You can kill off Tran the Gan if you want. He seems to have lost usefulness and sanity after the whole pelvis exploding incident anyways.

Yeah, sorry about that...

Nice job breaking him, madwoman! :teehee: :lmao:

:hubbahubba: Oh, it was quite enjoyable! They say I have that effect on men. Perhaps that's the real reason the Madgod favors me...?

Perhaps so, makes it exciting when your mate takes the term dynamite in bed literally.

:rofl:

Pssh, he'll be fine. I think that once this rolls over to thread two, I'll compile all of the posts into one, make that the new post, then have a second post explaining the meanings behind some of chapter 1's stuff.

ex-Captain Rex's scene will be next up.

Actually, I'm thinking of having a water monster of some sort attack the boat, instantly killing everyone aboard. That, or the cliched "Hey, look! A hurricane! Whoa, we've been separated!"

Sounds good to me.

No, please don't kill us all off! I want to live! *Makes a suicidal jump into the water, hoping to escape but failing miserably...*

Blah Blah Blah Title Update - aka I can't remember what the last title was, and I'm not going back a page to look at it.

The shadowy figure of shadows had firmly grasped ex-Captain Rex's belt buckle, and was about to remove the aformentioned belt from the ex-Capta- Hey, pervs! Bet you thought this would be another love making update, huh? Well, guess what? You are dead wrong. One per thread, that is what you get. Mmmm, I just had an exceptionally excellent idea- you can request who you want to see for the next scene! Yes, that will entice a return to this awful, disease ridden novel, with all of the horrible anecdotes I decide to tell you. There we go. I've ensnared you all in my web now. My awesome, awesome laser web, with fireballs and metal spikes and whatnot.

So, the shadowy figure threw ex-Captain Rex back across the room, and plucked his mighty sword out of the air. The sword was instantly destroyed, for some odd reason. Probably blew up, or ignited, or shattered. I dunno, use your imagination.

"No! I am without a weapon!" shouted ex-Captain Rex, "Oh, wait! A convieneiently placed lever! I shall pull it and see what happens!" Rex loved to exclaim things, as you can see. Growing up, he was one of those scrawny little fellows, whom nobody liked, mainly because he aspired to be a Captain of the Guard (he lived in the bad part of town. You know, the one next to that one racist woman? By the Eight and One, I hated her. I literally murdered her husband in his sleep, and she was completely fine with that the next day. What a sick freak. Speaking of sick freaks, I'm looking at you, you damn hypothetical puppy. Why would you eat the last piece of bacon? It was mine, damnit, it was mine....).

"By Mannicarmo, don't pull that lever!" cried out the shadowy figure, "otherwise, my true form will be revealed!" Naturally, ex-Captain Rex yanked hard on the erect lever, and also quite naturally, the lever did some wacky magic, and the shadowy figure's true form was revealed.

But whom could it be? Find out... right now. Nah, you'll see later.


Back on the Boat

As ex-Captain Rex was giving the lever a tug, our group of heroes was/were all on the small boat. Broken-Scale and the Mudcrab were using their combined seaman prowess to manouever the boat in subtle, yet helpful, ways; the Mazken was watching her betrothed as he did so; Lady Syl and Lord Thadon were watching the stars like a couple of happy people (they were both "smoking" "cigarettes" "too"); Schmut E. Buncis was thinking about slapping someone else (preferably a female); Carro Tsandwich was mourning the heroic sacrifice/loss of the Master Thief; Tran the Gan was recovering from his newfound love of carnal relations; and the Son was doing something unimportant.

Funny, that: The Son is the hero of the story, and he hasn't said much at all. Ah, well, he'll have his moment. Someday.

A few months later, the group arrived at the shores of Elsweyr, land of the Khajiiti. Naturally, they were all quite sick of one another, and so they went their separate ways, with a promise to return to this exact same landing spot in three hours. Hey, shut up. They weren't that sick of each other, alright. They just needed to get some things done, okay?

So, let us follow Carro Tsandwich, for now. She had taken off towards the nearest town, Blaidainfawel (which stood for "Town of At or Above Average Beauty"), a small settlement established by the Leyawiinical Conjuring of 3EWhatever Date is Ten Years Before Whatever Date This Is Currently. The Leyawiinical Conjuring wasn't the best group; they liked to beat up those more poverty struicken than themselves. Often times, the Elyaconju, as they were shortened to, were the ones causing the poverty in the first place.

"Stop! Criminal Scum!" exclaimed a Guard as Carro entered the town. Naturally, when Carro took off her hood, the guard paused and blinked, then chopped off his tongue for daring to say such a thing. He quickly realized that slighting on as beautiful as her was an ill omen indeed, so he drove his sword through his head as well. As the blood showered about Carro, drenching the streets with the crimson of his failure, the Maiden spotted a small Palace a short distance away. A large gathering of people had amassed outside of its entrance, eagerly awaiting word from the fairest Queen in I don't remember the Stupid Name I gave this Town.

Carro, attracted by the crowd (of potential admirers), stroded purposefully over to the entrance, and stood silently in the back. A few men noticed her, and quickly began to cry tears of joy as their eyes slowly started to smolder, burning directly out of their heads. It was like staring at a thousand suns, to some; to others, it was like eating the last piece of bacon. Yeah, I'm not dropping it, you rotten hypothetical puppy. It was my piece, damn you to hell!

The Queen exited her palace, and gazed upon her crowd of followers. Her beauty was unsurpassed, until Carro showed up; once the Queen spotted her in the crowd (the pile of corpses was enough to do so), she ordered her guards to seize the young Maiden.

"Awright, lass," said the first guard, "you're coming with us! No-one but a Deamon can be as pretty as Queen _____!" Just as the men were about to seize her, another man, this one more well-dressed, jumped out of the onlookers, and drew his blade. "Fear not! 'Tis I, the Ma-

Who could it be? Hint: Think of the only two people I've mentioned with Ma- in their names, then guess on that. Also, I didn't name the Queen because I, quite frankly, don't care.

I Iuv ut! Yet another great chapter X]

Don't kill off the characters! They're all awesome and have their own funnyness, yess?

I do hope it's the Master Thief, not dead but alive after all! :twirl:

I think it is the master thief too, it's probably going to take more than a banded bear to finish him off.

The Update of Mortality - Also known as, the shortened version, because I clicked on a [censored] link on the [censored] favorites bar. I'm not even kidding about how pissed I am, the update was gonna be three times the length of this, and it is gone

Meanwhile, Schmut E. "I'm the Best Looking Scholar in the World" Buncis had trekked to the Library of the aformentioned Stupidly Named City. He was reading a musty old tome entitled "Treatise of Pelagius the Mad's 'Naked Nine' and the Subsequent 'Papal Clothed Rebellion,'" a subject which interested him greatly, for he was Martin "I used to Party" Septim's bastard son. Schmut E. never had aspirations for the throne; really, all he wanted to do was slap people and read, so he had never told anyone about his Divine blood.

As Schmut E. read his tome, the Librarian of the Library was busy encapturing his unrequited physical beauty and intelligence with her eyes. Never before had she seen a man as handsome as Schmut E. The Librarian was one of those chicks that looks super hot as soon as she takes off her glasses, ensorcelling men with promises of forbidden knowledge (section D, fifth shelf down). She sixily walked over to Schmut E. and tosed the "Treatise of Pelagius the Mad's 'Naked Nine' and the Subsequent 'Papal Clothed Rebellion'" onto the ground. The ancient book broke into a little million pieces, then exploded in a fiery burst of energy, which in turn set fire to the rest of the Library, with Schmut E. and the Librarian still inside.

"Crikey!" Schmut E. began to demand retribution; as the words left his mouth, something blocked the way. In this case, it was her chest, being shoved into his face. Before Schmut E. could react, the Librarian drew a hidden dagger from her dress and thrusted the weapon toward Schmut E.'s head. Luckily, Schmut E. had extricated himself from bosoms, and caught the blade in his hand. Unluckily, his hand was now impaled by her knife.

Schmut E., being a manly scholar, pulled the dagger right out. Like that body-shaper from Rurouni Kenshin, if you know who I mean. If you don't, go look that panel up, then tell me the body-shaper's name, cause I can't remember it. Oh, and if you don't, I'm not going to update after this. Until I get an answer. Yeah, deal with it. Like that bacon-eating puppy. Little rat bastard.

The blood from Schmut E.'s hand sprayed profusely all over the Library; this coated the Librarian's thin clothing, causing it to stick to her shapely frame. "Crikey! I've never seen a scholar who looks like that," Schmut E. "I'm the Best Looking Scholar in the World" Buncis realized, "you're not a scholar at all!" The Fake Librarian, in an attempt to incapacitate Schmut E., leaped towards him for a slapping blow.

Schmut E. "Master Slapper" Buncis wasn't having any of this; his hand moved faster than light itself, and impacted upon her delicate, feminine face, leaving her with a bloody tattoo (yes, his blood literally went inside her face from the blow) as she flew across the room. Also, her clothes tore off in the process, which in turn revealed her bloated, tentacle legs. Like a Dreugh.

Schmut E., ignoring his damaged hand, walked over to her dead form. Noticing a bulge at the top of her tentacle legs, he reached his good hand into the slimy mass, and pulled out a scroll container. He opened it up, and using his scholarly knowledge, scanned the documents inside. A massive dossier about the group had been assembled, with all files marked "To be assassinated by order of High Chancellor Ocato."

"Crikey! I need to get back to the others and warn them!" Schmut E. said; however, even he wasn't immune to smoke inhalation, and he passed out on the floor as the Library continued to burn.

Who will save Schmut E.? What will happen to the others? Find out, if you figure out the body-shaper from RuroKen's name.

Otherwise, cliffhanger... forever!

Ah thay svcks, still was a good update though.

As for the chatacter... I have no idea... :sadvaultboy: haha

You could always google it, you know.

Google solves every problem. Hopefully I found the right name: Shikijou.

Ah, not even close, although I could see why it'd spit out that result. He was sort of a body-shaper, but not the one I'm thinking of. Still, I suppose I could continue the story... I wouldn't want to disappoint my dedicated following. Maybe I'll update again tonight.

That's not it, huh? Damn! Well, even if you continue anyway, now I am determined to find this name! Back to Google...! :bolt:

I feel compelled to write about Ocato's motives now. I might go with the sixual deviant approach for him, but I dunno.

Sounds good. Me likey...

Honjō Kamatari?

He is a bad guy at first, but later hypothetically redeems himself after being stabbed half-to-death. I think he was in the anime, but it might not have gotten as far as the manga. Nope, not Kamatari. Given the two names you found, I'm assuming that the anime didn't get anywhere near as far as the manga, which is where the body-shaper would've been.

Ocato's motives

Ocato sat at the top of White Gold Tower, enjoying the sunset as people are apt to do. "What an enjoyable sunset," he aptly said, "it is days like this that I really enjoy being Chancel-" Before Ocato could finish, a loud gonging noise gonged out of the slummy district of the Imperial City. "Not again!" he complained in that snarky accent of his (for some reason, I remember it as British), and he started to head downstairs towards the Hall Room of Halls.

Entering the room, Ocato took a seat on his Throne, but not before besmirching a nearby statue of Uriel Septim the Dead. "I never liked you, anyways! Always ordering me around!" Ocato complained; just then, a guard ran in, wearing that awesome, but unattainable set of Armor the palace guards have. "Chancellor Ocato! The addicts are breaching the ill-maintained gates again!" You see, a few months ago, someone had nefariously dumped a few trillion gallons of Skooma into the Imperial City's reservoirs; soon after, every non-Guard was consuming drugged water, and the riots broke out a few minutes after that.

Addicts, you see, are very well-organized and deadly opponents.

Ocato closed his eyes and began to rub them with his fingers. "By the Nine, kill as many as you can. Capture the children and bring them back to the Tower for safe-keeping." See, Ocato wasn't all that bad, huh? He was bringing back any un-skoomaed child back to the Palace for safe-keeping, and certainly not for any nefarious ritual.

More to come: Why Ocato wants our heroes and Rex dead!

I remember watching Runoni Kenshin *memories*

Also - overly massive (- don't even say the words) KLIFFHANGARRRR

I googled last night for about 40 minutes and didnt find anything useful for the character your looking for lmao. Yay for getting an update anyways though. :celebration:

lmao, same here! :laugh: