Vegas. The town we all know as an light in the dark, water in the desert, paradise in hell. Many did not even believe of its existence.
My story starts out in the Capital Wasteland.

''Bro, get your ass over here,'' i looked up at Jack Willow, he′s young, I don′t care face, and a old almost disintegrated AK 47. ''Keep your panties on boss, i′m on my way.''
I went inside the little shelter made out of random crap, and turned on the ham radio. ''Wayne, you there? Is it clear?''
''A squad of super mutants, aint spot me yet.'' I breathed relieved. ''Thank god, Jack help Wayne, if those super mutants come any closer, i need you to cover him while i get the package.''
Jack saluted like a soldier, and walked slowly in the direction of the entrance to the small town. ''Wayne, Jack is coming, don′t draw any attention.''

The ruins of the old Paradise Falls, rumors had it that a squad of BoS led by the famous Vault kid. They had killed the slavers that once inhabited this place in the year 2077. Rumors were that no one had gone in there since then, afraid of the super mutants now moving in the area from Germantown. Now the only ones inhabiting Paradise Falls were bodies of slavers killed in the fighting, rotting, burned and still full with loot. Their goal was the huge amount of nuka quantum that had been sent here, there was this... Special client that was interested in it, since it was limited. Payment was... Not a problem.
I kept on walking, stepping on a small skeleton of a long dead kid. I did not know the slavers kept kids. Thats sick, i thought to myself. Walking into a building with a small balcony. A noise. I pulled up my 44.magnum and yelled: ''who′s there?'' No answer. I kept on walking farther inside the building, and saw some stairs. I looked under the stairs, and saw 4 crates, filled with empty bottles. ''God [censored] damn it. We came here for nothing?''
Suddenly i heard a noise behind me, a man, old man. ''Drop your iron,'' he said pointing a gun at me.
I dropped my 44. and it fell down to the floor with a loud noise that echoed through the building.

Thats the end of the begining, Vegas is coming so dont worry.

Welcome R.J.!

I think this is your first fanfic on these forums, so I just thought I welcome you. But onto your story.

It's short. Very short.

Not saying that's a bad thing, it just makes it hard to judge/critique/comment when there is so little shown, especially if your making a multi-chapter story. Thanks to your introduction, I know it's going to be about a man going from D.C. to Vegas, but that short excerpt on it's own would offer no explanation on almost anything. I don't know anything about the characters, what their doing, their goals, etc.

You could lengthen it up and at the same time add a little depth to the story by adding your characters thoughts or monologues so that we get to know him a little better. A little more detail in general, offering more description on the surroundings would also help.

That's all have for now.

Want to see where you take this.

Sorry man i was just expecting this. I kinda had a short time, and i wont be able to write anything till sunday. ill make it longer and more detailed. thanks for the reply.

''Whats taking him so long,'' Wayne said, looking at Jack.'' We gotta go soon, im not gonna wait till the super mutants find us and skin us alive.''
Jack was sitting in a chair by the some sandbags, looking at he′s AK, as if he wanted to squeeze the trigger.''IDK man, [censored] aint paying us enough to be sitting around looking at Mutant patrols, we should [censored] off back to Megaton.''
Wayne hit Jack in the back of he′s head.''Look [censored], I know the boss more then you, he aint no [censored] [censored], so shut your big ass mouth or ill throw you to the mutants myself,'' Wayne took up he′s shotgun. ''Keep watch, im going to find the boss.''
Jack rolled he′s eyes.
''Boss, you there!?'' It echoed throughout the building, and Wayne pointed he′s gun in front of him.
A gun was shot in the ceiling, so dust fell down on Wayne′s face. ''Aw [censored] man, WTF?'' The old man appeared in front of him, pointing a pistol in Wayne′s face.

''Dont worry, he′s with me,'' I said. The old man holstered he′s gun. ''Great, could have warned me before. Sorry about that incident, im not used to visitors.''
Wayne rubbed he′s eyes in an attempt to get the dust out, and looked angrily at the old man.''[censored], next time I sure ass hell will shoot you, that hurt like hell.''
The old man took up he′s gun again and resumed to point it at Wayne. ''I may be old but im a good shot, next time dont call a man with a gun [censored].'' Wayne just nodded, and whispered: [censored].
''Now come with me boys, i got something i have been wanting to show somebody in a long time,'' he said, walking outside, to a building on the other side of the old slaver settlement. It was a nice building, had been cleaned and stacked with food and water. The old man offered them a seat on a old ruined sofa, and took something out of he′s pocket. It was a map, with a picture of a huge tower in one corner, and a arrow beside it pointing at the upper part of the map. ''Oh, where are my manners,'' the old man suddenly said, walking slowly to an nuka cola machine, and took a bottle of nuka cola, along with three, dirty, glasses. He poured the nuka cola into the glasses.''Here ya go, drink up. This is truly a time to celebrate, i got something very important to tell you.''
Wayne looked at the dirty glass with cola in it, and just shook he′s head saying:''I sure as [censored] aint drinking this [censored].''
The old man eyeballed him. ''Suit yourself,'' he said, took the glass, and emptied the cola. I looked strangely at him with disgust. ''Can we please get to bussiness?'' The old man looked at me and nodded.''Yes course, sorry. Me and nuka are old friends, i tend to forget myself when drinking it. Now to the point. You know what this is?'' He said, pointing at the tower, and then at the map. I investigated the map a little.''Never seen it.'' The old man laughed:''Ha, well this my boy is the old world, or whats left of it. This my boy is Ol' Vegas the beautifull, Vegas the magnificent, Vegas the... Wayne interupted him.''Yo old man, would ya please get to the point, we got a job to do.'' I looked at Wayne.''The quantum is gone.''
The old man took a bottle of glowing stuff and put it on the table.''I got more, i never liked this stuff, but i took it here for safekeeping. Now where did we come from?''
I just took the quantum and put it safely in my backpack. ''We were talking about Vegas.''
''Right Vegas, well as i was saying Vegas, i was there once. A real paradise, full of people coming and going, and i got a job for you. Interested?''
''Well, if you happen to have 5 more quantum, then we would surely be up for hire,'' I said, but with a little doubt.''Whats the job?''
He laughed.''Upstairs there is a crate filled with quantum. Feel free to take them.''
I gave Wayne a sign to get it, and he nodded. The old man looked seriously at me.''Well, i would love to just, take one more trip to Vegas. We would have to go through the whole country, but it will be worth it. I got a friend there, guy named Ulysses, he should be able to pay you.'' Wayne put a crate with a few quantum′s on the floor beside the old smelly sofa.''So shall we go?'' He asked.
''In a minute Wayne.'' I said.''How much are we talking about?'' The old man smirked.''Lets say 100.000 caps shall we?''

''Your not taking the job are you boss?'' he said, when we were on our way out.''100.000 caps is too good to be true, hell its a whole storehouse.''
''Wayne, i know, but im not saying yes cause of the money. That old fool mentioned a whole new city, untouched by the scourge that fills this crappy wasteland area, think about it.'' Wayne smiled.''So we take the job, and if the fool pays up, we can live in luxury in Vegas?'' We were just walking by the entrance to paradise falls, when Wayne yelled:''[censored] YEAH, Vegas here we come.''
''Hey wait, where is Jack?''