Alright before i start the story i want to let you know what i expect. Im not an author so the story wont be Book worthy for the most part, but as saying that it will be very actiony, descriptive, Viloent, and hopefully gory! Please leave feed back i will try to write a chapter every week the more comments i have the more i will write. Please do give me suggestions and you might just get it in the story... it dosnt have to be big.
HERE WE GO!

The Settlement
Chapter 1: Stragglers

The evening was grim with the stench of death in the air. All around me, blood, but not mine. The adventures that came with me into the cave lie dead all around me, but one is still alive. My friend Randy Cartel is on the other side of the cave, a shard of rock stuck in his leg. His hair is long and shaggy, it looks like a blond mop. His face is covered in suet and ash. As i scrabbled over to him I hear something.

Large bulky shadows spread along the wall, coming off a fire, Deeper in the cave. Crap , i think to myself. Looking back down at Randy's wound i realize we cant stand a fight. "We can't stay here any longer Randy" I whisper to my ill faced friend "we have to go now". He looks up, pain spread on his face. "OK... let's go" I grab him and slump him over my shoulder. We limp our way out of the cave.

We go as fast as we can, but we're not making good time. Another hour and i know Randy wont make it. We need to find an exit. I stumble on a small boulder in the middle of the cave. I fall to the ground and drop Randy, he lands on his leg and the rock pushes further into his leg. "AGHHH" he roars in pain. I look back, predicting the monsters to come flying around the corner of the cave, but nothing has moved. The monsters shadows are still clinging around the fire. "Don't be so loud Randy" I warn my friend. His eye's go blank, but his heart is still beating. "No, don't die on me, not now!" I plead. I pick his limp body up and carry him forward.

"There, the entrance of the cave!" I shout in excitement, forgetting about the monsters in the cave. I set Randy down, I try to wake him. "Randy, wake up, were almost out", then i hear a roar coming from deep in the cave. "Oh Crap!" i whisper to myself. I try to drag Randy out of the cave but I'm to tired. I prepare for the worst. Pistol in hand i aim down the cave. I'm holding a 10mm pistol armed with 2 clips. A loud thumping sound comes from down the cave. It's getting louder, every second.


I start to look down my sight, then i spot something in the corner of my eye. A large red barrel, its label is so warn down i can't make out the words. Then my attention is thrown back down the cave as i see two giant green men come pounding furiously down the cave. When they spot me they break into a run. I pull the trigger hitting one of the green men in the shoulder, slowing it down. Then i fire another shot hitting the other green man and it flies straight through it's eye. It collapses to the ground.

I re-direct my attention to the monster i shot in the shoulder. He is griping a wooden plank with a rusty nail hanging out of it. I have 4 bullets left in this clip. My first bullet flies for the monsters eye. He dodges with a swift slide, then bounds toward me again. He clocks me with a hard hit to the head. The nail clips me peeling penetrating the veins in my head. I fall to the ground blood covers my eye's and i drop my gun. It drops to the rocky cave floor. The monster kicks the gun away. The gun lands near the limp body of my friend.

The monster pounds me with the plank. I fall down, my world goes pitch black. I wake hearing a thunderous explosion. A column of fire arches its way over the monsters head. The monster spins around to see the cave crumbling. I take the chance grab a shard of rock from the cave and jump on the monsters back. Blooding dripping from my face, onto the slimy leather the monster calls skin. Green oozes from the monsters back as i stab him repeatably. He swats at his back dropping the plank.

I jump off his back and flick my arm after the fallen plank. I snatch the plank and quickly strike the rusty nail into the monsters waste. I force the nail up the skin cutting a slit. The green substances oozes all over the cave floor. The monster swings around howling in pain. "Good you feel pain" I say with an evil smirk on my face. I knock at his legs with the rusty nail. The monster drops to the ground, then i notice Randy holding the gun. He has it cocked red barrel, frozen in fear. Then i Remember the cave roof, It's collapsing.

First there are chips of the rocks that fall. Then large chunks impale the dead monster's body. "Randy! Can you crawl?" I yell with joy. "Uh, il'l try!" Randy yells blood gurgling in his throat. "Alright I'll hold...... I'll hold him here, you just get the heck out of the cave before it falls in on us." I shout over the monsters screams of agony. Randy slowly crawls his way out of the cave. "Wait, throw me the..... gun". When i get the gun i swing it around, aim up right between the monsters eye, and pull the trigger. A sharp howl perices my ears. Then the monster goes limp and stumbles to the ground.

I stumble my way out of the cave. Randy is just exiting the cave when the roof of the cave falls with a hope crushing slam. Im trapped! No way out, except for deeper in.

Alright guys ill try to add chapter 2 in A.S.A.P! Please give me some feedback, sorry about the spelling mistakes too. :disguise:

This forum is pretty desolate so comments won't come easy, but there are a few select people like Yttrium and I, who almost always post on everyones posts. Another thing, a chapter a day ia hard to achieve (creative juices, consistency,school/regular work, parents (ugh)).

Also read some of the other forumers posts just to get an idea, mines is a good example. I've been here for a whle and I still post too.





I don't know up you mean subsideing or erupting here.







100mm bullets cant go through people.

Cant edit more being rished.

aight thanks for the comments if no one post on here i just wont make the story...

its actually not that bad.
but dont expect many people to see this.

this section of the fallout forum is pretty lifeless.

lol yea i know is it possible i can move this cause i really wana write more and get feedback

If I'm reading this correctly...No there's no where you can move it on this site. You could make a TES fanfic over in their forums, it seems to have a little bit more life then these one. But other than that, you'll have to find some other site to host your fanfic, sorry but I don't know many off the top of my head. And by the way there's nothing stopping you from writing more, if you want to write more than write. Even on other sites or when this one has more life, it still can be hard to get feedback, just keep writing. You'll gather more feedback if you keep it up. Or you could give up. Your story. Speaking of which...

First off, everything I'm about to give you here is constructive criticism. I merely showing what I perceive as flaws and giving you my advice on how to fix them. By no means do you have to listen to my advice...

Your grammar is pretty bad. What I mean by that is the misuse of punctuation marks, spelling errors, improper capitalization, a plethora of fragments, and so on. Basically there's a lot, I would go over everyone, but I don't want to. I'm a little curious on why you didn't fix some of them, because in your second post you acknowledged the fact that you did have them. If your having trouble with this type of thing I suggest downloading Open Office unless you already have Microsoft Word, these will take care of the majority of your problems.

Really though it seems that the majority is those fragments, I assume you know how to use conjunctions and commas, correct? It'll help make it easier to read.

I also think that some more detail wouldn't hurt, try to be a little more descriptive.You may know what the scene looks like in your head, but us readers don't. We need your words to see what you want us to.

The story starts off nice, but why did you insert the main characters appearance in the second paragraph? We go from the cave scene to him describing himself, it messes up the flow of the story. I would understand if that cave scene was merely a flashback and then it snapped to the present, but you continue with the cave scene in the next paragraph. You don't need to forcibly throw his appearance in there, you could reveal it in pieces or when he looks or in a mirror, something that doesn't ruin the flow you had going.

I have more, but I haven't eaten anything today and I'm just too tired to continue...Just know that I do wish you best of luck with your story and that you continue to write, please don't let me discourage you(if I haven't, then good) you have the potential for a good story. You just need to clean it off and make it shine. I hope this is the type of feed back you were looking for...

:thumbsup:

Thank you for your feedback i apreciate it very much. Yes i am a horrible speller and i try to spell right but i cant. I thought for me being only 14 i was using pretty descriptive words, as i said im not author. I will try to fix things when i have time. Give me ideas for the story too! :fallout:

Its your story man, so you do with it what you want. And also, just because your 14 doesn't mean you spell bad. I don't know if you go to school or what school you go to, but there are plenty of ways to improve your writing. Google is a powerful thing, and so is reading.

Back when I was your age I didn't have a passion for writing, but I could type a mean essay because I learned and studied how to. If you have word, then type it there and let spell-check take its course. You also have dictionary.com (which I still use), and if you want to take writing seriously, free online lessons.

But don't worry about comments, for as long as I've been here I only get like two or three comments per installment, and that's after almost a week. Just keep it up, I'll be reading.

Also look forward to my stuff which I'll be working on over the weekend.

Alright, so here's some constructive criticism.





Usually it's best not to so thoroughly describe a character from the offset. If you want to, I find it better to do so through the Third Person Perspective. This just means instead of saying "My face has been partly burnt" and so on it would be "his".

Here let me rewrite that in 3rd Person for you so you can see if you like it better.

His name is Micheal Russel, known as Mike to his friends. Tall, slender, and pale white his dark green eyes have seen much. His face is partially burned and thoroughly covered in dirt. His clothing is similarly tattered and blood soaked.

"I say with excitment leaving from my face."

This is another little 1st versus 3rd Person thing. If you want to describe the main character it's usually best to use Third Person. The exception I suppose would be if the character has time to sit down and examine himself.

You might instead have said the excitement was draining from his voice, or just described the same thing in Third Person...although then it might be better to say the color was draining from his face.




In general I think you should switch to Third Person because it's easier for people who are relatively new to writing to use. I use it quite a lot myself. Another small piece of advice, action is great but people don't get attached to characters because of their prowess/skill with weapons. You might want to get the character a stronger weapon if he's going to be tangling with Supermutants or Raiders...and you might also want to introduce some sort of weakness.

An example, I just finished reading "Under the Dome" by Stephen King. Very good book, very disappointing ending. The main evil character is overweight, not terribly intelligent, and until everyone ended up "Under the Dome" he was a used car salesman.

Anyway, do continue. Consider switching to Third Person, run your writing through Microsoft Word and it's spell check before posting, and just keep writing. This forum unfortunately has slowed down considerably. I'm involved in 3 RPs (which are essentially a story made up in turns by several people) which have all slowed down to a crawl.



Finally, because I tend to write more than I need to, try just looking at other threads or even movies or books for ideas. The Warren deals with a settlement being formed shortly after The Great War, Sunshine State deals with several regional leaders trying to prepare for the BoS' coming attack, The Unknown War deals with cyborgs, Queen of the Pitt deals with what happens to Marie Ashur after Fallout 3, Memories by old_andy is great and absurdly long, anything by Goristhescholar is awesome.

Here's some links:

Queen of the Pitt: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1069418-queen-of-the-pitt/
Memories: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1065213-memories/
The Sunshine State: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1108477-the-sunshine-state/
The Unknown War: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1111829-the-unknown-war/
A Wasteland Story: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1103874-a-wasteland-story/
Enclave Boot Camp: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1107582-enclave-bootcamp/page__p__16222459__fromsearch__1&#entry16222459
Fallout Folktales: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1082744-fallout-folktales/page__p__15774790__fromsearch__1&#entry15774790
Of Your Shadows: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1021243-of-your-shadows/page__p__14776680__fromsearch__1&#entry14776680
Escape from Vault Nine: http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1091666-escape-from-vault-nine/page__p__15927564__fromsearch__1&#entry15927564


P.S.

Keep writing.

Thanks. But i don't take this story that seriously, tho i will fix mistakes were found. I just fixed a bunch of mistakes and added a few more paragraphs im starting chapter 2 right now. My imagination is consuming me........ lol. Thanks its nice to know some people are intrested in the story!

No problem, we may be small, but that only makes us closer together.

No cliche intended.

Also, I was somewhat hurt that Smiley didn't add my fan-fic Wes. Here it is.

http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1115615-wes/page__p__16382156__hl__Wes__fromsearch__1&#entry16382156

Do not worry i have an idea to describe the characters look in chapter 3. I want it in first person due to certain things i want to do. And im not a bad writer, im best in my class but when i write somthing online i really dont care about spelling to much. Tho i try to correct area's i will not spend hours working just to make people happy. I write for fun and hope you enjoy my story's but don't expect grade A stuff

I didn't add it because it's only two entries in, I probably would have otherwise. I also didn't list The Anomaly of Regahn purely because I haven't read it myself. It's pretty popular and has gone on for a long time...but I don't want to recommend something I haven't read.

The Settlment
Chapter 2: Traqed

Darkness, all around me. I start towards the only source of light in the desolate cave, the fire from which the monsters came. I stick my hands forward, feeling for the walls of the cave. My hands touch a rugged wall of rock. Warm blood runs down my palm and drops on the ground. An eerie silence consumes me. I set out pulling myself along the cold rock of the wall. I inch forward ever so careful. I come to a corner and at the end of it i see a bright light.
"The fire!" I say to myself relieved.

I'm going faster now, trying to get out of the darkness as soon as possible. The sweet sound of crackling flows threw my ears. "Ah, here we are. Finally i can rest for once". A small cot lie's by the far wall of the cave. After checking to make sure the area is safe I lay my head down. As soon as my head hits the cot I fall into a deep slumber.

Nightmare! Bugs crawling all over my legs, chest, and face. I try to swat at them but for some odd reason my hands wont move. I scream for help, but nothing comes out. Then a giant green monster walks into the room. "Out of the light, and into the darkness" He cackles with evil delight. Then the light vanishes and I'm sent into a painful darkness.

The bugs are gone. I cant tell if I'm dreaming or alive. I can now move again. "Heeelp" I scream. No one answers. Lost in the dark, forever. Then a red light appears, Flames flick out lashing at me. "Nooooo" I screech. I'm surrounded by fire now. The fire is consuming me, no, i am the fire. The fire recedes and forms into a small fire pit.

Awake, i know for sure now. The fire seems to be dieing out. The light now only covers half the cavern. I sit up, rubbing my stomach. "That was the oddest dream, quite an imagination i have" I laugh at myself, "Hm, I'm getting hungry lets see what these green men like to eat". I walk over to a bookshelf that's being held up by two weak boards.

They have stored some meat on the shelf along with some putrid water. "Well i guess this will have to do, not what i call a feast". I take the meat and go to the fire. "Hm, now how am i going to cook this". I grab one of the boards holding up the book shelf. "This should do, just take this rock..." I begin to sharpen the wood into a sharp stick, when i finish i stab the meat and hover it over the fire. "A few splinters wont hurt me", I question myself.

I turn the meat every few minutes to make sure i cook off the disease that is sure to have consumed whatever kind of meat this is. After about fifteen minutes of cooking i take the meat of the stick. "Time to eat! This doesn't exactly look good, but hey its better then nothing right". Boy was i wrong! After eating the nasty meat i try to wash it down with the putrid water, bad idea. I feel sick, but i cant stay here long. "Oh, what was that stuff..." I say sickly. I search for some drugs to take away the sickly feeling, all i find is a small book.

"Hmmm... a diary?" I start to read.
"Dear diary, It's dark down here i can hardly see. I encountered a strange man not long ago. He was leaving the cave. He said in a panicked voice not to go any further. It only gets worse the deeper in. The artifact is a trap. I had no idea what he was talking about. I encountered a weird slug like creature further in the cave. It spit an acid goo. The acid melted my shoe, but i killed the creature before it did anymore damage. I call it a centaur, because of its weird body and human head. It also had tentacles that dangled from its mouth. When i tried to attack the centaur with my knife its tentacles wiped at me. They were sharp and cut my arm on touch. I decided to use my gun and finished it off. When i was retreating back to my camp here i was ambushed by a group of big green uglies, they are know as super mutants around here. Uh.. oh i hear something. -Terina Gertel".

"So that's what there called" I say recalling the giant green monsters. "The artifact, all this time it was a trap. That blasted no good son of a... I'm getting ahead of myself, he may not even have known about the super mutants. Alright well first things first, i have to get out of here, and going deeper in the cave doesn't sound like a good idea."

I start to head back to the caved in entrance hoping to find an exit. It's darker this time due to the dieing of the fire. My hands are guiding me along the wall. I trip on one of the dead super mutants as i bound around the corner. My face hits hard rock and blood seeps over my forehead. I start to crawl when my hand hits a part of the rock, it sinks down into the ground. I hear a rumble and a small light shines into the cave. "A way out" I gasp air running thin in the cave. I stumble to my feet. When I'm on my feet i stride with excitement to the newly opened section of the cave.

When i step threw the ground below me sinks and i hear the rumble again as the rock moves back into place. I stagger to the light. "Made it, now were is that light coming from". I'm in a big cavern now. At the top of the cavern i see a small opening. "Looks like i found my way out, but how do i get up there" I say peering around the room with the little light provided. I find a dead body laying in the right corner of the cavern. I stagger over to the body and flip it on its back. "Female, looks like... oh, she came from vault 142. Whats that on her arm?", I question to no one.

When i move my finger over the object a light flickers on and i see an image of a blond hair boy with blue clothes on. "That must be vault boy, and this must be a pip boy". I press a button and the pip boy lights up even more. "Now that's more like it!" I say as the entire room lights up. "I like this pip boy, don't think you wont mind me borrowing this, do you?" "What the... it wont... come... off" I say using all my strength to pull the pip boy off. I decide to cut her arm off and take it with me. I find a lose shard of rock and take it to her arm. "This will only hurt a lot!" I say smirking at my fortune.

I slice away at her arm, no blood pours. "Must have been dead awhile". When i reach her bone i press hard and cut back and forth like a saw at a tree. The bone cracks in half and the rest of her arm falls off quickly. I pick up the arm and carry it with me using the light to guide me. I find a few rocks that lead to a ledge. I start for the rocks. When i reach them i crawl up on them. Then i throw the arm up on the ledge and hop up after it. When i get to the ledge i notice a ladder. I cut a small slit in my shirt and stash the arm in the slit of the shirt. It's hanging on my back. I begin to climb the ladder.

The ladder is rope and keeps moving. Finally i reach the top. All that's left is to cross the small rock bridge and grab the last ladder to the hole. I start to walk on the bridge and then it shatters in half. The rope ladder dangles back and forth. "I have to jump for it" I say pleading to god that i don't fall. I back up against the wall then lurch into a full run. When i reach the tip of the broken rock i launch myself into the air throwing my hands in front of me ready to catch the rope.

My hands clutch the rope. I'm hanging tightly dangling over no ground. "Whew, almost there" I say climbing the ladder. The light shines bright into my eye's now, my hands burn due to the tight grip on the rope ladder. Then as i reach up to touch solid ground i hear a grunt above me. Then a roar of laughter. I pop my head up to see who is laughing. All around me, Super mutants, guns pointed at my head. Then i can only think of one thing, death!

Very nice.

Thanks for the help guys. I put chapter 2 through spell check and relized my spelling mistakes were numerous. So i fixed it and made the text into paragraphs. Thanks for the feedback!

Chapter 3 will come tomorow!

The Settlement

Chapter 3: Locked Up

Dread hangs on my face as I'm picked up. My feet drag along the ruff wasteland terrain. Two super mutants one on both side clutching my arms with the grip of a super human. I see a red door ahead. The super mutants swing me forward, head hitting the red door and opening it. I hear something drop to the ground, but ignore it concentrated on the hall way ahead. A major headache catches up with my pondering mind as we enter the building. I know what this building is. Tho its the first time i have ever seen one let alone been in one. My father called this a prison.

As we I'm drug along i see a women sitting alone in her cell, head hung with grief. Red blood trails out of the cell and into the hall way. We follow the trail for a little then the trail turns of and goes down some stairs. Up ahead i see a cell, mine. The super mutants slide the cell gate over and toss me inside. I stumble over myself and fall to the ground. The super mutants break into laughter at my humiliation.

They walk off mumbling words to each other, words? When they walk out the red door, i whisper to the women. "Psst... Hey lady! Psst... Where are we, why are we in these cells?" I whisper to the women questioningly. After a few minutes of her not responding i begin to say something. "Hey.... can you hear........" "Yes i can hear you" She interrupts abruptly. "Sorry, if they catch us talking i don't know what they will do. My husband was drug out of here and taken to the basemant. That was a day ago, he still hasn't shown up. I predict they will come back for me any day now. Please you must help me. There is a crack in the cell you are in. The wall is weak enough for you......." She trails off as the red door swings open and a large super mutant enters.

"I... herde.... Taking!" The super mutant yells out furiously, stumbling on words. They talk! Wow... i learn something new every, hour. "Kepsh... Taking... ands... Ish... Eatsh... you bote!" The mutant yells again. "You... doshn't... nose.... painsh.... tilsh... your... beine.... digestsh... in my st........" "Out with it buddy" I interrupt with a smirk on my face. The women glares at me like I'm insane. "I'm.... ish..... your.... guarsh..... Humash!" "Woo, hang on what? Guarsh, Humash? We can't understand you!" "He means Guard, and Human." The women pitches in glaring at me, trying to hold back a smile.

I turn around and check out my new home for the next... who knows how long. All that there is, is a small cot on the right wall and a small mirror hanging on the left wall. I approach the mirror and glare at the grime on my face. My hair is clean cut, or used to be. Now there is clumps of dirt hanging in my hair. My face is covered in dry blood. My eye's that were once green are now bloodshot red. My body is covered in blood from my head, to my feet. My clothes look as tho made of burlap sacks and animal hides.

Then i remember something. The pip-boy. I reach back to grab it but my hand swipes at air. "Were did it go....." I think to myself looking around the room. Then out in the hall way i see a smashed up arm with a mechanical device on it. The pip boy! I search the hall way and find a air duck. It goes into the wall that the mirror sits on. "Hmmm.... maybe, Na that's a stupid idea" i wisper to myself.
Then i feel someone huffing on my back. I slowly turn around, then i jolt backwards. The Super mutant is standing in my cell behind me. "Donsh... ges... Anish.... Ideash!" He bellows out knocking me off my feet. "Don't you know its rude to sneak up on people?" I say mockingly. "I... cansh... waish... to... tash... yoush... meash!" 'Again, i can... not.... understand... you" I say pointing to him. The super mutant huffs and then walks out the cell, closes it and then walks up the stairs.

"Finally peace... hey do you see that arm over there?" I ask the women. "Ha, your a funny man.... i never caught your name...." She says questioningly. "Nor have i caught yours" I reply. "My name is Micheal Barstien" "Melody Karnold, nice to meet you, wish it could be under better circumstances", she replies. "Yes well do you see that arm", i say asking my unanswered question again. "Eww.... what do you want with an arm? But yes i see it, do you want it?" She slides reaches for it then slides it close to my cell.

Loud thumps come down the stairs. Then i see a green hand stick out from the wall. I have almost got the arm. Then i hear more thumps coming. My hand is only about an inch.... just...... a little... further. The mutant walks down the steps and looks directly at the women. Got it! I hurry and hide it behind the cot. The mutant looks over at me then the gate to the woman's cell opens.

My back is turned on the woman's cell. Then i hear a loud scream. The footsteps get closer and it sounds like someone is thrashing. "Heeelp!" She screams out to me. Then the footsteps turn and go down more steps. She is being taken to the basemant.
A door is thrown open and then a loud thud, the door was shut. The last thing i hear is a loud scream of horror. Silence. "And then there was one", I wisper to myself.

New Chapter coming soon, Please enjoy my first 3

Liking the story so far... I can really see it leading to somthing big, and i like how he leans new stuff all the time.

The Settlement

Chapter 4: Resistance

The prison grew silent. The feeling of no escape past over me as i lay down in my cot. "This just isn't my day" I say with a frown on my face. I close my eyes and drift into a deep sleep. My dream is quite pleasant this time. A beautiful women in a white dress is smiling at me. Veronica, that is her name. Her eyes are blue, her hair is a dirty blond, it lays on her shoulders. Her face is smooth and tan. Her smile fades, and then the white dress fades into black. Veronica face begins to change, she is turning green.

The face from my nightmare in the cave appears. His face is a dark green. "Out of the light, and into the darkness" he cackles once again in evil delight. Then just like before my dream goes black and he disappears. After a few minutes a light glows at the far side of what ever room I'm in. I start to walk toward it. Then behind me i hear a faint, "Wart... you... Trin... To... Do! That's when the room lights up.

I find myself staring out a small window that has been bared up at the back of my cell. Behind me stands the Super mutant guard. "I says... Wart... You... Trin... To... Do!", The guard shouts again. "Whoops sorry, guard man, just woke up from a nightmare i guess. You guys just make me have nightmares", I apologize to the guard. "Creeps" I mumble under my breath.

He studies me over then grunts and walks out the red door. When he leaves threw the red door i remember the pip boy that i stashed. I look under my cot and grab the arm with the pip boy. I turn on the light to brighten my cell even more. I head over to the mirror and move it. There is a crack behind it. I dig at the crack and it starts to open. I eventually get to the point were i can just barley squeeze myself threw.

On the other side of the wall is a small room consisting of ventilation. There is a large air duct that i rip open and climb in. I begin to crawl slowly up the air duct. Then it levels off and i go straight. The duct goes straight up and i have to stand on my feet and climb up. I have to be close to the second floor now. "Huh... Dish... You... Hers... Somthins?" I hear a super mutant ask. "Na... Yoush... Gettish... Worksh... Up... Caush of... The Reshent.... Attacsh" The other super mutant replies. I can hear them walk away. When it's all clear i begin to crawl my way again. I'm going up now, i think its the third floor. When i reach the third floor i come to a broken end of the duct.

I climb my way out of the duct and immediately crouch down and absorb my surroundings. It seems the super mutants cant get up here. The only staircase is blow out. The roof has been taken from the third floor. There are a few windows which i go over to and peek out. I see a large Super mutant compound. Then one of the burlie super mutant runs up screaming to the watch post. "Crap, that's the guard that has been watching me" I whisper to myself.

Four Super mutant run back to the Prison with the guard. "Crap, they found out i escaped, no more easy going from here. Least they can't get up here tho." I protrude angry at my stupidity. "I really should of thought this threw". I see some binoculars laying on the ground. I pick them up and stash them in my pocket. I watch over the commotion outside when i hear something from a floor below. "We... Cansh... Kepsh... Lokish... He gosh... away!" The super mutant says angrily.

Then i hear someone run up to the second floor. "Sirsh.... Theysh back... The Humash... Comish from... Thish Wesh!", the Messenger says. At that moment i look out with my binoculars to see twenty armed men come rushing up the mountains from the west. The mountains I'm on go much taller but I'm on a lower ridge of them. I see spot one of the humans protrude a large netted gun. He then loads it with a mini version of a nuke. He aims high and fires. I back away from the window, when i hear a loud thunderous explosion and a flash of light.

I look down to see three of the super mutants have died and the rest of the humans are rushing the compound. The super mutants open fire picking them off quickly. "I have to help these guys...", I say looking for a weapon. I see a small pistol laying in the corner of the room. "Well it is old and rusty, but hopefully for everyone sake it will work." I aim the gun to test the iron sights then move back to the window. I take aim at one of the guard and click the button. It doesn't budge. The bullets i had just put it in are jammed. I head off the third floor and jump down to the second. I hear there is a armory in the basemant. I stumble my way down then duck around a corner when a few super mutants go rushing by.

When they pass i swing around and duck into the first floor. I can see my cell and how obvious i left my escape. Then i rush down into the basemant were the women was hauled off too. The blood trails further in then stops leading to a kitchen. No one is in there so i head in. I see two dead bodies. One is the woman's, the other is a man. "Her husband", I assume. I walk over to the counter and find a rusty knife. I decide to take it after i look around and see no armory.

Then i walk it over and snap it in half to make it sharp at the end. "This will cut threw them cleanly" I say Grinning Evilly. I head back up to the first floor and out the red door. I rush at one of the preoccupied guards. I slice at his legs cutting them clean off. He falls to the ground and soon dies. I rush after another super mutant when i hear two gun shots from behind. I roll as fast as i can and two bullets fly over my head and into the other super mutants chest.

The super mutant stumbles then angrily charges after the shooter. I take this time to slice the Charging super mutants legs off and rush after the one with the gun. He tries to shoot me but im on him an instance. I slice at his arm, green ooze spluttering to the ground. I grab the gun from him and finish him off with a bullet to the chest. I turn around, and inspect the area.

Four super mutants left, i can't see how the humans are fairing. I aim for the back of one of the super mutant's in the guard tower. I fire the gun slightly missing its target. The super mutant turns around holding a rifle. I hurry up and hide behind a stack of barrels. Then i see the supermutant drop to the ground and flip out the tower. The group rushes in wiping out the rest of the super mutants quickly.

One spots me and tells everyone to hold there fire. "Are you the only survivor?", The man ask. "Uh... yea there were two more but they were killed back in the building there.", i answer to the man. He then tells two of the men to clear out the building. "You wouldn't happen to be Micheal Barstien would you?", the man ask suspiciously. "Indeed i am, how did you know who or where i was.", I respond. "Well let's just say a buddy of yours told us", he says gleaming.

Hooray!!

Lol, hooray about what?

His friend survived, and your writing is getting much better, I can't wait for more.

EDIT: grammatical error, sry I was in a rush.