Hello my fellow fourm members, its time for me to tell you another tale from the depths from my mind. This fan fic has some of my favorite Rp characters that I have always wanted to mkae a fan fiction about.

Well here we go! ( by the way I cant get spell check and my microsoft word is screwing up so I am doing this and reviewing it over ALOT)

The date is 2288, month unknown

It has been one year since the events that turned Manhattan into a crater and killed all living things in the area of the explosion. Only a handful of people got out in time by flying off the island in Vertibirds. Months after that a town called Marshall went under red alert from gangs, 10 foot tall red super mutants, slavers, and crazy civilians. The fighting lasted for a week and the victors were The Deltas, the police force. Two men were the true heroes of the town but they have not been seen since the chaos erupted. The Capitol Wasteland has changed over the years since the Lone Wanderer destroyed the Enclave threat. Talon Company has grown in numbers and is more of a functional group. Megaton and Rivet City are more corrupt then they were ten years ago, mainly due to shipping smuggled items into the cities and selling them to civilians. The Brotherhood are not concerned about the ordeal because they have Lion's Pride heading to the Commonwealth to retrieve some of the last parts to remake Liberty prime and also to try to make allies with the leaders of the Commonwealth.

Another huge problem is that The Regulators have been destroyed by the Talon Company for obvious reasons. All of the the Capital Wasteland has been having problems with the Talon Company killing, stealing, smuggling, destroying settlements and other ghastly things. The leader of the Talon Company only known as "The Commander" has made the mercs feared even beyond the borders of the wasteland. By making them more organized and skilled he has most of the areas around the capitol wasteland in fear of an attack from the mercs.

Rumors abound of a man named Ezra, an ex-merc who has thousands among thousands of caps, who has been thinking of making squad of the most known wasteland warriors to date. But it is just a rumor rigt...

2288, April 8, Johnny Crusade

Months after the events that happened in Marshall, Johnny has been drinking and smoking his problems and memories away at Moriarty's saloon in Megaton.

People know of what he did at Manhattan and Marshall, which is why people don't talk to him much for fear he might rip their heads off. All he does is sit at the stool at the end of the bar and smoke, until this day

Three men walked in the bar with hockey masks and pistols.


"EVERY ONE THIS IS A STICKUP GET ON THE GROUND AND GIVE US YOUR CAPS" said the man in the middle while firing a round from his pistol.

Every one got down on the floor except Johnny who kept smoking his cigarette.

"Hey buddy, you hard of hearing, GET ON THE [censored] FLOOR" yelled one of the men.

"Piss off " responded Johnny

"Ok man your wish" said the robber.

He took out a pipe and thrusted it in Johnny's direction, but still seated Johnny grabbed the pipe and then the man's arm. With one direct slam to the elbow Johnny made the bone of the robbers arm break and poke out of his skin. The other muggers took notice but before they could aim at him Johnny lifted his 44. from his jacket and shot both men without even looking at them, one stumbled out the door of Moriarty's and fell over the railing killing him. The other man was on the ground about to pass out from blood loss, Johnny pistol whipped the man he was holding in the head witch made him black out. He walked over to the man on floor pointing his 44. at his head.

"Johny stop" said a man.

The man was Rift, a friend who single-handedly destroyed the Deathcolts back in Marshall.

"Let him bleed, he isn't even worth the price of the bullet your going to kill him with" Rift told Johnny.

"Sure but what the hell are you doing here" he replied.

Then three other men walked in one was in a white suit with gelled black hair.

"Johnny its nice to meet you, I want to talk" The man said.

"One second" Johny answered.

He walked over to the bar tender and gave a bag of caps to him.

"This should clear the tab" he said walking back to the man.

"Good now lets go outside, I have a preposition for you" said the man while opening the door .

With the help of mr smiley smile I have got an edited verison thanks again smiley

Protip: When somebody gets shot, they don't go flying backwards. If they did, the recoil would break the shooter's wrist and/or arm. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Otherwise, you need to work on your writing as a whole, because you have some good ideas which are being dragged down by your implementation. I suggest you read like there's no tomorrow - not only will reading improve your spelling and grammar, but also the way you imbue your work with tension, action and emotion. I suggest you start by having a look at Lee Child's books.

Good luck!

thanks for the tips donkey cavity ill chanbge that one part

Nice to see you again Ringman!

And was this the FF you were telling me about a while ago? Anyways keep it up, and I hope to see someone in there.

Chapter 2

April 9th, 2288, Johnny Crusade

Johnny and the other four stepped outside of the bar, the man in the suit began to talk.

"My name is Ezra, just leave it at Ezra, I haven't used my last name in many years and I'm not starting now" he said with a smirk on his face.

"Well I guess you know my name but lets cut to the chase. Why do want to talk to me?" asked Johnny

Before Ezra said the reason for his assistance Johny looked around. Rift looked some what the same, looking around five foot ten, wearing a leather jacket with a hood along with jeans. The other two men were different, one was in a Robco company jump suit and had a buzz cut. The other man was in a black trench coat, wearing a balaclava and some blackout shades which covered his face.

"Johnny, I need you for my operation, the people you see before me have joined me in my goal to help this wasteland from the smut and filth that has inhabited the DC area" Ezra said with a very serious tone.

Johnny looked at him with just a frown and straight stare, as if he was a zombie, "Why the hell should I help you.. Ezra" Johnny said.

"Johny listen, I know what you have done in your life, the killing and pain that has filled your soul is just weighing you down. Dammit man are you just going to stay on a drinking binge all your life until you die, or are you going to help us in making this place and other places like this one... Please my friend, just help us" Ezra remarked

Johny looked at Ezra for just a few seconds then started to pace in circles around the railing. He was thinking hard if he wanted to help, did he want to help? In the back of his mind he did want to help, but what was the point it would take many many years before the wasteland could ever come together and rebuild society. Even so, it wouldn't happen unless someone started making it happen.

"Ok, I'm in. Now what the hell is this operation your talking about and who are these people in front of me?" he asked.

"Thank you Johnny, you're doing a good thing joining us. Well this operation is called "W.A.S" or Wasteland Assault Squad, I know you have met Rift but let me introduce you to these other men. This is River Ingman, he grew up in a vault and studied Engineering. He became the vault's top enginrer by the age of twenty. When the vault's water chip broke he and two other vault citizens went into the wasteland, they looked for two months and found the chip but by that time only he was left. When he got back to the vault they told him that he was not allowed back in for the day he went into the wasteland a raider busted through the vault door before it had time to close. River studied wasteland tech and transportation and became just about the best engineer in the wasteland."

"Hows it going" said River with his hand extended for a hand shake.

Johnny shook Rivers hand and Ezra continued.

"This man you see here, well we don't know his name on account on him being a mute. When I first met him I was attacked by crazed wastelanders, there were about twelve of them. When I thought I was going to get the hell beat out of me I heard gun shots. When I looked where the attackers were all I could see were their bodies and a man with a sniper rifle. I asked him if he wanted to join my cause and I got a nod. Just call him 6."

Johny looked at 6, he was staring at the horizon in the distance not making a sound.

"Well now that we know each other I think we should head to the vertibird" said River.

"Of course, Johnny I'll give you the rest of the briefing at the base in the Sat Com Arrays to the North" Replied Ezra while walking away.

Johny was not too fond of vertibirds but he was curious about the Sat Com Arrays, he has only seen them from a distance and has read documents of them from the government building in the DC ruins.

The group walked to the entrance of Megaton but they were stopped by one seriously pissed off Lucas Simms.

"Were the hell do you think you're going, I've got dead man in the middle of my town and the kids are poking it with a damn stick" Yelled Sims.

"It's not a big deal.. there's a dead guy over there in under the small pile of rubble" Said Rift.

The Sheriff looked over to the pile and could see the head of a man poking out of it, the Sheriff looked like he was putting an awful lot of effort into restraining himself from causing a scene.

"JUST GET THE HELL OUT OFF HERE" he yelled

The group walked out of Megaton to see a vertibird parked. River opened drivers door and took a seat, Ezra got in the seat next to the drivers and every one else got in the passenger area of the flying machine.

Johny looked out the door of the vertibird and closed it hoping he made the right decision...

good to see your still here josh

and no this is somthing diffrent I wanted to share PM me if you want to know more about this story line

Good work. I just think you should put punctuation because during dialogue if it's a question, obviously there's a '?' and so on. It will just look better on the eyes. By the way, I'm not sure it's very easy, or possible, to shoot two people without looking carelessly. Just try to make things realistic. :goodjob: :trophy:

Thanks man ill work on that to, and for the shooting part well I watch alot of action movies and I saw that it one. But this story is the fourth one in the in this universe that me and other members of this fourm have made and johny crusade has learned to be one of the most skilled gunman in the wastes during the othet three ill et a link on the rps that has was in.

Oh, I get it. Movies/games are pretty good inspiration for me when I'm writing, and if everyone else is fine with it, okay then. I'm interested in the story, so update whenever you can.
:obliviongate: OR SHOULD I SAY, DRAGGED INTO bliviongate:

eek

Yeah, I see a lot of problems with this, let start with the obvious. Your grammar is bad, just bad. You forgot to capitalize April, which is a month, and I don't know about you, but I've been taught to capitalize months since 3rd grade. And right after that you forgot to capitalize his name, that is just horrible, that's like the very basics. Your constantly misspelling, not capitalizing, and not punctuating correctly. It's quite horrendous, but don't worry, all of these things can be fixed be two choices. Number one you keep going to school, read English books, and get a tutor. Or number two you can get something like Microsoft Word or Open Office(the free alternative) and it will handle most, if not all, grammar errors you encounter .

Ok now as for the story itself, well I can't say much. It's almost like I'm reading an ongoing police report, it stiff and it is pretty boring to read. For example:


That's it? Are the skinny, muscular, fat? Tall or short? Or they in a line, or are the walking in a row? Tan, White, Black? Can we even see the skin?

All I know is that there's three of them and they have hockey masks and pistols. They could be naked for all I know. Something like this would work better:

The door swung open and three men entered the bar. The sun was blocked out by their immense size, their tan muscular bodies were shown off, only half clothed in spiked leather armor. Their facial features were blocked by identical hockey masks, but their identical short Mohawks were jet black. They were armed with .32 pistols, looking like child's toys in their oversize fists.

Something like that would've been better, and that was just sentence, most of your story is composed of similar sentences. I may have been jerk, but please understand that you really need to work on grammar and your story overall. Take Donkey's advice and read some books.

Yttrium is 1,000.5 % correct, books are a fantastic idea. It can sound kinda of [censored]ish when people tell you to go read some books....but it's damn good advice. Go out and pick up The Stand by Stephen King as it's quasi-apocalyptic. I'd also recommend "Desperation" by the same author. Without Remorse by Tom Clancy is a great revenge story.

Interesting political commentary books (don't worry it's not political commentary of the John Stewart/Bill O'Reilly form) include Animal Farm by George Orwell (sort of a commentary on Communism and how it tends to really be a Dictatorship), A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (Primarily about people self medicating to avoid emotion) 1984 also by George Orwell (about an overbearing government, Big Brother) and finally probably my favorite Fharenheit 451 (about a future where Firemen don't put out fires, they set them....much more interesting than it may at first sound).

If you want to read a story set in the Fallout Universe Of Your Shadow is a topic on page 2 or 3 of the Artwork and Fan Fiction board. Created by thescholargoris (i think was his name). It's about a character from Fallout 2 and his adventures, I really like it.

I'll help again shortly correcting simple grammar mistakes but indeed Spell Check is your best friend. I think when I write i tend to get sidetracked with this....but try to develop the characters beyond just conversations and action. I tend to get a bit overly intro-(extro?)-spective in that regard but it would be interesting to know more about Johnny. Even though a lot of people may harp about grammar mistakes, and there were an awful lot so its not like that's unfounded, if you can develop your characters and the world around them people will cease caring so much.

Just try to capitalize Proper Names. Johnny, The Talon Company, Megaton, and use Spell Check. The Hmaun Mnid can atulcaly raed eevn a petrty msesed up stencne but it can be rthaer ditrascting.

One final thing, it might help if you think out different characters or situations you want the guy to meet and then plan them out before he ever encounters them. I'd recommend getting away from established areas. It might make it easier since you don't have to think up a new town...but it also means you're saddled with towns that everyone already knows about which cuts down on the "interesting" factor.

Ex. Goris created this small village with Supermutants worshipped as Gods. He got to decide a lot about them and so the reader got to encounter new characters.

One last thing, serious this time, try to think of a weakness for your character. He's a good gunslinger, he seems to be decent with communications....what does he svck at? Is he incredibly unlucky? If so what does that mean for him? Is he physically weak? Is he paranoid? Alcoholic? Quick to anger? Does he have a phobia?

thanks yttrium and smiley

I am bad at grammer but im doining this without microsoft word nd spell check, the reasons are that my microsoft is acting up and I cant use I and also cant download spell check because my computer requirments are not to the standerd quota . I know I cant blame my skills on these but it helps

But hey we all make mistakes right? My typing and speech skills are lacking in many diffrent areas but I learn from them. I consider my self in he novice stage of wrighting storys, I am takeing in your adivce and putting it in my head for future referance for this story and many others

thanks guys I realy appreciate it

I was planning that johny had Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from his battles at manhattan and the wasteland, he would have flash backs and wake up in anger and confusion.

but still thanks guys

Chapter three
April, 8, 2288 Johny crusade

The vertibird was high in the sky overlooking the dull, decrepit wasteland. Everyone in side was just looking around and minding themselves. The only window was the pilot’s seat, and that’s what Johny was looking through. The wasteland was very different from the sky, it’s a place of comfort and invariability for nothing can get you from this height, well unless another vertibird.

“So Ezra, how long till we get to the base?” Johny asked

“Well Johny let’s see” Ezra answered “We are coming upon it as we speck my friend” He added

The satellite towers were huge in size, the outside of the towers were brick witch still looked like they could hold out for a very long time. Many robots were stationed at the base of the satellites; Johny wouldn’t question him on it for if they were to forum they needed to protect the base of operations.

“Emilia, we are heading to the landing pads open the entrance” River called through his head set.

Johny didn’t know about a person named Emilia, but from guessing that the person was female and the Intel operator. While he was wondering the pads next to the landing pad flew open and a stair well appeared that lead to a bunker door. The vertibird had landed on the landing zone and its engine stopped and the propellers were slowing down.

“Aright everyone head down to through the stair well and go inside the bunker door, I’ll tell you your next assignment” Ezra yelled

6 and River along with Ezra got out first, Johny and Rift got out together, because the only person Johny can really trust is Rift. The rest of the group he needed to get to know.

“Rift, can I trust these guys I don’t even know what the boss’s last name is!?” Whispered Johny
“its ok Johny just keep your cool man and you will be ok” He answered” Know let’s see what’s in the base”
“Wait! You haven’t even been in here yet” Johny yelled

“No I was recruited two days ago, the whole time we have been looking for you, bow lets go”

Johny cursed under his breath while catching up to the group. Ezra gave them all a strange looking keys; he placed his key in the bunker door and opened it. Witch answered what the keys were for. Inside many men and women in lab coats were at computers or walking with clip boards to other area of the base. A women walked over to the group, she looked in her early to mid twenties with sun kissed skin, wore a skirt and blazer jacket and her hair was wore in a pony tail with a strand out and leaning down her fore head.

“Hello my name is Emilia Intel operator of the W.A.S “Greeted Emilia
The women extended her arm to Johny and Rift. Johny shook her hand just a few seconds and returned to skinning out this place. Rift shook the girls hand for a monument longer and made a small sigh.

“Well men let me give your briefing for your first misson” Said Ezra

Emilia walked over to a ham radio set and turned it to a radio frequency that repeated a distress signal.

“If any comes across this signal please help, a town called endervan north of the capital wasteland and west of point lookout. The whole settlement has been attacked by feral ghouls, my family and a couple others a barricaded in the storage house on the Far East side of town. PLEASE HELP US” The message repeated it’s self over and over again.
“Tomorrow, you men are going to endervan and save its inhabitance, are we ready for this?” Asked Ezra

Every one made a different word for yes by either “HELL YEA” or a simple yes except for 6, who just nodded.
“Good, now fell free to look around the base to get acquainted you two” Ezra told johny and Rift

“Can you tell me where the barracks are” Wondered Johny

“Barracks, my friend we have rooms why” Said Ezra

“I need some rest” Replied Johny

“Ok well down this hall way there are about six rooms, chose the one that’s suits you”

Johny nodded and walked towards the hall, River yelled to him “You’re not going walk around” but Johny kept on walking as if he didn’t hear him. The group looked at Johny walk off, they were confused at why he wanted to go to sleep so soon.

“What’s up his ass” River said

“He has had a very hard life my friend, Even worse than ours” Rift replied
???????????..

Johny walked into room 001. It had a nice bed with a cabinet and a refrigerator. He walked to the cabinet and hanged his coat, after that he walked into the bath room and looked in the mirror. His long black curtained hair was fine; and rough beard was good no wild hairs. The scars on his face were kept untouched for they were as healed ad they were going to get. Before he left the mirror he told himself
“What have I become”

Johny walked to bed turned off all the lights and walked into the bed, closing his eyes and went to sleep.

really good, cant wait for the next part ^^

Thanks!

this next part ill give you guys a hint, the story is shifting through another character of the squad. dont worry though, johny will still be narrated

Chapter 4

April, 9, 2288 Johny crusade

Johny awoke to something very strange. The room around him was an abandoned apartment, in what seemed to be a tall building that has been ruined. He got up and walked around hearing small murmurs of whispering in his ears along with what sounded like a conversation in the hall outside the door. Johny walked out the door and could see himself, or what looked like himself he couldn’t see his face but he was talking a man

“It’s nice to meet you johny, you have any family here” greeted the man

“No they? they were murdered ten years ago. I’m hunting the man who did it and he will pay” he replied

“That’s sad. But at the monument we haft to get Never and, look we have a guest” The man gestured

The two faced Johny and revealed there deformed faces, their eye sockets were empty and their faces were full of shrapnel and bullet holes. Startled by their faces, Johny ran to the other side of the hall but was greeted by a familiar face. The being was a man looking in his late or early thirties, his face was pale and depressing but when Johny panned his eyes toward the man’s stomach his eyes were filled with fear. A machete was logged in his stomach and was bleeding very badly.

“Why didn’t you save me Johny, why man, why” hollowed the entity, hovering above the ground

“I TRIED JOSH I TRIED, IM SORRY” He yelled

Johny was backing away from the blood covered man, but he was cornered by the two others at the other side of the hall. He was trapped and didn’t have any were to go, the only thing to do was lay on the ground and find yell.

“GET AWAY, GET AWAY FROM ME” He screamed

The next second later Johny awoke in his real bed sweating and being thankful it was only a dream. He got up and put on his black T shirt, jeans and his boots along with his bomber jacket. The next second the load speaker came on and Ezra spoke.

“All members of the Firing squad, report in to the armory in the west wing”

Johny picked up his 44. And put it in his jacket holster and walked out the door. When he walked out he could see 6, Rift and River walk out wearing what they wore the day before. They greeted each other for a brief moment and continued to the armory. On the way they could see more and more hired workers maintaining the base by fixing the broken equipment and making progress reports on the computers. Moments later they arrived at the armory and were met by Emilia and Ezra.

“Men I would like you to meet Smith, the chief gunnery sergeant of the W.A.S” complied Ezra

Smith was a small but was muscular, and he is of African American decent. He had a gray knit cap that concealed his hair; the man wore combat armor as clothing. He shook the hands of the team and started to speck.

“So, what load out are you looking for?” He asked

Johny got took a bullet proof vest, camo combat pants with knee guards and an Assault rifle.

Rift grabbed two Kukris’ and that’s all.

River picked up a Combat shotgun and a m9 pistol, along with putting on a Kevlar vest and a jacket to cover it and some combat pants.
6 picked up a berretta 50 cal. Sniper rifle and a MAC 10 SMG.

“Just to let you know 6 I’ve equipped a special scope to your rifle, it will let your team mates see what you see when you are looking through it” Explained Ezra while giving the team the cameras that will let them see through 6s scope.

“Now get to the vertibird men, and one Thing River I hired a co pilot to fly the vertibird while you are needed or making repairs to it” Ezra added

River nodded and continued with the group to the vertibird. The team reached the vehicle and burrowed in side. In the seat next to the pilots a teenager was seated, he had a clean brown hair cut and a grin.

“Hello you must be River; I’m Ricky your co pilot” Ricky explained to river.

“He hired a damn kid?! Well I hope you can drive” He replied

“Don’t worry about my age sir; I’ve been doing this almost my whole life. My dad was a vertibird pilot for the BoS and taught me how to drive” He added

“Well just do your job well and we will be ok, and don’t call me sir” River said

River put on a par of aviator shades and handed Ricky a pair also, he put them on and started the vertibird. After a few short seconds the machine was flying and headed to the north east side of Maryland.

“So who has been to a swamp before” Said Rift

“I have, they heavily irradiated, and in it there are a bunch of other diseases that can kill you. Kind of like every hoker in megaton” River answered

“That sounds horrifying” Said Rift


????????????????????????

After a couple of hours and the vertibird made it to the swampy part of Maryland. A few seconds later and a loud sound is heard. Monuments later a missile seen speeding towards the vertibird. The two pilots took evasive action and swerved out of the way and hit the side of a hill. The men got out and could see that the vertibird was damage enough to keep it grounded.

“SON OF A [censored] THIS IS GOING TO TAKE HOURS TO FIX” screamed River
While River was screaming at the group Rift went inside the vertibird and got his blades. He quickly holstered them and went back outside.

“I’m going to scout for the owner of that missile and also look for the town. I will give you updates when I find something, and 6 I need you to look through your scope and ill monitor your findings, but tap twice in the intercom if you are saying yes to my question and one for no” Rift told the group
6 nodded and then Rift shifted towards Johny.

“Johny when I tell you to come to a location get to it was fast as you can” He said to Johny

Johny also nodded. After a few seconds the group couldn’t see Rift from the fog, they were hopping he was ok?..