Outside D.C., a gunshot is heard.

"Wow, good shot, Charles. Soon enough you might be able to take out Radscorpions" A man said jokingly to his son. "Thanks, Dad. That tin can was a smaller target than I'm used to, I'm surprised I hit it!" The boy replied. The Father and Son had been out practicing for the better half of the day. The boy had a Hunting Rifle in his hand, it was in decent condition. "Ya know kid, as soon as I get a new barrel on that, you'll be able to shoot a Bloatfly from across the river." The Father said. "Dad, can we go home now. I'm starting to get hungry." Charles said. "Well, sure son. When we get home I'll fix you up a Brahmin steak." The Father Replied. The Father and Son gathered up their gear and headed in the direction of the shack they live in. The place was small, yet big enough for both of them.

"Dad, what did you used to do for a job?" The boy asked. The Father was hesitant to answer, he did not want to reveal he had been apart of the Talon Company. He was a member for 15 years, but quit after his son was born. People cannot just leave, they are a member for life, or else killed. He disappeared, not wanting his only son being brought up in an environment such as that one. He tried to think of something that was believable. "Uh, well, I was a...uh...I was a Brotherhood of Steel member." He said, fearing his son wouldn't believe it. "Whoa, no way, Dad. You were a member of those guys?" The boy said with astonishment. The man was relieved to hear that. He didn't like lying to his son, but he had to. They began to approach the door, The man noticed something. The door had been kicked inward.

"Charles, stay out here. Do not move." He said. The man pulled out his pistol, his hands were sweaty with the fear of possible Raiders or Super Mutants. He moved closer to the door, with each step getting slower and slower. He looked behind himself at his son, who ducked behind a rock. He got to the door's edge, and peered inward. He could not see what was happening inside, so he opened the door and stepped in. He was inside when he noticed a small tip of a foot sticking out of his door. He tried to swing the door back to fire, but they had already jumped him. He saw his attackers, three men in combat armor. The one on the right had a knife, while the other two had tire irons. The one with the knife came charging first. Mike, the father, ducked and gave the man a good punch to the stomach. Mike turned around and grabbed a leather belt of the shelf he had. One came up and tried to hit him with the tire iron, but Mike stepped to the side, swung the belt around the man's neck, and slammed his head down on a table.

Mike was struck in the back of the head by the man he did not yet subdue. He fell back on the floor, and the men rushed out the door. He only saw Charles peek out and to see the men. They stopped and grabbed him. Charles tried to fight back but it was useless. He was screaming "Dad, Dad get up, help me!" The last thing he remembered before he blacked out was him saying "Charles...Charles, hold on.."
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So criticize, but keep in mind I wrote this very tired, so any errors are apart of that.
Tell me how I am doing, or I'll get discouraged and stop writing.

That was brillliant! :foodndrink:

From what i can see you have the potential of a good writer! The best story iv'e heard since.............. Since i don't know cos i never heard such a good story based on a video game,
Keep on writing because that was very good, try continuing the story if you like and make this a proluge!

Send me a PM if you like and i can help you with that story!

Good work Shadow, :tops: I can't really critique yet as it's only the first installment. As you write the second one and put it up then I can start juding and whatnot; continue with this.

That was very good, and enjoyable. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Oh, and Francois, you joined on my birthday. So now I love you.

Very enjoyable SHadow. The tension created was perfect for the tone of the story and I hope to see more soon.

Aw, such nice people.
Next entry tonight or tomorrow.

Chapter One
"Charles?"

Micheal awoke slowly, the wound left by the tire iron left a small amount blood on the floor. He tried to muster up the strength to rise up, but only got as far as lifting his torso before falling back down. He grunted as he hit the ground. He finally got up to his feet, stumbling slight as he stood. "Charles, wheres Charles?" He said as if he thought someone was in the room with him. His eyes tried to adjust to the light of his shack. "Where, who, what the hell?" He said to himself. He looked around the small room for any sign of his son. "Charles, oh no, they took him." He said as his mind reeled itself in. He thought that the Talon Company caught wind of where he was, that they sent a death squad after him. But instead of killing him, they did something far worse, the stole his son away from him. "Oh, god. Charles, I'm sorry. I swear I'll find you, I swear." He said in a slightly sad and angry voice.

Micheal looked around his house for any notification of who was there, a note, ransom, a death threat. Any of these would help him find his kinship. Micheal found nothing, no note, or even a damn cigarette butt. He knew of many people other than the Talon Company who would want to harm him. He had more enemy than he did friends, one of these enemies were the Slavers. He made a bad deal with Eulogy Jones, which ended up having his body guards killed. This would be the first place where he would look, as Slavers aren't that powerful, and if they had his son, he would kill them. Micheal looked to his weapons shelf, looking for tools of revenge. He gathered his Assault Rifle and 44. Magnum, ready to do all and kill all for his son. He knew getting into Paradise Falls was no easy task, So he had to find an old partner of his to help him. He was located in the World Under ours.

Underworld was a city of ghouls, or as some referred to them, "Zombies". This is where is old partner, Lutero, spent his days. Micheal found the entrance to Underworld, this place had been a good place to get away from the wastes for him. He opened the large door into the city, and braced his nose for the inevitable smell that would befall him. "Micheal? Is that you" A ghoul passing the door said as he stopped. "Yes, hello Winston, how have you been?" he said. "Well, damn, kid, its been awhile, I've been great. No pieces have fallen off yet so that's good." Winston said. "Well, that's always nice. Winston, do you know where Lutero is?" Micheal asked. "Lutero, that ol' Merc? He should be up in the 9th circle, getting drunk." Winston replied. Micheal nodded as he ended the talk and went up the stairs. He opened the door to the 9th circle and heard Lutero's booming voice. "Hey, another round for me, haha!" He said.

Micheal moved over to his table. "Hello Lutero, I need your help." He said. "Micheal, is that you? You old dog, hows that kid o' yours?" Lutero said. "That's it, he was kidnapped, I need your help." Micheal said. "What he's gone? Did he run off or something?" Lutero asked. "No, worse, I think that Slavers took him. I need you to help me get into Paradise Falls." Micheal said. "What! Slavers took him? Michael, I love you like my smoothskin brother, and I'll help you find that kid of yours" Lutero said. "Thanks Lutero, I love you like my bad smelling ghoul brother." Micheal said. After he said that a second past and Micheal and Lutero both began to laugh loudly. "Okay, lets get outta here, booze svcks anyway." Lutero said.

"Just like old times" Micheal said fondly.
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So lets get on with the criticizing or loving praise, either one is fine.

Good chapter, just remember to space out your paragraphs into 5 lines at most from what I see... But still that doesn't bother me, when two people are speaking you have to leave a line between when they talk, eg:

"Hello, how are you this fine day?" Asked Francois.
"Oh, it's not too bad these days, people won't stop bugging me with my Fan Fic though," replied Shadow.

Just stuff like that.

Yeah, I'll work on the dialogue.

Chapter Two.
Michael and Lutero, at it again!

Michael, and his old partner and friend, Lutero, left Underworld. The trek to Paradise Falls would at least take a day, at the least. They were well prepared, Brahmin steak, Nuka-Colas, Intsa-mash, whatever they could fit in the packs. The metro tunnels that led out into the wasteland were like a maze. Dark corridors and broken tram systems spiraled into a never ending back-and-fourth match against Raiders and Ferrel Ghouls. They both had Assault Rifles, while Lutero carried a Combat Knife and Michael had a 44. Magnum. Many ghouls tried to cross they path out, but were quickly dispatched. They thought they had it made, until they came across they're first Super Mutant party at the end of the tunnel. There was three, two had hunting rifles, while the bigger one had just a nail board. Lutero saw them first, got up against the wall, and held Michael from moving on.

"Hold on there, Tex. We got us some Uglies, three." He told Michael.
"Huh, how they look, tough?" Michael replied.
"Nothing we can't handle. Come on, lets show 'em a good time." Lutero said.

Michael nodded, and in a swift movement they stepped out of the shadows. They stood side to side, to create a sort of wall. "Hey, Muties" Lutero said to get their attention. Lutero cracked his neck, "Come and get it". Michael moved across the path to another column for cover, as Lutero covered his move. A rain of gunfire, crossed the way, like a hailstorm of death. One Mutant screamed in pain over this, it was deafening to the two. Lutero let a short burst of six rounds into the temple of a Super Mutant's skull, having the brute fall silently to the ground. Micheal unloaded a clip into the chest of a Mutant. One round must have struck it's heart, because it went down screaming and hollering. The last one with the Nail Board came rushing up to Michael as he re-loaded his rifle. He did not have enough time, and was struck by the object.

Lutero saw this, dropped his rifle, and came running up to the beast. He jumped, and while hanging on, began to repeatedly stab it in the chest. This must have made the brute angry, as it backed up into a wall and began to slam itself backward. Lutero let out many grunts as this happened, and began to stab it at a faster pace. The Mutant began to slow down, and it finally dropped to its knees. Lutero got off its back, went over to its front, and kicked in its face. It fell over, dead, to the pleasure of Lutero. "Well, that was interesting" He said the Micheal as he helped him up. "Yeah, to bad I couldn't have shown him a thing or two." Micheal said back, wiping the blood from his mouth. Micheal and Lutero gathered their thing, and readied themselves for the wastes.
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Some side notes: Updates will be every two days, so people can read it, and I can think up some details.
Again, comment here, tell me problems, or hell, even review the first three installments.
I will try to put some references in the story, like Bethesda did in Fallout 3.
Hell, PM some ideas you may have.

Well, I keep thinking you're rushing the story. You put plenty of detail in your literature but you fail in stretching out the actual events. Your spelling and grammar were superb. I'm not use to the FOFF forum and how creative the minds of the members behind it are, but it seems like there's plenty of talent here. Keep up the good work.

-Dren

Well, when they get to Paradise Falls that might be three chapters long, or more. I just kinda rushed this part because its quit late where I'm located.

And who know, soon enough I might be in YOUR neck of the woods
Valenwood, that is....

I don't know whether to be flattered or confused. haha. Maybe a lil mixture of both.

Well, I anxiously await more of the story new-blood.

Good luck to ya,

dReN

Ah, yes, the bane of my existence, when I think of something different, as in an Rp.

I like it. Extensions to chapters may improve things a bit for me, though.




Speaking of RPs, are you going to make one? I saw something you said elsewhere about making something.

Most of the RPs I've seen around here (so far, anyway) are focussed either on survival or war. I'm more interested in something with greater character development, you know? I'm not sure if those settings can really offer that well.

Mine is war and development, so it should work, if people join, of course.

Yo ShadowStrike ima let you finish but... jk lol But I think you should go with the RP and focus alot on character development like Fly said.

Awesome. I'm excited to see it.

This can be closed for the time being, so I can focus on my Rp.

This was my favorite fan fic