as a FIRST language? I didn't think many people in Scotland still spoke it, let alone as their mother tongue. That's pretty cool though; either your family must be very traditional, or you must come from a very insular community c:

G*d damn you Gallowglass!! Why do you write so good?! But seriously man this is awesome, but why do you torture us by making us have to wait hehehe. I wanna read more now .

P.S- I never knew g od damn was considered a curse word? Hmm

Nope, I'm on the mainland. Although most people in Scotland speak some of it, as do quite a few Americans and Canadians.



My computer is making you wait. I couldn't get up everything I wanted to because of some error when I tried to post, so this is what I can show you for now. Enjoy:

There was a splash, as if some of its cargo had slid into the mud, but it did not stop. It continued before anyone on it noticed that anything had fallen, and Ashina seized her chance. Whatever that cart had been transporting could be the answer to her questions.
She darted through the trees, holding her breath as they whipped the skin of her legs, and the ground was so rocky and hard beneath the foliage that she wished for it to be flooded whilst she stood there, watching the path for any sign of movement.

Her eyes were fixed on the glittering pools of rain like she was gazing at precious gems, as she tried to pierce the darkness, attempting to focus her vision on whatever shadows that fell on the water that appeared different to the others around them. That was not easy, when it was the middle of the night.
Nonetheless, she could see where the mud seemed to rise between two rocks which the cart would have gone over. That must have been what had shaken its cargo, so whatever Ashina had heard fall would be nearby.

But it found Ashina before she found it; at the sound of feet splashing through the mud, she looked around, and gently brushed the hand of a grinning Dunmer from her hips, making little effort to hide her impatience.

"What brings you into my eager hands, my lady?"

"I hope you enjoyed your landing," Ashina replied. "Want another go?" The Dunmer smiled, and stepped back.

"You are a creature of the most delicate and swift responses, Ashina. But we don't want you falling over into the mud, do we?"

"Well you don't touch an ashkhan until you have given them a gift. And it's not a good idea to do it when you're armed, either." Ashina calmed herself down, looking the Dunmer over to see if he had been wounded in the fall and wasn't admitting it. He didn't appear to have been, and she didn't want to look any longer. She indicated towards where she'd left her things, not knowing and not really caring whether or not if the other Dunmer followed where she was pointing. "Come on, we'd better get to shelter. The cart might come back." She began a brisk march towards the ruins, but, against his better judgement, her companion placed a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around, although didn't get a chance to strike him away before he decided it was best to speak.

"It won't. I've arranged for some Khajiiti insurgents to ambush it when it reaches the bridge. I thought it would block the Imperial patrols and give us a chance to get out of here." Although the other Dunmer spoke with confidence, bitterness crept into Ashina's face. She clearly had other ideas, and a calm and premeditated prudence to back them up.

"You made a deal with the Renrijra Krin?" Ashina said, showing her companion the first faint trace of annoyance. "By what right?"

"I have a right, and something of a self-assigned duty, to keep you from being executed for treason, ashkhan. I don't stand on ceremony."

"Sometimes it would be in your best interests to do so, Tussuraddad. Why don't you just go behind my back again, and make a few deals? I'm sure I wouldn't notice." Tussuraddad looked at her, then thought better of whatever comment he was going to make, and shook his head.

"Come on, then. I'll follow you until I hear any news about the Khajiiti. Although I'm not sure how much we'll have to talk about."