So this one time there was these goblins in a cave. These goblins...
How many goblins was there?
It don't matter. Anyways, there was these goblins, okay, and so then this one goblin says...
What goblin was it?
It don't matter. This one goblin says "Why we don't go out the cave a second?"
I bet it a trick.
Yeah, okay. Anyway, so he says that, and then he says "I been out there and it's real nice." So then some of the goblins they says "okay". and this many goblins leave the cave. [The storyteller holds up all eight of his fingers]
See, it matter.
Now it matter maybe, okay. Anyways, so they go outside, and it was real bright out, and the one shaman said "Ah, the sun too bright!" and he run back into the cave, which is how the sun got made. After that there was this many goblins, [He holds up seven of his fingers] but all them goblins was hungry, and there wasn't no rats or shroomies for em what was easy to catch. So they made one of them goblins dress up like different animals so's they could eat him, which is where them animals come from. After that there was this many goblins. [He holds up six fingers, three on each hand]
How he ALL them animals.
Don't be stupid, he got animal wifes and made animal babies in em.
But where'd the wifes come from?
It don't matter. Anyways, so then these goblins [He gestures with his right hand] and these goblins [he gestures with his left] got real mad at each other. These ones [Right hand] says "Let's go back to the cave, this is stupid," but these goblins [Left hand] says "No, this is nice, we stay. Also the cave is gone now." And it was.
I TELL YOU IT WERE A TRICK!
Yeah, right, well, so these goblins [Right hand] says "We gonna kill you goblins for tricking us."
I TELL YOU! I KNEW IT WERE!
Okay. So these other goblins [Left Hand] says "Well, we gonna run away and hide!" and they did. So these ones [Right] were all trying to find the cave some more while these [Left] was hiding.
I bet they was making babies.
Well yeah they was all doing that. But some of them was making elf babies and some other was making man babies. Anyways, so there was all these elves and humans and such and so when these goblins [Left] came back they had all of dem humans and elves with em.
Which was humans and which was elves?
It don't matter, we talking about goblins. Anyway, these [Left] ones came back and says "You guys still mad about the cave?" and these ones [Right] was all "Yeah, we mad!" and so they had them a war! Raaaaargh! [At this point the storyteller bashes his hands together like they're fighting.] So them ones over here [Right] beat them others and then this warchief [Right] he kills the other warchief and eats his heart, which turns him into an orc. So that's where orcs come from. So then there were this many goblins [He holds up two fingers on each hand]
And an orc.
And all them humans and elves.
Yeah, okay, but we just...
And them animals.
Yeah, but we...
What about them cats? Where was the cats?
WE JUST TALKING BOUT GOBLINS OKAY? THIS MANY! [two fingers on each hand]
Fine...
Okay...
So anyway, this many goblins was left and they went off and made babies, the end.
...
Aw, that it?
We sorry uncle.
Real sorry.
Did they find the cave later?
No, they don't never find the cave again. But at the end of the world there's gonna be a big war, because the humans and elves, they don't listen to us no more. Them two's gonna be fighting and whatnot, and the whole world is gonna be ON FIRE. But because gobins is smartest, we gonna dig ourself a WHOLE NEW CAVE. And it's gonna have rats and shroomies and clean water and all that. So they's all out there dying while we goblins is in this new cave.
Making babies.
Yep, making babies. Until one day one of them babies is gonna look outside the cave and see all the humans and elves is dead, and he's gonna come back and say "Hey guys, let's go out the cave a second. It real nice"
Is it a trick this time?
Yeah, it always a trick.

Edited by Dementor, 12 December 2012 - 03:19 AM.

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This story was posted on the lore forum about a year ago by http://www.gamesas.com/user/370262-dementor/ and I believe it is such a great tale that it deserves a second thread, where it can be discussed, admired, disliked, whatever.

It fills me with joy inexpressible to see this receive a second thread. Glory!

Simple yet utterly brilliant

As if.

Now that explains everything.

This really needs to be a in-game text in Elder Scrolls VI. Or at least acknowledged in some way. It's brilliant.

I second this. It truly is beyond an amazing story. Not many books I can think of in game as re-memorable as this was when I first read it a year ago.

Hehe I just knew this would get a second thread. Simply brilliant.

So is the goblin cave supposed to be where Shor communicated with his father Shor, then? Since both are laced with kalpic symbolism, I mean.

It is supposed to be Aetherius, or at least the goblin's understanding of it. The shaman who goes back into it is Magnus and the one who had the idea to go out of it is Lorkhan. The ending is a pretty neat reference to kalpas, which I personally love.

So glad this got a second thread. Love this story! I'm on a current playthrough of Oblivion at the moment and it makes me feel slightly more guilty about invading their caves and butchering them

Guilt is a weakness. Let yourself go!

I'm sure he understands that, but remember the context of Shor son of Shor, as well. It was a story that took place before, during, and after Creation. All of the action therefore either takes place outside of Creation or on a Tower, and since Towers are somewhat half-on-Mundus, half-elsewhere, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to claim that the cave in Shor son of Shor leads to Aetherius, or Sovngarde, or something outside of Mundus, anyway.