Hes so ninja even his name cant be found.

Wow, that's pretty ninja... :ninja:

<--- Honestly jealous of that level of ninjosity. :sadvaultboy:

Yeah, well I can't help being attracted to that level of ninjosity... Must find this shadow man! :drool:

The Continuation of Ocato's Aspirations of Ruination

The Guard left with a salute, but not before dropping a stack of reports on top of Ocato's unnecessarily large desk. Seriously, who needs a desk that big? Compensating for something, if you know what I mean... funny, how people do that. I'd like to take a moment to talk with you about believing in yourself. Do it; you should always have self-confidence, and not let other people put you down. Because you know what? I think you are beautiful. There, I said it. Betcha feel better now, uh?

Yeah, thought so. Unlike that hypothetical puppy eating my last piece of bacon. I'll show him yet.

"Pshaw! Another report on my enemies!" Ocato complained, as he was a complainer, "Lets see... 'High Chancellor Ocato, we've located the Khajiiti who poisoned our water supply. Fifteen Blades have been dispatched to execute him. He has been traveling with Martin's bastard, so we can only assume that they are vying for power. Two high-ranking nobles from Oblivion were spotted as well; they have warranted a battalion of Battlemages. The Argonian who is trying to bring back spears, the other true threat to your power, has been targeted by Todo Horawd as well. Expect their deaths by next Sun's Dawn.' Mmmm, excellente! I shall have the most power of all soon enough!" Ocato giggled like a weirdo. "I've already taken care of ex-Captain Rex, the Emperor's most trusted guard and my only opponent in the City!" Ocato continued to giggle; his laughter, however, was cut short when he heard a loud crashing sound from the nearby storage closet. "A loud crashing sound from the nearby storage closet!" shrieked Ocato, like a whiny little girl, "I'm gonna have to hide!" Ocato cast a spell, and darkness fell upon the room.

Too bad for him, because darkness was the beast's domain. As Ocato cowered underneath his desk, the handle of the closet began to rattle. "Murder..." it seemed to moan, "Murder..." The metal began to strain from the currently unseen force, but just as it was about to snap, the rattling stopped as suddenly as it had begun. Ocato removed his spell of darkness, and crawled out from under the desk. "By the Nine, what was that?" As his eyes roved nervously about the room, he spotted the closet door, which was slowly sliding open. "Guards! Guard!" shouted Ocato; before he could issue a third cry for help, the beast took its opportunity and lept from the closet, hunger and rage burning brightly in its demonic eyes.

"Noooooouraehioafjeklfgjieofjlekgjl~&" Ocato somehow gurgled as the beast tore into his face, seeking the answers that lay beneath it, enshrouded by his calciumic skull.

What could this beast be? What ever happened to N. I. and ex-Captain Rex? How will our heroes escape the battalion of Battlemages and fifteen Blades?

And so I was doing the same! :lmao: Excellent! Now, I do hope we will be returning to our weirdos I mean heroes soon, though, to find out what will happen to them!





edited for spelling...

Same! And yes, someone get to Schmut E. His ugly face is about to get all the more worse than it already is.

Could be a new character you havent told us about? Probably N.I! though since he got turned into a werewolf.

Its the next chapter that goes back to the heroes again then? ^_^

Friday Update

Man, I don't even remember what happened last time... Ocato got his face ripped off by a mysterious beast? Oh, right. Uhm, lets see... what should I tell you all about now... Uh, alright. I suppose I can talk about Tran the Gan, since he has said less than the Son for about 14 pages.

Uh, okay. So I don't really remember the archetype Tran the Gan was supposed to fulfill; I think he was a gentleman, but he has been ruined by Syl... so yeah, I think I got this. I'll just make him a really cynical bastard. Maybe depressed all of the time. Yeah, that'll work.

Tran the Gan, after spending a few months in what I would like to dub a "sixoma" (six coma), had recovered from a heroic hero to a shabby, broken shell of a man. He was now deeply infatuated with Syl, and at the same time, he hated her guts. Perhaps enough to betray the group and kill her? Maybe. Maybe.

So, Tran the Gan had followed Carro into town, not really looking for anything in particular. He was currently sitting in a tavern, the kind populated solely by thugs and puppies who eat the last piece of bacon. Yeah, that is right; you are as bad as a murderer, you little rat bastard. I'll get you good, one of these days. As soon as you aren't hypothetical.

"Gurr... what you want, Imperial?" grunted the Orcish bartender, because, quite frankly, I don't have any Orcs in this story yet. Tran the Gan, shocked by social contact, immediately burst into tears and started to moan about Syl and how perfect she was in every way. Naturally, this blubbering attracted the wrong crowd. Who just happened to be in the bar. Where Tran the Gan was. Sentence fragment.

"By Azura! By Azura! By Azura, lookit the little baby!" shrieked a nearby Bosmer, "Crying about his mommy!" The Bosmer did a feminine twirl over to Tran the Gan's seat, and kicked it out from under him. Tran the Gan fell to the ground and continued to cry like a pathetic waste of human life. "Bwahahahaha! I taught this loser good!" laughed the Bosmer; his laughter, however, was cut short as a massiveical blade slammed directly through his freakishly small chest.

"Gwah?" the Bosmer uttered, then looked down to see his dying face staring back at him. The blade slid out of his body, and the Bosmer crumpled to the ground in a stupid little heap. Standing behind him was a giant of a man, about fifteen feet tall, or some outrageous number like that.

Wow, I bet you are thinking "Hey, look at this: a new, helpful character that will help our heroes." To which I respond "Hahahahahaha, no, fool. You couldn't be more wrong."

Tall Man McTallersons, as he was known, helped Tran the Gan up and led him out of the tavern. "Tran the Gan, correct? I'm Captain McTallersons, with the Blades of the High Chancellor. I believe that you have knowledge of someone I'm looking for," Captain McGee began, "so how about we have a little chat?" "About who?" Tran the Gan asked.

"Lady Syl and Lord Thadon," vocalabulated Captain McTallersons, "I want them dead." Tran the Gan looked shocked for a moment, then took a deep breath, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and replied "You got it."


Say what? Tran the Gan is going to betray his comrades? Will Schmut E. escape the Library fire unscathed? What about ex-Captain Rex or Broken-Scale?

That little bosmer is lucky Tran the Gan is mentally broken.

and NOOOOZ don't betray them Tran! :ahhh: (Although he probably would hes insecure like that.)

Ha! Syl is so suspicious of everyone, she'll see it coming. Like she always says, it is better to trust no one, than to trust the enemy! :spotted owl:

Of course, I hope he won't betray them. That would make me sad...

Tran is gonna betray all?

Broken-Scale gets married

"Dude, like, hurry it up! I wanna get back to love-making with my babe!" Broken-Scale complained, looking mighty fine in a tuxedo. His wife, the Mazken, was also looking mighty fine, but she wasn't wearing a tuxedo. Probably a wedding dress or something. I dunno, I'm not a wedding planner, alright. Broken-Scale's mudcrab was also at the ceremony, and he was also wearing a tuxedo. Wouldn't that be something to see?

The Wedding Officiator, a snobby Dark Elf, snobbily snobbed at Broken-Scale; he was highly racist, especially against Argonians marrying anyone, anytime. "Quiet, n'wah, or I'll have you both arrested for indecent exposure," said the Wedding Officiator as he pointed to the Mazken's revealing dress (see, I did have a plan for it all along). "Dude, that isn't rad at all." The Wedding Officiator gave Broken-Scale a look like "Shut up or I will call the guards, you piece of scaly garbage," and Broken-Scale decided to shut up for a little bit.

The Wedding Officiator began the Ceremony. "Do you, Broken-Scale," he snobbily said, "take... I can't even pronounce that name, so as an Immigration Officiator, I hereby dub you Falanu, a popular Dunmer name, to be your wife?" Broken-Scale fervently nodded in affirmation, and the newly named Falanu squealed in delight, or whatever it is that Dark Seducers squeal in.

You know, I like Dark Seducers much, much more than Golden Saints. The Saints are just so nasty, all of the time... although, if they were from Los Angeles, I'd like them much, much more.

So, the Wedding Officiator continued the Ceremony. "Do you, Falanu," he snobbily said, "take Broken-Scale to be your husband?" She too nodded yes, and then fainted from the excitation of it all. "You may now kiss or slurp or whatever it is that you monsters do to your wives." The Wedding Officiator ran out of the Chapel as quickly as his elven legs could carry him, which was actually not that fast, but still. The thought counts, right?

Broken-Scale lifted up his new Mazken wife and made out with her somehow, passionately. The Mudcrab pulled out a bottle of champagne from his tux's pocket, shook it up, and sprayed it all about the Chapel in delight. "Come on, Muddy Crab and Dudette, lets go tell the others!" Broken-Scale slung the Mud Crab onto his back, and carried his wife into the burning Elsweyrian daylight. As the three exeunted the Chapel, and the hot daylight faded from their eyes, a scene most awful unfolded before them.

A group of at least 90 bandits swarmed the streets, knocking down and killing any civilian that stood in their path. The Wedding Officiator hadn't made it that far out of the Chapel; he was lying on the ground, head rolling around next to him. "Dude, what is going on here?" Broken-Scale muttered; unluckily for him, the head bandit spotted the group standing at the top of the Chapel's steps. "There they are! Kill them, before they escape!"

"You!" Broken-Scale shouted, "You are the one who took my spears! Todo Horawd! I'll kill you!" Broken-Scale set his wife safely inside of the Chapel, closed the doors, and drew his Spear of Chaos. He then leaped down the stairs in a way most bad ass, towards Todo Horawd and victory!

Maybe I'll get back to ex-Captain Rex!

D'awww a wedding! :celebration: But it got ruininated by his arch enemy. :sadvaultboy:

Kick his butt broken!

Haha.

They didn't make their vows! >:| *shrugs* One again, an exellent chapter!

Once again, an excellent chapter!
Missing your Cs today, are we Schmuty?

And indeed, it was excellent. I hope we can find out what happened to Rex in the next installment!!! :mage:

edited to avoid rhyming too much... Originally written: "I hope we can find out what happened to Rex next" Yeah, that sounded funny... but not in a good way. :ermm:

The Death of Someone

When we last left him, ex-Captain Rex had pulled a lever in a mystical stone temple, while N. I. lay dead and eviscerated upon the floor. A shadowy figure had assaulted ex-Captain Rex, forcing him to pull the lever, thusly revealing its true form. Something might've happened, like a gravity field or some [censored] like that. I really can't remember, and I'm not going to go look for it ever... so.... Yeah, maybe this is my first retcon. I dunno.

Lets assume there was a gravity field. Hold on; is it "let's" or "lets?" I know that "'s" sometimes means "is," like "it's," but I can never figure out "lets" and "let's," which really pisses me off. Which is why I rarely use them, if you've ever noticed that. Which you probably haven't, because of all the intense imagery that I'm throwing into your mind at fifteen meters per nanosecond.

So, yeah, gravity field, with all of the stereotypical gravity field effects. Wooshing air, things lifting up the ground, that sort of thing. "By Talos' Hairy Beard!" ex-Captain Rex exclaimed, as he began to fly into the ceiling. N. I.'s large intestine also began to expandulate towards the ceiling, trailing a bloody, fleshy path towards the top. ex-Captain Rex, being a man of Action! Action! Action, not words! grabbed the slimy rope, tied it to his waist, and held on for dear life.

Oh, why was he holding on for dear life? Hum, I guess that the shadowy figure turned into a giant, whirling maw of doom or something, which had many teeth for the purpose of blending a man such as ex-Captain Rex. A Hungry, Hungry Hippo of a Dremora, if you will. Let's/lets call it the Hippo Atronach.

Oh, yeah, and it was stuck of the ceiling, as things are apt to be.

"Neeeeeeeeeer!" grinded the Hippo Atronach, like a blender blending a person's arm, "Neeeeeeer!" ex-Captain Rex knew what that sound meant; it meant certain, unimpending doom for the brilliant/attractive/manly young ex-Captain of the Guard. "Shouar!" shouarted ex-Captain Rex, as he broke his own arm.

Yes, that is right. Broke his own arm, right off. Literally snapped the limb directly off of his body.

The ex-Captain threw his arm into the whirling, spinning face hole of the Hippo Atronach. The beast immediately snapped the tasty morsel up, leaving its multitude of eyes available for penetration as it tore into ex-Captain Rex's meaty arm. "I know your weakness!" yelled ex-Captain Rex, throwing himself at the beast's largest eye.

ex-Captain Rex slammed into the unprotected juicy meat of the eye, and burrowed into it with the ferocity of a hypothetical bacon-eating puppy. The beast screamed in terror as ex-Captain Rex bored into its brain, severing the thing's brain whatevers in a display of violence so graphic, I can't even tell you guys and girls about it. Lets/let's just say that it was very, very awful.

After the Hippo Atronach lay dead, blood and chunks of gore slapping to the floor with meaty, wet slaps, ex-Captain Rex retrieved his arm and sowed/sewed it back onto his body, using his high Restoration skill to get the job done.

Yeah, 75 in Restoration. That is how healingiative he is.

I dunno, I'm thinking that someone is going to die or "die" next time


But whom could it be?

It's let's, as in let us. The apostrophe is making up for the missing 'u'.

This continues to win my face. But please don't kill off Carro! Well, not yet anyways

Why thank you for the helpful reply, Carrot. You've just secured Carro's place in the story! I wasn't planning on killing her anyways, as she is the only hot, non-married female in the Tale so far.

Now, all of you unhelpful, slack-jawed complimentors... your places aren't secure at all. Very unsecure, like the panties of the women of Bravil.

Well you can't kill off Tran the Gan, hes.... umm.... handsome? Yeah thats it...

(Yep, theres my flemsy argument. (And thats right I said flemsy, kill off Tran the Gan and his ghost will spit ghost spit in your pepsi :verymad: )) lmao.

*Plays 'The Last Post' on trumpet for N.I, as his torn to shreds carcass is carried away in a coffin, draqed in the New Zealand flag with a slouch hat sitting atop. Lest we forget.* Yet another fun-filled, extravagant chapter - WITH SHENANIGANS! Also, a request that Schmut E not be killed yet. C'mon mate, he's got a Aussie accent, and I'm sure the guy's a great bloke on the inside. Wouldn't want the bloke to die heartless. (Yes, I used 'mate' and 'bloke' to sound more Ozzie).

And you can't kill Syl! I would have explained the "let's" thing, had I not been sleeping at the time all this happened!

Here's my argument in defense of Syl:

If you kill Syl, Schmut E. will lose his favorite person to slap (and, come on, she's probably the only person in the story who actually enjoys being slapped.) :slap:

Also, just because she's married doesn't mean she deserves to die! She could be carrying her husband's child, for all you know! Don't kill the possibly pregnant, psychotically entertaining, smoldering temptress who is Lady Syl, Duchess of Dementia. Besides, if you kill off the Madgod's favorite play-toy, he might swallow you whole and dispose of you in the never-ending chamber-pot of Oblivion, just to forewarn you.)

Hopefully I have made my points clearly enough to convince you of Syl's worth. *down on knees, praying fervently*

However, if (when) you decide to kill off Lady Syl, kill off Thadon with her. Or just kill Thadon next, and Syl will be single (but she will be devastated, until she gets over it). However, I would rather not see Thadon go, either. But he's really just something of a third wheel in this story, so... I'm sure it wouldn't surprise you that the human need for survival would prompt Lady Syl to promote her own life in favor of her husband's... She's still young after all, AND she could be carrying his child for all we know. (and no, I'm not pregnant. I am done having kids in RL. Two is enough for me... )

I'll update in a few minutes.

Boom, there we go.

So, while ex-Captain Rex was re-attaching his arm, Carro was being saved by The Master Thief, Broken-Scale was leaping towards certain victory, Schmut E. was burning in a library fire, and The Son was off doing something. Man, I haven't said jack[censored] about him lately. We'll have to get back to him in a bit. Not right now though.

Now, we get to experience the wonderful "death" of some of the characters.

Tran the Gan led the group of fifty Battlemages back towards the boat, in an attempt to kill Lord Thadon, the man who (in Tran the Gan's twisted mind), had taken away his true love. The group clanked about behind him as they neared the water vessel; before they reached the boat, a loud explosion resonated throughout the city.

"What could that be? My enemies?" Syl frantically asked from inside of the boat, where her and Thadon were currently making sweet, sweet Bosmer love. "Don't worry about it, my dear," said Thadon, "I'm sure it was nothing." The two peeked up from under their cover; a sight most distressing greeted them. "Lady Syl and Lord Thadon, I presume," declared Tall Man McTallersons, "good to see you... well, for myself at least." The fifty Battlemages had surrounded the small boat; all of them had some respective spell or whatnot going on. Tran the Gan, meanwhile, was looking on in chains.

Oh, yeah, he was chained and manacled. What, you think I'm not going to have at least one double double cross in the Tale? By the Eight and One, you don't know me very well, do you, dear readers? I'm disappointed. In you all. Tut tut.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat," declared Tall Man McTallersons, "but you'll be finding yourselves quite dead. Ta." Before Syl or Thadon could react, a massive fireball set the boat on fire, instantly killing the two in a blaze of sudden disappointment. As the Bosmer screamed in horrible agony, Tran the Gan began to cry. "Noooo!" shrieked Tran the Gan, "you bastard! I loved her!" Tall Man McTallersons walked over to the shackled Tran the Gan, and [censored]slapped him right across his face. "Shut up, little man. I'll do whatever I want." Tran the Gan fell to the ground, and began to cry in a way most pathetic. "Fan out! Find and kill the others!" shouted Tall Man McTallersons.

Meanwhile, back at the Imperial City

The beast prowled the streets of the City, feasting upon the flesh of any who dared cross its path. Weaving its way through the corpse-ridden streets, it soon came to a house, the only one with lights on in a five mile radius. The beast knew lights meant people, and people meant food. Crawling up to the house's window, the beast peered inside, eyes burning with an intense hatred.

Inside of the house, a small group of guards remained, planning on what to do about the death and destruction that ravaged the City. "Listen, we need outside help," Guard said, "we can't deal with this [censored] on our own." Guard gave a look towards Better Dressed Guard, who was clearly in charge. "You're right... we have to get a message to Dive Rock."

"Why Dive Rock?" questioned Guard. "We need.... the Master of Blades." answered Better Dressed Guard.

The beast, ears perking up at the mentions of the Master of Blades, scratched its claws along the window, let out an ear piercing shriek, and smashed into the house, devouring the guards in a frenzied rage.

What could happen next? Why did the beast flip out when it heard "the Master of Blades?" Are Syl and Thadon really dead?

If I or :rofl: , that would be a definate overuse of these damn emoticons. I'm just gonna say it was a very sixy chapter, and much enjoyed. Distracts me from homework :stare:


Fixed


Fixed

:rofl:

Thanks Schmuty. Very subtle.