The remnants

Post » Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:23 pm

Paladin Reltan had time on his hands, all the time in the world, actually. Because he was trapped in this little storage cupboard with a skeleton on his right and a skeleton on his left. So he decided to recall the events of why this had happened...

"RELTAN!!!" Yelled paladin Tristan "Take out those Hellfire Bastards before they take out our entire flank!!"
Doing as he was told he pulled out his faithful gatling laser and mowed the enclave troopers down.So far the assault on Adams air force base was going as planned; that vault kid had slipped inside and the main brotherhood force just had to hold out a little longer, that though was an achievement in itself with the amount the enclave was throwing at them.
"get down." AHH!!! Reltan jumped as he heard Gallows whisper in his ear,he hated when gallows did that, although it was good advice as not a moment later a 308. cal round wizzed over his head.
"Thanks," Reltan said, although gallows was already gone.
A voice buzzed over the link in his helmet, "Everyone fall back! The vault kid has initiated the sequence, and there's gonna be one hell of a fireworks display!"
The paladin fell back with the rest of his squad, delta, waiting for the inevitable... but the inevitable never came. He tried to raise the captured vertibird on the link, but he only found static... So he ran, he had to keep running as Soldiers, good soldiers, where being mown down around him, so he ran, even with rigorous brotherhood training he knew his stamina was not infinite. He started breathing hard, but he was nearly into cover, just a few more steps. A massive jolt ran up Reltans spine, he tried to keep running, but he felt paralysed, so all he could do was watch in horror as gallows, who a few moments earlier had saved his life, was shot clean through the heart, he watched as friends, who he had sat around laughing with were flung lifeless to the floor and he watched, as he fell slowly into a concussion...
And that's all he remembered, before he woke up in this little storage cupboard with a skeleton on his right, and a skeleton on his left...
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Gavin Roberts
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:49 am

what do you think guys, its only chapter one if people like it!
please tell me about any spelling or grammatic mistakes
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Conor Byrne
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 4:01 am

Its good so far, but its early on im gonna wait for about 2 more chapters to pass judgement
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Cathrin Hummel
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:52 am

I agree with Is It Just Me?, it sounds good so far, I like the general concept. I wonder what happened to him? Keep it up.
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Emma-Jane Merrin
 
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Post » Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:07 pm

Chapter 2

Reltan started to look for some form of escape he had to get out somehow. He noticed a small glint in a corner.A knife!Reltan decided to try and break the lock, and after about 10 minutes managed to do so, but then he realised he had no plan his weapons and armour had been removed by his unknown captors, and he had no idea of the layout of the area he was in, he decided to go with his gut instinct and peeked out the door. His surroundings surprised him there was a very long sleek corridor, but more importantly, it was empty.

He cautiously started to walk down the corridor, until he heard a rattling noise. He dived into a small room filled with bunk beds, he was going to have a look around when he heard a voice behind him.
"Greetings citizen, please identify yourself citizen."
Crap, he thought as he turned to look at the sentry bot standing before him, luckily he was adept with robots because of helping rothchild with liberty prime after the "incident".
"Subroutine 3-9-6"
"Running subroutine... how may I be of assistance?"
"What is your function"
"Patrol sector 49b and eliminate any and all intruders"
"who programmed you?"
"Engineer stiggs"
"resume patrol"
"Yes sir!"
That had told Reltan nothing, so he resumed his search and found a footlocker, the contents of which shocked him.. 2 plasma rifles some advanced power armour (mark 2) and masses of microfusion cells
Reltan knew only one group of people who used this technology... so he put on the armour, picked up the rifle, and gulped as he walked off down the winding corridors
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Soraya Davy
 
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Post » Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:17 pm

It's alright so far, but maybe make each chapter longer?
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Dean Brown
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:49 am

Chapter 3

Reltan knew he needed help. And no man alive in here would give him help. So he decided on the next best thing,robots.
After about an hour of trundling around, his disguise holding, he found the robot mainframe.Once there he managed to crack it within the minute, and because of his speciality with robots he re-programmed them to target enclave troopers.A broad grin of satisfaction settled on his face when he heard yells of "DIE COMMY! DIE!" And some poor idiots scream.

Amidst the chaos Reltan could do almost anything so before he left to find the hangar, he entered the armoury, the plasma rifle was nice but he needed something...heavier. So after a bit of rebooting here and a bit of hacking there, he managed to get into the armoury. When in there he found a modified gatling laser (it looked more precise) and some strange weapon which he thought he should pocket, and some cells for both.

After some more searching he managed to find the hangar with but one guard left as skeleton crew.
"Soldier!I need access to a vertibird."
"Why?"
Reltan shot the man in the face, with the strange weapon, and the strangest thing happened, he melted into a pile of ash...scary.
He didn't have time to think about this though so he hooped in the chopper and realised he was screwed...he thought the controls would be a little less complex.
And to make matters worse a man ran into the hangar and noticed the ash pile
"Oh god...
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vicki kitterman
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:14 am

"AH Mr enclave man dont kill me! I can fly you out of here!"
Holy mutie.
Reltan was lucky.
"What's your name?"
"Stiggs Mr. Sir"
"Im not really enclave... im BoS but your gonna fly me out of here and... i like mr. sir, keep it up."
"I got conscripted by the enclave to help with the robots, ill do anything to get back at the ice hearted psychos, im not proud of what i did."
"Alright but keep your hands were i can see them."
"You mean on the controls?"
"Oh..um yeah."
Reltan let him slip past to get to the cockpit
"Where is our stop today Mr. Sir?"
"The citadel, now, i need to regroup and find out what the hell happened."
"Um...there might be a little problem with that..
"WHAT!?"
"Theres nothing but a hole in the ground there...
Reltan sat back, gawping letting the news sink in
"Ok then get me to project purity ASAP!!"
"Aye Aye Mr. sir!"
Reltan needed to find out what happened to the brotherhood, and fast
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Jordan Fletcher
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 4:39 am

just so you know any feedback would be appreciated and i seldom get feedback wich is a tiresome shame
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Kathryn Medows
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:54 am

CHAPTER 5
Reltan decided to head to project purity, he knew any survivors would regroup there.
As he came in for the final approach he showed himself so he wouldn't get shot down.
What remained shocked him.
Elder lyons, 7 scribes including Bigsley and rothchild, about 5 knights and paladins...and no sign of ANY of the Lyons pride.
"Paladin! We are glad to see a friendly face in such grim times." Said Lyons
"Elder were are the Lyons pride...were they victims of battle?" Reltan asked cautiously.
"Thankfully not they have launched an assault on Vault 87, we must retreat, but before we do we must eradicate the super mutant presence once and for all."
"But...what do we do when we get the Lyons pride?"
"Well we could...work out something with the outcasts, they might help us, or find some fuel for your vertibird... say enough to get to the west coast."
"Neither of them would ever help us."
"The outcasts might, and if we explain our situation, the old brotherhood will."

"THIS IS GREAT! JUST BLOODY GREAT!"
"Quiet bigsley, get on the vertibird."
Reltan climbed on, unsure of what lay ahead
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Paula Ramos
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:46 am

sorry for the shortness but ive gotta go :bolt:
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Catherine N
 
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Post » Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:05 am

Yeah yeah, good story I think, but there are a couple of spelling mistakes, gramatical and paragraphal (?) mistakes. Also it is a BIT short, but hey, it's a good story, which is what matters.
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Sarah Edmunds
 
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