So, I've decided to forbid my oldest daughter from spending the weekends with my Mom&Dad. The reason is simple: She refuses to stop feeding her an excessive amount of sugar. I always knew she gave her a good bit, but I never realized how much until my daughter came home this Sunday, and told us that she had 4 toaster strudels and 2 poptarts, for breakfast alone, on Sunday morning. She was sick Monday and couldn't go to school, and my daughter even said she thought it was because of how much sugar she had eaten. I went to talk to my mom about this, and asked her point blank to not feed her so much sugar(the breakfast thing is NOT an isolated incident, my mom buys Italian ices, 3 boxes at a time, and will give my daughter(Kiara) upwards of a box and a half in a single weekend, tons of chips, cookies, and other sugary treats). I pointed to the fact that I have diabetes and that I do not want Kiara to end up wth it as well, not to mention, being overweight my entire childhood/teenage years, I don't want her to be overweight as well. She refused to back down whatsoever, and when I said "Well, until you can reconsider, Kiara is no longer allowed to come over. Her response: So?. Now, I know she couldn't possibly have meant that, because I know how much she loves and adores Kiara, but the fact that she is completely unwilling to negotiate whatssoever royally pisses me off. I even told her that I don't mind her giving her SOME sugary things, especially since we really don't allow that stuff over here, so an indulgence once and a while over there is ok, but not to the extent that she currently allows.

So, am I wrong here for caring about my daughters health? I broke the news to my daughter and she has barely stopped crying in an hour, It's broken her heart, but I just don't feel I can back down in this situation. I often fight with my mom over how to raise my daughters, but none of the other fights are nearly as serious and potentially life-threatening as this one. Opinions?

Not at all.

Stickin' it to the man.

My thoughts exactly

I think what you did is perfectly acceptable, and is for the overall health of your daughter.

It is a grandparent's right to spoil grandkids.

but at the same time they need to realize that you are an advlt and respect your parenting decisions.
Its your call.

Sounds like a complicated situation but I believe you made the right choice. Or to be more precise your mother made the wrong choice. It was her irresponsible attitude that created the situation. It's natural for grandparents to want to dote on their grandchildren but it can go too far. She doesn't get to decide how your children are raised and until she understands that she'll have to live without seeing them unsupervised.

No, I don't think you're in the wrong. As much as your parents may want to indulge themselves in spoiling your daughter (all to make YOUR life a living hell ), her health is paramount and still your responsibility. And if they're not willing to back down and compromise...well, that doesn't leave you much choice.

Never heard of old people stocking up on that much sugary crap and I work with a room full of them.

Long Answer: I would say no. There's no perfect parenting, of course, and it's a subject people will fiercely defend their own opinions on, but also a subject they need to be willing to at least talk about. A village raising a child, and all that. Your mother refusing to compromise at all on how you raise your own child, without any explanation, puts her in the wrong on that; it can be problematic when one family member actively counters the disciplines of another. I wouldn't let it drop at that, though, since a total visitation ban isn't going to please anybody in the long run. Since you mentioned having other clashes with her on how the child is raised, I'm guessing that's why she's being stubborn about it. She wants to be an active part of how her granddaughter grows up, and after being shot down in other ways is unwilling to back down. Effort is going to be needed to smooth things over.

Short Answer: Everybody is always wrong about everything.

No offense intended, your mother is acting like a stubborn child. You are not wrong in any way, your daughter's health is important and if your mother isn't able to be reasonable about it then that's her loss.

It's one thing to spoil a kid but that's ridiculous. If your mother isn't willing to comprise on this I see no reason to allow your daughter to visit unsupervised.

No, you did absolutely the right thing there. You are responsible for your daughters health, and if your parents wont respect and help your choices, then yeah, you do have to stear your daughter away from them.

I hope your mother sees sense.

You've obviously not met my grandparents then.

Its a grandparents job to spoil kids (mine do) but since your daughter ate herself to sickness, hopefully she would have learned not to do that again. And you have every right to have done what you done but forbidding her going over there is a tad extreme.

Stick with what you are doing. You're mom needs to start respecting you and how you raise your own children. You are the parent and if you keep backing down from what you say you are going to do, then your daughter will not find what you tell her to be the final straw and she will more then likely keep trying to talk you out of things.

If you don't want her to have a butt load of sugar, then you need to stick to that. It is your rules that you set down, and you need to stick to that. Sometimes a little tough love is what kids need. I got it from my parents, and I turned out just fine! i think..... :biggrin: I actually thank them for giving me tough love at times. It really helped me out now that I am in college. It really helps.

You are in the right anyway. A lot of sugar isn't good for anyone. Especially someone with family members that have a diabetes background.

:shrug: Most of the retirees I know use sweet n low/splenda.... and like to bring cookies, meat, crackers and cheeses to feed 30+ people.

Exactly. You did the right :yes:

How old is your daughter? She has a choice to not accept the treats.

There are some http://www.3fatchicks.com/four-health-risks-of-artificial-sweeteners/ with that, too. Not very imminent ones, but problems nonetheless.

Starwulf you could try and teach your daughter to say no to this stuff. It's not always going to be your parents stuffing her face with temptation and she won't always accept your interventions.

I think you did the right thing. If your mom considers spoiling your daughter and winning her favor more important than her health and refuses to change then it's totally justified to keep her away from your daughter until she is willing to compromise. I'm sure she would never intentionally harm your daughter but this is what she's doing. Just make sure to keep your ground and not budge a bit on this issue until you get your way. Also make sure your mom doesn't wind up lying and saying she'll compromise, when she really intends to just bribe your daughter to keep her quiet while she continues to push unhealthy food on her. If she's this unwilling to compromise, I don't think she's above doing that.

It's good that your daughter also recognizes that she's eating so much sugar.

You're not in the wrong.

Your cure is worse then the disease, I think. You and your parents SHOULD be able to handle this rationally. If that is impossible, then you need to decide if your fears are worth breaking up your family. I can tell you this much: If you aren't careful, this kind of thing can grow and fester to the point where it can't be fixed. Be very careful here.

As far as I can tell, you have reason to react the way you do. You are simply looking out for your daughters well being, nothing more. It is your daughter, you make the rules. If you can come to an agreement with the grandparents, and make guidelines concerning what goes on when your daughter is visiting, great. If not, it is your decision to make. Sorry to hear that she is taking it so hard though.

You are in the right. I applaud your resolve to take care of your child and for being aware that what your mom was doing was dangerous to your daughter's health. You are your daughter's parent, not your mom. It is unfortunate that your mom doesn't seem to "get it" but protecting your daughter's health should come first. Stick to your guns (so to speak); I think you are definitely doing the right thing for her health, and it is good that she also seems to understand that there can be negative consequences (most immediately: feeling ill) to excessive sugar consumption. Choosing what type and how much food to eat is more important than it might initially seem to some people.