December 15, 2274.

"Hello. Ummm, my name is Atta. I come from a Vault. I'm sorry, do you know what a Vault is? (rumbling noise) Ehhh, sorry, my recorder fell. Back on subject, a Vault is a place where the people went to protect themselves from radiation and all that dangerous, gooey stuff. My father once told me that the Vaults really weren't meant to save people, but to rather test us. I miss that old smirk of his. He died, unfortunately...WHOA! Now don't go going around spreading rumors, I didn't kill him, he was the only person who understood me. Why would I (pause) kill him? (laughter) What? You STILL don't believe me? Just because I keep a bloody revolver in my back pocket doesn't mean I killed him... What? You...but. (pause) SHUT UP! You don't know me! I would never kill him! SHUT UP!!!! (heavy breathing) Hmmm...I'm glad I got the message across to you. Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yes, me. That's my favorite subject, how can I forget? (laughter) Well, as I already told you, I'm from a Vault. It was so long ago that I escaped- I mean was set free, that I don't remember the number. It was something like fifty two or forty five. Something like that. I think you've had enough of my rambling, time to sit down and wash away my sorrows by trying to drown myself in a lake. See you next time, Atta out. (rumbling noise)"

Sounds like it could be interesting.
Just hope it doesn't go the way of freaking strongbad :homestar:

Haha Marvelous. A fun read, I love mad people. I love Madness, or rather, do I abhor Order? Either or. Anyway, great story, a few suggestions. Want to hear them? No. I'll voice them anyway.

First of all, the format or rather, lack there of, could pose a problem if you decide to write anything bigger than a paragraph as it can cause confusion and soreness to the eyes. Here's and example of another way it could have been done.



Something like that, also this is probably the only time a script format could be pulled of smoothly.



It would work real nicely if you were planing to keep the radio format/idea but introduce new characters, but if your going to stick with just Atta, then disregard this as it would loose 50% of it's awesomeness.

Anyway spacing, one more thing, on your word choice...


Don't you think "bloody knife" would work better? Guns have a tendency to get a great less degree of blood on them than melee weapons do. Unless he bashed someones skull in with it or if you were using "bloody" as an English slang term for intensifying.

Besides that little bit of nitpicking I don't have much to complain about. I mean you did use *cough*three*cough* exclamation marks on that one sentence, but whose counting?

Anyway, great start, the whole thing seemed to be just the hook for more to come and eagerly await The Video Tapes. Keep it up.

Good Luck.

I actually thought about this one too. I just guessed point blank range.

Thanks Galen and Yttrium, really helpful suggestions. I was thinking of a bloody knife, but Atta is English so "bloody" means the english slang "bloody". Oh, and this Fan fic was supposed to be name The Audio Tapes so please disregard the current title. I'll have another one of Atta's tapes up soon. Oh, and yes, I'll be introducing new characters with new tapes. I plan to connect this story with the events of Josh's new RP, so look out for things like that.

November 15, 2274

Razio: Hey dudes, Razio here! Heh heh, been a while since I haven't seen one of these things! Last time, moma smacked me over the head for talking to myself. When I tried to explain, she smacked me again for back talkin'. Well, I ain't here to talk about my screwed up childhood, I'm here to bring you a story from my screwed up advlthood! You see, some traveler convinced me a while back that I make a chain of audio tapes to describe my adventurous life as a wastelander. I don't think she was tootin' to me, cause she strode off without looking me in the eye. Plus, she had some one else with her. Maybe she was talkin' to him. But even so, that gave me a brilliant idea! I'll record all my memoirs right here in this recorder.

(static)

Razio: What the hell's wrong with this thing?

(static)

Razio: Gotta get this thing checked out. Anyways, today's a normal day. Savage ghouls eating human flesh, radiated dogs chasing caravans. Sometimes I think my life is empty and that every day is a black hole, svcking me into the depths of its deadly corridors. Razio's been tricked a few times in his years and life's been tough on me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born...

(loud static)

Woman's voice: Urrrmm, hello? What is this thing?

(rustle)

Woman's voice: Hmmm, looks like Pre-War technology. Does it even work? I'm guessing you talk into...

(feedback)

Woman's voice: AAAAHHH! My ears! They're bleeding!

(recorder hits the ground)

In the distance: Oh my god! My ears! OH MY [censored] GOD! AHHHHH!

(silence)

Keep it up, sounds different and intresting.

June 12, 2266

Atta: Daddy! I love you!

(giggle)

Father: I love you too, darling.

(mixed laughter)

Atta: Daddy, promise me you'll always help me, okay?

Father: Honey, I'll be right here, every step on your path to success.

(laughter fades)

________________________________________________________________

September 30, 2270

Atta: [censored] IT! I'm sick of all this crap! Stuck in this- this hell hole! There's no [censored] escape! I told him we could probably escape but...

(pause)

Atta: No one listens to me! He's too busy "innovating" and "working." No, no, no, no time for Atta! Just work, work, and more work. Not even Keller listens to me and he used to be the only one I could tell my secrets and express my emotions to! Atta...

(long pause)

Atta: ...doesn't exist.

(sobbing)

Atta: I'm going to get out of here, and any one who said I was crazy will regret it!

(maniacal laughter)

cool. :goodjob: keep it up!

Thank you, fellow reader. Oh, and I'm welcoming suggestions for future tapes. Suggestions as in what should happen and all that.

You tying in a Fan Fic for a character

Yeah. Actually the sister of a character. But same thing. Like the idea?

September 31, 2270

Keller: No, no, no! What do you mean he's dead? Who killed him?

Man's voice: There's no time to ask questions, young man. Come with me.

(footsteps)

Keller: Where are we going? Where's my sister, Atta?

(pause)

Man's voice: Look, kid. She escaped the Vault. Your father tried to stop him and things got ugly. She's a full-grown monster.

Keller: No. Atta would never kill him! Yeah, sure she wanted to get out of here, but she'd never go that far to do it! I think you've made a mistake. That couldn't have been her!

(punching sound, followed by screaming)

Keller: Are you okay?

(no response)

Keller: I...I killed him. I...he's dead. I've never hurt anyone in my life before. What's happening to me?

(click)

_________________________________________

September 31, 2270

Atta: I killed my father. There's no hiding it, no need to lie to you all. I killed him. And I don't regret it. That bastard deserved everything I gave him. He thought- he thought I was worthless. He never cared about me. I'm not daddy's little girl like I used to be anymore. So now you know. I've committed my first murder. But surely not my last.

February 12, 2271

Keller: Well, I've escaped the Vault. Actually, I've been out for five months now, but this is the first time I've been able to get my hand on a recorder. So, it's been five months and I've seen the horrors of the wasteland. In my desperate search for Atta, I've encountered mutated creatures, dangerous women and even poisonous snakes. But not Atta. This wasteland is large, and there are billions of people out here. I guess my plan to look for here wasn't so great. But wandering the wastes has taught me something. Survival. Before, I used to be afraid to hurt someone. But now, whoever messes with me pays the price.

(pause)

Keller: I've lost hope.

(Keller hums "If I Only had a Brain")

December 16, 2274

Atta: Well, couldn't find a lake. But I did find a pond. I was disappointed when a passing traveler told me ponds aren't deep. I punched him in the face. Why? I was bored. Plus, I have rights. If my rights tell me I can punch someone in the face for no reason, I can do it. Wait, what? You're saying I don't have the right to do that? Oh... Well, no one saw me. That's a good thing.

(pause)

Atta: What am I doing? Just sitting around, polishing my revolver. If only my bloody father didn't get in the way of my escape- I mean release date. What? I just admitted I killed him? No, I did not! Huh? You have proof, too? What proof? IMPOSSIBLE! I never gave that tape to you! What? You never mentioned a tape? OH DAMN! Whatever, how do you know I was referring to the tape that I recorded right after I escaped the Vault and murdered my father. What? I just admitted- [censored]!

(Atta hits the recorder)

Atta: You don't know me! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

(click)

Huh. Atta is kinda remanding me of Tanis from Borderlands. Anyway, your certainly turning these out quickly, though I can see why, short and sweet. With script format, not as much description is needed. Don't get the impression that that means it bad, cause it's not. I actually really enjoy this story, I'm going to suppress my inner grammar Nazi and focus on just one part of the story that I think was lacking.


That's so anti-climatic and dull. If there was another person there for him to talk with, I think he could have gotten away with saying this little of information. But as it stands with just monologue, it would have been nice if he retold(if only briefly) his adventures. He could easily cover this up as natural by saying something like "I better record this before I forget and start thinking this a dream", "In case my sister finds this", etc.

I think this would greatly add emotional value and depth to Keller, I think it would've have been nice if you gave us a little more to chew, that's all.

Food for thought.

My inspirations for The Audio Tapes were the Tannis missions from Borderlands and Cloverfield. And for the suggestion, I totally agree, you just have to go and read my mind, do ya'?

Sorry, I'm a telepathic, it's what I do.

So you know everything I think of?

I need to have a confession, I think.

I find these incredibly intersting. Good job :thumbsup:

Thanks, MouseKing.

Your welcome

Sorry for not writing in some time, I've actually been busy brainstorming another fan-fic. So expect this one done in a few days.

January 30th, 2270

(footsteps followed by the sound of a door opening)

Franklin: Why, hello Beatrice, what brings you here to my office on this evening? Another favor that has to be done, I presume?

(chuckle)

Beatrice: Yes, exactly that. I need that girl Atta and her sibling, Keller, dead. Once they're gone, I can be th mother of a thousand more children with their father. Oh, and one more thing, make their father work every single day, nonstop. Don't let him ever take his focus of work, you understand me?

Franklin: I'm sorry, Beatrice, but that can not be done. Murder of children? I seriously think that your desperate search for love has turned you into a monster.

Beatrice: Oh, too bad, I thought I trusted you, Franklin. But no. Boys, turn them on!

(door slams)

Franklin: Huh?

(poisonous gas rushes into the room)

Franklin: What? No!

(gurgling sound)

(static)

Jennifer strode over to the main hall, where she had listened to the tapes of a young girl and other persons yesterday. She tapped an investigator on the back and asked him, "Have you found any more tapes?" The man looked sorrowful. He shook his head.

"Ma'am, we found two more with our camera in the vault but going down there would be a suicide mission. I'm afraid we're not going to be able to hear the full story." the man told her. She nodded, even though she was crying inside. She went back to her bunk. Jennifer Huey, once Atta Rodriguez, was unable to further hear her childhood story. The accident that wiped out her memory would haunt her forever. She laid back in her bed and fell asleep.

This is the end. Moderators, you can go ahead and close this.