I miss-spelt the title :slap:

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Defeat, the last thing I knew in a physical form. Gods are indestructible, normal men should have no sway over the life force of a power so divine. How though did the ghoul stop me? My legions of bloodclaws were on the verge of victory and sealing my dominion of wastes. Yet still in front of me was a creature ancient and twisted, mutilated by my divine fury but unbending, still fighting. It still stokes the fires of my rage to think of him lurching towards me, his left arm nothing but a bloody stump. A flash of white and the darkness I had willed into existence was gone and I was dispersed back to whence I came. Not dead though, no never that, waiting. Waiting for another fool willing to accept a power they can not control, another Eli.

I have watched the land since, it has healed some what since my birth, the day the two warring nations poured their hate, power and malice into each other creating both a ruined world and a God capable of harnessing this world. The charred black tress that sporadically appear have started to bring forth blossoms and spawn new life, the waters once thick with the my glorious life blood are now clearer and support twisted creatures only able to live and wait to evolve. Some parts of the land are golden with crop, newly able to survive in the softening world. My power over the land is waning.

Thankfully though one thing has not changed, the stupidity of man and its lust for easy glory and power remains as strong ever. In my rest I have seen the darkest side of existence personified in this simple creature. I have seen subjugation of those deemed freaks, ghouls. I have seen man almost wipe their own child from the world with such vigor and determination the poor brutes stood not a chance. My disciples are still up to the task ahead of them, some have hunted and sought me out. They were never able to sustain me for long enough, their hate and determination clouded by fear and restraint.

But what now? What is this? I have company in my isolation, a child crawls toward me. Tears in its eyes for death, doom and the horror witnessed by the sweet lamb. The child is alone in the world, no mother to feed him, no father to protect him from those that would wish him harm. It opens its mouth to speak and a voice leaks out, scared and quiet in the darkness of my home. "Hello? Please, I need help they have mommy and daddy, the bad guys, their putting things on their neck and taking them away. Please anybody, I need help!" There was more than fear and pain in the child's voice, there was anger, rage and a will to claim retribution.

When I answered the child's call my voice showed my decline, what was once a herald of doom worthy to drown out cracks of thunder and the roaring tide was now a harsh whisper, filled with age and sorrow. "My child come closer to me, I may help but I am old and my ears are tired." The child clambered over rocks toward where I lay, floating as cloud above a pool of stagnant cave water. "I can't see you, but your voice is so near, please don't hide, I NEED HELP!" I waited until the child was midway through shouting when his mouth was as wide open as it would go before I willed myself forward. As the child breathed in the gas, he screamed, a high pitch screech of pure terror, so rapid was my taking control of the child that this changed mid scream into a triumphant laugh as I was alive again.

I Looked through the child's mind and saw salvers, herding to travelers toward their lair. I laughed as I relished the chance to flex my power once again. I created a cushion of heated air underneath my new feet and floated un-easily into the air. I shot forward through the cave avoiding collisions through memory, memory of scrambling for the dark, my last physical form breaking around me. It was not a favourite memory of mine, Gods should not be as weak as I was.

As I left the cave I could see my pray far on the horizon, I tracked and followed them until the darkness of night covered the ruined ground. I descended to my feet to engage the slavers, strategy and deceit were things I greatly missed. I called out in the darkness in the child's voice "Mama! Papa! Please, its cold I'm hungry". Unfortunately it was guard not a parent who investigated the noise, he stopped twenty yards away and leant to the side to better see the source of the noise, I made sure only my outline was visible and spoke again " Please sir, do you know my mommy I'm scared" The slaver laughed and walked forward ready to take the child prisoner along with his parents. The smile quickly left the slavers face as he saw me, I had changed the boys form to how it would be if he were three weeks dead, a mess of moldy decomposing skin and bone. The slaver screamed and backed away, I jumped and landed on the Guards upper chest, I tore at his neck until his throat was hanging limp in my bloodied hand.

By morning a trader would find the camp dead, slavers, slaves and livestock all killed in ways to horrible to be committed to word. He would not know it at the time but he had witnessed he first sign of Atom's return.

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OOC: For those of you to recent to remember, I started and RP quite some time ago called uprising, this was about the rise and fall of a horrible being that could harness the power of radiation to do anything he wished. This being believed itself to be the God of the Church of Atom and he was defeated and dispersed, now he is back to try and take the wastes another time. The rest of the FF wont be from his point of view but form those fighting to stop him.

Any feedback at all would appreciated

Woooo!!! I always wanted to see Atom again man! Good work, I like it, I applaud, well done. I loved it, continue, before I hunt you down, Atom is a being of such great power... I expect a lot of death in this, I'd ask to join, but spare time on the Forums is not what I have anymore...

Alright, I'm in. B) Not sure how long this takes place after Uprising 2, so I just added about twelve years to Jon's age? Figured that would be enough time for "Atom" to get his story together :read: Also added a bit of a sentence or two to the bio


Name: Jon Webster

Age: 235
Time spent as a ghoul: Since he was 23 years old.

Talents/skills: Good at trading things needed for Underworld, and for himself. He is an expert Marksman with a Rifle and pistol. He has had alot of time to learn how to repair weapons as well as practicing with knifes. He also has skills with all sorts of demolition. He the basic skills of a US Marine.

Appearance: His skin is like a Brownish yellow, with green added in some places. He has little hair, but what little hair he does have is a deluded brown that occasionally falls off from time to time. His eyes are milky hazel, with a glazed over look like most ghouls. He has a good muscular build, surprising for such an old ghoul, and pieces of skin that flake off from time to time.

Bio: Jon grew up in the western part of the US with his parents, and two siblings. Before the bombs fell, Jon had a good life, he had a job, nice car, apartment, and a good looking girlfriend. But all that changed when China invaded Alaska, and Jon heard the call to arms. He joined the Marines, hoping to be part of the best military sect. in the whole US Military. He succeeded at that task, and was quickly shipped up to Alaska where he and a small team of saboteurs went behind enemy lines, and destroyed petrol depo's and weapon stores. After fighting the Chinese for several years, the bombs fell, Jon was on leave at the time, and came home to his now pregnant wife and family. Jon and his wife were so excited to be having a kid, but when the air raid sirens went off, all that changed, and Jon packed all their belongings into the car, and hurried to a Vault that his parents had payed for all of them, incase this did happen.
Jon and his wife didn't make it to the vault. They were driven off the road by a wild worried driver trying to get somewhere. Jon woke up two hours later, his wife was dead. a piece of rebar had pierced right through her. Jon didn't know about his parents and the rest of his family, but he hoped they had reached the vault in time. Surprisingly, Jon had only suffered some cuts and a bruised brain that healed after a few months. He travelled back to town, searching to see if anyone was still there. The only things he found was a towering Mushroom cloud. Months later, Jon began to show signs of becoming a ghoul, and after just a couple of years, he was.
He travelled all around the US looking for survivors, and anyone who knew of his parents and siblings fate. He found many survivors, but they turned their backs on him after realizing what he was. Since then, Jon has made his way to the Capital Wasteland where he has lived in comfort for several years. He is a heavy drinker, and always has been. He sometimes smokes cigars or cigarettes. Most ghouls try to avoid Jon, but he is a friendly ghoul to his fellow ghouls. He dislikes smoothskins, and the way they treat his kin. Jon is always willing to work his way into a fight, no matter what its against. He despises the Brotherhood and Outcasts for their stance on Ghouls.

After fighting Atom and Sandra, Jon lived his life out in the once green Florida Everglades. At times he thought he would die, but his life as a Shaolin Monk has kept him out of trouble, and he trades and travels from time to see what the horrible wasteland he is apart of has become. He has been waiting for the return of Atom, but never knowing when it would happen. He knows that Atom was never truly killed, but he has his doubts.

Armour: Jon wears a Brown drab and beaten Brown Regulator jacket, Slouch Hat, Green combat pants, Dirty OD T-shirt.

Equipment: x3 Cram, x4 Dirty Water, Flask of Whiskey (His personal drink of choice), x3 Brahmin Steaks, a book on peace. Two large boxes of DU (Depleted Uranium) rounds. (Yep, they're still around.)

Weapons: Ruger Mini-14 w/ Wooden stock (able to shoot DU rounds), 10mm Pistol (customized to house DU rounds), Mauser "Broomhandle" pistol (also customized to house DU rounds, Combat Knife.

Max, I think it's just a FF.... It doesn't say it's an RP, Is It Just Me? said it was a FF to me as well... I only said what I said because I would've asked if I could join if I had heaps of spare time, which I don't. Sorry. :shrug:

I know, but I wanted to give him my character so he was up to date is all. He asked if he could use Jon, and well I think you understand it?

It was cold, very cold when I woke up. The cold air blew silently through the long cloudless night and pierced its way through the thin walls of my tin shack. Life hadn't been to good recently, my livestock died in the fields while the food that would have saved them rotted mere feet away. The crop had failed for the first time since the emergence of harvestable and consumable grain. At least I am not alone in my suffering, my wife Lilith stays with me through it all, she deserves better.

I walked outside, the wind hitting me square in the face dispelling any lingering tiredness. I surveyed the land stretched out before me like a long arid runway it extended as far as the eye could see, mile after mile of desolation and nothingness. No crops to speak of, new giant snakes making huge holes in the ground attacking anything enough to move in their vicinity. It was a truly hopeless sight. I walked over to the small pool of water my wife and I used for our water supply. A face glimmered in the rippling mirror, not a face to be proud of either, I was tired and had devoted to many sleepless nights to my work, dark circles were evident under my eyes, once vibrant green they were now dull and tired. The skin hung off my cheeks uneasily with inevitable lost weight of lengthily famine.

I kneeled down to get my self a drink, mouth dry and open in anticipation of the cool refreshing liquid. The water truly lived up to my expectations, but there was something not right, a familiar metallic tinge, no, I quickly banished the thoughts from my mind, the wastes had enjoyed clean drinking water for years.

I quickly washed up and went back inside the house to collect my merge possessions for the journey to Megaton for supplies. I heard my wife stir in the bed behind me as the weapons and caps I was shoveling clumsily into the battered backpack rustled and clanged. I talked to her without turning, she always worried when I was about to leave. Ideally I would take her with me, but I walked quickly and she would slow me down. " I have to go out to town for supplies, the snakes took another bramihn last night. I'll be back in two days, don't answer the door to anyone and please this time don't invite them in for lemonade. I don't want to have to go all the way back to paradise falls to buy you back again." In fairness this had been two years ago but I felt better warning her about every possibility, she had been strangely absent minded since the death of our son Alan.

The trip was uneventful, I met up with a traveling merchant who gave me an escort all the way to Megaton, with the mutants gone and the enclave virtually decimated years ago the wasteland creatures were the only real threat and they tended to keep their distance from groups. The most exiting thing that happened on the way was probably a small boy passing us down the road, alone and content, he was even humming an old tune to himself.

Megaton was just as I remembered it from my hundred other visits, the narrow streets were crammed with people all barging to get past. Megaton was fortified years ago for reasons people never seem to be able to remember, the new buildings had necessitating moving the walls back for half a mile. The small town was now a buzzing city of rude, dirty and unwelcoming people. The original inhabitants had all died some time ago, I think the ghoul bartender went postal on every one or something.

As I reached the general store I over heard a trader shouting out a crazed story to everyone that would hear it. His eyes where wild and white, he had the look of madness in him as clear as day. His voice was horse and croaked out a horrible message.
" As clear as the nose on my face I saw it, melted faces, pools of blood, bodies littered like a child's toys, highly trained slavers no less. In all the worlds history we have seen only two creatures capable of such terror, he could never return but she his lieutenant and mother of the bloodclaw, she walks the land again, doing her masters work while he rots. Run, run and don't look back." The man had obviously been shouting for hours, maybe his mind was so far gone he could do nothing else now, he took a horse breath and began his warning again.

For all the fear in his eyes and the madness in his voice, something forbade me from sneering and turning away in disbelief, I was scared, deep to my core I could feel a cool black knot of knowing terror.


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quite late, so I'lll fix up grammer and other foibles when ever i feel like it, probably tommorow but dont get on at me if it isnt.

I also know my main cahracter doesnt have a name, I havent quite decided yet hmmmmmmmmmmmm first reply gets to name him.

hey, could a mod maybe put a good or bad poll on this for me as no-one seems to want to leave any feedback.

Here is my feedback... VERY VERY GOOD WORK MAN! I love it, great job.

ATOM


Great relief washed over me at I grief I had caused, the small settlement had no protection, no guards, a foolish trust in mankind spawned from the cleaner less dangerous wastes to the ones I had once flourished in. I had swept into town during the night, the cold blackness of the evening masking my now rotting shell.

The town had been relatively large, not unlike the now abandoned big town. I separated the atoms of my form until I slipped through their fence as a scentless mist, I floated onward in this form until I reached a sentry post, the fool of a guard was sleeping at his post. I solidified with the shudder of discomfort of colliding atoms rebinding in an instant, I had enough restraint to avoid vocalizing this discomfort. The guard snored loudly as I crept up behind him, he did not stir as the child clambered on top of his sandbags, he never had a chance to scream as the knife shaped hand plunged into his neck. The Guard opened his eyes and gurgled an attempted alarm but the sound drowned in the fountain of blood emptying onto the floor.

I flitted away silent and swift as time cannons a man towards his doom. As I came to the first house I noticed a light on in one of the windows, an awake resident perhaps or a child afraid of the creatures that go bump in the dark? I hurried over to the window to see the ill fated creatures that dwelled within. A child cowered under her blanket, shaking like grass in the wind. The child could not possibly have heard the death of the guard but children had other ways of knowing, that feeling just before you go to sleep and you take stock of everything in the world, but something is wrong and not how it should be. The child's fear intrigued me, I decided to play on this fear to amuse myself.

I kicked at a stone in the dirt, not a large sound but with the child's senses amplified by fear it pulled her terrified gaze over to the window where a menacing black shadow lurked. The child ran out of bed to seek comfort in the presence of her mother, the pair came back into the room and the child pointed at the now empty window. The mother chided the child for waking her and lurched back to her sleep.

As soon as I was confident that the mother was now asleep I drifted through the window as gas once more, this time I was a menacing black cloud of poisonous smog, clearly visible to the terrified child. Strange lights sporadically exploded within the gas, compounding the child fear as she clung her duvet over her eyes for some degree of protection. I took pity on the terrified child and made her death quick and painless as she breathed in the heart stopping gas.

I decided to leave the rest of the village to wallow in the grief of the child's death and the mother to lament in her disbelief of her scared child. This to me was more delicious than their villages complete slaughter.

Ok im gonna put a desperate plee on here, please if you read this story leave feedback in how I can improve. I love wirting but this is for the people reading it, it cant get any better unless you tell me how to improve, please bare this in mind. cheers.

Pretty good story so far, Havn't read the first story but I like it. I'm not much of a writer, more of a fan of writing, so I won't try to give any advice because I know i'll just end up looking like a fool. So my only advice I can give is keep up the great work!

Remember, whenever someone speaks, make a new paragraph.



The first chapter for me was pretty slow and I couldn't get into it. That's common with a lot of books I read, I really can't get hooked until a few chapters in. But, honestly, you built zero suspense and din't put any questions I wanted answered in there either, so I probably wouldn't have gotten hooked without that. In my opinion, Atom should've been written in third person and merely describe him without outright saying who he is. But, alas, it's too late for that.

The second chapter introduced a new character which I liked. You posed a couple of questions and I know he has ties in Megaton. It was a great chapter, but again, really lacking on suspense or "cliff hangers".

The third chapter I loved. It really personified Atom's personality and showed his godliness.

EDIT: Oh, and I'll be checking on this when you update.

:ahhh: Write more when you can!

Tom

I stared off into the barren Wastes, thinking of the past and how it all came to this; fighting myself over my own life. The shadows were enveloping my mind again, trying to bend me to its will; how was I even still alive? My mind drew back to the moment where my old life had ended and my new one had begun.

It was just him and I, my old friend; corrupted by the influence of Atom. I knew there was only one way to stop him and even then it probably wouldn't work. At the best odds it would stop him for a while, but it would sacrafice my own life. This is what I truly thought, that I would die that day under the black sky.

That was not my fate, no, instead fate mocked me and made me live with Atom's influence in my head. That day, he'd summoned the very core of radiation and formed it to his will, making shadows; raw power that he had no control over. The best those things could do was stop anyone else from helping me against Atom.

I knew from something I'd heard in my mind that someone's own death; someone who wanted to kill him would be the only way to finish him for a while. It wasn't the way to end him forever, but I hadn't heard anything else from the voices in my head. Ever since I'd been changed I'd heard the voices whispering secrets into my ears.

They'd told me what to do, and with my last ounce of strength that day I'd torn my heart out in front of him. It'd done something I knew that much, my blood was pouring from my chest, as soon as some of it hit him it almost burnt his rotten skin... I didn't see any more as I fell to the ground, everyone thought I was dead.

A shadow had entered my lifeless body and posessed me, they all still thought I was dead; they were wrong. Many days later I managed to rise again, flitting to the edge of life itself to stay away from others. I didn't want to know what I'd do to them if Atom took over my mind; I didn't think he'd realised it yet.

Something gave me a feeling that the next time he came, he wouldn't be taking over a ghoul with a grudge... Oh no, he'd do much worse. I rolled my shoulders and closed my eyes, looking into the nothingness that was my existence at this moment. I could feel a nudge from the outside reach me, I knew that it was trying to get me to leave my body; but I refused.

I was fine with my current form, my old form; the one of Tom. I was quite possibly the oldest ghoul alive, but almost definitely not the wisest. I hadn't created Atom, but I'd certainly brought him from whatever hell he came from; I knew that much. I'd have a choice in the end, Atom could certainly use an ally again and he definitely knew who I was and what I knew... Time would tell.