:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

This is hilarious! Excellent job, Master Thief. You are also the master of comedy, I daresay! (That was slightly cheesy, I know... But Sheogorath should be pleased with it...)

"And so, we arryve at the fynal challenge?!?!?!" questioned N. I. Exclamation Point. Remember, dumb tree = can't count. "You know what, Troll?" said The Son, "I'm sick of this nonsense. Honestly, there are five of us, and only one of you. Your only weapon is the fact that none of us want to touch you. Why are we answering your stupid riddles?"

As you can see, The Son lacked patience. Also, I couldn't think of a third challenge. He wanted to be on his quest to find a perfect sugary beverage; also, he was sort of angry that this Troll could probably eat solid foods, whereas he couldn't. I dunno if you catch my drift on that one; check out the first entry. Like, come on? Do I have to explain every single thing for you people?

N. I. was perplexed at this sudden turn of events; he had never been in a confrontation like this before. "Nyahaha! My feelyngs, they are hurt!" The Bridge Troll began to exude more fecal material from his tear ducts; this was his way of crying. Anyways, he did something drastic, like jump off the bridge or something. Suffice to say, the heroes were on their way once again.

They soon arrived at the township of Bravil. Really though, Bravil wasn't that great a place; more like a shantytownship. Ba-zing! I've heard that some people like it. So, Bravil was sort of muddy, and sort of smelled really bad; of course, the odor was nothing when compared with N. I. Exclamation Point, who shalln't be referred to for another couple of chapters. "Like, look at that rad tavern, dudes! Maybe they have something tubular inside... like food or something. I'm getting pretty hungry! Cowabunga!" Broken-Scale slithered off to the tavern (you know the one right next to the gates). Carro agreed, and she followed the Argonian; her beauty immediately attracted the attention of a nearby on-looker, who doesn't have a name yet, but is someone from the list of characters on the first page. Schmut E. wandered off to the local Mage's Guild, looking to buy some parchment for letter writing, and The Son began to wander the town in search of a perfect sugary drink.

Intermission - Up Next, Either Carro Tsandwich's Surprise, or the Events that occur to the Other Three. Reader Choice!

EVENTS DAT ACCUR 2 DA ODER THRE3!!!11111111

A creative genius thou art, my friend. I would like to see any of them next, but I'll make it simple and go with Carro Tsandwich's surprise.

D'awww I was gonna say that...!

This really is quite a funny story though MT. :goodjob: Can't wait to read the next part.

Special Surprise - You get both!

Carro Tsandwich's Surprise

Carro entered the tavern from the last entry. "My goodness! What a beautiful maiden!" verboculated a High Elf. "Gurr, she is da purty!" grunted a nearby Orc. Being better than both of these fools, Carro pealed out another laugh; both of the men suddenly dropped dead, probably from a heart attack or brain explosion. One man, however, remained standing. I know, right? Wasn't expecting that one, eh? And yes, I used "wasn't" instead of "weren't." Wait, is that even right? Weren't expecting that one? It sounds really stupid. Anyways, it was an unexpected situation, because I didn't mention a third man; also, up to this point, Carro has been killing things left and right with her beautiful laughter.

Naturally, Carro was quite shocked. Up until this point, the only men who had been able to resist her feminine charms were our heroes. Who was this stranger? Why was he so handsome? Where did he come from? How did he get his hair so good looking, especially in a world without conditioner? Well, dear reader(s), this man's name was Tran the Gan. Yes, that is the answer to all of those questions. Oh, also; think of Tran the Gan as one of those incredibly handsome prince knights; you know, the loud kind, but in a good way.

"Oh, my," fainted Carro; luckily, Tran the Gan did a cool looking slide, and caught her before she fell and impaled her unmarred beauty upon a nearby meatfork. "Milady," exclaimed Tran the Gan, "are you alright?" "I've never been better," murmured Carro. Suffice to say, Carro's surprise ended up being pretty good after all.

What Happened to the Other Three

Schmut E. Buncis was in quite the pickle. You see, Schmut E. was quite popular with the feminine (and sometimes masculine) mages of the Mages Guild. Problem was, Schmut E. didn't particularly care for the mages; he felt that they were quite obnoxious and stupid. Like, come on? Who makes you go into a well to pick up a 150 something ring? And so many fetch quests....

So, Schmut E. found himself beplagued by the idiocy of the Mages Guild; also, it was Bravil, which is like a modern day hobo village, but worse. The mages were stupid, that is all. Although, there was some pretty fine tail there, if you know what I mean. Like that "Enemies Explode" chick? Yeah, there is definitely an explosion going on when I see her.

"Like, Schmut E., you're so cool," shrieked one of them, "like, lets kiss by the river." "Crikey, this isn't ace at all," Schmut E. shouted, "it is a bloody sewer system!" Schmut E. slapped the woman across her face; she quickly ran off, happy that the grand Schmut E. had touched her in any way. Anyhow, Schmut E. left the Guild with his paper and quills; also, he picked up a Ring of Trickery, and a Staff of Swelling.

Meanwhile, Broken-Scale was investigating the spear situation going on here; apparently, Todo Horawd had replaced all of the "Stabby" type of spear with a "Pokey to make Magic" type of spear. Broken-Scale wasn't pleased with this at all. "Dudes, this isn't rad at all. Where're my tubular spears?" Broken-Scale nictated his membranes in sadness.

But wait! A shocking turn of events? "Hehehehe, I have a spear for you right here," said a freakish little Bosmer, "would you like to give it a try?" Broken-Scale, being a man of intelligence, knew that the Bosmer didn't actually have a spear; in fact, he wasn't a Bosmer at all. He was, indeed, Sheogorath; Broken-Scale knew this because only Sheogorath had facial hair, a trait outlawed by the Emperor in the great Beard and Moustache Banning of 3E 432. "Dude, you aren't a Bosmer. Cowabunga!" Broken-Scale knew Sheogorath's one weakness was order, so he quickly arranged a nearby table setting into its proper formation. "Sheeah! My one weakness, order. Because you have defeated me, you can have this! The Spear of Chaos!" Sheogorath disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Ra-di-cal!" crowed Broken-Scale; finally, he had a spear!

As these events took place, The Son was examining a local merchant's wares. "Good merchant, what is this?" questioned The Son as he held up a small packet of beans. "Well, m'boy, those are cocoa beans. You can put 'em in water, heat it up, and then you have a bitter drink that wakes you right up." "Hmmm," pondered The Son. "How much for a barrel of beans?" "Fifteen hundred Septims," answered the merchantical man. You know what? No, The Son gets the beans for free. No stupid "Oh, I need to find the money, but I'll end up saving the merchant's family from honey badgers with swords for teeth, and then he'll give me the beans and his daughter's hand in marriage for free." That is such contrived plot device, so The Son gets the beans for free.

Intermission I lost count - Up Next, A mysterious Prophesee!

Wonderful! Wonderful! :clap: A welcome distraction from my homework.

Honey Badgers FTW.

Excellent! And what a great surprise to have both! Yay! :celebrate:

And I'm loving Broken-Scale's TMNT talk. It fits the goofiness of the story well, and brings back fond memories of my childhood.



Okay, I know I'll sound stupid, but what does ftw mean?

Once again, brilliant! I love the silliness!

*shifts away from TMT*

Syl, 'ftw' means For the Win or [censored] the World, depending who you ask. I use it as For the Win

lol, okay, thanks!

Schmut E. slapping that girl is easily the best part of this chapter.

Lets just say 'Off of trolls." and leave it at that. :spotted owl:

I'll never slap a girl! I slap CHILDREN!

So, Carrot is a beatuful fair maiden that has a mesmerising voice and deathful laugh, Ni is a dumb but intelligent troll, Broken-Scale is...well, Broken-Scale, Captain Rex sleeps with wenches (lol).

:rofl: Carrot, don't you ever laugh around me.

Hey, Broken-Scale is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! Don't you ever forget it!

EDIT: Just wondering, did anybody else think of something dirty when the Bosmer/Sheogorath said, "Hehehehe, I have a spear for you right here. Would you like to give it a try?"

Cowabunga! TMNT is tubular, man! :spotted owl:

lol. I totally hear the ninja turtles' voices in my head when I read things like that ^

And the Sheogorath thing... yeah... *slowly raises hand* But I can make just about anything sound dirty in my head.... :angel:

I'll post some the Prophesee later on tonight.

@Ni! - I was referring to an explosion in my pants.

@Broken-Scale - That line was originally going to be "Hehehe, I have a spear right here. Want to give it a rub?" But I thought that was far too pilfery from The Lusty Argonian Maid, so...

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone.

I know, that's why I shifted away from you

I can't wait for more.
What type of women did I sleep with, humans, mer, beast folk. Oh also if I die I magically turn into a Yautja.

@Rex - Quiet, you! I have a plan for your death sequence. Also, probably two hot elves. That's how you roll.

The Prophesee - But Not Really, because I couldn't think of one. So, a love scene between two characters! Actually, not even that.... but we're getting there!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch inn, Carro Tsandwich had just acquired a sense of love, but surprisingly, it was not for herself. Rather, it was for the gallant Tran the Gan. "Oh, my," moaned Carro, for she had never seen a person as physically beautiful as herself. "Dearest lady, are thou in finestry, or are thou in need of a medicinical man?" Tran the Gan questioned with a good and plenty of concern. Speaking of which, Good and Plenty is one of the worst Halloween treats ever. Seriously, I'd rather have an apple with a razor in it. Even worse, I'd rather have a toothbrush.

I'd like to take this time to remind you, dear reader(s), that good oral hygiene is incredibly important. Remember, brush twice a day, and floss once a day. Also, don't brush right after a meal; the acids from your food soften your tooth enamel, and brushing it makes it wear off. The more you know!

Anyways, Carro had fainted; thusly, Tran the Gan figured that perhaps she needed some vapors, so he slung her over his shoulder (because he was just that strong), and left the inn in search of the aformentioned vapors. Vapors fixed everything, you see. So, Tran the Gan was looking around; sadly, Bravil didn't have any vapors, so things weren't going too well.

Just then, our three heroes re-converged on Tran the Gan; they were immediately struck by his beauty, but noticed a fainted Carro across his shoulder. "Dude, like, give us back our mondo babe!" roared Broken-Scale, leveling his Spear of Chaos at the handsomest man on the face of Tamriel. "Crikey! That cad has Carro!" said Schmut E., a tad too late. Seriously, dude, Broken-Scale already said something about it. Come on. I know you are better than that.

The Son, not wanting to be left out of the conversation, told it like it is. "Hey, that guy is seriously the most handsome man I've ever seen. Is anyone else seeing this, or is it just me?" Broken-Scale and Schmut E. both nodded their heads. "Yeah, like, this dude could be Mr. Tamriel 4E (Whatever year it is; did I already say a year? I can't remember. Sorry bout that, lets continue)." "Crikey! If I wasn't already betrothed..."

"Wait, you're to be married?" asked The Son. "Bloody oath, I am. Can't rightly remember her, though." Schmut E. answered.

"Excuse me, good sires, but this madam is in dire need of some vapors. It appears that my striking beauty has unconsciousfied her greatly, and I wouldn't be able to stand seeing a lady in danger," Tran the Gan drew his blade, "so you'd better move, or I shall be forced to cut you down like the scum you are!"

Sort of an overreaction, I know, but Tran the Gan had chivalry to the max. "Dudes, I think this guy is totally right; Carro is in danger. We should go find some vapors to rub on her face. That ought to be hectic enough to awaken her!" shouted Broken-Scale.

Oh, I forgot to mention; Broken-Scale had found an orange bandanna, and was now using that as an eye-mask. Just so you all know. The effect was very imposing. Visualizing it now? Good, lets continue:

"This mask-ed Argonian speaketh the truth; now, let us be off! I've heard tell of an island in the middle of the lake, filled with foul magics and insane people; and yet, it also has very good medical coverage, for a variety of accidents. Let us be off!" exclamated Tran the Gan.

And so, our heroes left the hobo-ville for that one island in the middle of the lake, in search of better medical coverage, and perhaps a good 401(k) plan while they were at it.

Next, the debut of one Duchess of Dementia

Dude, this just keeps getting better and better. Keep going

Which kind of elves were they? Please say at least one of them was a wood elf!



This part had me laughing so hard I was starting to cry!

Thank you for that information.



Woot!

I'll repeat what someone already said--best fan fic ever!
Edit: You know, it reminds me of Monty Python... My god, you're one of them! :drool: lol

One would be a Bosmer and the other would be a Dunmer. :hubbahubba:

You, sir, have excellent taste!

Thank you. Your character is a Bosmer right?

Lol, this never fails to make me laugh! Now I'm to be married? Cripes. O_o