Prologue]
The smoke cleared, the room was empty, the men inside where gone. Long gone. all that remained was the unidentifiable body that was his best friend. The colour in Anthony's face flushed from him, all that was left was the face and the expression of pure shock and disgust. Just then two scrawny yet tall men walked in, one was slightly pudgier than the other. The larger man had a face like tat of a boxer, scarred, bruised and broken. The other was a nervous fellow pale-faced and shaking at the site of the body. They were Paul "the painter" and James Hadley .
"Aw Christ!" shouted Paul.
James said nothing, but instead bent over, opened his mouth and projected the bile, that had forced its way up through his throat, onto the ground. Anthony still hadn't moved, he was paralysed.
"Ant, are you okay?" paul asked.
"Huh? oh yeah."said Anthony
All of a sudden james perked up and said "This is crazy, Tom got caught up in some weird crap"
Anthony said coldly "Yeah, but whoever did this is going to die a slow, painful death"

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some feedback would be nice the 1st chapter will skip back so I can get the most from the storyline, thanks for reading and take care!

This is very...short.

But that is too be expected for most prologues.

I would;

Separate the dialogue with single lines spaces



=

"Ant, are you okay?" paul asked.

"Huh? oh yeah."said Anthony

make sure to capitalize names(like Paul),



watch out for incorrect spelling(tat),



Capitalizing the beginning of a sentence.



Make sure to watch out for stuff like that. I would recommend getting Open Office to fix most of those easy misses, or just re reading. This is a prologue, so I'll wait until I can see what you can really do, before I dig down deeper. Whatever you do...

...Keep Writing. :thumbsup:

Thanks I'll look out for those. I'm working on the first chapter now.

Chapter 1
It was another bright morning, and the light shone straight into Anthony Scarponi's eyes. He looked across the room. There he was, his best friend, Lorcán O'Hanlon. He had passed out the night before at his citizenship party. You see Lorcán was an Irishman and the town of Megaton didn't like Irishmen since Colin Moriarity screwed everyone over and killed the barman ,Gob. They couldn't just walk in, they needed citizenship, and without Anthony that never would have happened. Anthony met Lorcán while playing outside Megaton, he was the son of a water beggar and Anthony took pity on him. After Lorcán's father died Anthony took him home and demanded to his father that he let him stay until he was old enough for a citizenship.

Anthony went downstairs and made breakfast, he was the owner of an inn but business had been slow. He threw some mole rat meat onto the grill of the old,rusted pre-war cooker. The extremely fresh and bloody meat sizzled. The aroma was strong and was so strong to wake up the average-sized man who slept as if he were dead. His face was freckled and his ginger hair gleamed under the morning sun.
"What are ye making" he said with his strong Tyrone accent.

"Mole rat, or if you want you can have some leftovers from last night." said Anthony

"I'll go with the leftovers, you cant cook for crap." Lorcán quirted. They both laughed.

"Damn my nose is bleedin' again!" Lorcán shouted suddenly.

"Here, let me help." said Anthony That was the third time this week Anthony grew suspicious, but said nothing.

Later that evening, while Lorcán was out, Anthony decided to search Lorcán's room. He looked under the dirty mattress that lay on his bed. What he found looked foreign to him, a small bag of what looked like flour. Anthony didn't get it "why hide flour from me?" he thought. He decided to take it to someone who might know what it is, but he couldn't go to the sheriff as he would kick them out of town. Anthony decided to go to Doc Church he could tell him what is was and it would be in complete confidentiality.

At the doctor's Anthony first threw the bag on Church's desk then he asked

"What the hell is this?"

Church looked up at him through his glasses, then looked back down at the bag he said "Well either it's flour or its..." he snorted a tiny bit up, he coughed and said "Jesus! Yeah it's cocaine! Christ."

"What is it?" asked Anthony.

"It's a very powerful pre-war drug, very rare." replied Church.

"Well, did you prescribe it?" Anthony enquired

"Hell no! That crap's been illegal since before the war, where did you find it?" asked Church.

"Thanks." said Anthony and without answering the question he walked out.

Lorcán was up to something, but Anthony couldn't find him anywhere.
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More feedback guys. Take care

Here's your http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8u90LwP-Ss for the story :disco:

Nice how you plow into the grittiness on page one
Keep it coming :goodjob:

Chapter 2

Anthony waited in the inn, hoping Lorcán would come home, but it was already getting bright. "I guess he just went to visit friends in Rivet City." He thought to himself. He decided not to tread on the bad things in life but instead the good. He had got word of some men coming to stay, a couple of high rollers that mad it big in New Vegas running casinos and hotels, that would surely bring some income. Knowing this he decided to put some food on and get their rooms ready.

They arrived at about noon time, which was very busy in Megaton. Anthony greeted them

"Welcome, welcome. This is Scarponi's bar and inn and I am Anthony Scarponi" Anthony knew what he said was cheesey but he didn't care.

"Pleased to meet you Anthony, the name's Hadley, James Hadley." said the tall spindly man, in an exquisitely polite and well practised, like that of a prestigious business man.

"Hrmph. Yeah pleasure, I'm Paul... "the painter" don't mess with me or I'll paint these walls with your Italian "pretty boy" blood." he said very rudely.

"You'll have to excuse my bodyguard he can come across a bit strong but let me reassure he's the best in the business" said James, again with that incredible dialect

"Hey didn't Colin Moriarity used to own this place?" said Paul, in a voice so different he sounded almost likeable.

Anthony, staring at him in complete astonishment at this incredibly unexpected change of tone, said " Heh, Moriarity? Nah, you won't see him no more."

"Crap that [censored] owes me five hundred caps" said Paul.

"I think he owes everyone five hundred caps!" shouted Anthony and they all up roared in laughter.

Just then Lorcán walked in. He looked bad, his face was all bruised and scarred.

"Hey, Lorcán, look customers!" Shouted Anthony. Lorcán smiled, and without saying a word, he went upstairs.

"What's the deal with him?" said Paul

Anthony replied by saying "I dunno, man but whatever it is it's messed up"

Anthony is my name, I gotta read this now!