Hi guys, I have a serious problem here, I have told my ex that I don't want us to be together because It hasn't been working for a long time now and its just time to bite the bullet, unfortunately shes making it so difficult. As much as I tell her I don't wish to see her she comes down anyway only to hear what she doesn't want to hear, starts to cry and then that upsets me! Shes all over me, hugging me kissing my cheek telling me that I am making the wrong decision and saying that its not gonna happen ad we are gonna stay together. Its making me feel really sad and REALLY uncomfortable and I dunno what to do. I don't wanna hurt her any more then I have to and I don't wanna see her because of this, because when she is down here, all she will do is cry when she hears what she doesn't want to hear.

This is hard enough as it is, shes not making it any easier : ( I need some advice guys,

thank you.

TBH if she was being like this (which even as a woman I think is pathetic frankly) you're gonna have to give her some tough love. If you're absolutely certain you don't want to see her anymore, call her and say you have made a decision about ending it and its not one you've made lightly. Then when she comes over to see you, don't let her in and certainly don't get into long drawn out discussions with her. Be honest with her about why you want to end it. Don't give her any crap about how its you not her or you love her you're just not in love etc. You need to say to her you need space and don't want to see her for X weeks because you need to get your head round things.

Why are you breaking up with her anyway? Apart from her being (obviously) uberclingy.

I am confused. In the title you say she's your girlfriend, and in your post you say she's your ex? And you can't prevent her from hugging and kissing you even if you don't want to? There's only one solution:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rziE39JWfs

Problem is, we have a child together hes only 2, and when I want to see him she brings herself down with him and thus you can see where refusing to let her in is not as easy as it sounds. And we haven't been working for the past 1 1/2 years, shouting, argueing, point scoring its just getting stupid, pathetic and I am calling it here, or at least trying to! Your right, she is uber clingy and thats whats making this so [censored] difficult!

So you want to dump her, what's the custody situation for the kid going to be? As in, what do you want custody wise?

Well I was hoping for a mutual agreement, and that we could have joint custody with him and I can see him 3x a week. However at the rate things are going, I doubt its gonna be that simple.

You need to make it absolutely clear that the relationship is over whilst at the same time making sure she stays reasonable regarding your right to see your child. Unfortunately some women use the child to get back at the ex-partner and you have to anticipate that.

Agree an informal arrangement regarding access times to your child, for example every other weekend, every Saturday, maybe one day during the week etc. Make it a regular routine and again make it absolutely clear that the time is for YOU AND YOUR CHILD and NOT her.

There's no easy way through this. Only time will make things easier.

Get talking to a lawyer, immediately. You have to recognize that you could be vulnerable to being sued for child support or a custody battle depending on how this plays out. You want to preempt any legal action by your girlfriend if she ends up going that route.

Things are different in the UK regarding these things. It's rarely ever necessary for lawyers to get involved. If a woman is stopping a father from seeing his child the father can make an order through the court. If a father is not paying maintenance the mother can go to the Child Support Agency which has the power to enforce payments from the father.

When I split with my son's mother I made sure to make a private arrangement with her regarding maintenance.

First post of the OP I thought it would be simple, just say it's over and not let her in the house and not answer the door. But now with the mention of kids, you do have to be civil for the childs sake. This is really a tough one.

I can't really think of anything. How about her parents? Can you talk to them? Maybe you, your ex, and her parents get together and try talking to her about how you are going to be there for the kid, but you do not love the ex no more. Her parents should be telling her to move on, this is not healthy at all.

As for child custody, I hate to say it, but YOU need to go to court for custody rights. Since I really don't know your situtation, fist time reading your post, I thought you are a jerk a BIG TIME JERK because you were not saying you wanted full time custody. It almost seemed like you wanted your child as a loan and then goes back to his mom for custody while you go out and have fun. I am sure this is not the case, but just seems wierd for somoene to say they want to see thier kid 3X a week. I am sure you would love a 50/50 split and hope that is the case.

So if you feel your ex will withould custody from you, you have to act now, go to the courts. When I broke up with my wife for a time being, she went to the courts so fast for custody arangements, I didn't know what happend and this was all done without lawyers. Also I think you should go for full custody. Your ex's behaviour is not normal. This could lead signs of mental breakdown or illness. This could be very bad for your child. She could neglet your child or take the anger out on the child. So I would think of that as well.

Just tell her you aint interested... it aint rocket science.

you think girls have problems breaking it off with guys? HELL NO.

You're actually describing a situation very similar to one my friend is going through at the moment. Except she's the mum of the baby and her boyfriend has just walked out on without any explanation or reason. Its actually eerily similar. So I'm going to have to refrain from commenting any further because at the very least it's made me realise there are two sides to every story.

Sorry for the advice earlier - I retract it. Clearly the situation is a lot more complicated than I initially thought.

Quote for emphasis.. especially on the use the child to get back, bit. Co-worker is going through that now. She wont let him see his son, AT ALL. Not even a call. No letters, anything =/. It's so evil. He's not one of those deadbeat dads either. It kills him on the inside and all he ever talks about is wanting to see his son.

I'm almost against the idea of you breaking up with her just to avoid going through that, but in the end it's your call.

That's quite unfair. People's situations are different, and you have to decide what is the all-round best solution for the child and not what is best for the parent's own self interest.

Have you tried couples counselling?

I'm surprised there hasn't been a just ask her out joke lol.

Anyways, I would say talk to a lawyer, get a custody agreement and maybe take a week holiday with some friends to get away for a bit so she can't bug you.

You totally screwed yourself (and her) by fathering a kid on her. Oh, and you and she are going to screw everyone else by svcking tax dollars for Child Support (or whatever the equivalent is in the UK) because you two couldn't figure out how to use birth control.

Just ask her out

When I think of all the times I've tried so hard to leave her
She will turn to me and start to cry;
And she promises the earth to me
And I believe her
After all this time I don't know why
Ah girl
Girl

Yeah apart from that I got nothin :shrug:

He hasn't said their on welfare, the only child support being discussed in this thread are child support payments from one parent to another.

A rather unique problem, I must say.

Anyway, what you're gonna have to do is sit together one day (preferably on different couches) and talk things out. Tell her exactly why you feel it isn't working out between the two of you, and that though you had a good run, you firmly believe it should end. If you want, you could throw in the "we can still be friends" thing, I'm not sure about how she would react though. Give her some time because she's obviously taking it really hard. Respectfully ask her to perhaps not see you for at least a week or something. By then she should have calmed down.

Um. What?

did she buy you a gun rack for your anniversary?

Restraining ourder time.
no, but really, you have to get dead serious with her. its not fair to eaither of you to drag it on and on, even if she isnt ready to see that yet.
I wouldnt go so far as to say make her angry with you, but you definately need to be firm in your convitions. dont let her try to cuddle up to you and give you those puppy dog eyes- i know its easy to be a svcker for em, but stop it. dont let her in your house. dont take her calls. everyone wants to think they can stay friends with their ex. and maybe after some time maybe, just maybe you can. but the romantic relationship must be severed first.

I don't think you, or any of us for that matter, has the right to dictate what he does with his [censored].

On the bright side, he gets more action than most people on this forum - just by having a kid. :laugh:

Anyway, I'm not going to give advice because I have NO IDEA how I can help. I'll leave it to the advlts of this forum.

This is an issue you should take up with your own family and best friends as surely they can understand the scope of your problems better than us and knowing you tailor advice better than we can in this complicated manner. I'm all for general "ask her out!" stuff that's rather simple but this is an issue that's going to greatly affect you and your kid's life. You have at least two people to be thinking for now, and personally I would not be seeking out what to do from people on this forum as they don't know as much about you or your situation, and are likely going to give you advice based on themselves and not you.

Just tell her to :swear: off :shrug: