The Wasted Life

Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:55 am

Cory Hammond sprinted across the open plains of the Capital Wasteland, hunting rifle in hand. The raider he was chasing had seemed to get what he wanted, until Cory had turned around and pulled the grenade out of his pocket, and hunted him down. It was turning to dark, a bad sign, thought Cory, and the raider seemed to be nowhere in sight. Bogged down with rage and self-annoyance, Cory slowed to a light jog and ran towards a small settlement, in the middle of nowhere, named Delton. It was a small town, but Cory liked the way nobody asked too many questions and whatever you were looking for, the famed Delton Black Market always had it. He had bought a room there above an inn, the Delton Arms, where he liked to stay if his services weren't required.

He stopped to catch some breath, however he knew that soon the feral's would be out looking for something to eat and he didn't fancy being the Special of the Day. He noticed something glinting in the sunset. A helmet? Hell, yes it was! Cory slowly reached to grab his hunting rifle. Hopefully, the raider didn't have a scoped weapon. Cory expertly swivelled around and raised his sights to where the target was. Nothing. He brought down the iron sights and had a good look around. Nothing. He was about to turn around, whenever the thought hit him. The raider had taken his helmet off! Cory cursed himself for making such a simple mistake, but it was too late. The raider fired a round, which hit Cory straight in the thigh. A yelp of great pain came from his mouth, as he fell to the ground, clutching his rifle for dear life. He could imagine the raider, grinning as his prey was left there with no hope of surviving him, or he impending doom of the nocturnal animals.

With no hope left, he tried to roll himself under the rock, but the pressure on his thigh was terrible. He was just a sitting duck, waiting to be picked off. A though then hit him, like a truck hits a cat running across the road. The raider would've shot by now, which meant that he was coming to gloat and most likely put a bullet in his head. Cory grimaced, and put his hand inside his jacket. His 10mm submachine gun was there. It would soon be needed. As he wrapped his sweaty and dirty hand around the handle, the raider was already in front of him.
"Have fun?" gloated the raider, deliberately strafing him, to try and cause Cory more discomfort.
"[censored] off." replied Cory.
The raider took a step back, and drew a 10mm Pistol. Cory smiled to himself, and quickly pulled out his submachine gun and let over 10 rounds fire into the raiders face, in less than two seconds.
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Please take time to tell me if it's good or bad and give any constructive criticism.

Thank you.
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Blessed DIVA
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:21 am

It was pretty good, but criminally short. The action went pretty quickly, and some questions remain: Just who is this guy? Why exactly was he chasing the raider? (I didn't really get it, was he pickpocketing him?)

I mean it was still pretty well-written, aside from a few grammar mistakes. Just slow down the action, and give a bit more information. I'm interested to see this guy's story, if this is a continuous thing.
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Angela
 
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Post » Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:43 pm

/\/\ What he said /\/\

It's good but I'd like to hear more about Cory is, and his history and stuff.
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m Gardner
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:08 am

Awesome
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Heather beauchamp
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:19 am

Yeah, it was basically just a little thing to propel you into the world. I wanted to make the action short, as I am currently writing the next phase, which, yes, will be longer. Just wanted to see what people's initial thoughts would be.

Thank you, everybody!
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MatthewJontully
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 10:58 am

Just finishing the last draft of the next installment.
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Jerry Cox
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 12:49 am

Awesome man! Can't wait!
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bimsy
 
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Post » Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:17 pm

Is it Cory Worthington (Spelling?)

Aussies will get it....
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I love YOu
 
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Post » Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:46 pm

Is it Cory Worthington (Spelling?)

Aussies will get it....


Haha lol, if it is, I hope he gets captured by raiders the size of Mr T and [censored] every day for the rest of his life, which would be about 3 days. :biglaugh: What a tool. Every time I hear the name 'Cory' it reminds me of that poof. But his glasses are cool, right? haha lol. Sorry got a bit carried away, thats what happens when you mention Cory Worth-less.
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Nice one
 
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Post » Fri Sep 11, 2009 7:59 am

It was pretty good, but criminally short. The action went pretty quickly, and some questions remain: Just who is this guy? Why exactly was he chasing the raider? (I didn't really get it, was he pickpocketing him?)


It was just an intro... :facepalm:
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Kay O'Hara
 
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