The retributers

Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:52 pm

A quick sidenote. Rohugh, if you are reading this, I do not despise you! You are probably one of the best admins on this forums, and decided "Hey why not?" for what you are about to read. ))

Prologue



Blackhorse Courier: 3E 446 Morning Star 1'st

During a New Years party, Ocato announced during a speech that in order to help the citizens of Cyrodil to feel at ease despite the recent troubles with the Country of Morrowind, he would be sending a large amount of soldiers to Mournholde in order to aid with finding Vivec. In other news...


Blackhorse Courier: 3E, 446, 10th of Morning Star

Dark Brotherhood activity seems to be increasing. Meanwhile, a set of soldiers have been deployed to Mournholde, to help with the search for Vivec, and to aid in stopping a increased activity of Dark Brotherhood assassins.

The Common Tongue: 3E, 446, 12th of Morning Star

Four guardsmen were murdered in a local bar located within the Great Bazar. No witnesses were left inside the bar that night, however someone was said to have seen a Dunmer wearing suspicious looking armor entering the sewers. Perhaps the Dark Brotherhood are at work?

The Common Tongue: 3E, 446, 19th of Morning Star


Citizens in Mournholde grow more cautious as Imperial Troops take up patrols. Some patrols haven't reported back to the Imperial Barracks. Another sign that the Brotherhood may be preparing to strike.

The Chorrol Quill: 3E, 446, 24th of Morning Star

The terror of the forest, the ravager of the farmers, Rohugh, a very powerful bear has finally been put down! The killer seems to be a costumed Nord male by the name of Cloud Scowl-Axe. After a few questions, here are some words spoken from the hunter.

"Rohugh was probably one of the biggest challenges I had my entire hunting life, but in the end, I won. Of course I was scared, that bear made me want to go back to my mother! But instead, I decided to fire a arrow at the creature's face! Now, outta the way.. I need a drink."

The Common Tongue: 3E, 446, 29th of Morning Star

Barenziah has announced that a bill will be going through, enforcing nightly curfew within the city of Mournholde and any towns around it. She believes that attack might be planned on Morrowind, one from the inside... has Dagoth Ur returned?

The Common Tongue: 3E ,4th of Suns Dawn

Citizens of Mournholde seem to be getting fairly agitated with Curfew and Imperial Enforcement. The Nerevar, Alasar is taking off once more, this time to the lands of High Rock. He says that he grows tired of Morrowind's political problems, and needs a break.. one he attends not to return from.

Blackhorse Courier: 3E , 6th of Suns Dawn


VIVEC FOUND! After years of searching, the god Vivec was found hidden deep within the sewers of Mournholde. The Shattered Dawn, a large remant of Mythic Dawn cultist had the god imprisoned for reasons unknown. Vivec is going to be making a speech sometime next month with Emperor Ocato in Vivec City.


Blackhorse Courier: 3E, 10th of Suns Dawn

After so many years of thievery, the Hero of the Waterfront, Salvation of Homeless, the Gray Fox has been assassinated. He has been revealed to be Meridus Ateronas, owner of a lovely house in Skingrad. He was assassinated outside that very house, found hung on the balcony. Funeral is going to be held sometime the next month, while body is kept in preservation. The mask of the Gray Fox shall be returned to its proper Shrine...

The Common Tongue: 3E, 12 of Suns Dawn

Vivec and Ocato expected to make a speech tomorrow, Barenziah attending. The Legion is hoping this will bring much more ease on a incredibly frightened population. The murders seemed to have toned down a little.

Blackhorse Courier: 3E, 12 of Suns Dawn

Vivec and Ocato will be making a speech tomorrow at the Temple of the Tribunal, located within Vivec City. In other news, soldiers in Skingrad claim that Morthag has shown up in the lovely city to cause more trouble. For anyone that does not know, Morthag is on top of the Legions Most Wanted list, for acts of terrorism against the Legion and her people.

He is known to wear a mask, similiar to the one the Gray Fox once wore, along with a black suit similiar to that of the Dark Brotherhood located in Morrowind. His true name, and identity is unknown due to the fact that he never seems to remove his equipment.. at least not infront of anyones sight.

Morthag is said to have once been apart of a group of people who come from The Fighters Guild, The Mages Guild, House Hlaalu, and even The Morag Tong. This group was known as The Retributers, who as there name suggested, 'punished' those with a evil heart.

Chorrol Quill: 3E, 12 of Suns Dawn

While a speech is being done in the city of Vivec today, we approached the hero of our town while he was sober for once, questioning a little. These words were spoken when we asked him about the costume, and whether he had any connection to a broken-apart gang once known as The Retributers

"This? Hehe, I dont call it a costume. More of a uniform! They called me Storm-Cloud back then when I was a Retributer, mainly because my arrow's moved fast like the lightning of those clouds. Good times.. we broke apart however after Uriel Septim decided that some of us took our job to far... me? Of course not me! Go get me a drink, NOW!"

The Common Tongue: 3E, 13th of Suns Dawn

Ocato and Vivec DEAD

Thats right everyone, Ocato and Vivec were both killed with a single arrow during there speech in Vivec City. The arrow had the mark of The Dark Brotherhood. We are not to disclose much more information about this, but any witnesses to the killer is to report it to the nearest barracks IMMEDIATELY.

The Black Horse Courier: 3E, 13th of Suns Dawn

Readers, we regret to inform you that Ocato and Vivec were assassinated while making a speech in Vivec City earlier today. These words were spoken from Council member Terenar Hargrave

"As much sorrow there is that fills my heart today, now is not a time for us to mourn. We will remember this being the day when both, Morrowind, AND the Legion were attacked! We dont start wars, we end them. Join togethor, fellow Citizens of the Empire, and let us stand united against the war on terror. May we remember Uriel, Ocato, and Vivec. May the nine divines provide paradise to them, and Talos bless us all."


...

One month later, reports of riots occuring in Mournholde come in, followed by a large amount of events occuring which involve a election for a new Emperor. Terenar is elected over Vedan Dren, and a few weeks later Morrowind secedes from the Empire...

Tension rises, and soon war breaks out between the two. The media soon enough moves in to get there ratings up... meanwhile, one question is on the mind of people in both sides.

"Who will save us?"
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Pumpkin
 
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Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:49 am

Using a mod's name? That is guaranteed to be locked...
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Roddy
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:20 pm

Using a mod's name? That is guaranteed to be locked...


Hopefully if thats the case, they will PM me and I can just edit it.
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amhain
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 4:04 pm

Using a mod's name? That is guaranteed to be locked...



I don't think so. Rohugh isn't a Nazi, so he probably won't care.

If anything, it is a tribute to the ferocity and ferociousness of Rohugh.
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Oceavision
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:59 pm

Yeah, I guess your right, Rogugh is pretty cool, but I severely dislike Dogsbody (she seems like a Forum-Nazi to me... No offense, Dog)
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Connor Wing
 
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Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:04 am

I severely dislike Dogsbody



DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD! THE DOGS WILL FIND YOU!
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Donatus Uwasomba
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:37 pm

Alrighty hehe, lets not go criticising Admins on my Fanfic please. What do you guys think of the story so far? I know the prologue is kind of confusing, but I wanted to try something different compared to the,

'IT HAS BEEN TWENTY MILLION YEARS SINCE GOKU DEFEATED MEHRUNES DAGON, AND OCATO IS EVILLLL AND EMPIRE FALLING APART AND BLAH BLAH BLAH POWERRRR!"

...Hmm?
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Tessa Mullins
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:17 pm

i don't know just what the hell is going on anymore. What are we talking about?
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NeverStopThe
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:05 pm

Lets talk about peas.

I don't like peas.

Well back on topic, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random news stories piled up?
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Matthew Warren
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 2:18 pm

Hmm... aside from a couple discouraging mispellings ('Mournhold' being the most prominent), you seem to have a pretty good idea of what you want your story to do. You've set up this situation, and now you're going to fix it. A pretty solid plan.

However, there is the question of the execution. I am grateful that you've given us a bit of backstory, and also grateful that you've presented it to us in a creative manner (instead of just summarizing). However, I'm a little shaky on whether short blurbs is the best way to that. By about the sixth article, the novelty's worn off, and I start wondering when the story will get past the boring generalizations and into the meat.

So that's my one complaint. The news posts are, while a good gimmick, a little monotonous. This is the nature of summary in general; it's impersonal and--generally--boring to read. What I might suggest is to compact the entire story into two or three longer news articles, and then put details like man-on-the-street interviews and quotes from the articles' subjects to help break into the sheer summary. Or maybe you could make one of the news clippings unrepentantly biased. Add details, because details are interesting, even (especially!) in an introduction.

Now, I also realize that you've already written that part, and probably don't intend to rewrite the whole thing. I guess this critique is more of a 'would have, could have' sort of thing. Eh. :P

Overall, it seems you're off to a good start. But we're not deep enough into the story yet to give any reliable feedback on how you're doing in that. In post-Oblivion Crisis fiction, it's almost always about how the writer writes it to make it new and interesting, so just give us what you've got. :dance:
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kitten maciver
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:14 pm

Yeah, I guess your right, Rogugh is pretty cool, but I severely dislike Dogsbody (she seems like a Forum-Nazi to me... No offense, Dog)


Let me get this straight; you tell Mr.Boom that it isn't a good idea to include Rohugh's name in the fan-fic (even in innocence) and then you decide it's a clever idea to go publically shout out your dislike for a certain moderator? Silly. :facepalm:

EDIT: Oh and I liked it; nice little idea with the news thing :goodjob:
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Haley Merkley
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:34 pm

Hehe thanks for the Feedback guys. I must say, this is alot more... does it have to do with just more people being on TES forums then Fallout?))

Chapter One: A Shadow in the Night

The stars shined upon Skingrad, the wind blowing through its ally's quietly. Very few people wondered the streets on this night, not even the guards. The city was well known for having little to no crime, and therefore the guards were not the most necessary thing in the world. However... if one were to look toward the rooftops, they would think that they saw the silhouette of a man.

They would believe that a assassin might be trailing them, or perhaps stalker, thief. Either way, running across rooftops was not something considered normal among the population.. it was rather looked down upon the community, and could result in perhaps being jailed for a day, or banished even. However, the figure cared not... he had been banished already, from practically all of Tamriel.

The figure leaped across yet another building, entering a ally and beginning to walk toward the exit. A large gray mask covered his face, no eye sockets, not even a mouth hole for breathing visible on it. Black clothing could be seen, no weapons on this man... but that did not mean he wasn't dangerous.


Morthag, 3E, 9th of First seed.

The politics of this land have no clue what they are doing... going to war against a nation they were just helping one month ago. While the people in charge choose to argue with each other and point fingers at one another, people are stuck looking for some sort of salvation. A sign that they will be saved... but no sign shows itself. Only tyranny, corruption, and horror. Horror's far worse then some Oblivion crisis can ever show.

The figure made a turn out of the ally, now walking on the streets. Hobos could be seen walking about, searching for food and what not. Common beggar life that Morthag was used to. He knew it well, for a part of him was it.

Every day, I see people trying to survive one hour after another against the harsh reality of this world. These beggars are like a ant colony. All cooperating together to build something out of this dark reality... the best cooperation there is out there. The only problem is, these people just like a ant colony had a leader to give them orders..

The man made yet another turn, staying near a shadowy area and bowing his head as he walked by two guards. Unnoticed, he was, just like a shadow in the night. Just a few more steps and he would be where he needed to go.

There leader was stamped out. The Gray fox, murdered... for what reason? Why would anyone want him dead? Perhaps ex-guard captain of the Imperial City found out how he really got his position in Anvil, and decided it was time to get payback? Either way, I know the Thieves Guild... they will do fine. It's the beggars, the people that worshipped the Gray Fox that will be eradicated soon.

The rich nobles dont care however. As long as they have there wealth, there pretty little clothing, there position.. reputation. All of these things, worthless to me. They have tried to banish me many times, and failed... they have tried to imprison me, but they cant catch up. I travel by the speed of darkness, I AM darkness at its worse. As they all gather together in a attempt to brutally slaughter me, that attempt backfires.. and I laugh.

The figure found himself standing outside a massive house, ropes placed around it by authorities as a sign for people not to pass. Funny sight, considering the owner was killed over a month ago. Morthag looked it over, approaching the door and trying the knob. No luck.. might as well not make alot of noise getting in.

Sadly, though they all want me dead, they dont realize.. these scum need me. Without me, these cities would be overloaded with crooks, corruption, and worse. Already however, I am failing my job... alone, it is almost impossible even for me.

The man climbed onto the roof of a smaller house, then turning and leaping to the balcony of the target house. He then tried the top doors, they opened easily.

"Lovely..." Morthag muttered, looking the room over. Display cases, a hour glass on a shelf, bed near the wall, candles attached to it, red carpet. Morthag walked a little bit more into the room, seeing many books placed in the shelves, along with scrolls and notes. The man walked toward them, moving them about, reading slightly and setting things down.

He repeated this process for many minutes, until almost half a hour passed. No new information regarding the Thief God's murder came to Morthag. The man let out a sigh, walking down the stairs and looking the dining room over. A large table could be seen, could probaly seat up to six people. All the food was removed, suspects in the murder like children who get ahold of a sword and decide to play Knights and Daedra with each other.

Morthag turned, leaving the dining room and passing a few more bookshelves. He then spotted a door that looked like it might lead to a cellar. Approaching it and turning the knob, Morthag found the door locked. He let out a sigh, raising his foot and slamming it against the knob, the door bursting open and slamming against the wall.

"He's got to have a stash... some reason.. the Gray Fox wont be killed this easily." Morthag let out a sigh, stepping into the basemant and looking around.

"Oh... dear."
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yessenia hermosillo
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:33 pm

Morthag had expected to find a stash of sorts that the Gray Fox had built up over the years. Instead, what he found was many articles from papers such as The Blackhorse Courier, The Common Tongue, The People's Newsletter (a set of articles found in Vivec City), and many other things.

Not only were there articles, but there were also what seemed to be undelivered letters, stolen documents. Some of them beared the mark of the Empire, while others held marks of Morrowind houses, mainly House Hllalu and Telvanni.

Morthag approached a small table in the cellar, the darkness of the room not bothering him at all. He could see just fine, no matter how dark the night was. Looking over the documents and what not, Morthag found himself reading some rather disturbing things. And then, he found a letter that beared the hidden symbol of the Dark Brotherhood's assassin area. A black spider, set on the corner of a envelope addressed to one Lord Dren.

Ripping open the top of the envelope and pulling out the letter, Morthag began to read it over.


Greetings Lord Dren.

We are writing to inform you that the contract will be carried out on the day Vivec and Ocato make there speech. I just wish to remind you, that the Brotherhood is only helping your new empire grow as long as we benefit from it. If your plan works, and you do rise to power, we will expect heavy payment in weapons, slaves, and service from your Empire. Furthermore, we ask that you cooperate with us if we ever ask you to do something.

The carrier of this letter is under the impression that he will have to kill a man under your wing.. one known as Luxian Corvinus. We wish that instead, you spill this messengers blood as a mark of your service.. consider it a blood oath.


Morthag let out a growl as he continued to read the letter. The Gray Fox was onto something.. how he got ahold of the letter was beyond Morthag's imagination, but the massive amounts of information coming from it was very impressive. The more Morthag read, the more he somewhat respected the minds of the writer.

Please be aware that it will take some time to kill everybody on your list, but with help from the Cammona Tong, you and I will succeed. We are currently sending out assassins to some people that could pose a threat to us... one is a mage who lives in a tower far up in the mountains of Skyrim. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated, and perhaps rewarded.

Sincerely -M


Morthag wrapped the letter into a ball and then set it in his pocket, turning to leave the cellar.


Morthag, 3E, 9th of First seed. Entry #2

The Gray Fox was onto something.. Orvas Dren must be making deals with the Dark Brotherhood. And House Telvanni has something to do with this to... they will be trying to kill a retired Retributer.. Terinas. I must find him first.. I must find all of the remaining ex-retributers. Gather them togethor to stop this before it gets to deep. I must find the man who's arrow's flew faster then lightning.. and I must bring him back to us.




Please do leave feedback. I really want to hear everyone who is reading this's opinion.. is that even a word? -shrug-))
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vicki kitterman
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:55 pm

I have to admit, when you started the chapter with the "silhouette on the rooftops" theme, I winced a little (pot, meet kettle). Especially when what appeared to be a journal/voiceover entered the mix... it reminded me of something out of a comic book. You know the scene: Batman or Daredevil, perched over their respective dystopian city, reflecting on the world that doesn't want him to save them, y'know?

Not that there's anything wrong with Batman and Daredevil. It's just a cliche, I guess. :P

Cliches aside, though, you've again got a good start on the story. You seem to have a very good grasp on suspense; these chapters are meant to pull us into the more personal conflicts beneath the generalizations. The reader wonders what did happen to the Gray Fox, and what the letters are referring to.

There were a couple times when I wondered what was going on. The first journal entry, for example, confused me, simply because the heading was in a format so similar to the news clippings. It took me a moment to figure out what this new information was.

Also, I was a bit confused about whose house Morthag was investigating, and not confused in a good way. Basically, much of the action inside the building seems disjointed, because you assume the reader has figured out what the whole deal is with the stack of stolen papers. I think you're reining back the juicy details a bit too much there.

Oh, and I'd also like to know a bit more about Morthag, but I assume that's forthcoming. Sounds kinda like an Orc name, to me. :bigsmile:

Mind, these are all just opinions, and I can be kinda picky. So take everything I say with a grain of salt.

I do like the tone though: dystopian and dark, with what appears to be an alienated anti-hero sort of character. That also reminds me of Batman or Daredevil. And by my account, that's not a bad thing. :twirl:
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Love iz not
 
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Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 6:57 am

Thanks for the feedback :lol: . Thats alot of good advice to. I must admit, I feel that I did sort of rush that chapter a little bit, so I apologize for the bad lack of description and what not. Will avoid in the future.

As for who Morthag is... that is for all the readers to guess, then find out about uh.. halfway in the story or sometime around that. My first idea was to have some sort of security-rope around the house, crime scene kind of thing, but then I thought.

"Wait.. that does not make any sense. The Gray Fox was killed less or more then a month before this. Why would they still have the house blocked up?" so I decided to go along with the secrecy.

This chapter was more to show the personality of one of the main characters, and to also set a mood. The events that are going on have been in play for a while is something I am trying to show people with the news paper entries and the first chapter. There are bad things going on, and the 'good guys' as one would call them dont know much about how to stop it.

Anyways, if I go on any longer, I might end up spoiling the entire story. Im going to put all that advice to use Sparrow, and thanks again for the feedback!
:angel:
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Ernesto Salinas
 
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Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:14 am

Blackhorse Courier: 3E, 12th of First Seed.

The war on in the borders of Morrowind heats up, as the Dunmer recruit allies from within there homeland. It is said that the Fighters Guild might be breaking away from the rest of the branches, joining the armies of King Helseth and Duke Vedan Dren. Not much is known about the efforts outside, however rumor has it spies have been spread out across the area's in Tamriel still loyal to the Empire.

Meanwhile, Emperor Terenar is said to be sending out scouts to the west, in search of the Immortal Man. Alasar Dunwick, of House Redoran, the Nerevar. Terenar believes that Alasar can help the Empire in putting a end to the war. It is far to early to tell which direction this war will turn, but judging from what we at the Courier have seen and heard of, there might be other provinces breaking away from us as well.

In other news....



Chapter Two: Hunters and Alcohol


In the town of Chorrol, music and celebration could be heard coming from within the Sour Apple, a large bar opened shortly after the daedra's attempt at invasion. Inside, drinks were served in pints, people pvssyred about how the Fighters Guild dealt with a major bandit problem with the help of a costumed hunter. Wood elves danced about on some of the tables, fairly drunk.

The bartender, a man named Hardison Fredricks passed some Cyrodil Brandy to a nearby customer, nodding slowly. Business was going well over the past two months. Where there was conflict in one land, there was profit in another. Thanks to some nordic hunter killing a very fearsome and powerful bear known as Rohugh last month, the town was populated by many celebrators.

And this same hunter helped the Fighters Guild do something they could not accomplish, wiping out a large amount of bandits that dwelled underneath the town, threatening merchants that had come by. With them gone, that meant more celebration, and more business for the town.

Everything was going great for Hardison. Why, two months ago the Inn Owner found himself passing a drink to Alasar, the Hero of the Eastland. Everything seemed perfect... well, there was one thing.

Hardison knew that the hunter, who called himself Cloud was rather rude and barbaric. Perhaps more worst mannered then Orvas Dren or the most crankiest of Bosmer. It mattered not, just as long as Cloud did nothing to harm business, or Hardion's establishment. Just then, the door into the bar burst opened and slammed against the wall loudly, all of the patrons stopping what ever they were doing and turning to look at who just walked in.

Hardison let out a groan quietly to himself, knowing all to well who it was.

A large, bulky looking figure slowly walked in, short black hair on top of his head, brown eyes glaring at all the patrons. A few freckles could be seen on the mans face, with a black set of clothing that took the shape of a < > around both eyes. Black iron armor was set against his chest and legs, a crossbow strapped across his back and two axes strapped onto a belt around his waist.

"Alright.." the Nord said, "What in Oblivion's name are all of you morons looking at! Get back to doing what you were doing, before I have to set a arrow between somebody's damn eyes!"

The nord then began to walk toward the counter, a grin on his face as all the patrons slowly turned back to there friends, mumbling. No singing could be heard now, nor celebration. Some of the patrons were beggining to leave the inn, and others retreating to there rooms. A large aura of unease could be felt around the counter as the Nord reached it, glaring to Hardison.

"Well?" the Nord barked, slamming a bag of coins onto the counter, "Are you going to get me a drink or not, you pathetic excuse of Scamp Droppings."

Hardison nodded, not bothering to reply as he ducked behind the counter, grabbing a pint and walking toward a large keg.

"What would you like tonight, Cloud?" Hardison finally replied, looking at four other kegs around the one he was standing at.

"Which ever gets me the most drunk." Cloud muttered, obviously agitated that a question asked a hundred times must be answered the same once more."And dont give me any of that swill you call beer!"

"Yes, Cloud." Hardison replied once more, walking toward a keg and setting the pint under the faucet, pouring drink into it. "What ever you say... customers always right."

***

Hardison looked at the six pints on the counter, then at the now drunk Nord who could be seen pulling out another bag of coins, about to set it on the counter.

"No Cloud, no more." Hardison said, Cloud now giving him a very cold glare.

"Excuse me? I suggest you get me another drink, so that I can forget you just said that!" Cloud barked, slamming a fist against the counter.

Hardison took in a deep breath, giving Cloud a darker glare.

"Listen here pal! You are to drunk to be fighting me, so I suggest you GET OUT of MY bar, before I call the city guard to lock you up!" Hardison shouted, grabbing one of the pints and slamming them against the counter, the few patrons left in the bar turning to watch the commotion.

Cloud slowly rose, his hand going to one of his axe-handles, Hardison backing up suddenly.

"Uh.. Cloud.." Hardison said, raising his hands, "I was just... sorry hehe, I snapped. "

Cloud simply passed one final glare before turning, beginning to stumble out of the bar. Hardison could be heard letting out a loud sigh of relief, now leaning his entire body against the counter.


***

Cloud stumbled around the town of Chorrol, trying to remember which way his house was. He could smell the strong scent of alcohol as he walked into a ally, getting a good direction of which way his house was. He continued to walk, his vision very blurred now, his sense of direction fairly poor. Suddenly, he could see two shapes running toward him, recognizing them as beggars.

One appeared to be a Imperial Male, another a Imperial Female. The female approached Cloud, looking to him with pleading eyes, he barely able to see her face due to his blurred vision.

"Please sir.. can you spare us some money. Twenty coins is all we need, just twenty coins!" she pleaded, raising her hands, much dirt visible on her nails, they sharper then perhaps the most sharpest of blades.

"Get outta my way girl." Cloud said, coming to a stop and glaring down at the woman. The male beggar passed a glance to Cloud, then the female.

"Lora.. maybe we should listen to him." he said, the woman looking to the male and shaking her head, looking back to Cloud.

"You have helped our town so much! Please, just a few coins for food! That is all we as-" the woman pleaded, when she found herself interrupted as Cloud pushed her to the side, she falling down and letting out a gasp.

"Lora!"

"I said move dammit!" Cloud shouted, beginning to walk back in the direction of his home, the male beggar running to the female and helping her stand. "Why dont you filthy vermin go join those dead bandits in that cave, do society a favor!"

The female beggar let out a growl, her hands wrapping around a stone in her pocket and slowly pulling it out.

"You will remember this.. you will remember us! You will remember turning us down, leaving us to die!"

Cloud turned, about to say something when the woman suddenly flung a rock toward him, it hitting him directly in the eye and sending a sharp wave of pain and agitation throughout the drunk Nord.

"Aghh!" Cloud shouted, stomping to the two who began to back up, "You stupid [censored]! GET OVER HERE!" the female continued to back up, raising her hands and saying for the man to calm down receptively. The three could now be seen in the street, pedestrians turning to watch the commotion. Cloud swung a fist toward the woman's forehead, it connecting and bringing the woman onto the ground.

"Lora!" the male beggar shouted, kneeling next to the woman and setting a hand on her arm. He then looked to Cloud, who was standing directly above the two now. "You.. you monster! You could of killed her!" the beggar said, Cloud spitting in his face and turning back in the direction he meant to go before all the commotion got started up.

"What are all of you morons looking at!?" Cloud roared at the watching pedestrians before disappearing into the ally.

***

The drunk Nord pulled the door open to his house, slowly stepping in and shutting it. He made his way up a few stairs, into a small room with only a bed, and a window.. a window which was now open, Cloud knowing he never did so.

"What the.. dammit, I have been robbed!" Cloud said, looking out of the window and then around his room. All the candles and lamps seemed to be unlit, creating shadows throughout the room.

"Hello, Cloud..." a very coarse voice suddenly said, the Nord turning in the direction of one of the corners.

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Cloud replied, screaming as usual. Just then, a figure slowly stepped into view, a mask with no holes in it visible on his face, along with a dark suit.

"You couldn't of possibly forgotten me." Morthag said, once more in his coarse and dark voice, seeming to glare at Cloud despite having no visible eyes. "There is much to talk about."
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Epul Kedah
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:28 pm

Chapter Three: A Chance of Redemption

Cloud's eyes widened at the very sight of Morthag. How was it, that the cycopath found his way into The Hunters home, and without getting caught by the Town Guard to! No... it was a hallucination. There was something in the drink. Or perhaps the skooma.

"Hehe.. funny." Cloud said, grabbing a half empty bottle of wine on a nearby coffee-table, raising the drink to his lips and chugging some of the beverage down. "Very funny. Now I am seeing Morthag! Oh please, dont punish me! Dont enact your holy retribution!"

Morthag let out a growl, looking at the drunken shell that was once a man known as The Hunter.

"First off, its not holy retribution.. its necessary retribution. Something that civilization doesn't know about it seems." If he was not wearing a mask, Morthag would of spit on the floor of the hunter's bedroom. He made his way to the window, looking at the town of Chorrol. A few medical legionnaires could be seen lugging someone to the castle. A beggar from the looks.

"Oh yes.." Cloud muttered, finishing his drink and looking to what he believed to be a hallucination. "Two very different things. And it is all civilizations fault, correct?"

"The fault of the people entrusted to lead it." Morthag replied, turning to look at Cloud who had yet to set the empty bottle down. "While soldiers are out being killed for a war which serves no purpose, the politicians drown themselves in there greed and power. As they profit off this war, they do not realize that the very body that there parasitical teeth sink into is about to die. The gutters of sin is overflowing, and soon it will wash up, and begin to drown them. They will be reaching out for anything, killing each other and feeding off one another."

Cloud rolled his eyes, "Right... still a prophet I see. I must be hallucinating, because I have heard this thing many times before."

Morthag let out a sneer, glaring at Cloud then lunging at him with amazing speed, swinging a few fist into the Nord's armored chest without wincing once, Cloud seeming to be taking most of the damage. He the grabbed the Nord by the chin, slamming him into the wall with a loud crashing noise following, the wine bottle that Cloud was holding a few moments ago shattering into pieces on the ground.

"So, this is what the already pathetic hunter has been washed down to? The scum that we punished day and night?" Morthag said coldly in his coarse voice, digging into a pocket set up on the upper left chest of his suit, and then pulling out a bottle of Skooma and slamming it near the Nord's head. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't put a pathetic worm such as yourself to rest, Cloud?"

Cloud let out a noise that sounded like the mix of a cough and a attempt to breath, the Nord setting a hand on the wrist of Morthag's wrapped around his neck. He then seemed to try to say something, banging his feet against the wall.

"What's that? I cant hear over the foam of sin rolling out of your mouth. Just like rabies!" Morthag grabbed the Nord's collar, pulling him from the wall and throwing him against the coffee-table, it collapsing as the Nord's body crashed into it. Cloud let out a loud cry of pain, splinters in the Nord's arm. Some blood began to roll down his forehead, Cloud glaring at Morthag as he began to sob.

"How! How have you lived, playing as the costumed hero all these years?" Cloud cried out, raising a hand in the air "How is it, that a man on the Legions most wanted list has survived for so long!? By now, you should be driven insane by the lack of communication. For the love of Talos, do you even know any women dammit?!"

Morthag slowly began to step toward Cloud, his shadow hovering over the Nord. The masked man's boots could be heard going against the floor in small booms. Buh-boom. Buh-boom. Just like the Heartbeat of a boy who knew punishment was coming from his father, for lying or something worse. Morthag slowly adjusted his leather gloves, pulling them farther back on his hand as he came to a stop, standing directly over Cloud.

"Cloud, you have committed many Sin's.." Morthag said very darkly, his leather gloves making a sound that could be compared with a creak as his hands curled into fist, "your soul is damned to Oblivion, unless you redeem yourself... and you know exactly just how redemption begins. With realization."

Cloud began to whimper, his head going to the ground as he wiped some tears rolling from his eyes, mumbling a few things here and there.

"Damn you Morthag.. damn you... Why? What do you gain from setting yourself up to be slaughtered?" Cloud raised his head to look at Morthag, somewhat lunging forward as he shouted, "Why in Talos's name, DO YOU DO IT MORTHAG?!" Cloud then smashed a fist against the floor, continuing to sob as Morthag looked the Nord over.

How pathetic, he had become. Who knew that being drunk could make a grown man cry... now, all there was to do was eradicate the scum. He seemed to be no use at all to Morthag.

Just as the masked man was about to swing a boot at the Nord's face, Cloud began to talk again, this time in between sobs.

"T-the things.. I have done man... horrible things I have done to woman! Uh-I murdered so many people that haven't deserved it... children.. I remember putting arrows in between the eyes of children wh-when w-we were raiding Black Marsh! Aghh, im a screw up!"

Morthag shook his head slowly, glaring down at Cloud. He squeezed his fist tightly, trying to decide what to do. Morthag backed away, pacing around the room as Cloud watched him silently. He indeed wanted to kill Cloud, just like he did anyone he considered scum.. but he needed Cloud. He needed The Hunters skills if he was to find the one man Morthag knew could bring light to the situation. No.. Cloud would not die... not tonight anyways.

"Get up." Morthag said in a rasp voice, looking out of the window. Soon, the sun would be rising.

"W-what?" Cloud muttered softly, looking at Morthag. The masked man turned, sneering.

"I said, get up. I need your help." Morthag barked, not taking his masked face out of Cloud's view. It proved to be very intimidating, when you could not see the face of the man you knew could kill you in less then three seconds, armored or not.

"The Faceless Guardian...' Cloud muttered, pushing himself up slowly, "Needs help? Well, if thats not a good joke, I dont know what is."

Morthag pulled out something from his chest pocket, it seemed to be a rolled up piece of paper. He tossed it toward Cloud, the drunked Nord barely able to catch it.

"You know where he is... or at least, you can find him." Morthag said as Cloud read what was on the letter, observing the Nord's expression as his eyes widened.

"You have been busy haven't you, stealing letters and investigating the Dark Brotherhood?"

"Not me.. The Gray Fox. He was onto something.. very close to hitting a key point. His death wasn't some normal killing, unlike what most people believe. Who ever killed The Gray Fox, most likely holds responsibility for the death of Ocato and Vivec. We need to gather The Retributers together Cloud. We need to give the people back there heroes."

Cloud gave off a smirk, looking to Morthag. "Thats not the only reason you want to find 'him'... you think that if they have not sent the assassin yet, you can use one to get more information. I know you Morthag... thats something you would do."

Morthag nodded, extending a hand for the letter to be returned to him. "Indeed it is.. now, do you know where 'he' is, or not?"

"Indeed, I do.. but we are not getting in. 'He' has the place locked down... The Sorcerer doesn't wish to be disturbed in his research. There is no way we are getting inside." Cloud slowly handed the letter back to Morthag, who set it back in his chest pocket.

Morthag began to walk toward the stairs of Cloud's manor, "Then we will make a way... pack up some food, put it in a bag. Potatoes would be preferable, but I assume all you have is very old grains and the liquid of the thousand hokers you have hired in the past. Meet me at Weynon Priory..."

Cloud simply shook his head, going to his kitchen to gather some food for the trip.

"Great..." he said quietly to himself, "Super-Hero again."
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Lilit Ager
 
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Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 4:36 pm

Please leave feedback and criticism. Any sign that someone is still reading this!
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Hayley O'Gara
 
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Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:53 am

Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:20 pm

You did a much better job setting things up this time... I was no long confused about anything. In fact, I rather enjoyed this little bit of character development on the part of our mysterious masked hero. And the hassled barkeeper was a classic.

Cloud, I didn't find very interesting. He strikes me as something of a shallow cliche... but meh. One typically doesn't read/write these kinds of stories for the deep philosophical discussions (although those do pop up in these things from time to time). One reads/writes them to enjoy a bit of escapist intrigue: hopefully with bad guys getting beaten up along the way. So yeah.

Just continue to have fun with this. :goodjob:
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Laura Mclean
 
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 12:15 pm

Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:55 am

You did a much better job setting things up this time... I was no long confused about anything. In fact, I rather enjoyed this little bit of character development on the part of our mysterious masked hero. And the hassled barkeeper was a classic.

Cloud, I didn't find very interesting. He strikes me as something of a shallow cliche... but meh. One typically doesn't read/write these kinds of stories for the deep philosophical discussions (although those do pop up in these things from time to time). One reads/writes them to enjoy a bit of escapist intrigue: hopefully with bad guys getting beaten up along the way. So yeah.

Just continue to have fun with this. :goodjob:

What she said.
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Marta Wolko
 
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Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:51 am

Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:23 am

All righty! :ahhh: Thanks for the feedback girls and guys, iamsohappypeoplearereadinglawlsirepic! Chapter Four (or five.. I forgot which chapter I was on ) will be posted sometime tonight or tomorrow.
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cassy
 
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Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 12:57 am

Post » Thu Jun 17, 2010 7:39 am

All righty! :ahhh: Thanks for the feedback girls and guys, iamsohappypeoplearereadinglawlsirepic! Chapter Four (or five.. I forgot which chapter I was on ) will be posted sometime tonight or tomorrow.



Unless I dont feel like writing O.o Ill have four posted up around six PM tommorow, since I will be thinking up ideas at school.
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Ilona Neumann
 
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Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:30 am

Post » Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:46 pm

Amusing enough to keep me occupied... j/k m8 j/k. I like it. :thumbsup:
One point of criticism; you seem to confuse there and their quite often.
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Cameron Garrod
 
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