Fixed.

I know! It's now Friday morning for me here in the states! I'm getting some pretty extreme withdrawals.... I don't know if I can make it.... Oh, Madgod! Darkness give me strength! Must...hold...out.......laughter.....



LIKE!



LIKE



LIKE Schmuty's fix!




I like all of these ideas! TMT - You should really try to use all of them! Thadon might be the chocolate cultist, in fact... He is obsessed with chocolate in my story.... so......

Mmm, we'll see what happens. I'll have post one up in a few.

The use of Blademaster and any likeliness of the legend himself is strictly prohibited due to it being a copyrighted trademark :grad:

I dunno what you're talking about, Blademaster. The Master of Blades is actually a twenty seven year old Breton woman, not an eighteen year old legend.

Take that, copyright law!

:laugh:

The First of Five

ex-Captain Rex and N. I. the Poop Troll were running down the path, heading towards freedom or some happy crap like that. Honestly, though, they were heading towards Bravil, Cyrodiil's largest trash heap. Suddenly, something awful happened. And by awful, I mean really awful. Anyways, ex-Captain Rex had suddenly tripped, smashing his head upon the ground with a loud "Whoomph!"

Hey, why are they called marshmallows? Nothing about them is particularly marshy, and I don't even know what a mallow is. Also, did I ever say how much I hate Good and Plenty? I did? Well, they svck, really bad. Seriously, why don't you just punch me right in the Aedradamn mouth, candy-giver? Like, come the hell on.

So, ex-Captain Rex stood to his feet, and helped N. I. the Feces Kobold to his feet. "Y u fall?" asked N. I. the [censored] Giant, who immediately began to pick his nose as he waited for an answer. "It appears that some [censored for viewer discretion]-" You know what? This is going to go on for a while, so lets talk about something else. Lets play a game. Pick one character, and I'll write the next entry in their first person perspective. Won't that be fun?

Fifteen minutes later, ex-Captain Rex finally stopped swearing, and drew in a breath. "-left a pair of calipers on the road. What kind of lying, furry moron would do that?" Just then, a lying, furry moron showed up. "Caliper. M'aiq likes calipers." M'aiq the Liar said, "M'aiq knows all, tells some. M'aiq knows who killed the beauties. Goodbye." M'aiq immediately began to run towards Anvil, for some odd reason. Seriously, who wants to go to Anvil? "Oh, look, we have two boats, a [censored]house that denies you service, and a bunch of weirdos living in the town." Oh, the Countess was pretty fine, though. Hey, Ni! - Pants Explosion. That is all. Wait, no. I'll say it right now- Falanu Hlaalu was one of the finest babes ever. I'd dig up her gravesite, if you know what I mean. (I mean carnal relations).

"Wait, what?" ex-Captain Rex, intrigulated at this Khajiit's words, picked up N. I. (who had found a lump of gold in his nose (Trolls have weird storage habits)) and began to chase after the cat-man.

Before he could catch the sloven (yes, I just used that adjective as a noun, and wrongly while I was at it. And I said "wrongly," which probably isn't a word, either), a brick sailed lazily into the air like an intoxicated butterfly, and smashed ex-Captain Rex in the face. The brick crumbled into a bunch of little pieces, and ex-Captain Rex was completely fine, what with his exaggerated face muscles.

"I'm completely fine," said ex-Captain Rex, "but who dares to throw a Brick at ex-Captain Rexulius Yautja Xenomorphicalus?" Activating VATS Looking around with his eagle eyes, ex-Captain Rex spotted a shriveled up looking scamp hiding in a nearby frond of leaves. Is that even a thing? A frond of leaves? Whatevs, I don't give a damn. Make it a bush, you stickler.

"Teehee," shrieked the scamp, "Me hit big big man in face with cube rock." Both N. I. and ex-Captain Rex paused a moment to look at the moronic beast. "Y thynk that daedra ys touched yn the head," N. I. verbosatated, "how about we kyll hym?" N. I. and ex-Captain Rex began to snap their fingers menacingly at the little Scamp, and slowly danced over to where he was hiding in the bushes.

Just then, a large ball of fire came shooting out of the fronds, headed right fo-

Cliffhanger! Part One!

*Gasp* Turn on flame shield guys! :flamethrower:

Also, 'You know what? This is going to go on for a while, so lets talk about something else. Lets play a game. Pick one character, and I'll write the next entry in their first person perspective. Won't that be fun?'

I choose Broken-Scale, cuz I wanna be in the head of a ninja lizard. Or Syl, cuz I wanna be in the head of a crazy dutchess. :laugh:

Two is a Company - Inside the Minds of Broken-Scale and Lady Syl

Broken-Scale's Hectic Proposal

I looked into the Mazken's eyes. "Dudette, you're like, totally beautiful. Lets make love," I said as I eyed her eyes, "like, now, sixy." I slid my slimy, wet tongue out of my mouth; it was at least a radical sixteen inches long. I ran my instrument across her face; this is how Argonians typically show love. The pinkish muscle entered her eardrum, and I began to lay seeds in her ear. The little Hist would soon grow up; normally, the hectic trees would kill their host, but this wouldn't be the case with my busty blue babe, as she was a Daedra. "Oh, yeah," she moaned to me, "how about you take off that bandanna so I can see your eyes?"

"TOTALLY NOT COOL, BABE! I knew you didn't really love me!" I shrieked as I withdrew my proboscizing tongue into my massive orifice, "You'll never know my secrets!" Taking a page from the sixy Schmut E., I blindly flailed out to slap her across the face. As I pulled back my hand, I looked down in horror to see my Spear of Chaos rammed through her face. "Oh, no, no, what have I done? This isn't tubular at all, oh no no no," I began to cry; in my haste to get away from her motionless body, I slipped upon the growing pool of blood, and fell face down onto the rocky island.

"What have I done, what have I done," I muttered, "she loved me, didn't she? No, she was trying to get my mondo secrets, I couldn't let her do that." Needing to remove myself from this scene, I leaped into the lake surrounding the tiny rock, and swam to the bottom of the lake to think. As I sat there, pondering what I had done, a shadow passed over my motionless form. I peered up into the radical darkness to find out what was following me.

The figure approached me, and I immediately began to cry. "Babe!? What... how are you alive?" I shrieked as I leapt into her arms. She carried me up out of the water, and we returned to the island. The ragged wound on her hectic tubular mondo radical face was already healed up, in a matter of fifteen minutes. "Silly, don't you know that Mazken can't be wounded by the ones they love?" she whispered, "Now where were we?" We passionately kissed, and fell into the throes of ecstasy as we made exciting, interspecies love on the hard island. "Babe," I said as we took a break, "I love you. Lets have a civil union." The Mazken's eyes welled up with tears, and we kissed again in the pale moonlight.

Lady Syl - After the Act

I lit the cigarette, then inhaled deeply. As I blew smoke out of my nose, I looked over to the Imperial, Tran the Gan, who I'd just played "Find the Hole" with. "So, Tran the Gan," I said to the shaking man, "looks like your White Gold Tower fits perfectly inside my Imperial City." Tran didn't respond, and for good reason; as a member of the Isles, I'd had more than enough time to perfect my techniques. "Hahaha," I laughed maniacally, "that'll teach Thadon to send one of his paintings to Lord Sheogorath, instead of his beautiful wife." Tran the Gan continued to shake, bouncing up and down on the wet sand of the hidden love cove. I'd had it installed on the mortal world's entrance to the Shivering Isles for a purpose like this; a good Lady is always aware of every given situation, and does anything, or anyone, to get the advantage.

As I sat there, naked in the pale moonlight, I considered the treachery of the Khajiit above. "How did he kill such a large number of my forces? I bet he is conspiring with my enemies to get me...yes, that must be it." I giggled a paranoid laugh, and admired my well-toned, nvde form as I did so. It takes a lot of work to keep a figure this good, I thought. I smiled broadly, and turned back to the Imperial. Wait... he was friends with the Khajiit... and no one can be that attractive, if they aren't me... then again, he is incapacitated at the moment.

I ignored the Imperial as I left the cove. Wait... that girl, Carro... why didn't she want to be in on this? Especially since I was one of the lovers? And no one can be as attractive as me. She must be working for my enemies as well! Forming a plan in my mind, I jumped into the water and began to swim quickly towards the [censored]hole of Bravil. "I'll have to go kill her," I shrieked as I swam through the water, "can't let my enemies know where I am, no I can't!"

Wow . . . just . . . wow . . . That's all I can really say right now. "Fell into the throes of ecstasy as we made exciting, interspecies love"? "Looks like your White Gold Tower fits perfectly inside my Imperial City"? Just . . . wow.

:rofl: Oh lordy

Fell out of my chair with that chaper.

:rofl: How in the world did you come up with lines like those? Hilarious!

I loved all of it - both chapters were excellent. I have just one issue with Lady Syl's scene, however - Lady Syl is a non-smoker. Otherwise, all of it was great!

. . .Wow

Dude, this story has everything. six, violence, murder plots, ninja Argonians/Turtles, six, mythical creatures, six. Everything!

Fixed.

Needs moar explodingcrotch tho. :hubbahubba:

@Lady Syl - She is also insanse, so it could have been an imaginary cigarette! The storyteller takes all possibilities into account, you see!
@Trannigan - It is subtly implied that Tran the Gan had a major crotch explosion... he'll never be the same.

Third Times the Charm

-r N. I. the Crap Ogre's face. "Y me?" shrieked N. I. as he dove behind ex-Captain Rex's sturdy frame. "Draaaaagooooooooon Shout!" dragon shouted ex-Captain Rex as he dragon shouted at the oncoming burning ball. Suddenly, time stopped, and ex-Captain Rex picked up the quivering Poo-Poo Troll, moved him five feet to the left, and unstopped time. The orb of fire continued on its burnirating path, and slapped into ex-Captain Rex's powerful, manly body. The fire spread out in a really cool, Matrixy slo-mo way, but ex-Captain Rex ignored this and remained standing.

How. Bad. Ass.

Now infuriated, ex-Captain Rex drop-kicked his way into the fronds, as he had done many a-time before (although, generally with the ladies), and grabbed the Scamp as he attempted to scamper (hahahahahahahahahah) away. "You little beast! Time to die!" said ex-Captain Rex; large muscles bulging, ex-Captain Rex twisted the little demon's head right off of its body. After pouring a decent amount of its blood onto his body, he tossed the small daedra to the ground. "Draaaaagooooooooon Laugh!" dragon laughed ex-Captain Rex. Meanwhile, N. I. was eating the still-warm body of the Scamp.

"Uh, Y don't feel so good..." muttered N. I.. Suddenly, the Troll began to shiver and shake; his muscles bulged outwards, then inwards, then left and/or right. Also, he began to howl at the pale moonlight. The hunched Troll straightened out, then some stuff happened and voila! He has turned into a lycanthrope.

"What in the name of That-One-Goddess-Who-Likes-To-Party-If-You-Know-What-I-Mean!" blasphemied ex-Captain Rex, "Little Troll, you have becomed a werewolf!" No longer a Poop Troll, N. I. Exclamation Point has become a Werewolf!

Also, I was beginning to get sick of the whole "Poop Troll" thing, because really, he was bringing the story down. This is a story of awesomeness, not some sad small Troll covered in feces. So, he has turned into a werewolf.

Oh, and another thing about Werewolf Island (Solstheim). I go up there, looking for werewolves, because it is werewolf island, and it took for-ev-er to find them. Seriously, and then they were like, little hairy dogmen. Why are you scared of this, seven-foot-tall Nord with a silver weapon? Come on, dude. Although, they did freak me right the hell out when I went hunting. Still, come on.

"Arooooo!" arooed N. I. "Must... eat... meat...." His laser pointer eyes focused in on ex-Captain Rex's pants. "Give.... me.... your.... meat," growled N. I. Luckily, ex-Captain Rex just happened to carry around a whole mess of sausage (pronounced "so-sa-gee") links in his pockets, so he pulled out a few feet and tossed them over to N. I. "Thanks, bruv," said N. I. He had also lost his "Y" for "I" speech impediment.

So, the man and wolf continued on their way, nearing Bravil with every passing step. Suddenly, a large, spiky log feel towards the two, knocking them unconscious with the speed of chloroform on a dirty rag. A group of scantily clad women leaped out of the trees, and dragged our man and wolf off to a location unk-

Cliffhanger Part Deux! What will happen to our brave heroes, now that they are in the hands of the occult? Find out, next time! Also, maybe the Master of Blades is going to show up!

:rofl:

What is it with sixy evil women in this?

LMAO....L...M...A...O...kudos for making me laugh, have an :icecream:
And a :cookie:

Nah, not everything. It doesn't really have enough six.

But I seriously think we should be concerned for the State of The Master Thief's mind after this.

Haha I was wondering what the hell was wrong with him, I was thinking she made him crazy somehow.

This story is getting better and better. LOL Cant wait to see what happens next.

@Schmuty - Well, what would you rather have? Boring old ladies, or hot young babes?
@Werewolf&Vampire - Thanks very much. Stick around, you might get a spot in the upcoming entries. Always could use a half-wolf half-vamp for a more grim character.
@Broken-Scale - Just giving the people what they asked for.

The Fourthening

Back on the island, Schmut E. was looking into the pale moonlight, that came from the pale moon that hung in the night sky like some all seeing eye. And you could tell the eye was judging you, oh yes. Judging you for all of your sins. Meanwhile, Schmut E. was thinking about how much he hated the Mazken woman who was trying to get his attention. Suddenly, an idea erected in his head. "Oi! Look over there!" shouted Schmut E. as he pointed towards the glowing gate, "that Aureal wants to jump my bones!" Steaming with rage, the Mazken immediately jumped into the portal; Schmut E. had used his Ring of Plot Device Trickery to Trick the Mazken into thinking an Aureal was in the portal. The young scholar breathed a sigh of relief, and noticed The Son by a pool of some white powder. "Crikey! Whaddya doing over there, mate?" Schmut E. enquired as he began to fry up some shrimp on the barbie.

Speaking of which, I read that Aussies say "Prawn," not "Shrimp." How insightful.

"This powder is so sweet," said The Son, "I think I will take the whole poolfull with me." The Son opened up one of those little potion bottles that he just so happened to have, and filled it with the tasty powder. "So, Schmut E.," said The Son as he sat down next to the aforementioned Schmut E., "Where'd everyone go?" The two looked around; indeed, all of their party members were gone, although they could hear loud grunting noises slapping up from a lower level of the island. "Croikey!" asphyxiated Schmut E. "I don't have a clue, bruv!" The two started to leave the island, when they noticed a frightening sight in the pale moonlight. Oh, man, I just rhymulated the hell out of that sentence.

Standing on the shore of the lake was a ferocious looking bear. The creature was wearing a top hat, and had a menacing looking hammer clutched in its jaws. "Crikey! That can't be... the Rough Hug Bear!" shrieked Schmut E. in terror. They both blanched, and hid behind the nearby sacrificial altar. The bear's winking gaze seemed to follow their every movement; when they peered over the top of the altar, there it was, standing silently, waiting for them. "Crikey, this isn't ace at all, bruv! What're we gonna do?"

The Son peeked out from the left side of the altar; the Rough Hug Bear was still watching them, and then this really cool zoom into his eyes thing sort of happened. Inside, you could see nothing but burning misery, tempered with the loving touch of coolocity. "Skyyyriiiiim," his eyes moaned, "Skyyyyyriiiiiiim..... tooooo maaaaaaanyyyy."

"That is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my entire life," said The Son as he returned to his hiding spot. Schmut E., meanwhile, was attempting to activate a scroll of teleportation, hoping to get away from the piercing stare of the Rough Hug Bear. "Wait, Schmut E. Why is this Bear looking at us?" Schmut E. stopped for a moment, and began to speakerate with The Son. "I've heard stories about the Rough Hug Bear; I am a bloody scholar, you know. The Rough Hug Bear uses his Banded Hammer to strike fear into the hearts of those who disobey the law; he has a piercing stare that could stop even the most powerful of men in his tracks. Nothing can stop the Rough Hug Bear, aside from one weapon: the Staff of G."

"Uh-oh," thought The Son, remembering the whole "I poisoned the entire water supply of the Imperial City with Skooma" thing, "So, uhm, when is it going to go away?" The Son looked out at the Bear again; he had removed the Banded Hammer from his mouth, and was now mouthing the words "Post count reached. Thread locked," over and over again. Schmut E. looked at The Son, and responded that the Rough Hug Bear generally has to sleep at night; as the two heroes looked again, the Rough Hug Bear was indeed fast asleep on the shores of the lake.

"Crikey, we need to get everyone and get out of here, fast! As long as we aren't in a fifty mile radius of the Rough Hug Bear, it can't Banded Hammer us!" The two men immediately began the search for their companions.

But will they find them in time? Who knows? But me? Question mark? Find out next time!

This just gets funnier every time I read it! :laugh:

And Syl's imaginary cigarette habit is pretty funny, I must admit. Nice save!

Maybe it wasn't totally imaginary, though - what if she "smokes" CANDY cigarettes? Then she can eat them when she's done pretending to smoke them? Just an idea. CANDY cigs are yummy... :liplick:

She always could be smoking candy cigarretes. You never know with a Lady like Syl. I'll have another couple of entries up today; we might see what happens to Rex, might introduce Master of Blades, and we might even get to see The Master Thief make his debut.

You've been telling us the Master of Blades might show up for awhile now... I'm starting to think he's just a sales gimmick!

Yes, Syl is one of those people who is...well...different. The inner machinations of my (her) mind are an enigma....

I would like to see this Master Thief make his debut.... One question thought - has he any relation to the Thieves guild and the Grey Fox? :ph34r: