That's a terrible thing to say, you honestly have no idea what happened so you have no right to judge like that. I don't even think you know what child support is because its just from one parent to another, not a welfare program. Life doesn't work out perfectly, not everyone has a perfectly staged life, so don't be such a judgmental dike.

Can you say First Degree boys and girls, sure I knew you could .

One of the most ignorant comments I've ever seen here. I'm struggling to believe that was actually a serious comment.

"consida de? de divoyce"

I said when I first read it, but I reread it again, to mae sure.

Again as a parent espically when the kids are young, you don't consider the parents own self interest. If he was doing that that would mean he wants to party and be with others instead of his kids then.

I think he should be going for full custody. Why, because the judge will be asking why do you only want part time custody? You trying to party or something? Again, most likely that is not his intention, but trying to warm him. It's a stupid game, you ask for a bit, they will still try to take away from you, so this way you ask for everything they it goes to half. If he asks for half right off the bat, then he gets only a quarter, see what I mean.

So he should be trying for full custody, then when the mother can prove she is of sound mind then they should say 50/50 split custody.

Good luck to the OP, this is really a tough situation when kids are involved.

Glad I don't have to deal with this drama. I'm not sure this is the best place to ask for custody control or breaking up with your child's mother.

This lesson will now be etched into my head whenever stuck in the heat of the moment.

But we don't know the full details on your situation or how it came to be. So we can't give you the best advice or judge this predicament.

Tell her it's been fun but you have to fly, then gel your hair back, throw on a leather jacket, hop on a motorcycle and drive into the sunset. Bonus points if you have a hotter girl on the back of the bike.

Take her out to a restaurant, order some nice dinners and when you are done, go to the bathroom. THEN [censored] RUN LIKE HELL, GET IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVE. Leave her with the check

If she doesn't want to break up with you after that, she might be crazy.

It's fairly common actually. Too many people have children in relationships that are relatively transient, and easy to end. The children get caught in the crossfire.

This, I know this from personal experience.

My Dad left when I was 4, and didn't pay anything until we found him again 11yrs later...last year, when I turned 18, the CSA went back through the payments and slapped him with a ￡4,000 payment

I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you though man...to spend so long with somebody, only to find out it's not meant to be

EDIT: @Sneakmaster...don't want to sound patronising, but major props on sorting out access to your son...so many people these days don't...if my Dad had made that kind of effort, I'd definitely think alot more highly of him!

Your profile says your 22 years old, so I'm assuming she's roughly the same age. In your original post and title, you neglected to mention you have a child. You never stated what the shouting and the like was about, you've said nothing to indicate whether the problems were serious, irreconcilable problems that could not be solved by some counseling and effort to fix what's wrong or flaws you see and are attempting to bail out on instead of actually doing anything about them, you neglected to mention whether you did seek counseling or not, and therefore, I know next to nothing about the situation, but I'll try my best to state my opinion on what I do know and assume.

If she is as young as I'm guessing she is, if you really have been together for five years, and if you really do have a child with her, she has a right to be "clingy", in my opinion. A child isn't some trivial detail of modern life that can be forgotten, five years are a long time for anyone to commit to anyone else, especially at your age and with the child considered, and therefore her being "clingy" makes perfect sense. I wouldn't agree with the approach she's taking, but simply quitting because you have some problems isn't the best solution, in my opinion. I can't sugercoat this next statement, so here it is as bluntly as possible from the perspective of a father-hating teenager whose own parents didn't have a working relationship and whose father practically ran off (although I don't want to see him, anyway, but that's another issue) and started another family:

This is not a simple break-up situation, this is an event that will affect the development and life of your child, your responsibility, and will have a lasting impact on the rest of your child's life. I don't know the circumstances surrounding your specific problems, but if it can be fixed, you should see to it that effort is pushed towards being it fixed. The very fact that you acknowledged her only as some girlfriend and the fact that you did not mention your child in your original post or title implies, to me, your own immediate desires being the main factor behind your current desire to end this relationship. I can't say anything about the mother of your child (not some random girlfriend, the mother of YOUR CHILD) or really much about you as I don't know either of you, but the manner in which you phrased your original post and what you've said so far, otherwise, only suggest to me that this was some rash decision (on your part) that wasn't brought to the attention of your mother's child, wasn't thoroughly considered (as in you did not think of how to solve the problem and just impulsively made this decision without consideration of your child's future), and therefore isn't something I can just condone. Again, however, since I really don't know much about the whole situation, it's not something I can entirely condemn, either, but I'm going with my gut instinct for my reaction and my gut instinct tells me you're basically trying to impulsively run away from your problems instead of solving them.

Another thing that came to mind is that you don't seem to be married to her. You had a child with her, yet didn't seem to make any actual committments to her or your child (who, again, is your responsibility)? What were you planning when you did have the child, to live separate lives not legally recognized as being united by anyone? How did you fully plan to care for the child? Were/Are you taking into consideration what the child will think and ask about when he/she is old enough? This is a serious issue and I can't stress that point enough, but I just can't help but get this sense of impulsive action coming from your post. It really is none of my business, but since you've brought this matter to the forums in the form of a topic, I'd very much like to know the answer to these questions and I'd really like to see you address some of the finer points of this issue... otherwise we have little to go on.

I'd also like to point out that, based on the assumed age, time of relationship, and status (motherhood) of your "girlfriend" (You'll have to forgive me, but that term implies something not serious, to me, and this is very serious), she has a right to be "clingy" because of the reasons I've already stated. I actually feel bad for her. What's a single, young woman with a child considered in modern society? The answer is pretty much "damaged goods". To be so young and already cast out of the dating scene, in many eyes, by having a child must be a tough and frightening concept. That she seems to have devoted practically her entire advlt life, thus far, to be being with you and even having a child with you would automatically excuse the sense of being "clingy" that might be reviled by you, to some degree. I also feel sorry for the child. To grow up with only one parent at a time is not the same or as beneficial as growing up in a united household of two loving parents... period.

I'm not by any means saying you don't care for your child as I can tell you do, but I don't believe your accurately estimating the severity of what you've done, are currently doing, and are planning to do in how it pertains to your child. It's a life-altering decision you're making and I just don't feel as though you've actually given it some in-depth consideration. That's all I have to say... at least until someone else says something new or you clear some of details up, but I'm not judging you as I don't know you or know the predicament, but just in case, I had to type this simply because I have a suspicion that my assumptions are, at least partially, probable.

And Seti18 lays down the proverbial smack down.

Ball's in your court, OP. What kind of man do you want to be?

have to agree with seti18 on this issue

and it sounds like you might be expecting relationships to be easy and require no effort on your part, but within reality, this might be the best relationship you'll ever find unless you'd actually prefer to be alone

Double points if the bike previously belonged to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7Yp2L6c2KM.

You need advice from a lawyer! Trust me...I'm on my 3rd marriage (1st 2 were to the same woman and mother of my oldest child) and I've been down the road a couple times. If you're very serious about being finished with the relationship the worst...absolutely WORST....thing you can do is keep letting this sort of behavior continue. It's no good for your child and will only make the final break even more difficult!

My absolute best advice is to see a lawyer and shoot for custody. It sounds like she might be the type of woman to put your child right in the middle of your problems and that's the worst thing that could happen. You need...NEED...to take control of the situation and get custody of the kid. Once you speak to a lawyer you need to do everything possible to get you all into family therapy. YOU ALL NEED IT! It will help to keep things in perspective and help your ex to understand the gravity of the situation. The longer you keep this thing up that you've been doing the worse things will be when it's finally all over! You are going to have to move quickly and stay firm in your decisions!

Quit asking people in gaming forums how to handle your personal situations. You have a child in the middle of this thing and it's no longer something that can be handled like a high school love affair! advlt decisions need to be made and advlt actions need to be taken. This child of yours is going to have less and less chance of growing up to be a confident advlt the longer you keep dragging this out and acting like children yourselves. Please, for the sake of your child's well being...start making some real advlt decisions and taking some grown up actions! It will be the best thing for all involved! My advice is to call a lawyer first thing in the morning and get the ball rolling, you've played patsy cake long enough!

Another thing to remember is that you are stuck with this girl for the rest of your forseeable life whether you like it or not! Once you have children you can't just discard a relationship the way you could before since you will always be binded by the child! Family counselling is a must in your situation! You all need to learn how to make this situation work no matter where you go from here. The child is the most important thing right now and from now on and you all need to remember that! Do whatever it takes to make sure the child does not bear the brunt of your bad decisions!

I don't usually post in these types of threads, but seeing the small novel that Seti18 wrote out for you, I would follow whatever he/she says.

you can always get her do dump you? eat alot of beans and when she sits next to you just start tooting away. works great for superbowl parties as well. i got half a couch to myself while everyone else was squished together.

Maybe they wanted a child?

I wouldn't call a 5 year relationship transient. Nor, obviously, is it easy to end.

It seems pretty indecisive, since they don't live in the same house, despite having a two year old child, for most of whose life their relationship has been rocky. And it's certainly easy to end compared to other families, where marriage forces them to make a go of it. It sounds like they're well beyond that possibility here though, so it comes down to a case of aranging their breakup in a way that's best for the child.

With respect, there's a lot of moral posturing going on there, and even a hint of emotional blackmail. If a relationship clearly isn't going to work, or if one partner simply doesn't want it to work any more, then there really is no point continuing with it, especially if a child is involved. It's not very nice to be brought up in a toxic atmosphere by two people who clearly would be happier without each other. Staying in a relationship that you don't want to be in has got nothing to do with being a 'man' as someone else alluded to. The decent thing to do is to end it. It is unpleasant, but in the long term the mum and dad can find new partners who make them happy.

As for the child, it is a shame when a child's parents break up. But sometimes that's just the way life goes and you have to make the best of it. Nobody plans to break up or become a struggling single parent, it happens despite previous best intentions. IIRC around half of all pregnancies are unplanned. People are fallible, it happens.

I agree. Having two parents be there for a child is far more important than having them together creating what was described as a "toxic environment". Never ever ever ever just be in a relationship just because of the child. You'll be miserable. Because of that, you can't possibly give a child all it needs by being miserable. Some of the dumbest things are done with the best intentions.

Restraining orders....they're not just for men anymore. :toughninja:

I did not say to have a relationship because of a child, but the OP seems to have simply noticed these problems and taken action to break up over them without actually bringing them up or attempting to reconcile them, first. This is what I mean by referring to impulsive actions. By the OP's tone, it doesn't seem as if he even brought up these issues, first, and it seems as if he expects a relationship to never have problems. Unless these problems are actually something severe that cannot be solved, I think the OP should at least try to fix these issues along with his girlfriend. What is the arguing/shouting even about?

We don't know, and that could make a difference, but more importantly, whatever they were, they were just shouting and arguing and the OP seems to have expected his girlfriend to automatically notice these things and adjust whatever it is she was doing to fix it, but he doesn't even seem to be wanting to put any effort into solving the problems, himself. In his post, he said he told her of the problems and simultaneously told her he wanted to break up. This must be the first time she's heard of these issues and if the OP doesn't even want to actually do anything about these issues and doesn't let his girlfriend know of their existence so that they could attempt to solve them, there's no way it's her problem if she seems a bit clingy. She's not psychic and she's not the only one in this relationship, so what was she to do about it when the OP wouldn't even address the problems to her first?

you have a baby with her, your relationship has been a long one... only two of the many reasons why there is no such thing as moral and civil manner brake up now. you are going to have to try and see if you can resolve your differences(counseling, talking, etc, i don't know, something) and make it work. without that, or for that matter even after that, any attempt at brake up will be ugly for all three of you and with long spawning ugly consequence for you, her, and the child. no such thing as smooth, easy brake up now, sorry. there was too much commitment(or what was seen as commitment in the minds of the other party), expectations, and plenty of other things that were invested(at least in the minds of the other party they were invested) by both of you into this relationship. and with you two already having had a child, no, not going to happen. so if you expect any kind of civil parting, you got a long and difficult process, involving for best results a mediator and someone who can clean up the mental mess. personally, i don't think there is such thing as morally sound brake up here now, either.