Urgh, that WOULD mess up your liver.

Reilly: "So what if I lose a Ranger? I can always hire more."
Donovan: "Stay here while I go find a Fission battery."
Brick: "Talking is good. Shooting is bad." OR "Give my gun a name? Why the %$#$% would I do that?"
Theo: (anything) - HE'S FRICKIN' DEAD!!


QUOTE: Billy Creel 'I'm NOT a peadophile'

Does that imply that he is one or that he isn't one?

Mr.Burke: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!! *before killing Lucas Simms*
Lucas Simms: Please feel free to kill all of my citizens.
Three Dogs: It's the end of the world as we know it, could be the end of the world as we know it, might be the end of the world as we know it, on CHANNEL 9.
Amata: Please stay with us at Vault 101(oh how I wish she would say that)
James: You blew up Megaton? *yells*

He does say something along those lines.

he partially scolds you, and tells you about how disappointed he is.

FIVE THINGS THE BROTHERHOOD OF STEEL WILL NEVER SAY:

#5: "Free Tech here! Get your free Tech here!"

#4: "There's no need for violence!"

#3: "Of course we'd like to help you!"

#2: "Does by bum look big in this?"

And finally, the phrase you will NEVER, EVER say...

"We are a race of pure-strain humans, indoctrinated from a young age in the use of Power Armour, advanced weapons and techno-arcana. Our bodies are enhanced by chemical treatments and surgical implants, and our minds hardened by a lifetime of religious indoctrination. Our organisation, subdivided into "Chapters", prowls the Wasteland enacting the will of our supreme rulers. Just a single one of our Paladins is a veritable god of war, able to annihilate a small community single handedly... and we have never, ever heard of 'Space Marines' or '40K'."

43. Amata: Thank you... I just heard, my father's stepping down and-
Wanderer (male): Shut up. You had me at hello. (Tearful)
Amata: Wait, what? No I was going to tell you that you had to leave.
Wanderer (speechless): Wh- but... I... just saved the vault. If it hadn't been for me you'd all be dead.
Amata: Seriously get the [censored] out.
Wanderer (later at the Citidel): I know I'm not perfect.. but i want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Sentinal Lyons: Wow... um... I've just never thought about you like that.
Wanderer: Really? I saved your life... repeatedly.
Sentinal Lyons: Can't we just be freinds.
Wanderer (Later at Craterside Supplies) So, what are you doing Friday?
Moria Brown: Really? You think I'd want anything to do with you after you [censored] up that chapter on Mirelurks?
Wanderer: But... but love means never having to say you're sorry.
Moria Brown: Yeah... I'm going to go ahead and talk to Lucas Simms about getting a restraining order.
Wanderer (Later at Rilley's Hideout): Alright, I'm going to just cut to the chase... I don't want to die alone, and since my current life expectency is about nine minutes...
Rilley: (between laughs) Are you kidding me? Hey Brick! guess who just asked me to marry him?
Brick: Who?
Rilley: The [censored] Wanderer! how [censored] pathetic is that?
Wanderer (turning to leave): Seriously? What the [censored]? is my face just fallling off or something?
Wanderer (female): Don't blow up Megaton, I live here.
Burke: Oh wow I love you! let me send you all my love letters!

Scribe Yearling: "This book svcks, why are trying to give me this one?"

Bittercup: "Today's a great day to be alive!"

Super Mutant: "That joke didn't make any sense."

Fawkes: "KILL ALL HUMANS...HUMANS MUS...Oh. I'm so sorry. I did not mean to remove that woman's head. Uncontrollable rage is one of the side effects of the Meta-Human condition."

Clover: "I like this gun a lot. I'll stop asking you for a better one now."

QUOTE: 43. Amata: Thank you... I just heard, my father's stepping down and-
Wanderer (male): Shut up. You had me at hello. (Tearful)
Amata: Wait, what? No I was going to tell you that you had to leave.
Wanderer (speechless): Wh- but... I... just saved the vault. If it hadn't been for me you'd all be dead.
Amata: Seriously get the [censored] out.
Wanderer (later at the Citidel): I know I'm not perfect.. but i want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Sentinal Lyons: Wow... um... I've just never thought about you like that.
Wanderer: Really? I saved your life... repeatedly.
Sentinal Lyons: Can't we just be freinds.
Wanderer (Later at Craterside Supplies) So, what are you doing Friday?
Moria Brown: Really? You think I'd want anything to do with you after you [censored] up that chapter on Mirelurks?
Wanderer: But... but love means never having to say you're sorry.
Moria Brown: Yeah... I'm going to go ahead and talk to Lucas Simms about getting a restraining order.
Wanderer (Later at Rilley's Hideout): Alright, I'm going to just cut to the chase... I don't want to die alone, and since my current life expectency is about nine minutes...
Rilley: (between laughs) Are you kidding me? Hey Brick! guess who just asked me to marry him?
Brick: Who?
Rilley: The [censored] Wanderer! how [censored] pathetic is that?
Wanderer (turning to leave): Seriously? What the [censored]? is my face just fallling off or something?

AWESOME TO THE EXTREME!!

Here's how it should end, though:

Wanderer (now in Big Tiown): "You know, it svcks. No one understands me."
Bittercup: "I know exactly what that's like."
Wanderer: "I'm glad someone understands. Say, are you doing anything this weekend?"
Bittercup: "Sorry, but I've got a date with Butch. You know him, he grew up in the same vault you did."
Wanderer: "Arghhh! I can't even score with the wasteland's resident weird goth chick! That's it! I give up!"
He pulls out a Super Blackhawk, puts it to his head, and blows his brains all over the wasteland.
Bittercup: "Geez, and I thought I had issues."

Butch: I cant do it, I CAN'T! Everyone knows I have a phobia of goats!

Your character: I like big buts an' I can not lie, my 'udder brudda's can't deny, when Amata walks in with that Iddy biddy waste and her round thing in my face I get sprung.

Wastelander: (Yawn)
Wastelander 2: (Sticks finger in others wastelanders mouth and shouts) YAWN [censored]!

Ghoul: (Parp) Hehehe.... 0.o.....Oooo Shmellie!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

44. Liberty Prime:I'm Godzilla and you're Japan!
45. Mysterious Stranger: Seriously, I'v pulled that idiot out of so much sh*t. *sigh* But what can I do? He's my cousin...
46. Marty McFly: Doc what happened?! where are the flying cars, and the thirty Jaws movies?
Doc: Well Marty it's quite simple. Somone got drunk and hit the "launch" button.
Marty: Shouldn't we go back and fix it?
Doc (thinking): mmmm nah...
47. Pitt slave (to a Pitt guard): Your brochuer was very misleading.
49. Butch: I want to travel out into the wasteland!
Wanderer: Oh yeah, and we could team up, and be a gang!
Butch: We'd rule the wastes!
Wanderer: Yeah, camping out every night, eating irradiated molerat meat...
Butch: We'd be like Butch Cassidey and the Sun Dance Kid.
Wanderer: Using plasma rifles to kill Super Mutants. Oh you haven't met muties yet, their like psychotic people, only really tall, and yellow, and A-sixual.
Butch: sure we can deal with those guys.
Wanderer: And we'll make a killing on the market when we bring back loads of Deathclaw hands. Deathclaws are these giant monster things, that rip people apart.
Butch: Well, maybe we can just avoid the Deathclaws.
Wanderer: Oh and I know we can handle the Giant Radscorpions, easy.
Butch: Giant scorpions?
Wanderer: And I'll finally be able to travel down into Greyditch and kill the firebreathing giant ants!
Butch:... uh... I don't know about...
Wanderer: The Enclave, that's these nut jobs with power armor and advanced technology, we will kill so many of them. (turning to Butch) Oh, boy we're going to be partners!
Butch: (forcing a smile) yay! (begins to weep as wanderer turns to leave)

Amata: "I got you a present, guess what it is!"
Lone Wanderer: "A date with Christine Kendal?"
Amata: "Wait... what? I didn't even think you -liked- girls..."
Lone Wanderer: "... what the hell do you mean by that?"
Amata: "I mean... really. Her? Have you even noticed I'm a girl?"
Lone Wanderer: "You're not a girl! Er... wait... that didn't come out right..."
Amata: "I'm... just going to pretend you didn't say that. Here. Happy birthday, jerk."
Lone Wanderer: "But you just implied you thought I-"
Amata: "Not listening..."
Lone Wanderer: "... and -that's- why I like Christine..."
Amata: "Still not listening! La la la la la... la la la la la..."


Joseph: "Biwwy is... er... he's a bit... thick, sometimes. We do our best with him... but... it's not the speech impediment that caused us to kick him off the scav teams."


President Eden: "Error: Cannot Locate Personality.sys in directory EDEN. Script failed to compile."
Colonel Autumn: "Damn... he's lost connection to the server again."
President Eden: "This terminal is currently locked down. Please contact system administration."
Colonel Autumn: "Who's idea was it to make a computer President of the United States, anyhow?"

Butch: "James Dean got nothin on me!"

Overseer: "You know, it wasn't really that kid's fault that his father left Vault 101 and caused a radraoch attack. And he is my daughter's best friend. I think I'll spare his life if he decides to do the right thing and surrender."

Eulogy Jones: "WTF? I'm sleeping with hokerguards who have shaved heads?!"

Super Mutant: "Why I do declare! These pre-war bonnets are cuter then bunnies in a daisy field!"

Herbert Dashwood: "Miss Chase, are you a transvestite? Your voice sounds very manly..."

50. Moria Brown: I've always had to rely on the kindess of strangers.
51. Liberty Prime (scraping the dead Enclave soldier from his boot): I thought I smelled something.
52. Raider (with captive in place, and a straight edged razor): I just need to find the right station... (song begins to play) Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feelin that somethin aint right. I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair. (dancing closer to the captive) And I'm wonderin How I'll get down the stairs...
53. Alistair Tenpenny: Dance Puppets! Dance!
54. Eden (braodcasting): When i was a small boy in Kentucky-... SCENIC IMAGE NUMBER 34 NOT FOUND! So this is your president saying-... DATA CORUPTION! THE PRESIDENT HAS OVERHEATED! SHUT DONW NEEDED!

(kudos if you got # 52)

55. Dave (as the people of the Republic of Dave sit down): Change places!!
56. Marie Curee III: I am the angel of death. The time of judgement is at hand.
57. Herbert Daring Dashwood: Boy that was close we almost didn't make it. Tank God i remembered my super alien blaster!
Argile: uh... What are you talking about boss... I saved the day, with my pickpocketing!
Herbert Daring Dashwood: Like hell you did! I want to save the day this time!
Argile: Stick to the script Marty, or you'll get the hose again.
Herbert Daring Dashwood: To hell with the hose! I have my alien blaster!
Argile: that's not a blaster it's a coaster. Have you been drinking again?
Herbert Daring Dashwood: Zap! Eat that Three Dog, you and your... goatee... (sounds of a scuffle) No! not the hose!!
Three Dog: sorrgy about that folks, and now some music.

Charon: "Im to sixy for my skin"

58:
Desmond: What are you doing here outlander? Go away.
[5 minutes later]
Desmond: If you come back one more time, I'll kill you.
[5 more minutes later]
Desmond: This is the end of you, s'wit!

59:
Roy Phillips: Let me in, we have the caps!
Gustavo: Ok, we'll let you in, we'll even give you a ghoul discount.

60:
Random Super Mutant: Pardon me sir, but have you seen any FEV around here? It is green-coloured and should be in a large vat. You could try entering it to see if it is FEV.

61:
Wanderer (Console version): What is that over there? It looks more advanced and better than we do.
Wanderer (Other console version): The PC version.
Wanderer (Console version) Can I have some of those?
Wanderer (PC Version) Quiet peasant! It's illegal for you to use these things, don't blame Bethesda, blame Sony and Microsoft, they don't want you to have fun.

Here's one for Fallout 1
62:
The Master: We will create the master race. Master! Master!-
Vault Dweller: Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings! Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams! Blinded by me, you can't see a thing! Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream! Master! Master! Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream! Master! Master!

JAMES (in "Baby Steps"): "You rotten little brat! How DARE you step out of your playpen! I'm going to spank you now!" (loud whacking sounds, followed by a baby crying)

JAMES (in "Growing Up Fast"): "Ten years old already. I'm so glad your mother's not around to see what a clueless little muffinhead you've turned into."

JAMES (in "Future Imperfect"): "Sure, ask me any questions you want. The Overseer's an understanding sort."

Thats entirely up to you! [dodge question]

Tbh I don't think one would ever hear him say it either way


Harkness: If what you say is true then what the hell have I been doing in the toilet all these years!
Col Autumn: The good thing about genocide is.......
Biwwy: 'Laser Riffle!'

63. Colonel Automn: So you made it into the purifier... well I just have one thing to say to you... Stop eating my sesame cake. (BOS and Wanderer stare at Col. blankly) STOP EATING MY SESAME CAKE!
64. Wanderer (speaking to a basket ball): Wilson, I think I've been out here to long. I keep seeing things that aren't there. Wilson? (turning to see wilson bouncing away) Wilson! WILSON!!
65. Raider inside Springvale school: Will the [censored] who is killing all my men please report to the principle's office!
66. Citizen of Big Town: It's a good day to die.
66. Wanderer: That's some hat Hannible.

Epic guys! xD

Dogmeat; "Meow"

Feral Ghoul; "Hug me!!" *hiss*

Super Mutant; "Hello my dear sir, would you like to have a cup of tea?"

Alien (Mothership Zeta): "Ah, Probe it! Pr-Pr-Pro Probe it! Ah, Probe it! Probe it real good!"

Mr. Burke: "Mr. Tenpenny wants to purchase Megaton and would like you to facilitate the transaction. You can use this to disarm the bomb and gain the townspeople's trust."

Wanderer to Regulators: "So let me get this straight. I kill a bad guy and get caps for giving you one of his fingers?"
Regulator: "That's right."
Wanderer: "Wow, I'll actually get paid to give the law 'the finger'. Awesome."

Roy Phillips: "Braaiinz! Wantz braaiinnzz!"

Super Mutant: "Checkmate!"

Super Mutant to Wanderer: "Look at the muscles on you!"

Three Dog: "What are you doing tuning into this station? You should be listening to Enclave radio. They know what's what."

President Eden: "Hello America. This is your preside--
WINDOWS: A fatal exception has occurred at Edn0010989c5. The current application will be terminated.

• Press Esc key to terminate the current aplication.
  
• Press Ctrl + Alt + Delete to restart your computer. You will lose any unsaved data in all applications.

Press any key to continue.
Enclave Officer: "Damn it! The President crashed again! Who the hell designed this crappy operating system, anyway?"

Deputy Weld and Deputy Steel: "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

Overseer: (To Wanderer) Listen, I've summoned you here to explain your father's absence. *minutes later* Well, we'll be looking after you and I accept your marrying my daughter. Ceremony to occur tomorrow at 10 am in my office.

President Eden: I accept all ghouls as US citizens! It is now against the law to discriminate against them and kill them. Law effective at once!

Three Dog: Feed the poor Yaoguai.

Three Dog: See those Raiders? They need help. Give them everything you've got. Same if they were the Talon Mercs.

BIRTH OF THE WANDERER
Catherine: Oh, how revolting!
James: I agree. Let's throw him to the Mutants and-
Catherine: Ugh! James...James...!
James: Catherine! Oh, my God do NOT die on me and leave me with this worthless mistake!
Catherine:

James: (During "Baby Steps") Wow. What an idiot! I tell it to come to me and instead it wanders into a toy box and runs into a chair! Why did Dr. Li make me raise it? WHY!?

James: (During the Wanderer's 10th birthday) I'm giving you this BB gun so you can accidentally shoot yourself or someone else and rid me of your incompetence!

James: (During the GOAT) Unfortunately for me, you are a picture of perfect health. Dammit! I was hoping those toxic drugs I kept injecting into your worthless infant ass would actually KILL YOU!!!

James: (When you rescue him) YOU again?! Sweet Lord, I thought the Overseer promised me that he'd get rid of you when I left the Vault!

Dr. Li: No! I'm not helping you, James! Not after you've abused your only child and toyed with the emotions of myself and my team! Get lost or I'll have security arrest you!

James: (During Waters of Life) Okay, freak of nature, go clear out the memorial of Super Mutants and try to die this time!?

James: (At the end of Waters of Life) Well..th-this isn't how I expected it...

Garz: (Before the escape from Project Purity) We need to keep going. Let me down some pills that I have wisely put in my pocket.

Butch: Hey, want to join my gang of "Vault Civitan"? Y'know, where we help the poor, needy, and old in Vault 101?

With apologies to the incomparable Gilbert and Sullivan... for maximum effect, remember that the following is sung rather than spoken.

Lyons: My gallant crew, good morning!
Brotherhood Chorus. (saluting): Sir, good morning!
Lyons: I hope you're all quite well.
Brotherhood Chorus: Quite well; and you, sir?
Lyons: I am in reasonable health, and happy
To meet you all once more.
Brotherhood: You do us proud, sir!

Lyons:I am the Captain of the Citadel!
Brotherhood: And a right good captain, too!
Lyons: You're very, very good, and be it understood,
I command a right good crew.
Brotherhood: We're very, very good, and be it understood,
He commands a right good crew.
Lyons:Though related to a Knight,
I shoot plasma when I fight,
And French-fry feral ghoulies;
I am never known to run
From muties and their guns,
And I never, never have to pee!
Brotherhood: What, never?
Lyons: No, never!
Brotherhood: What, never?
Lyons: Hardly ever!
Brotherhood: He hardly ever has to pee!
Then give three cheers, and one big yell,
For the hardy Captain of the Citadel!
Then give three cheers, and one big yell,
For the Captain of the Citadel!

Robobrain: "The first victim of the robot apocalypse says what"
LW: "What?"
*death music*

Raider #1 (inside Springvale School with a gathering of raiders) Okay guys, we are here to discuss something important. what are we going to do about the wanderer?
Raider #23: i've got a cousin out in Vegas, he says they have the same problem... also something about a yellow grandmother.
Raider #55: I say we move to Hawii, We'll be safe there.
Wanderer (over the school intercom): Good Morning students! (Raiders freeze, reminicent of deer caught in headlights) I thought I would brighten your day with a bit of music.
Raider #2 (begining to pout) : Why does he do these things?
Wanderer: There's a man goin' round takin' names
Raider #12: Why is he singing that?
Wanderer: and he decides who to free and who to blame.
Raider #1: Aw crap.
Wanderer: Everybody won't be treated all the same.
Raider #23: [censored] it! I'm moving to Vagas, I don't care if there's a yellow grandmother!
Wanderer: There'll be a golden ladder eaching down.
Raider #2 (crying): Ahhh we're going to die-e-e!
Wanderer: When the man comes around.
Raider #13: Wait a minute! There's like fifty of us here! Let's go kick his ass! (charges out of the room)
Raider #2 (quietly): Heh... Yeah you first.
Raider #13: ATTACK!! - (Raider #13 makes it 2 feet before he is killed by the Wanderer)
Raider #4: You know I think I'm going to give up being a Raider... maybe become a priest.
Raider #55: He's not a Raider, get him!