Prologue

Five years before the Oblivion Crisis.

Tanys kneeled before the dark-robed figure. His dark-steel clanked as he kneeled. The shadow knight stabbed his blackened-steellongsword in the ground and asked, "Master, what is thy bidding?"

The figure hoarsely commanded, "Travel to Vvardenfell, land of the Dark Elves, make your mark. Avenge my fallen followers, make the name, 'Mannimarco' something to be feared again."

The dark castle let out a wail, most likely of an enslaved wraith. "Master, do know, I have honor. My honor is my word, and will remain that way," the Mannimarco Worshipper hissed. Mannimarco turned around and walked towards an altar. He wiped his eyes and turned around.

"I, one of Mannimarco's many knights shall fight for him, this is a great day. I must perform something I hate, stealth. I am no thief, I am a shadow knight, but I must serve him," Tanys thought irritatedly. He gripped his blade tightly, as if it were the one thing keeping him from death. A burning hot tear ran down his face, he blinked, but it did nothing. A soldier clad in ebony armor walked over, his eyes were fiery red.

He stated firmly, "Tanys, get on the boat. Lord Mannimarco, what are your orders?"

The Lich coughed loudly, "Keep your forces where they are, Lord Soth."

The Steel-Clad Warrior politely saluted. "I will take my leave, Milord." Tanys walked out of the dark castle. He looked back and felt a sense of depression, of despair, of loss. The Dunmeri shadow knight turned his head and walked towards the large light-wood boat. He walked up the ramp towards the giant boat. An Imperial piloted the ship, he pointed towards the hatch to the bottom of the ship.

The Crusader of Darkness opened the hatch and climbed down. A black-robed breton stared, as did a black-robed altmer. He nodded and walked to a hamock. The mer sat on the hamock, thinking, "This will be one step closer to achieving the grand plan."

The boat was bumped by waves as it waded through the water. Sleep didn't come for Tanys, it was too chaotic. The boat came to a stop in a small village called, "Khuul." The Dunmeri Knight frowned. "Home, its been too soon," he thought as he sighed. The shadow knight pushed open the hatch and walked down to the docks. The boat left behind him...

Be gentle, this is my first anti-hero fanfic, IIRC...

I felt some Darth Vader there for some reason.

Anyway, I'm not very good at critiques, so, here goes...

The story was interesting enough, I'll read more when posts come along. There were good descriptions, but it could have been better with more length. I'm no critic, again but the inner monologue felt like he was talking to some one, or maybe not. I like the set-up, helping Mannimarco and what not. The Shadow Knight is original, but (Just as a 'personal preference' sort of thing) I just would have had Tanys be a simple Necromancer having this large task befall him.

I hope to read more, keep this up.
(And don't worry, I'm sure you can pull off an Anti-hero)

Tanys is based off the (in)famous, Steel Brightblade of "Dragonlance Chronicles: Volume IV: Dragons of Summer Flame," an honest shadow knight who serves a dark lord.

This is good Zalphon!

Chapter One: Finding Balmora

Tanys frowned. There was a large variety of races in such a small village, argonians and khajiits mostly. He walked past them, thinking arrogantly, "What filth, they deserve to serve." The river flowed soothingly, bringing serene thoughts to his mind, but the Dunmer shooed them away from his mind. A giant insect moaned and wailed in agony. Bloodsong walked over to the man next to it, a tall dark elf, graying hair, blood-red eyes, and a dusky-gray skin.

The shadow knight asked, "What is this creature that moans?"

"It's called a silt-strider," he answered. "We control them by putting passengers in their empty shells and making them move by stabbing their organs."

The Knight thought with rage, "Pathetic, tormenting something so much weaker, I will say nothing."

He walked down the steps and trekked down the dirt road. His armor clanked as he walked. The sword in his scabbard was gripped tightly by his fingers, as if he was preparing for battle. Time passed slowly, or at least that's what it felt like for Tanys. The terrain near Khuul was depressing. A large blonde-haired, blue-eyed man, armed in iron carrying an iron battle axe hissed, "This is my road, Dark Elf, the fee is one-hundred septims."

He ripped his sword out of the scabbard and warned, "Stop this immediately, or draw your weapon."

The heavily-armed nord whistled loudly and a high elf dressed in black robes appeared, as did an argonian dressed only in his loincloth. He hissed, "Kill him, actually don't kill him, we'll take him back to the camp."

The Lizard-Man slashed at Tanys with a small dagger, but was quickly impaled. "A spell-caster, this may end with my downfall," he pondered. The young altmeri mage finished her spell and a bolt of flame bit into his flesh. A tear ran down his face in agony, but Bloodsong quickly felt the darkness take over...

Gotta love a good Nord tale!

Chapter Two: The King of the Marauders

Tanys awoke stripped nearly naked except for his loincloth. The trio that captured him had dissapeared and he was in an abandoned golden city. A cage surrounded him, and his guard laughed as the dunmer tried to escape. "You'll never get out of here, Dark Elf," the Imperial Guard laughed in stupor.

"This is a Dwemer Ruin, but which one," Bloodsong wondered. "I'll have to find out later; first I must escape." Metal boots hit the golden floor, emitting a pounding, eardrum-ripping sound. In came a man dressed in black and red armor, with a long black cape that flowed to his feet. The armor he wore was daedric the prisoner guessed. He removed his helmet and revealed his origins were not that of a man, but of a woman. A tall breton female with long auburn hair and a fair skin-tone.

She barked, her voice was soft, but firm, "Straum, release the prisoner."

"The prisoner...hicup," the jailor said, "All right, Commandant." He pulled out a silver key and shoved it into the keyhole on Tanys' cage. The man twisted it slowly and pulled open the cage door. The Breton pointed at the man named Straum, then pointed to the cell.

The Imperial asked curiously, "Why must I...hicup...go?"

The Commandant hissed, "I'll rip your tongue out if you don't. The penalty for drinking while on duty is three days in the cage with no food or drink." Hastily the drunkard crawled into the cage and pulled it shut. The gate made a click as it shut.

Sir Bloodsong thought, "This is strange, I wonder what she'll do." The Officer pulled a chest from the corner of the room and opened it. There in the chest was his armor, his weapon, everything of his. Then she slammed it shut as he reached for it and kicked it across the room.

"Your life is not mine to decide, Knight of the Shadows, it is for the General," She sighed. "But if it was my choice, you'd be beheaded with my blade and I'd lick the blood from it, like my mentor, Vladicus the Impaler did." The Dunmer stared at her for a few seconds with curiousity. Finally she opened the door and motioned him out. Together they walked out and he saw the giant Dwemer City. Centurion Spheres stood guard, armies of warriors, mages, and thieves walked through the streets, some of the lesser mages performed street illusions for the entertainment of the others.

She gripped his wrists tightly and reached into a sack of hers. After the Commandant pulled out two glowing bracers she shoved them on his wrists. After she pulled out a pair of pants and handed it to him. "Put the pants on, if you're going to be seen by him," The Warrior hissed, her voice was cold. Tanys pulled them on and felt that they were coarse, but he didn't complain, shadow knights never complained, only endured.

As they walked through the streets, people kneeled before her, and threw food and other items at him. Finally after a half an hour of walking through the city, they reached a giant palace. Two guards clad in dwarven armor pulled open the giant golden double gates and kneeled as she walked in. The Throne Room was decorated with many priceless things, but one stood out the most, King Orgnum's Coffer. Bloodsong stood there and admired its beauty, golden, with gems of all colors on it. Finally a loud, booming shout was heard, "Commandant, where is the prisoner?"

She gripped his neck firmly and ran towards the large throne. Sitting upon it was a dark elf wearing black robes, his eyes were like fiery embers, his skin was like midnight. He had long white hair that fell to his shoulders. He sat on a golden throne, encrusted with gems, surrounded by display cases with spellbooks. She forced him to kneel, "Majesty, this is the one you sent for, correct?"

The King's raspy voice formed the words, "Yes, Evangeline."

Tanys blurted, "If you're going to kill me, then kill me, if not then release me."

Evangeline's cold gauntlets dug into his shoulders after he finished that sentence. "Let him go, Evangeline," the Ruler commanded. She obeyed, with a frown. Tanys rubbed his shoulders, it felt as if she'd stabbed him.

"Tanys Bloodsong, Knight of the Lich, the highest ranking order in Mannimarco's army, you'll earn your freedom, but it will take time," the Black-Robed Dunmer said. "Bring me, the Staff of Magius, it is a relic that belonged to a great mage, hundreds of years ago. Complete this task and you're free, Evangeline will come with."

The Breton was about to gasp, but placed her hand over her mouth. Her face flushed with embarassment as she nodded, "Yes, Majesty, will he get his armor back?"

"A shadow knight keeps his word, always, as does a normal knight, if he gives me his word he won't try to escape, then yes," He seriously said.

Tanys paused for a second then stated loud enough for all in the throneroom to hear, "I, Sir Tanys Bloodsong, Knight of the Lich, will not try to escape, until I am freed, unless our deal is broken." The Dunmer on the throne had a crooked smile on his face. He muttered under his breath and Sir Bloodsong was in his blackened steel armor. The Commandant sighed as they exitted the throne-room, ready to hunt for the Staff of Magius...

"This will take a long time, but I gave my word, and by Mannimarco I will keep it," The Knight thought...

Zalphon, this has to be right up on top as the best chapter ever! Awesome job, just Awesome! Your descriptions ROCK!!

Chapter Three: The Ashlanders

Tanys struggled to keep up with Evangeline, her speed and grace under the heavy armor was like that of a khajiit. He smiled weakly, but knew she would never trust him. As they trekked through the gargantuan city, they finally reached a round sphere with a lever next to it. She pulled down the lever and shoved him in. After she walked in and the sphere moved and they were somewhere in Vvardenfell. Dust blew in their faces, ash burned their skin, when one tried to open their mouth, ash filled it. Bloodsong grabbed his helmet and shoved it on, relieved to be free of the ash in his face, he asked, "Commandant, might I ask you a question?"

The woman let her hands slip to the hilt of her blade. Beneath the daedric helmet, he could almost feel her icy-blue eyes staring into his soul. Evangeline hissed, her tone like that of a serpent, "What do you want, Fetcher?"

"How did you join, the Majesty's military force," he questioned. "And why?" The hand she had laid on the hilt of the blade ripped the sword out of the scabbard. In a blink of an eye, the tip of the sword was at a weak spot in his armor, at his neck. The Commandant pulled off her helm. Tears ran down her face as she fell to the ground. The ash-storm stopped. The young breton looked up from her misery, the eyes she had showed she had been hurt and was afraid.

"I-I-I didn't choose to, Tanys," she sobbed. "H-H-He adopted me when I was just an orphan, and ever since he has beaten me, told me what kwama waste I am, and done worse things." The Knight could sense her sadness, it radiated. The Warrior managed to continue, "The w-w-woman you see in front of him is a lot different than the real Evangeline. To him I am a tool, in true honesty, I am just a scared young lady trapped in the palm of crimelord."

He lay his armored hand on her back and patted gently. Her tears slid off her face and onto his armor which indeed drained into his armor and onto him. "I gave him my word, once the task is complete, I'll kill him for you, I give you my word," The shadow knight promised. Her lips twisted into a smile, albeit a weak one, it was still a smile. In the distance were two figures, a man and a woman. Within a few moments, they grew closer, and closer, until they could be defined as dunmer.

One was a middle-aged woman, her long gray hair reached down to her back, her skin was a light gray, her eyes were red like fire. Dirt entangled her hair, and she wore no shoes, only a guar-leather shirt and a tattered cloth skirt that reached to her ankles. Alongside her was a tall, young, Dunmer with short black hair. His eyes were like the fires of Red Mountain, his skin was like ash of the land they inhabited. Unlike the woman he had a weapon. A wooden spear with a small piece of steel attached to the end of it was on his back. The Ashlander Male wore Guar-Skin Leather Armor, from toe to neck. He frowned at the two he saw, both armored and looking ready to fight.

"Who are you, House Dunmer and Walker of Imperial Lands," the younger ashlander hissed. Anger raged in his voice. Tanys could see the anger was caused by fear, but said nothing. He stood there and waited to see if the older of the two would intervene, if not he would just eliminate them and move on.

The older one barked, "Silence, my son." Years of wisdom were in her eyes. Her skin was wrinkled with age, her voice was hoarse and weak, but Bloodsong had a respect for her. She wasn't the average fool he usually saw, and for this he would probably let her live.

The younger one growled, but then silenced himself. The elder one asked politely, "Why do you walk the lands of ash?"

He stated truthfully, "We seek an artifact, the Staff of Magius, and we came out of an ancient city in the lands of ash, my most sincere apologies."

The Young Ashlander excitedly exclaimed, "Perhaps we can be of service, I am a great hunter, and my mother is a healer."

"For now you may venture with us," the Commandant hissed. "However if I sense betrayal, you'll discover the true meaning of pain."

The shadow knight nodded and started walking. The elderly one let out a sigh of irritation and stared at her son. Evangeline marched with her hand on her sword, watching the ashlanders in suspicion.

"What an interesting journey this is becoming," Tanys thought...

Zalphon you are hitting them out of the ballpark now! I love your story - your writing is great!!! I think writing family type things seems to be your forte, you are Awesome at it!

Adventuring parties tend to be funner Having a solo hero is neat, but he has got only one personality. Adding a few more makes it interesting to see their personalities clash.

You've closed your last fanfic? Disappointing... Still, I love your obsession with Mannimarco. It provides variety.

Chapter Four: The Wizard

Tanys stared into Evangeline's fearful eyes that were wet with tears. She pulled off her helmet and looked up at the stars, it was Last Seed and the Warrior constellation was high in the sky. The Commandant said calmly, "We should set up camp here. Does anyone have a tent?"

"We need no tent, House Dunmer," The Younger Ashlander stated. "Do we, Mother?" The elderly ashlander looked at him. She scowled and then stopped. A frown remained on her face. The woman looked up into the stars and rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath.

"No, Sha-Keer, we do not," the Ashlander Woman said after a long pause. The shadow knight sat down and let his mind run free. Wind blew through his dark hair, making it wild and unkempt. They stood in a circle, and suddenly a mage appeared there. A khajiit with orange fur and black stripes, he wore a gray tattered robe and wore a hood that matched his robe.

"Hey, this not where J'skooma want to go," He laughed. "Oh well, who are you?"

Sha-Keer grabbed his spear, Evangeline ripped her sword out of the scabbard. Tanys hissed, "Stop, he could be useful." His eyes were on the Commandant, he could easily stop the ashlander, but she could easily kill the fur-covered humanoid. The armored woman slid her sword back in the sheathe and frowned at Bloodsong. He weakly sighed.

"J'skooma, you're a slave now," Sir Bloodsong stated. "Do you understand?" He expected the Khajiit to run away or try to fight back. However, it only smiled and put out its wrists to be shackled. The shadow knight rose a brow and prayed for a second for guidance. Finally he decided the prisoner would be more useful casting spells.

"J'skooma understand, do I get shiny shackles now, or do I cast spells for you, Master," It asked. The Commandant looked to the crusader of darkness, but he only sighed and put his cold-steel covered hand on his face. A sigh could be heard coming from his mouth.

He mumbled, "You can cast spells, Beast." His eyes shifted into the sky to see the Necromancer's Moon. The Black Moon was almost invisible, but he could see it. The Dunmer expected to hear the voice of Mannimarco, but nothing was heard to his dissapointment.

"I pray Mannimarco gives me guidance, for I don't know how I can put up with all these fools," The Steel-Clad Knight thought. Several minutes passed as the younger ashlander gathered things to start a fire. During that time the knight removed his armor.

The Elder Ashlander called him aside from the camp and coldly questioned, "Why do you stay with them, Tanys?" Her face twisted into a frown. She looked irritated, dissapointed, and ashamed all at once.

"They are of use to me, Elder," He grunted. He saw her lips twist in a smile, but only for a second were they this way, then they transformed back into the depressing frown. She paced for a moment and then stopped.

The Woman told him, "When you have grown stronger, less reliant on those fools, I have much to teach you. For now we must rest, for tomorrow will be a big day." He nodded, wondering what she meant by teach him. When he turned around he noticed the fire glowed, embers popping out. Sha-Keer was asleep, as was the Commandant, they all were, except J'skooma who chuckled.

Sir Bloodsong lay by his armor and pondered what she said until sleep finally came...

Awesome details! Great job Zalphon!

Zalphon, I just read your prologue and 4 chapters up to present.

Impressive.

Your lead character seems to have some humanity in there - a mer of his word. I like the interactions with the other characters. Your descriptions continue to improve.

I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Chapter Five: The Portal

Tanys awoke, the sun had not arisen yet, but he didn't mind. The others, except the Ashlander woman were all asleep. She sat with her legs crossed watching him. Her face didn't tell her emotions, her eyes didn't either. He asked, "Why do you care so much about me, Hag?"

"Child, I have walked Tamriel for hundreds of years, I have seen the threads of fate, I am here to protect you," She stated after a long pause. "The events of Tamriel will be influenced by your actions, and I am here to make sure you make ones that beneficial to both of us." Her lips twisted to a frown.

Sir Bloodsong donned his armor and sat by her. He could see that she was in pain. "How long has she been this way," the shadow knight wondered. She grabbed his steel-clad hand to get his attention. Her eyes revealed she was in anguish, but the Ashlander said nothing about her pain.

"I will assure you, you will live through the end of this journey, but after I cannot say," She sighed. Her voice was hoarse.

Tanys nodded and walked away from her. On the horizon the sun was rising. The Mage awoke, he sat down and pulled out a spellbook and started to read. One-by-one they all started to wake and get ready for the day. Sha-Keer glared at the shadow knight, as if he felt an unnatural aura near him. The rest just did their morning routines.

After everyone was ready and fed, Evangeline barked, "All of you, get ready." Her voice was like her eyes, icy and cold. The Elderly Ashlander looked at her, suddenly the Commandant backed down and started scooping the sweet semi-liquid yolk of a kwama egg. The Ashlander woman smiled, but it was weak and only for a second, then she frowned.

A bit of time passed, then Sir Bloodsong commanded, "Get ready, all of you." The Dunmeri Woman let out a wide grin, that lasted for several moments, and then like the previous ones it dissapeared. They grabbed their items and followed him as he marched. "Hmm, the older Ashlander, makes me wonder," he thought. Quickly that though dissapeared and he looked back. The Breton smiled, the Khajiit just laughed insanely, the Ashlanders watched him closely, he was their leader, their lives depended on him.

The shadow knight gulped as he looked at the sun which was high in the sky, sweat dripped on his forehead, his mouth was dry. He looked back and there was a large black gateway with a gray portal in the middle of it. Steps led up to it, as it stood on a black stone platform. Evangeline asked, "Tanys, will we enter that thing?"

The man nodded after a pause. He gulped, knowing this could lead to their death, but he knew at least if he did die, it would be in honor of combat. They walked up to the portal and slowly walked in...

This continues to be a fine story, and well told. I hope you will continue. :goodjob:


This does not make grammatical sense and is awkward. I might suggest something more like:
'The events of Tamriel wil be influenced by your actions, and I am here to make sure you choose ones that are beneficial to both of us.'



I recommend, in your final edits, you look for ways to avoid repeating the same words in close proximity. In this case I have bolded gulped and walked. There are many alternatives to use for each.

Also, in the same passage, I don't think you mean 'it would be in honor of combat'. That is like saying he would die giving homage or honoring combat. I would consider this: 'it would be in honorable combat.'

Awesome job Zalphon, your detail is great!

Chapter Six: The Tournament

They stood there awe-struck. They were in a giant circular room, they were in the center and watching them were the daedric princes. Azura said, "Be calm, Champions, you've come to fight for a wish." Evangeline's eyes widened with fear. Sha-Keer sighed. The Ashlander Woman nodded, and Tanys saluted.

"This is the Tournament of the Daedra, this is exactly like your realm, except a detail or two. The lands are filled with our daedra, and you must journey to the White-Gold Tower and destroy the Grand Sigil Stone there," The Bearded Daedra chuckled. The Breton gulped. The wall started to break and it fell on them. Their bones cracked.

The shadow knight awoke, he felt no pain. He looked around and noticed he was in Balmora. Dremora, Golden Saints, Hunger, Scamps, Dark Seducers, and all kinds of daedra walked around, scowling. Rushing over to him was a Breton, Evangeline. Her armor clanked as she ran, then it dissapeared. Her skin morphed, as did her hands, and her eyes and she turned into a hunger. Sheogorath laughed wildly, "Oh yes, I--we forgot that you will each be morphed into a different daedra."

Tanys gripped his sword tightly and tried to rip it out of the scabbard, but it didn't come. Suddenly his armor changed into black and red armor, horns protruded from his forehead, his skin turned dark azure, he was a dremora. The Hunger known as Evangeline looked at him with sad eyes and wiped at it's face. Coming down from the sky was a creature called a winged twilight. Long black hair came from the scalp of the beast and wings were in place of arms. The thing stated glumly, "It is I, the Ashlander Healer."

A Golden Saint in the golden scale-mail skirt walked over. She wore a golden-scale cuirass and smiled, "It is I, J'skooma." The Hunger spit out its tongue in anger, the winged twilight just chuckled, and Bloodsong sighed. Walking over with a look of deep sorrow was a Dark Seducer. Her eyes were filled with shame.

"I am Sha-Keer," the Seducer sighed. She wore a black metal bra and a skirt made of black bars. The hunger spit out its tongue at the Mazken with jealousy. The Dremora looked around and started walking towards the smithy, the others followed, some happier than others. He shoved open the door and there stood a very-muscular, dark-skinned creature called a xiviali.

"What you want," it growled. The shadow knight gripped the sword in his scabbard, but released it. Evangeline sat, as did the others. Most of them unhappy with their current form. J'skooma just started talking to himself about mudcrabs and cave rats.

He requested humbly, "We would like to purchase some repair hammers."

The Creature barked, "No worry, never break, not here." It's muscles were tight as it grabbed the daedric warhammer on its back. The group of unhappy daedra exitted, ready to head out and purchase passage to Cyrodiil...

This is an interesting and potentially fun direction!

Look at your first sentences:
'They stood there awe-struck. They were in a giant circular room, they were in the center and watching...'
1. Again, I would recommend, in your later edits, that you look to eliminate or minimize repeating the same word in close proximity ('they' in this case).
2. 'there' is redundant and, in my opinion, the sentence is more effective without it.


Now look at your last sentence:
'The group of unhappy daedra exitted, ready to head out and purchase passage to Cyrodiil...'
1. exited.
2. This is a wonderfully clever ending!

I like the descriptions you provide for the temporary new forms for each of your party. :goodjob:

Another twist, Zalphon you have the best imagination! Great job!

Chapter Seven: The Corrupted Realm

Tanys put on him helmet, it was heavy, very heavy. The Hunger put her arms around him and squeezed, then it made moaning sounds. The Winged Twilight sighed, "Get her off of you, Bloodsong, or I will." Suddenly the hunger slammed it's tongue against the bare flesh of the messenger of Azura. She shrieked in pain and used her claws as weapons. The Dark Seducer grabbed her weapon.

"Stop it, all of you," The Dremora hissed. He pulled the sword out of his scabbard. Underneath the helmet, his eyes were filled with rage. They were friends, trying to kill each other. The companions stopped with a sense of shame. Finally they started to walk to the large arches of Balmora.

Sha-Keer pleaded, "Can I get some pants, I feel so...naked without my armor, at least something other than this prosttute's outfit would make me feel better." His eyes were filled with a feeling of sorrow. The Hunger gently wrapped her arms around her and licked her softly.

As they waded through the daedra, Sir Bloodsong finally managed to say, "No, we must blend in." The Dark Seducer let out a deep sigh and frowned. The Winged Twilight let out a mischevious grin. The Golden Saint motioned them to come on, as she stood at the arches. Outside stood hundreds of daedra snarling, hissing, scowling.

They each stepped out slowly, and rushing forward was a scamp who smiled. "Me name is Creeper, and I will guide you to Seyda Neen if you wish," the thing stated. The Hunger stuck out its arms, ready to strike, but it didn't. The Dark Seducer gripped her weapon tightly. The Winged Twilight just flew in place, treading air. The Golden Saint laughed insanely.

Tanys tensed, untrustingly he said, "All right, Creeper." The scamp jumped for joy as they turned around and started to walk. Here the creatures were far less concentrated. They walked for several moments and saw Balmora, or the corrupted city of Balmora fade in the distance. Bloodgrass and other daedric plants were everywhere.

Out of nowhere came flying a Winged Twilight. She didn't attack, but the thing hissed, "Enjoy death in the name of Azura." Suddenly she clawed into the Dark Seducer's belly. Blood sprayed forward, gushing. Sha-Keer fell to the ground bleeding. In the moment's notice the Hunger had attacked with its tongue. Bloodsong had his sword and swung it at the creature, but it dodged. The Scamp cowered. J'skooma muttered some words and out of nowhere came a clannfear that charged the beast, as it struck, they both dissapeared.

The Dark Seducer was still bleeding, her skin was pale gray. She smiled weakly as she managed to say, "T-T-Tanys, b-b-be careful, be w-w-watchful of my mother, and Evangeline t-t-try not to get into too much trou--" The woman was cut off by death. The Winged Twilight turned her head, almost uncaring. Suddenly Evangeline started to dig into the ground with her claws and there was a hole quickly for her.

The Dremora removed the armor of Sha-Keer and lay her nvde body in the grave. Her skin was deathly pale, but she was smiling. Black strands of hair covered her briasts and part of her back as she was put in the grave. He turned away and whispered, "I am sorry, Ashlander, you fought with honor, and it will be remembered." As the Hunger pushed dirt into the grave, they all heard a loud shriek and the body was pulled down into the agonizing Waters of Oblivion.

The Elderly Ashlander sighed, "He was not careful, he deserved his fate." J'skooma had a tear in his eye. The Dremora said nothing, but kept thinking, "What if that were Evangeline or me... This truly is a corrupted realm."

Good death scene Zalphon! Gory, but good.

'Tanys put on him helmet' {his} - perhaps reading your story aloud can help you find such minor errors?

Ok. This is a really fun idea and certainly tribute to your imagination!

I must confess, that I am still learning your party of characters (in their normal forms).... Therefore, I did have some trouble keeping straight who was who in thier new forms. I had to refer back to your previous chapter several times to remind myself who was now the hunger and who was the winged twilight etc. I'm not sure if there are some subtle tricks you can use to help us keep straight who is who? Perhaps sprinking in more use of things like 'Tanys the Dremora...' or 'Evangeline the' - wait, let me go look it up again - 'hunger'.

Still, a neat concept. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

And let me say, I like the way you are developing the characters of Tanys. And Evangeline as well. :goodjob: