» Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:55 am Since making my Ultimate Guide to Being an Elite Player (http://www.gamesas.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=41&t=28580), I thought I would make a guide also on how to be a Douche.
Listen closely... stop whatever you are doing, and focus on the follow scripture for it will reveal secrets unknown to this world and will raise your performance above and beyond that of an Elite player.
"Being an Elite is for the weak, if you truly want to become powerful and unbeatable you need to become a Douche" - Kazakage (2011)
The Urban Dictionary defines as Douche as "a word to describe an individual who has shown themself to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for the female 'nether regions".
It is disheartening to discover that the Douche is more powerful than the Elite, but such is life. Here follows the Douche's code of conduct and setup;
Energy Transfer III
Stealth Enhance III
Retriever III
Use only Fists, but equip a Secondary.
Similar to the Elite right? The difference, however, is that the Douche never uses a weapon! "What does he use then?" I hear the Douche-padawan's cry! he Douche-Master harks "only his fists men, fists are more powerful than guns!" Gasps and muffled whispers fill the air, and a Douche-padawan shouts "But how can punches be more powerful than bullets?!?", "It makes no sense to me neither, but be patient young ones, and everything shall be revealed" the Douche-Master replies in confidence.
The Douche-Master continues to teach his apprentices the following strategy.
"This has come down from old, from previous douche generations and those before him. An aspirant must first use Energy Transfer, Stealth Enhance and Retriever and use a Secondary weapon only for additional speed.
Like my Arch Nemesis the Elite, cloak must be implemented 99% of one's battle and one's aim is to hit unsuspecting victims in the back only or while their fighting someone else. Why use cloak 99% of the game you ask? The answers are the same of those within the Guide to Become an Elite, no need to elaborate on this matter further!
Young Ones! One's tactics are this! Run around after little red dots or randomly and when engaging enemies press RS then RS again and you WIN! That is all!"
The Douche-padawan's are confused and feel as though they have been duped. A courageous fellow speaks up and exclaims "O Honorable Douche-Master, surely just running after little red dots and pressing RS twice cannot ensure victory? This is less work than the Elite and you claim that it is more powerful?!?"
The Douche-Master smiles and raises his hands to the sky "Do not fear what I have revealed to you! For the Cry-Gods have decreed that the most cheap and basic tactics in Crysis 2 are more powerful than real tactics, aiming, teamwork, varied use of modules and good decision-making. Pressing RS twice always prevails. Once one has punched once the pause between the second punch is so fast that your opponent cannot kill you in time. He cannot hip-fire you or punch you back.... HAHAHAHAHA don't you see men, it's unbeatable!"
The Douche-Padawan's were amazed and laughter echoed the halls. There was merriment everywhere.
"Go now young one's! and spread your masters teaching and may all that come across the Douche - fear his wrath!!"
Stay tuned a Guide to Become a Bad Player may be coming to a gamesas forum near you!
