It sone of her preferences that I cannot deal with. I have tried to ginore it and it does't come up often but when it does then its a huge deal no matter how small the situation is regarding it. Feel free to PM me about specifics if they really matter, this way I don't get the anticipated flames and criticisms that I can anticipate.

The last time I told my wife who was BOSS around here; and who wore the pants in this family.....I didn't see her for an entire WEEK !

Oh! Well then yeah, definitely make an appointment with the counsellor, provided it's a free service, and just ask if your community college has one, if it doesn't ask if the other universities have a group. I really have no idea how they work where you are, but at my university anyone can wak around them and we have a free student newspaper. If it's the same story where you are, see if you can grab a copy of the newspaper, newsletter or whichever. Our newspaper had contact info for the UNIQ group, and also dates and times for their next meetings. If they don't have a newspaper or anything, you could maybe just call up and ask the counselling center. If they tell you you'd have to make an appointment, tell them that you're not enrolled yet, you're just wondering what services they offer students.
I'm not sure if this is helpful infor or not, and I'm sorry if I lead you on a wild goose chase! I'm just guessing that since universities generally have an obligation to ensure the health and happiness of their students, they'll be a good place to at least start looking.
I'm not sure, but there is probably someone else at the universities you could talk to instead of the counsellor, but I'm not sure who that would be. At my uni, getting help is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone- off topic story, I went to the careers advisor to ask for career advice about being a six therapist. She told me she couldn't help me and sent me to the psychology department. The lady there had a good laugh about the fact that the careers advisor was obviously too prudish to talk about it then gave me some pretty useful info.

So I got another question. This one isn't really targeted at my own relationship, however it is more a broad and general question.

For girls and guys. Do you ever purposely try to make your partner jealous for whatever reason. Whether it be for fun (as in a joke you two have going, something you both get a laugh out of), to get a reaction for yourself, or in defense of them doing it?

I mainly ask this because, my girlfriend likes seeing my small jealous side. It's not a jealousy side that is large enough to get us into fights, arguments or get either of us upset. But she does like to test me a little, to get a reaction out of me. I asked her about it last night actually, and she said "It's really nice to know when I am really wanted.". I see her side of it, but at the same time I see it as a test, to see how much she knows I can deal with, so she knows I won't bail out if stuff gets rough or anything.

Have any of you ladies ever done this to your guy, and guys, have you done it to your ladies, for whatever reason?

Personally, the only reason it bugs me is because I KNOW, literally, most of her guy friends would like to date her. But I love it because she gets so cute and reconfirming about how she only wants me, so I suppose it balances it out kinda nice.

Well I just ask them out. They can always say no. No hard feelings.

You also need to develop your gaydar, which comes with time ( so to speak) though of course that also catches the conflicted ones too, who generally are more trouble than they're worth.

The only time I ever did that intentionally was when I caught my now-ex trying to get with an underage girl (I am far better looking than her too! >_<) he knew I really hated for trying to get into him. It destroyed all trust and eventually led to being one of the reasons we broke up. Oh wait, I'm getting off topic.
As far as I know, we never deliberately did it to each other. Sometimes I wouls jokingly make a comment, though it wouldn't be to make him jealous. Like once I took my cellphone in to get fixed and the guy was really flustered, when I told my bf bout it later I said it was probably cause I was in my short shorts. Things like that, but never anything to make them feel jealous.
I can understand where your girl is coming from though, it is extremely nice to feel wanted, but I'd have felt extremely uncomfortable doing that.

The whole jealousy thing isn't prevalent in my current relationship. My boyfriend doesn't even get jealous because we trust each other completely. I have only men friends, many of whom want to *beep* me. However, I am 100% monogamous and faithful, so they don't have a chance, and my boyfriend knows this. So I spend however much time alone with them as I like, and he's never suspicious. Nor will he ever have cause to be.

No

I don't like game playing or game players.

Never. For some people (like you) it's done in jest, but I'd never risk it. I think mainly because my best friend of many many years is a guy and sometimes when in a new relationship there would possibly be a bit of jealousy - before they realised they had nothing to be jealous about. Also, I'm not one of those "flirty by nature" types, so me jokingly flirting with someone else would be ridiculous and horribly awkward for everyone involved

My ex was the type to be very jealous without any help from me... So trying to purposely make him jealous would just have been poking at a beehive, tbh. At the moment I'm not dating anyone, but even if I was dating someone with an even temper who didn't feel like getting jealous over me being friends with other guys, I wouldn't make him jealous on purpose.

I'd rather he expressed his feelings towards me on his own. And preferrably in a positive way.

So. New question:: Which is kind of derailed from all previous questions.

For this one. I may have to give a slight history lesson::

There was a girl I knew in highschool, who was quite a few years younger than me. Four I believe. Back then she liked me, and due to me being immature, and an [censored] back then, it kind of ended very badly. I never really told her the reason why I wouldn't date her, and I avoided it by just basically running away. Then she started talking to me asking me all these questions while I was hanging out with another girl, and they started fighting, and the other girl (steph) started making a huge deal out of it, getting her sad by saying stuff that I "allegedly" said. It ended up in us not talking for along time, and I felt pretty [censored] about it, still do. The reason I wouldn't date her back then was age difference. Back then, it was way to much. She was 15 and I was 19. I know, right? Illegal AND I know I would of gotten so much grief from people.

So now we've been "friends" for the past couple years, 2 or 3 now. We don't often talk because shes really had no steady msn or anything recently. And I know about a year ago, she did some facebook thing where she "secretly" posted stuff on her wall, and people would know which one was for them. One of hers was she was to scared about what happened last time, and she's got to much going on in her life to want to chance it happening again. Which I agree'd with, and we talked about all the stuff that happened.

So now you've got a bit of the history. Now shes got steady internet, she's usually on msn at night and we tend to talk when she's not busy with friends//family. Now I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and she seemed interested in the whole ordeal. She never was when I broke up with my other ex's. So we spent a few hours last night on skype just talking. She asked me stuff like "whats on your mind" and when I asked why, she said she was interested in knowing. And she said she wanted to hang out sometime. So, I figure she's probably, atleast slightly, interested. Now my question::

I have horribly bad trouble with shy girls. And she is shy. Quite shy from what I remember. Now, I don't know how to go about this. I find it SOO much harder to ask out or try to send // pick up hints when it's with a shy girl. Especially because I feel like if I go for it, thinking shes been hinting, and I try, I look stupid and they are like "... what are you doing?". So my question is (hopefully a shy girl is somewhere on this forum lol), how do I go about this. Anything I should expect, wait for or just, in general, know about it? I feel like shy girls are a whole new species compared to girls that tend to be more comfortable and easy to talk to.

Thanks for any help on this.

I used to be very shy, so I think I might be able to help with this a bit.

Mainly, don't come on too strongly. It's pretty intimidating if you suddenly get a huge load of attention and compliments and stuff, so maybe just talk to her about it in a non-pressurizing sort of way (not that I'm saying I think you'd normally put pressure on her). If she likes you (and you have to be able to appreciate very subtle hints, because she's shy so she's not going to be dropping bombshells to let you know how she feels... though, to be honest, during my worst "shy phase" even if I liked a guy I wouldn't act any differently around him than anyone else, so it could be that there are literally no hints at all and the only way to know about any of my feelings was to ask outright without putting me in a situation that could turn embarrassing for me), she will say something if you make it clear that you're interested. Don't expect for her to make any moves, at least in a while.

Honestly, nothing really different about shy girls, other than that they are more prone to not take the initiative and they have lots of trouble coming up with things to say on dates. So if you guys go out, try to have a large variety of comfortable conversation starters available and do something that doesn't require her to constantly be one-on-one with you (= some other activity available than conversation). And have filler conversation ready, so that you have something to talk about that doesn't require any input from her, if things get a bit awkward. I don't know how shy this girl is, but I personally used to have trouble even replying to straight-up questions when I was out with a guy, so what my ex did when we were first going out was to have a bunch of stories ready to launch into whenever I got all shy. It really helped that he didn't sink down into the awkward silence with me, and kept things going until I felt sure enough to talk to him.

It sorta depends why she's shy. My own shyness was pretty much rooted in a lack of self-confidence, so when I got into any situations that could potentially put me in the spotlight or have an embarrassing outcome I'd completely lock up. Dating and expressing feelings was particularly hard. I have no idea about how girls with different degrees of (and reasons behind, I guess) shyness act, so this is the only angle I'm able to give advice from. :rolleyes:

You actually sound just like her. She's shy for the same reason. I remember we used to go for walks, and i'd just make comments on everything I saw, because she wasn't to talkative. So I said stuff like "I wonder what would happen if that sign exploded." lol. And ya, it always makes me feel awkward when there are no hints. Awkward silence I Can deal with, but I always pray for even a very subtle hint, because i'm to wrought with self-confidence issues. Last thing I need is so ask her out or tell her I like her, and she says otherwise.

But I think I have an idea of what I can do. From what I remember, along time ago we went down to the lake to hang out, and I ended up laying down on the soft rock beach that is there. And she kind of cuddled up to me. So I'll take your advice and make sure I have some extra conversation stuff filled up. I also know she seems to be very untalkative about herself. Like she doesn't want me to know stuff about her (probably cause she thinks id be like "uhhh.." and just take off. Any suggestions for stuff like that?

Honestly, you just have to spit it out that you like her. Because if she's at all like I was, she's certainly never going to do it. Also, if she's at all like I was, she'll totally appreciate that you said it out loud (that's true bravery, right there ). Confidence is very sixy, regardless of the circumstances. There's no reason to be afraid to tell her - she obviously likes you, at least in a friendly way, so she won't tell anyone. And since you're already friends, it doesn't sound like the situation would get too uncomfortable. She already knows you know that she used to really like you, right? Now you're just returning the favor!


Oh... That I have no idea about. I'm still very hard to get to talk about myself, and I have no idea how anyone ever extracts personal information from me. I used to completely lock up, and now I just deflect all personal questions by changing the subject. I guess if it's really clear to me that I won't be laughed at or ridiculed or something, I can talk about serious, personal stuff. So just, as corny as it sounds, make her feel safe and comfortable. Since you already know her and have known her a long time, it'll be easier to get her to open up. And it never hurts for you to talk about personal stuff first, so that she doesn't feel like she's the only person required to be serious. And be patient. No one likes to be rushed.

Alright. Thanks alot for the replies. (:
Guess i'll have to find the balls to straight up ask her sometime when we are hanging out. I'd do it over msn, but that is just so tacky xD.
*Goes to find gonads.*

To answer all questions, even if this has already been said I shall make sure it is restated

JAHO

Ninja I would definatly say go for it, I'm pretty sure she likes you. I know it can be really hard talking to shy girls (I'm kind of attracted to them though -.-) but I would just have some conversation starters, questions that aren't yes or no but also not too in depth and a few stories ready. Last semester I went and talked to this cute girl sitting alone (I was pretty shy at this point too) and it was a bit weird the first time we talked, but I ended up getting to know her pretty well. If she likes you it's probably a good sign that she's a bit nervous so just act confident, and show a genuine interest in her.

I'm no expert, but I've found this works best for me.

Right, my advice is a risk but it definitely paid off for my bf

I was intensly shy - suffered panic attacks for years, stayed inside for practically an entire year, and my best friend could only get me to sit outside in the pub garden when we went out (even if it was freezing, bless him) - I was that terrified of people. My now bf was the complete opposite; bubbly, friendly to everyone and with lots of friends. When I had finally been coaxed inside this pub, my now bf took a liking to me and just came over and pvssyd. He could obviously tell I was shy, but carried on talking, joking, making me laugh. Then a while later (maybe a few weeks?) he just came out and said he thought I was beautiful, and would I like to go out just the two of us some time? :wub: I obviously fancied him too and it was such a blunt, out of the blue way of going about it that instead of feeling threatened by more subtle advances (like casual touching - I hated and still hate that) it made me laugh and I said yes straight away
It helped that he's very open and talkative, as it meant that I didn't have to worry about being interesting (and considering I'd only just started going outside on a regular basis, I really didn't have much to add to conversation to start off with lol!). After a while I just loosened up and everything became easier, but it must have been a lot of work for him at the start!
As for the personal stuff, I'd do a kind of trade off - say something about yourself, then "how about you?" If she still seems reluctant, maybe she just doesn't want to tell you, but if you reckon it's out of fear of seeming boring, just assure her that you are interested.
I'm sure she won't be as much hard work as I was though Good luck!

I too tend to be attracted to shy girls too aha. Last year I did the same. There was a girl on the bus and we kept making eye contact and looked away. So one day I passed by her in the hall and my feet, literally, stopped moving. My legs wouldn't move. I just stopped! So I said hi, and tried to start talking to her. And she mumbled alot so I just nodded and said I had to go. So that opened up the opportunity to see near her on the bus and say hi, and we eventually dated.




It's nice to know a blunt option actually worked and was easier to accept rather then subtly. I'd like to say "I was wondering if you wanna go out sometime.", but since i'v known her awhile, it seems silly and//or weird to phrase it like that. Is that just me?

And ya, she tends to talk a bit about herself. We just had a conversation about some home problems she had, but trade-off sounds good. I'll try to remember to talk more often and make jokes. And i'v never been to into "casual touching". I always feel awkward when I do it.

Guess I just need to find a good way to ask her out that doesn't sound to threatening and doesn't sound like i'm asking her out like we've only known eachother a week lol.

Thanks for the reply, added something for me to think about. (:

I don't know how to put this without sounding like a [censored] or something, I'm not meaning to if I do, but NinjaFish, aren't you just out of a relationship? Are you absolutely sure you're ready to get inot a new one with this new girl? It can sometimes cause problems when someone who's just out of a relationship gets into a new one, then tries to back out cause they realised it isn;t what they wanted.

Also, I need a little advice. I recently dumped my boyfriend for a number of reasons. We'd been together about a year and...either 7 or 8 months, I can't remember. Anyway we'd lived together, and he was my first actual serious boyfriend. Now that I'm out of the relationship, I feel a bit lost. I feel a lot more lonely now, without the routine of a relationship, like the soppy texts and cuddles at night, stuff like that. I've been considering getting back with him because I'm finding it kinda hard to be on my own like this.
However. Several of the reasons I dumped him were that he tried to [censored] an underage girl, he lied to me about almost everything, and I mean everything. I had to disregard nearly every word from his mouth for a whole year because of his lying problem, he was selfish, I did not like his mother- I'm 20 years old and had to sleep on the floor in a seperate room when I was at their house, and also it was extremely awkward because we came from completely different socio-economic backgrounds and it really showed and my then-bf NEVER made ANY effort to talk at all, so it was very awkward as none of us knew what to say. He also, at the very end, seemed to not know me at all. I'm a horse rider, but have never competed in my life. Only about a month ago, he asked if I ever compete with Ace or if I like jumping. I HATE jumping, and have had horrible experiences with it, and I also have spoken about it with him several times before. I'm also strongly against animal testing, and I will refuse to buy products tested on animals. I have been like this since being with him, and I am extremely open about it- not preachy, but I'll spend a while in the supermarket buying products not tested, and he always went shopping with me. Yet for my Christmas present, just before we broke up, he bought me some Joop body lotion. I love the smell of Joop, but they test on animals, and it bothered me that he didn't even make any effort to find out if they did or not. I appreciated that he remembered I like the smell of Joop so I didn't complain, but he should have known by now I hate animal testing more and that I am extremely passionate about that sort of thing. I pointed out that they did test on animals, but I wasn't being ungrateful. It just really got to me that after spending that long with me, he couldn't just go online and do a quick google search to check. He also asked me if I'd been playing COD, which I despise with a passion, and several other things that would be difficult to explain, such as my lack of planning and his inability to recognise this.
I guess the point of this long winded post is, is it worth getting back with a liar who doesn't even bother to learn these sorts of things about me, just because I'm taking it a little hard? Should I try give him a second chance, or after more than a year and a half, should I give it up and just let go? And if I do decide to let go, anyone got any tips on how to get over a guy quick?

Yes. I did just get out of a relationship. Mutual breakup, still friends and no hard feelings. And i'm quick to move on. In highschool it was always so hard for me, and I stopped dating completely for 5 years. After that time, I started being able to get over relationships, regardless of how much I liked the person. We broke up, and i'm rather happy with life. Don't get me wrong, I wish the relationship had worked, but I find absolutely NO use in dwelling on the past, So I can easily move on.

As for you're problem. Personally i'm amazed the relationship lasted that long. Lack of communication is probably the worst thing in a relationship. Not to mention, some of the stuff you mentioned would of made me say "[censored] this relationship" right away. Personally I Can't stand liars. I refuse to even be friends with people i'v known to lie to me. It does get hard when you've been in a relationship and all of a sudden your thrust out of this protective and comforting feeling. Personally, after that sort of thing happened to me, the relationship ended very badly, so I took a hiatus on dating for 5 years. A full FIVE years, not looking for a relationship, and not being in one. Because of that, I Feel like im infinitely better at dealing with relationships, dealing with break ups, and being able to deal with any issues the relationships run into. If you want a solid answer, i'd personally stay single and try to live without the cuddling and relationship routines. You will never be 100% certain you will be in a relationship, and developing the ability to cope with post-breakup stress and the other stuff that comes with it could be something worth learning to deal with.

I also suggest a break from dating. Preferably not as long as mine, but enough time for you to get into the routine of being single, not having those feelings of regret or anxiety that comes along with the feeling of "being alone". I can't say you'll end up like me, where I'v become alot more resilient with relationships but, couldn't hurt to try for the other benefits, right?

Wish the best of luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

EDIT: As for your getting over someone question. I don't really think it can be answered to well. Everyone deals with stuff differently, and i'v never known two people to get over break-ups the same way. I have friends who think I should see a doctor, because they think I have some inhability to deal with sadness or something, and others who think me being able to get over stuff is great. You gotta just do what you can, keep yourself busy, try to avoid anything that's going to bring back memories to the surface. I find cutting off any communication with an ex can help.

Honestly, do you really want an answer to whether or not you should get back to get with him? No one should be in a relationship for the small things that they enjoy, they are far outweighed by the negatives that split two people in the first place.

Plus, if you do get back together with him, what are you going to be thinking about? You're (mainly) going to be thinking about the fact that he (tried?) to get with an underage girl. Obviously I'm not in your shoes so I can't speak on your behalf but that's a pretty [censored] big hurdle, I know that I'd struggle to get over it.

As to getting over people, I always find surrounding myself with the things that I enjoy to be very helpful, friends and family are always a very good start. Depending on what you're into, a few nights in town also help to take my mind off things when I need to get away from things.

I ride horses as well and as I'm sure you're aware, it's a pretty calming experience. Go out and do that more, surround yourself with horses and people that you enjoy riding with. Besides, a bit of country air never hurt anyone either.

If you find out how to get over this, please share. I'm having a bunch of trouble getting over my ex, especially since he keeps calling and asking me to "reconsider our breakup". And I ran into him at a store on Monday and we ended up getting coffee together and... Not good. He's just being really sweet, like he used to be when we first started dating and before he turned all psycho-maniac. <_< But I symphathize, I'm in almost exactly the same position. I have no idea how to live alone anymore, and it's really scary.

But stay strong, and don't get back into a relationship like that. You need your men to pay attention and remember when you talk about horses and riding, all of us horsegirls do. CoolShady's idea was great, go and spend more time riding. Though personally my own horse isn't exactly a calming experience to ride, but fun in any case. And fun is good, and being occupied doing something you like will help you keep your mind off other problems.

Thanks I'm definitely doing the single thing for a long time, as I haven't really been able to be "selfish" for a while. I'm going to be messy, game all night, do only my own washing, all that sort of stuff, and bloody well enjoy it. If I wasn't allergic to my giant teddy bear, I'd pull him out for cuddles. I bought him for that. Unfortunately he makes my face swell O_o

And the kinda stink thing is, we're flatting together this year. We are on good terms, but I can't just disappear and not talk to him for a while, as, well, it's not going to work. There are going to be two other people in the flat as well, so it won't be too bad. I hope.



Yeah, that basically was what really started getting in the way the most. He could work on his lying, but I absolutely never trusted him when he was on his computer, or texting, or when we were apart from the holidays, and it was too much to deal with. I guess I'm never going to get over that, I did try but you're right. Small things like cuddles are nothing compared to the fact that he was prepared to cheat on me (she was the one that prevented anything from happening).
The good thing is my mum is being quite supportive with this. She didn't like my ex, and is quite happy to listen to me ramble about whatever I think about him at that particular time. I basically only have one friend, and he's a guy and...well, he really hates my ex's guts and isn't too nice about the whole sitch, he's just glad I'm out.
Horse riding also does help, it's a good distraction. With my horse though, it's not always calming he's a retired racehorse, so he can be pretty feisty. That's probably good though, I'm too preoccupied to think about anything else cept staying on XD
And unfortunately, hitting the (one) club in town isn't too thrilling. Which svcks, cause I wouldn't mind a night out...

Feel free to send me a PM if need be. Apparently my friends say i'm good at listening to them without getting dragged into their crap lol.

And well, if you got other people there it might not be so bad. But being selfish is always a good thing. Can't go through life being selfless all the time. (: